Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  Let's meet our goals for 2014!

The Brain is having another NYE party.  I am not going because I want nothing to do with him.  If we didn't have friends in common, I would tell him I want nothing to do with him.

Smart Guy and the Older Guy have both contacted me to wish me a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Too Many Emails

I guess there is such a thing as sending too many emails...a guy on match sent me seven emails back to back without me even logging in.  It's better than not sending any though...thanks for the enthusiasm!

Oh Look

Oh look, another article about dating in Silicon Valley.  This stood out because it similar to what I've seen, "There are tons of guys, but they tend to be socially awkward, career-obsessed, and prone to a Peter Pan mentality."  And where are the 30 something year old guys?  Great question!

Merry Christmas!

How is already Christmas?  Well, Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday (for those who don't celebrate Christmas).

I've been pretty nice and Santa still hasn't brought me a non dchy guy...Santa, what's up with that?

Another Interesting Read

Came across this a couple of weeks ago, another interesting read.  According to the article, guys just love the Asian ladies.  I guess I do get contacted online a lot, but doesn't mean the guys contacting me are all that great.

What A Turnoff

Yuck, such a turnoff when a guy is a clingy!  I agreed to go out to lunch with a guy weeks ago.  Monday, week of, he emailed me the location and time, I responded with agreement.  Then, he emailed me on Tuesday to tell me to come up with topics to talk about on our date.  What?!  That irritated me to no end.  I am busy, I don't have time to sit around and make a list of things to talk about.  At this point, I am already thinking, this guy is f*cking annoying, controlling, and a micromanager.  And, is he assuming that I would have nothing to say if I didn't plan something ahead of time?  Then, he emailed me on Wednesday reminding me of our upcoming date.  So, he thinks I am forgetful or just needs some kind of constant reassurance?  Then, he emailed me on Thursday asking me for my phone number because he wants me to call him if I get to the restaurant before him.  Afraid I am not showing up?  Then, he texted me on Friday reminding me that we have a date coming up.  Because he thinks I forgot again?  Then, day of, he texted me to say he got to the restaurant early.  When I saw him outside the restaurant he was pacing and a ball of anxiety/frustration.  Great.

I wanted to cancel, but already agreed to go out with him and so I went.  He was one of those interrogators, I guess I knew he would be based on his emails.  No, I am never going out with him again.

Bragging

To a certain degree, all guys brag.  There is a huge difference between:

1. Bragging to make you think he is worthy, and
2. Bragging to try to make you feel inferior

I meet a lot of guys in category number two...or maybe they are trying to be in category one and are really overdoing it.

A Date A Week

I've been dating a lot recently and averaging a different guy or two every week (this is a lot for me).  I haven't written about all of them because there isn't much to say and I don't want to rehash train wrecks in great detail.

So, a nice summary...you already know about the older guy I went to dinner with.  Then there was a younger guy I went ice skating with.  He was nice, but there was no chemistry.  Then there was the attorney that I didn't find attractive; too bad, he was also nice.  I declined a dinner invitation from surgeon with his own practice because he chastised me on the importance of marriage and serious relationships before we had even met.  Then I went to a party with a tech guy as his date ("just a friend" is how it was sold to me), he was patronizing.  Oh yeah, he was also acting like I was his girlfriend. 

Besides the younger guy (mid 30s), the others are 45 + year olds.

Just Send An Email

I've had several different online dating accounts for years.  I've noticed that many guys think winking, favoriting, living, visiting, rating, etc is enough.

Guys, if you really want a specific girl to notice you, send a message.  I joined match.com.  In the first 24 hours, I had:

• 150 views
• 18 photo likes
• 7 favorites (guys favorited me)
• 8 winks, and 
• 6 emails

I've only read my six emails.  I don't have the time or energy to look at 183 other things.  I know some guys wait for a girl to look at their profile/wink back/favorite back/like back and then send an email (or even worse, wait for the girl to email him).  It doesn't work

Good For Him!

If this is true (I've heard this is not true), good for him!  I think plastic surgery is fine, but the guy should probably know what you used to look like before getting married if you want children (you know, because looks do get passed down this way).  This would be the same if the guy was the one who had extensive plastic surgery.  If kids aren't in the cards, then no point in disclosing!

An Improvement

I've been meeting a lot of guys...a lot of guys that I'm not interested in.  Oddly (or not oddly) enough, two software engineers stand out:

1. Software engineer complaining about how his life is so very difficult because he has five job offers and they keep outbidding each other.  This is a problem?  What a tool.  It didn't even register with him that other people would kill for his "problem."  He was arrogant and entitled (no surprise here)
2. Software engineer hitting on me and one of my girl friends.  We were trying to be very polite in brushing him off.  Our politeness must have caused him to think we wanted to talk to him?  He wouldn't even leave when I said, "It's been nice chatting with you, have a great night"

 However, I must say, kudos to them for approaching!

This Could Explain It

Yeah, this could explain the older guy thing I've been encountering.  And yes, at least two of the older guys who have approached me are indeed millionaires.  It's hard not to be when you own tons of commercial property, are a partner at a big law firm, or are a partner at a Private Equity firm.

Older Guys

As you know, I've been out a lot.  I haven't gotten into this all that much because I thought it was a fluke, apparently not.  We already know awkward software engineers sometimes approach me.  Well, I've noticed that older guys have been approaching me a lot

Google Glass

I don't know much about Google Glass, but don't wear it out on a date.  Besides what it does (not clear on this), it looks ridiculous.

Hahaha

The Brain has called and texted me a couple of times in the last two weeks.  Things must not be going well with his flavor of the month.  Not my problem!  And like I said earlier this week, tis the season...

Tis The Season

Tis the season to be stalked by exes, guys you've given your number to, guys you've gone out with a couple of times, etc.  In the past week, Smart Guy has contacted me five times and I've responded to zero of these attempts.

A part of me does wonder what goes on in his head.  It's like, girl won't respond to any message I send her in 12+ months, but I am going to pretend everything is okay and ask her out anyway?  At least try to throw in an apology, usually someone has done something wrong when the other person straight up stops talking to him/her.

I have no respect for him, not because he keeps contacting me (this is not unusual, almost every girl I know has at least one guy that won't stop contacting her).  I feel bad for him because he acts like he's better than everyone else (for example, he used to make fun of total strangers when we went out, when these people did nothing to him) when he's really a miserable, insecure, and desperate ass who intentionally or unintentionally makes people around him feel bad about themselves.

It Was Surprisingly Okay

Went out with the older guy over the weekend and it was surprisingly okay.  He was very polite and didn't try anything naughty.  Maybe he's one of those lonely guys that just wants someone to talk to?  Hahaha, probably not.  I think he's got a history of dating younger girls.  He doesn't look as old as I think he is, maybe because he has a very healthy diet/lifestyle/drinking habits (he lives a healthier lifestyle than many of the 30 something year olds I know).  I think he was interesting?  Must stop drinking on dates to be entirely sure of this.

7 pros in dating an older guy (my sample size is tiny, but this is what I've noticed so far), he:

1. Knows how to have a back and forth conversation (meaning it isn't a soliloquy where he blabs on and on about his job/startup, his education, his properties, etc)
2. Takes things at face value (I didn't feel like I was getting the third degree)
3. Doesn't seem to think he is soooooo great and that I'm lucky to be in his company (I've met a lot of guys who behave this way)
4. Offered to pick me up, automatically reached for the bill, and didn't constantly check his phone
5. Was okay with compromise, it's wasn't all about him (I've gone out with a lot of guys who pout when they don't get their movie choice, restaurant choice, etc)
6. Is secure enough to not compete
7. Doesn't seem to have the whole fear of missing out thing

He wants to go out again; I'm pretty busy and so is he, so it was left as him giving me a call in several weeks (yes, I told him not too soon because I am really busy).

Happy Thanksgiving!

We all have something to be thankful for, remember this, especially when things aren't going that well

Speak Of The Devil

Speak of the devil, that older guy just called to ask me out.  I agreed to dinner this weekend.  I don't want to get his hopes up because I don't really think he has a shot.  He's in his 50s (according to the Googling I just did, maybe late 50s? Oy).  And yes, for those of you who are interested, he does very very well.

Must Continue Online Dating

I am sick of online dating, but it looks like I should continue because of this article?  So, for those of you ready to throw in the towel, let's keep trying!

A Long Text

The older guy texted me a really long text with his travel schedule for the next month today.  Uh, okay, thanks...I guess?  Lol.  Extremely busy with a lot of holiday events, don't care if he does/doesn't call

Dreamforce 2013

It's only Wednesday and I'm exhausted.  Even though I have no business attending Dreamforce or the Dreamforce parties, networking events, and happy hours (because I am not in tech nor am I an official attendee of the Dreamforce conference), I've been attending.

I ran into Aquaguppy (a guy from 2009, 2010, or 2011...can't remember) at one of these parties.  He was looking over my way and I was pretending I didn't see him.  This happened about four times.  Then I left.  Many years ago, I ignored several of his phone calls and texts.  We had gone on two dates; date one was a party filled with couples, date two was a lunch or dinner where he kept taking calls (very long calls).

Sure, Why Not

I was an an event over the weekend and it was filled with a much older crowd.  Apparently, these are the guys that are into me.  These guys (mid 40s, late 40s, and 50s) were smiling at me left and right.  They were even trying to talk to me!  (Yeah, something that guys nearish my age guys don't normally do.)  It was a sit down dinner and I ended up sitting next to a guy...from what I can gather, he's probably 15 years my senior.

At the end of dinner, I had to go.  He asked for my number and I gave it to him.  I don't expect him to call, but if he does call and wants to go out, sure, why not

Salary

Since we've been talking about salary a lot, read this item I saw on linkedin.

Don't Move In!

I don't think I posted this back in June, but I really should have.  This article talks about living together and breaking up.

I personally do not want to live with a guy before marriage because I feel that it makes it too easy to call it quits.  If you are ready to say, "This person is the one," a "trial run" should not be necessary.  If you are really into him (into him enough to say yes to a proposal), you can deal with the toilet seat being left up, or get one of those high tech ones that lower the seat on its own.  She's a slob, get a housekeeper.  He monopolizes the closet, use another or go to Ikea to get something.  She likes reality TV, doesn't mean you have to watch it with her.  You see my point.

It's too easy to quit things in general these days.  Don't like an app you downloaded, delete it.  Don't like your new phone, trade it in/sell it on eBay.  Don't like your job, get a new one.  Remember hearing about the days where an employee would be with the same company for 25 years?  Not saying that's a great thing to do, but it does show the ability to work it out.  I am sure being at the same company for 25 years is not all puppies and rainbows, but people had the ability to compromise and make it work.  Switching costs in most areas of life is just too low these days.

I want a guy that will try to work things out rather than just bail.  Yes, sometimes it's inevitable to bail, but at least put in some effort to make it work (or choose better).

Won't Quit

Smart Guy won't quit.  He emailed me again on OkC.  As you know, I don't ever plan on responding; you'd think he would have figured this out by now.  Although he is not a software engineer, he does have that arrogant geek thing going on.  It wouldn't surprise me if he's thinking something along the lines of, "This girl is a b*tch.  I don't understand why she won't talk to me.  I went to a top school, make over 150K/year, and am so awesome."  Awesomely delusional.

I've really been thinking a lot about the SF dating scene, guy/girl dynamics here, etc.  It seems like people think they are "special" here more than anywhere else.  For example, you have the guys that say, "I went to Stanford" and think they are so so special because of this.  These guys need to remember that going to Stanford doesn't make them unique and so so special.  Although Stanford is a good school, hundreds of thousands of people can say, "I went to Stanford."

Another Dating App

Dating apps are hot hot hot!  Looks like there is another one making news by getting funding.  I've never tried Tinder, so not sure what that is like.  From what I've read about Hinge (this new one), sounds kinda similar to Coffee Meets Bagel?  I'll probably try it out anyway.

Cute Guys

I've seen some really cute guys in SF...they've all been in their cars.  Where do they live?  Where do they hang out?  If they are driving around the city at 9 am, I am going to guess they are commuting to work from east, south, or north bay?

Computer Engineers

Goodfella introduced me to a guy not too long ago (very sweet of him, I really appreciate it).  I went on a date with this guy.  Really nice, smart, and tried to be interesting.  He was boring.  He talked about work and marathons, two of my least favorite topics.  I even told him I am anti marathons!  At least, now I can say I've given computer engineers a shot (over the last 10 years, I've met several computer engineers, even dated one, and was not wowed).  I'm still not wowed.

One of my good friends is a computer engineer.  Not to typecast people, but I think a lot of computer engineers share the same traits (he actually pointed it out), they:

• Are arrogant (lots of the ones I've met went to great schools and work at the top tech companies)
• Enjoy talking about work because they don't multi task well, if work is on their mind, that's all they can handle (maybe spend 90% of their free time talking about work)
• Are not very chivalrous or maybe it's just a lack of manners/social education (do not say "thank you" to waitstaff, do not hold open doors, etc)

No, not all of these applied to the guy I went out with.

Help The Man Children

Why not help man children stay man children? A lot of companies in the Bay Area have great perks like free breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all the snacks you can eat with or without vomiting. Employees can wear whatever they want including baseball caps, sweats, flip flops, shorts, etc. At Google in Mountain View, employees don't even have to do their own laundry, wash their own cars, etc. With all these perks, it's no wonder that these guys are children...they aren't tasked to take care of themselves!

It Doesn't Work

From what I've seen and heard from my guy friends, it just doesn't work.  What doesn't work?  Girls "chasing" guys.  I was at a party with a guy friend.  We were sitting on a couch talking to each other, just the two of us.  Then a girl and her girlfriend sat down next to us.  One of these girls kept interrupting us.  Eventually we (me and my guy friend) got up to walk around.  This girl got up, followed us, and kept talking to us (more him than me).  After ambushing us another six times in the evening, she gave up (well, maybe she didn't give up, we left the party).  I asked him why he didn't want to talk to her.  He said, "She's not my type, I wish she was because she was sending very clear signals.  It would take a lot of beers to convince myself to be into her, and even then, I don't think I could."  I didn't see anything wrong with this girl!  She wasn't fat, she wasn't ugly, she didn't seem dull, etc.

Coffee Meets Bagel

I've heard so many great things about Coffee Meets Bagel.  It's a small world, two of my good friends (who don't know each other) know the founders.  Even though I was invited to join in December 2011, I signed up in October 2013.  I wonder if I'm still eligible for the free lifetime membership.  Well, hopefully, I won't need this for the rest of my life...

I've heard the quality of people are better on this site (it works through facebook).  Many of my bagels (potential dates) aren't even through people I know.  I have been interested in 1 out of my 20+ bagels.  This guy happen to like me too, so we both got a text that we were supposed to reply to.  He replied days later, I had already forgotten about him, but I did respond.

Got Pears?

I went to the library after picking up a two pound bag of pears.  As I was wandering around, a guy kept looking at me.  About five minutes later he said, "Nice pears."  That's a new line, lol, I replied, "Thanks" to be polite.  He then said, "Let's talk it over breakfast tomorrow."  Uh, I gave him an odd look an walked away.

Pro: he tried to pick me up at the library using pears
Con: he was not attractive and alluded to spending the night together?

Well, at least he tried...

MTV Is Casting

MTV emailed this to me.  Maybe one or some of you are interested?

CASTING MTV's TRUE LIFE: I CAN'T CUT OFF FROM MY EX

Have you broken up with a significant other, but you just can't seem to stay broken up? Does your ex constantly come in and out of your life? Are you constantly reminded of your ex on social media? Has it become impossible to unfollow/unfriend your ex? Or do you try to keep up with your ex, even if your ex doesn't want you to? Does a single past relationship keep affecting your life in ways you never expected? 

If you appear to be between the ages of 18 and 28 and you have an ex who doesn't stay in your past, MTV wants to hear your story. Please reply to truelife@punchedinthehead.com with True Life in the subject line. Give us your name, location, phone number, a picture and tell us why you should be on True Life: I Can't Cut Off From My Ex.

Top 5 Reasons Why Girls Don't Reply To Emails From Guys Via Dating Sites

Top 5 reasons why girls don't reply to emails from guys via dating sites (this is not the same for every girl, but these keep popping up when I talk to my girlfriends):

1. He's ugly or unattractive in some other way (obese, missing teeth, unkempt facial hair, etc)
2. Something in his profile was creepy (serial killer/pedophile/sex offender leer) or too sexual (talking about how "sensual" he is, his love of kissing, his love of giving massages, etc)
3. Something in his profile was a turnoff (he's a thug, all he talks about is work or partying with his friends, his lack of education/job, full of negativity, he listed out what his girl "must have," etc)
4. His email was too wordy (three + dense paragraphs), only four words (Hey, how are you?), full of typos, uses netspeak (How r u), an obvious form letter, etc
5. Something seems off (his profile is too blank, his email makes it seem like he isn't proficient in English, he has no profile pictures of his face, all his photos are blurry or from a distance, etc)

Not Funny

Saw this on a guy's OkC profile.  This is not funny, it's obnoxious.  I hope this doesn't actually work for him.

"Yes, I am X'X" tall.  If that's too short for you, you can just move on."

Also not funny, the guy that sent "HELLLLLOOOOOO??????" when I ignored his first four emails.

Social awkwardness or autism?

SF Fraternities and Sororities

SF has what I call fraternities and sororities (Guardsmen, Spinsters, various private clubs like Pacific Union, Metropolitan Club, The Francisca Club, etc). I've heard initiation tasks can be similar to what undergrads do when pledging a frat.

I am a not part of these groups and have not met any members of the older clubs (like Pacific Union). I have met some of the Guardsmen (they are typically younger guys, probably 22-45 years old). I am sure collectively, they do nice things like help underprivileged children. However, as individuals, they are arrogant jerks who think they are hot sh*t. I met nine of them at a bar in the Marina a while ago. One guy was very sweet, the other eight were dbags. Even the sweet guy was arrogant, but he was at least trying to be nice and humble. They other guys acted like us girls were lucky to be talking to them and we should be bowing down and kissing their feet

In college, I was in the Greek system and as arrogant as some of those frat boys were, a majority of them were really nice. I'm being completely serious when I say these clubs in SF may help the underprivileged, but they definitely serve as more proof that most SF guys suck.

Wow, Really?

Wow, really?  I thought he got the hint.  Smart Guy just contacted me again.  For the newer readers, I haven't responded to any of his calls, texts, emails, etc in a year...he's tried contacting me at least 15 times.  He's a jerk and doesn't deserve a response.

The Definition Of Insanity

I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. What have I been doing (or done in the past) to meet a guy that hasn't worked:

• OkCupid
• Going through coworkers, friends, and acquaintances
• Match.com and their horrible Stir events
• eHarmony
• Being seen in grocery stores, pharmacies, hospitals, the mall, movie theaters, dry cleaners, laundromats, various parks, bars and clubs (on weekends), sandwich shops during lunch Mon-Fri, parties, events (alumni and networking), sporting events (baseball, football, and hockey), lobbies of tall office buildings
• Hiking
• Walking along the Embarcadero and water in the Marina

What does this leave me?  Am I brave enough to post a Craigslist ad?  I met someone who told me her friend met her guy on Craigslist

More On The "Slow Fade"

So, some people think the "slow fade" is wrong, while others think it's perfectly fine.  Here is another perspective on fading out.

Have you ever applied for a job and never heard back from the company via form email, letter in the mail, etc?  Doesn't it sometimes feel better when you don't get the official no?  It's like, "Hey, I sent you a cover letter and a resume.  You don't really know me, yet you are telling me "No" seven hours later?"  This has happened to me and I got mad; I would rather hear nothing.  In this case, it was one of five jobs I applied to, I forgot I even applied until I received the "Thanks, but no thanks email."  True, I wasn't that interested in the job, but interest level didn't matter because I wasn't really interested in any of those five jobs.

I think the job application example is comparable to going out a couple of times (or more) with someone.  Would he/she really better off hearing "I'm not interested" or hearing silence?  When you tell him/her "I'm not interested," you are basing that off of a few dates (he/she probably has a pretty valid argument with "You didn't give it a chance, you don't even know me."  Even if you went out with him/her on 10+ dates, he/she could still use the "You didn't give it a chance, you don't even know me" argument.

"I'm not interested" or "We don't click" is just a waste of words.  It puts him/her in the "What's wrong with me" and defensive camp.  It also opens the door for him/her to 1) try to convince you to go out again or 2) want a reason as to why you aren't interested.  Yes, I've had many guys try to talk me out of "I'm not interested."  And, there's no nice way to say "I find you completely unattractive even after four drinks or you need a new personality."  When I stay silent, the guy can think "Maybe she's just a bitch or maybe she's a flake, I'm better off and this is a problem with her, not me."  With my silence, I am taking the blame, which is much better than some angry guy that just won't go away.

Also, aren't we overestimating our own importance when we assume it hurts someone by staying silent?  Maybe they are so busy with work, life, or dating 12 other people to even notice that you didn't respond to their text/email/call.

Yes, I've Done This

Yes, I've done this slow fade and ignored texts/calls/emails.  I think it's totally okay when (any of these can apply):

• You've only gone out a couple of times
• You aren't officially a couple and there is no assumption of exclusivity
• You haven't hooked up
• You know you'll say something truly nasty if you acknowledge the person
• You don't think he/she deserves closure because of something he/she did/said/etc (some examples, ran over your dog, behaved like an embarrassing drunk, tried to hook up with one of your friends, etc)

Blink

I read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink years ago and do not remember much about it.  The main thing I do remember had to do with trusting your gut.  So, when I meet a guy and think to myself "I'm not interested," I am going to go with that and refrain from giving him a shot.  I cannot think of any examples where I gave a guy a shot and ended up actually being into him and having it all go well.  I can remember many instances of giving a guy a shot and never getting into him.  I think I am also doing him a favor...

Okay, No More Nicey Nice

Okay, it's about to get unfiltered.  Some of you may have noticed that I've gotten a little sassier in my comment responses.  Well, that's because I was trying to be nice.  There is a strong likelihood that I'm about to get blunt, which will undoubtedly be construed as me being "mean."

Tech Party

Went to a huge tech party over the weekend, over 1,400 RSVPs.  There were a lot of people there, but probably not 1,400.  It was fun to check it out and no, I didn't meet any guys I thought were interesting.  Although I haven't met anyone great, I still think I can and will find someone great in San Francisco (despite years of evidence that would disprove this).  Am I being stupid here?

That's Refreshing

I went out to grab lunch and mail a letter in the Financial District.  I held the door open for a lady at the post office and she thanked me.  I've noticed that most people I've encountered do not thank anyone else for open doors in SF, it's almost like they expect the door to be opened and express 0 appreciation.  Not only did this lady thank me, she turned around while I was getting ready to walk away and said, "Thank you so much, I really appreciate it."  Wow.

When I was walking back to the office two random guys (two blocks apart) smiled at me.  Also something I rarely see in SF.

That's refreshing!  San Francisco wants another shot?

What Can You Do For Me?

I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking.  When I meet people here in SF, I get the sense that a lot of them are coming from a what can you do for me stance.  Can you get me a new job?  Can you introduce me to a VC?  Can you fund my startup?  What have you accomplished?  Etc.  Does this really impact how much you would like a person?  It shouldn't.  These questions are 1) mostly related to career/business and 2) not, are you a cool person that I want to see again, or do we have fun together?

Social Awkwardness

I think I've brought this up before, not sure though.  I feel a lot of SF guys are socially awkward and defensive.  I've always thought it's because a lot of these guys are really smart, got picked on a lot in school, and went to school for many years.  Picked on in school would explain the defensiveness and going to school for many years while earning top grades would explain the social awkwardness.

I am not a psychiatrist and unable to diagnose autism.  From my Googling, one of the main symptoms of autism is the inability to understand social cues.

I'm just sayin...

A Devoted Website

Just came across this, it appears to be a site devoted to why SF guys suck.  I will have to read this, just caught the part where the author talked about fleeing SF.

So, What Part Of The City?

Ahh, another article about cities and dating.  According to this article, I live in a very guy heavy part of SF.  It could be true, but it's not single guy heavy.  How accurate is the map for you?

This Is Also No Good

This is also no good, notice how San Francisco tops the sugar daddy list.  This blurb is about a year and a half old, but still.  So, many SF guys (single or married) have any issues paying a hot young girl to go out with him.  Everything is up for sale?  Hmm, okay...

Even The Atlantic Agrees

Even The Atlantic agrees, Silicon Valley isn't great for the single ladies.

Back To That Article

I read it.  Seems like the two testers liked Coffee Meets Bagel the best.  However, both of these testers would prefer to meet someone offline and have not made any arrangements for second dates.

I think that's just how dating (or life) is in SF.  Most people (guys and girls) want immediate fireworks and if that's not what is experienced, they think, "Whatever."  I do it, it's like a normal part of life in SF.  I don't like the person I've become.  I feel really unmotivated (in all walks of life) here.

Fun Read

This seems like a fun read!  Haven't read it yet, but had to post it!

Smart Guy just contacted me again.  No, not going to respond.

Oh, That's Shady!

I was pretty impressed that this guy tried to pick me up at Whole Foods tonight (the one in SOMA).  I saw him checking me out.  Then he approached me.  He was a pretty good looking guy, said he owned a bunch of companies, etc.  While he was talking to me, he had his left hand behind his back.  Yes, he was trying to remove his wedding ring (which I had already seen).  He must have gained weight over the years because there was a deep ring indent.  Then, he tried to get me to go out to dinner with him.

As shady as it was, at least he tried!

Horrible Event

My friend dragged me to a match.com Stir event over the weekend.  It was horrible.  I hadn't been to one of those in years, now I remember why, I'm not missing anything.  Why was it horrible?

1. Ladies outnumbered the guys (that's okay, see reason #2)
2. No guys I would willingly want to see again to in a million years (one guy was interviewing me for the role of wife...no thank you)

What City?

I found this to be very interesting. Earlier this year, iVillage came up with a bunch of cities that are good for women.  I would really like to know more about their methodology.  What's really interesting, is this list is broken down by age categories.

Of course, San Francisco, CA and Palo Alto, CA made the cut.  And, as we know, SF is full of man-children.  I don't really think this is a good list.

Absolutely Not

Smart Guy keeps looking at my profile. If he thinks this will get me to respond, I'd say, absolutely not!

I really don't have a very good opinion of him. If he was a nice guy, I would have totally told him I'm not interested. 

Hah, Coffee!

Smart Guy contacted me twice this weekend! I find this to be hilarious since it didn't seem like he was all that interested in anyone other than himself (when we were on speaking terms). He asked me out for coffee. No, I am not going or even replying, still feel that he doesn't deserve a response. 

I spent a good five minutes remembering why I stopped taking to him: 1) very condescending, 2) major downer and whiny, 3) inconsiderate, and more...  These reasons are enough for me!

Thoughts On SF

This blurb by Peter Shih is old news, but still an interesting read.  He despises SF and has apologized for this blurb.  However, some of his points are dead on.

I've Seen This Before

Just came across this article about some men feeling threatened by successful girlfriends.  I've seen this before.  I try not to let it happen to me because I don't usually talk about work, and if I do, I play it down.  I almost never mention my education unless a guy won't drop it.

Unfortunately, in the Bay Area, I've met a lot of guys that try to compete with me.  It's all about one upping.  It could be "I went to a better school" or even "This is why my day was crappier than yours."  I never experienced this anywhere else, have you?

The Weather

It's been pretty nice out in SF, I would venture to say, summer is here!  Warm weather usually does things to people.  Smart Guy contacted me again .  I haven't spoken to him in almost a year and do not plan responding.  In the past, I didn't respond because I didn't feel like he deserved a response.  Now, I don't respond because 1) he still doesn't deserve a response and 2) I'm certain he would say something highly inflammatory (after I tell him to go away), which would lead to a never ending text fight; I don't feel like letting a d*che like him anger me.

Please Don't Worry

Some of you have emailed me about this post.  Please don't worry, I am in a really good place right now.  That was just my way of saying, I'd rather be happy alone than settle for a dbag, such as, The Brain, Smart Guy, etc.

Some of you have said I should maybe reconsider The Brain because of his flush bank account.  I did reconsider this for a little while, learned he has not changed for the better, and came to the conclusion that he does not have enough dough for me to put up with him...not even close.

Sniff Sniff

So, I was recently reminded of a guy I met at a party what seems like forever ago.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye at several different points in the evening.  Eventually, he found me and started a conversation.  We were chit chatting, nothing spectacular, nothing horrendous.  He asked me for my email address, I gave it to him, and continued wandering around.  He emailed me the next day or maybe a day later, I can't remember.  He asked me what day I was free, I said weekend.  Then he proposed a date and I told him I was busy.  His reply????  "Sniff, sniff."  No, I did not think this warranted a response.  I did not like his response, it was like he was saying, "Poor me, I am pathetic and don't have the balls to ask you for another date" kind of response (at least that's how I read it).

I want a real guy, none of this weak, I'm going to go cry in a corner guy.  I am in the wrong city!

Happy Labor Day

Hope you are all having a great Labor Day!

When You Aren't Looking

So many people talk about finding someone when you aren't looking.  I don't think I've really been actively looking, but it has definitely been spinning around in the back of my mind.  I think I've come to terms with, if I don't find someone, fine, so be it.  Of course, I still believe finding someone is possible, but it has really set in that I'll be more than fine if I don't. 

Also, what's with the big rush?  Any guy who believes girls have a "shelf life" should be taken out and shot.  I am on the fence about kids, so that really isn't a factor.  So, who's to say I won't find the right guy much later in life?

Need New Friends

Yes, I really need new friends. I was strong armed into going to a dinner thing last night. I went kicking and screaming because I knew The Brain would be there and I didn't want to deal with him. (I go to fewer than 10% of the events I am invited to because I know he will be there...the 10% - someone's birthday, mutual friend in town, etc). Last night I should've faked the flu like I wanted to.

The Brain wasn't able to look me in the eye for the first two hours (until sufficiently socially lubricated) and spent 90% of the evening saying things to get a reaction out of me.  Of course, I didn't give him one. It was a lot of chest beating about how rich he is, how he still gets sh*t faced as often as he can, and how girls (past and present) want him. Instead of getting a rise out of me, he reminded me of all the reasons why we are finito; I should thank him. 

Biochemistry

Science was never my thing, but I just heard about how biochemistry could be very important in terms of finding a match.  Basically brain waves search for a good DNA match (so, someone with different enough genes) when you are within three feet of someone. When you meet an optimal match, that biochemical reaction is what people feel as a "spark."

I need to think about this some more. 

Old

A good friend of mine was in town over the weekend. We were joking around about getting old...being tired, not being able to deal with loud bars, needing naps, etc. Where can I meet a guy that doesn't frequent the nightclub scene and enjoys going to bed before 1am? Extra points if he drinks fewer than four times a month, yes, I said month. 

I Don't Know

Went out with some friends tonight.  A married couple really wanted me to meet their single guy friend.  He was with coworkers, so we didn't talk much.  I don't know.  He seemed intelligent and nice, but I am not wowed.  I am also not saying a definite, "No."

You Look Familiar

Went out with some friends over the weekend. Noticed a guy who kept looking over at me. He looked really familiar, but I couldn't place him until now. He's the guy I met up with for coffee a year ago? The one I keep ignoring. The one that tried to make out with me within five minutes of meeting.

He's a white guy, possibly with an Asian fetish since he was with a lot of Asians...

Good Points

I was skimming a book at a friend's over the weekend. It was a relationship book. The parts I read said (that is the parts I remember):

• Have realistic expectations
• Be compassionate
• Be real
• Don't tell them they are wrong
• Don't obnoxiously point out faults
• Don't boast
• Don't let issues fester

The Brain has definitely done all the "Dont's." 

Bye!

That guy I went out with last week texted me "Hi!"  I am not responding.  If he asks me out again, I will reply with the standard, "You are cool, but I don't see a romantic future" type of message.

Busy

That guy from the party last week asked me out for dinner today. I declined, very busy weekend.

Maybe

I met a guy at a party last week. He asked me out earlier today. Thinking I'll maybe go? Don't remember what he looks like.

Sorry, No

I went out on that date with that guy yesterday. He is not getting a name. He was nice and we share many hobbies (who doesn't enjoy reading and listening to music?)

He was boring, conversation was forced and work centric. His English wasn't very good. His education isn't very impressive. 

He wants to see me again. Sorry, no. 

Not Psyched

Have a date tomorrow, not excited. Probably wont even end up naming this guy.

Really Dude?

Really dude? The Brain just texted me wanting to do something tonight. Doesn't he ever learn? I really do have plans tonight, so....no. Even if I didn't have plans, still no. 

Boys

Three boys (yes, notice how I say "boys") contacted me over the weekend.  

1.  Smart Guy emailed me "Hi!" On OkC. I ignored

2.  The Brain tried to schedule a very last minute brunch. I replied 12 hours later saying, "Can't, busy." He responded with something like, "K, it was last min."  If he really wants to see me, he can schedule ahead if time. We've even talked about this before, so the fact that he is still doing this means he's not interested enough. Plus, I don't drop everything for guys

3.  Eharmony guy (not sure if he gets a name yet) blew up my phone (calls, texts, emails). I was busy and still haven't returned any of these.  I like that he is trying, but he is getting borderline annoying. It's like, I have a life; do you have patience?  It's the weekend, people are busy!

Great Example Of A SF D*ck I Was Just Talking About

Oh yes, got a great example of a SF d*ck I was just talking about the other day (in the comments).  A 5'6" guy on OkC contacted me.  I would bet $50 that in the real world, he is really 5'4" on a good day.  In his email, he said, "I just read your profile and questions and completely disagree with you on Downton Abbey being enjoyable.  Good luck in your search to find a guy."

Mind you, I only mentioned liking Downton Abbey as a tv show.  It is not a requirement of mine that a guy like the show too.

Instead of simply skipping over my profile, he sent that dbag email to me.  I can think of no other reason for him to do this other than him being a condescending pr*ck.

Very Serious

I am very serious when I talk about moving.  I just don't know where to go.

I've spent more than five years in San Francisco and I don't have anything to show for it in my personal life.  Dated and met a lot of guys, more guys that I wanted nothing to do with than guys I wanted to see again.  I've given SF a fair shot.

Until I get on a plane, I am still dating in SF and hoping I meet Mr. Right For Me.

This Happens To Girls?

Saw this blog/article, this happens to girls too?  Basically, a lady wrote to 67 OkC guys and 60 of them did NOT respond!  I knew guys had low response rates, but girls too???

I see nothing wrong with me not writing guys and being "proactive."

Same Pattern

It appears The Brain and Smart Guy share the same pattern on when they contact me. The Brain is not asking me out, but doing Facebook things. He is another reason I should move away. 

I Thought We Were Done With This

Smart Guy texted me this morning. I thought we were done with this already!  I've ignored every text he has sent to me in 2013 and some of 2012, so...

I don't understand why he continues to text me. 

Texas?

How are the guys in Texas? Anyone know? More Austin and Dallas than Houston. Ready for a change...

A Real Meeting?

Two guys have made it to the point where they can email me on eHarmony.  They both want to meet up, but instead of suggesting days/times, they keep asking me when I am free.  I would rather they suggest days/times and we go from there.  I am being meh, probably because I am not into either one of these guys.  Furthermore, what's with warning me that they want to call me?  Just call, they have my number now...  Yeah, really sounds like I'm just not interested.

eHarmony Is Not Enjoyable

Yes, hundreds of guys have contacted me on eHarmony.  I do not find eHarmony to be an enjoyable experience.  The first round of questions, easy.  The must haves/must not haves are stupid because 10 deal breakers seems like a lot.  Also, some of them overlap and are kind of repetitive.  The second round of questions, even more stupid.  I don't think I learn much from these answers since most people will try to paint themselves to be absolutely awesome.  Then, emails, it's never ending.

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!  Let's see some fireworks tonight ;)  I will literally see fireworks, but not the fireworks with a guy kind of fireworks.

Entitled Little Boys

I seemed to have met way too many babied entitled little boys (okay, they are guys in their 30s-40s, but behave like little boys) in San Francisco.  I was recently on a flight and had the window seat.  The guy next to me kept opening the shade even though I kept shutting it.  Isn't it an unofficial rule that whoever sits next to the window manages the shade?  I believe it is and even saw it in the WSJ sometime within the past year.  I had to show the guy why I couldn't have it open, the sun was shining directly onto my lap, thereby increasing my core temperature by what felt like 10 degrees.  It also caused a horrible glare which caused me to see spots, but of course, entitled guy didn't realize this either.

I am sure he is used to getting his way.  How about being a gentleman and not a spoiled child?  How about, if you wanted the window seat, you should have booked the window seat?  How about, I clearly don't want the shade open and shouldn't need to detail why?

Is It Me?

Is it me?  I don't think I've done anything different.  I certainly haven't been dressing differently.  I've noticed a lot more guys eye f*cking me and saying hello (mostly on the street and grocery stores).  This could be because:

1. It's been hot out, like really hot for SF (mid high 70s) and people are nicer when it's warm out or
2. I am just noticing other people passing me by

Stupid Brain

The Brain is stupid when it comes to the ladies, me, both, etc.  He hasn't learned that jealousy does not work with me.  He also doesn't realize that I've blocked him from my facebook news feed. 

A mutual friend of ours (more my friend than his) told me to check out his fb profile.  He's tagged in several pictures with many different girls.  I know he has to approve all his tags.  What's even more interesting is when we are tagged in a photo together (even if there are other people), he does not approve them.

You haven't heard me talk about The Brain much because I really just don't care.  He's gone from a maybe (months ago) to me hiding from him.  Yeah, I've been flat out avoiding any functions I know he is attending.

Day Of The Week

I came across this and I think it's right on about Saturdays.  It talks about the significance of a date in relation to the day of the week.  Saturday night is of course most important.  I've always thought if a guy would rather go to a birthday party for a friend's sister nine times removed, he's not interested enough and gets dropped.

He's About To Get Blocked

This guy has been emailing me for what seems like forever, it's probably closer to a month (which is still a really long time).  He asks 100 questions, but hasn't asked me to meet up.  He's about to get blocked because his incessant questions are annoying.  If he wants to know about me so badly, he should ask me out in his next email.  Pretty sure he won't, so he's getting blocked.

Happy First Day Of Summer!

The weather has been incredible in SF, hope it says this way!  Unfortunately, SF is known for ultra cold summers, so we'll see if global warming really did a number on SF.

Summer like days means people are everywhere.  I've talked about the weather before and I still believe warm weather is not good for long term relationships.  Many breakup and many want to "play the field."

Please No

The guy I went out with last week did contact me. I said, "It was nice to meet you, thanks."  He's a smart guy, going to hope he knows that means no more dates since I did not say, "Let's go out again."

Even More Obnoxious In Person

I went to a big fundraiser over the weekend.  A guy came up to me and didn't say hello or any other standard niceties.  Instead, he launched into "Where do you work and what do you do there?"  Yes, I found this to be even more obnoxious in person than over OkC messages. 

He was looking for a job!  Found out from a friend.  Sorry, I don't like it when people ask me for a job when I am in black tie attire on a weekend evening and barely know who I am speaking to.  I didn't answer his questions and just said, "Oh, I see my friend" and walked away.

Really, Does This Work?

Found this to be a horrible OkC message. Guy wrote, "What do you do for a living? Do you like your company?"  Seems like he's looking for a job, not a date.

Do ladies actually respond to his ridiculous questions? I found them to be irritating. He wasn't cute, but I still would have found them to be irritating had he been cute. 

Crap, Crap, Crap

As you may have noticed, I haven't been going on many dates.  I wanted some me time and I think that's totally fair.  Well, I went out with a guy tonight.  He's very smart, sorta funny, nice, chivalrous, etc.  However, I really don't think I am into him. 

I always feel really bad when a guy says he wants to see me again and the feelings are not exactly mutual.  Crap, crap, crap.  I didn't tell him I didn't want to see him again, but I also didn't answer his question of "Would you like to get together again?"  Maybe he gets it because I didn't answer the question?

I Was Just Talking About This!

So, I was just talking about how I never see a guy's profile talking about video games, watching tv, and other non strenuous/outdoor activities.  Well, a guy just contacted me, and in his spare time he likes to watch tv and play video games!  Awesome, I am going to reply!

Online Dating Observations

I've chatted with some guy friends and have learned most online dating girls are "foodies" and "love travel."

Things that I am not a fan of (this applies to guys):

• Motorcycles
• Jumping out of planes, off cliffs, etc. because how often do these guys really do this?
• Posing in front of a car (even worse, a car that the guy does not own)
• "Love the outdoors" or "love staying active"

I wonder if guys are saying things like "love the outdoors" because they really do.  Or, are they saying it to impress the ladies?  When I see "love the outdoors," I am very turned off because that spells a life of camping, getting up at the crack of dawn (literally), getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, etc. 

Yes, loving the outdoors would impress ladies who love the outdoors; what percentage of ladies are very into the outdoors?

Still Annoying

Based on the drunken FB photos from Saturday early morning (4am), The Brain is trying to get my attention.  This is still annoying, he's getting hidden from my news feed.  Think he's trying to say, look at how awesome my night was.  I was invited to the same party and did not go because I don't want to see him.  If all of my good friends were going to be there I would've gone; this was not the case.

This Is Getting Really Annoying

Besides Ok Cupid, I have other online dating profiles (who doesn't these days).  The Brain is usually a match (for some unknown reason) and thinks it necessary to contact me off those sites.  Is he trying to be funny?  Can someone tell me why (besides wanting to me in my head like the anonymous commenter pointed out a couple of weeks ago)? 

This is getting really annoying.  I'm okay when I am puzzled, I am not okay when I am annoyed.  I was annoyed with Smart Guy and we all know what happened to him (for those of you new to the site, I never spoke to him again even though he sent countless texts).

Furthermore, I see guys I used to date or am friends with on these dating sites all the time.  I do NOT contact them via these sites because I am a normal human being.

eHarmony

Does eHarmony work?  I have a lot of single friends on it.  I know one couple that got married from it.  That's about it.  Saw this article about eHarmony...  Does their algorithm work?  Like OkC, a lot of the questions are answered by the users.  So, let's say a guy believes he's adventurous, but he's really not.  That would impact the compatibility factor, wouldn't it?   However, eHarmony does expose users to a wide range of people you know are single (and basics, such as, age, city, etc), that probably wouldn't happen on your standard Friday night barhopping excursion.

Memorial Day

I've completely forgotten what I've named him, but this guy likes to text me on every holiday...he struck again last night.  I haven't talked to him in at least 12 months, probably more like 18 months.

Decided The Brain doesn't deserve any of my time/attention until he does something substantial (like actually ask me out and set a date vs just texting me to see how I am doing; that's just a waste of a text).

Friends And Significant Others

I want my friends to be happy; if having a significant other makes them happy, great.  I must say, when more of my friends are single vs paired up, I don't feel as much pressure to be paired up.  If I didn't have coupled up friends, would I want to find a guy?  The answer is not a strong "Yes." 

Topping This

Unfortunately, I've been giving The Brain some thought.  He's always trying to top this (find a cooler girl than me), fails, and comes around my way.  Yes there are two sides to this:

1. I can be flattered because he always comes around my way
2. I can be annoyed because this has gone on for YEARS and that would imply he thinks I am just okay if he thinks he can top this and fails

I really want to stop thinking about this stuff (usually happens right after I see him, otherwise, out of sight, out of mind) and "go with the flow."  It's not like I am putting my life on hold waiting for him, but I also haven't met any spectacular new guys.

Puzzled

Saw The Brain last night.  Every time I see him, I end up a little puzzled.  What do I want from him?  Do I think he's grown up enough to be good boyfriend/husband material?  Is he someone who I could be happy with if we got back together?  Do I think all these things because he is a fun friend to hang out with and confuse it with something more?

Then other ridiculous thoughts enter my mind, such as, what does he want from me?  That is a pss poor question to ask because what he wants from me does not matter!  I need to figure what I want from him first!

What?

The Brain emailed me on OkC today (which I found to be odd since he has my phone number and my real email address). 

And, Smart Guy texted me AGAIN.  I haven't responded to any of his texts since 2012.

Is there something in the air?

And Again

And again, The Brain texted me an invite to do something with no date or time.  So, no point in responding, but I probably will say, "Okay" and nothing else.  I know my response is most likely infuriating and I don't care.

Happy Mother's Day

As a girl, I wasn' always the nicest person to mom.  It's funny, when I was growing up, I thought mom was silly and not especially wise; turns out I was wrong.  I forget, she wasn't always a mom and probably had her share of ridiculousness, clueless boys, etc.

Oh, Again?

The Brain called me.  Oh, this again?  I wasn't able to pick up the phone and he didn't leave a message.  He must have gone on a horrible date last night...that usually makes him come my way.

Busted!

Busted!  I saw Smart Guy cruising around my neighborhood.  It was 100% him.  He was driving really slowly and had a girl in the car.  Okay, Smart Guy driving around a block from my apartment wouldn't have been that big of a deal IF he actually lived in SF.  Friendly reminder, Smart Guy lives in Silicon Valley.  Also, unless he was looking for parking (which he was not), there was no reason to come off of a major street, to drive on a side street, to then get back on the major street he came from.

I am quite sure he saw me.  I was leaning against a gate while talking on the phone in my neon blue warm up jacket.

Iron Man 3

Saw Iron Man 3 over the weekend.  Tony Stark, swoon, where can I find one of those?

Be Careful

Saw this article a while ago about a guy in NY that is full of it.  Basically, he tells a plethora of lies in order to get women into bed, and it works.  So, remember:

1. Be careful
2. Do NOT send dirty texts and naked photos of yourself to anyone

I know, most people are careful.  I've seen enough naked photos from my guy friends to know women out there still send naked photos, lots of them.

Absurd

This nonsense with The Brain is absurd.  I wonder how many other people out there have YEARS of going back and forth with the same guy or girl.  Sure, I know I don't help matters with him because I am hot and cold.  However, this has gone on for years, and neither of us have found our "ones."

Is the universe trying to tell me something?  I successfully cut off all contact for at least a year, but circumstances keep bringing us face to face.  Why is this?

The Brain is 1000% better than Smart Guy though...

Hungover On Friday

Went out with some friends, The Brain was out too since they are mutual friends now (I met them through him).  Nevertheless, it's Friday and I am very hungover.

It was a fun and interesting night.  Essentially, The Brain half ass apologized about his behavior years ago when we dated.  He also said I should be more open and less closed off.  He has not officially asked for another shot (probably because he knows he could get shot down).  If he wants another chance, he better come out and say it, you snooze you lose!

Whoa, Really?

Whoa, really?  Yes, really.  Smart Guy contacted me again!  Remember, I have not responded to any of his attempts in many months.  Still not responding!  I am not doing this to be mean.  It would be mean if I responded because I have nothing nice to say.  I'm so annoyed by him, that I wouldn't even be able to say "We are very done, please leave me alone" politely.

Size Matters

Is "Size matters" really that surprising?

Patti Stanger Interview

So, this Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker) interview is from 2009, but still applicable today.

I totally agree with her, manners matter!  Also, if a guy only contacts you to do things last minute, he's just not that into you.  She also agrees, that guys should respect time and not ask for short notice dates.

This Past Saturday

Almost forgot about this!  Went out this past Saturday night with some friends (guys and girls).  Of course, the guys stood around talking about sports while the girls were on the dance floor.  I can be a little mean at times, usually due to a guy is touchy and grabby guy. 

This guy on the dance floor kept coming super close to me, even though I kept moving away.  Then he tried to touch my arm and I glared at him.  Then he was behind me trying to dance up on me.  Then he wanted to shake my hand, I refused.

Guy:  You won't even shake my hand?
Me:  NO!
Guy:  That's really rude
Me:  Really rude is trying to dance up on me, grab my arm, and shake my hand when I have made it ridiculously clear that I want nothing to do with you
Guy:  So, do you have a boyfriend?
Me:  Yes (I lied and pointed to our crew of guys)
Guy:  Which one?
Me:  Leave me alone, you're really f*cking annoying
He was then dragged away by his friend

It Might Be Time

Thinking it might be time to start dating again.  Mentioned this to a couple of friends to see who they know.  A couple of them think they might know people and will give it some thought.

Spring is in the air...

Busy Week

It's been a busy week.  Watched the March Madness Championship game and went to two events.  The events were filled with well educated guys.  Unfortunately, many of them were young...think 22-28.  One 28 year old with an obvious Asian fetish did not want to stop conversing with me.  The dead giveaway to an Asian fetish?  1) Speaking an Asian language and/or 2) spending a significant amount of time living in an Asian country.

Poor Form

I think it's poor form when a guy doesn't contact a girl after they "hang out."  Was talking to some guys and gals about this.  The general consensus - guy should contact the girl, even if they met outside a bar at 2am and it was a one nighter.

What possesses a guy to think it's okay not to contact her?  If anything, wouldn't a guy want to because he could hope to set up a steady 2 am "friend?"  (I am not talking about me.) 

Yeah yeah, I understand guys can be scared of rejection, etc., but come on.  Yeah, the girl could reach out to the guy, but really, man up!

Championship Game

Yes, going to watch the championship game tonight!

Final Four

Wasn't planning on watching the Final Four game because it's going to be really crowded, especially at the typical spots (Blue Light, Green's, Brickyard, etc).

Changed my mind, going to see what kind of guys are out with my friend Sabrina.  We also care about the game...

No Kidding!

I heard from Smart Guy, no kidding!  I haven't seen/spoken to him since 2012 Q4.  I do not plan on responding.

Most guys usually make contact (after getting kicked to the curb) within a three month window, so that means, he missed it by a couple of days.

Yes I Have

Yes I have spoken to The Brain.  Unfortunately, I was the one who reached out to him (we have a mutual friend that needed assistance).  He responded (I was sorta surprised, well, not really...he'll always respond to me).  Instead of just answering the question about our friend, he tried to prolong the conversation.  He was even testing the waters by suggesting a meal.

Yes I Am!

Ever really look at the lyrics to Katy Perry's Hot N Cold?  Yes I am!

This part is especially applicable:
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a bitch, I would know

And you overthink
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

Gamer Convention

Yes, the Gamer Convention has been in town this week.  I have no business attending any of their parties/networking events, but I did go to one.

Pros:

• 95% guys
• 90% of the guys that talked to me and/or my girl friend were nice

Cons:

• 100% of the guys were socially awkward (think over sharing information with strangers about ex girlfriends, talking about their awesome programming skills and dislike of other human beings, etc)
• 99% of the guys I met were not guys I would want to date, I could be friends with some of them, sure

I met one guy who could be okay (because he's tall, in shape, and could hold a decent conversation), then I found out he is in his early 20s.  He emailed me wanting to see me sometime.  I might go out with him to check out his maturity level.  He's got a great body (FB led me to a shirtless picture).

Facebook Games

Oh these facebook games we have to play these days.  What am I referring to?  Well, if you send an fb message to someone and they reply, you can see if they are online in the Apple iPhone app by looking at the message to that person!  I have a sneaking suspicion The Brain is monitoring my whereabouts via facebook.  He clearly checks my page since he "likes" fairly often.

Definitely March Madness

It's definitely March Madness on OkC?  I've never seen this many people logged in at once...like 140,000.  Think Valentine's was a bust for lots of people!  Might be right on the whole dating cycle theory.

My Friends Made Me Do It

As I suspected, The Brain and the girl are over (shortly after or around Valentine's Day, also one of my predictions because he's just oh so predictable).  Went out with him for dinner and drinks.  My friends made me do it!  I wish I was kidding, I am not.  One friend said it should help me determine whether or not I want to put him on the potential list again.  Pretty sure he has not changed for the better?  I don't have more or less clarity than before I went out with him, no change at all.

Also, isn't it interesting that I was more excited to see The Brain than I have ever been to see Smart Guy?  This just means my taste in men needs improvement.

The Brain was sending mixed signals.  Walking me down memory lane while telling me he's not sure if he's ever going to get married.  Flirting with girls under my nose while trying to cozy up to me.  This could have been a jealously ploy, if so, fail.  I was reminded of his player-esque behavior.  He was drunk and I had to drive his car at the end of the night - also a convenient way of getting me to stay over his place.  He's had four different apartments since I met him and I've stayed at every single one.

Since we share a group of friends, he'll probably always be in my life.  I'll just continue what I do best, be unaffected (usually, it does occasionally bug me).  I also c*ckblock him because he does it to me (yes, childish).  When we are out girls always ask me if we are dating (remember he is rich and has a lot of girls after him); my new standard response, "We used to date and are probably dating again."  These girls have got to know something is up if we dated three years ago and are out in public together, just the two of us.

Next New Trend?

Not only are older guys contacting me on OkC, but now, guys with kids.  Lots of guys with kids.  These guys are typically late 30s.  One guy even sent me three messages acknowledging the fact that I haven't replied to any of his previous messages.

This Is Pretty True

I think I've dated most of these guys mentioned in this Huffington Post article...  The ones I haven't dated:

• I need to watch sports all the time
• I will let you pay for some of my bills

Hahahaha, me pay for a guy's bills!!!

Think typically, the set in his ways guy goes with the less romantic with each date guy, with the over controlling, with the don't like your friends guy...  Perhaps 80% of the guys I've gone out with exhibit all these characteristics (and then some off the list).

Happy St Patrick's Day

Happy St Patrick's Day!  I don't celebrate, but you kids do, go out and have fun!

Totally Predictable

Things must be close to being done between The Brain and his girl.  He called me for a last minute dinner.  I didn't return his voicemail.  I'm not too sure why he is still getting this "dating" label.

New Trend?

I've had more older guys (at least 40 years old) email me on OkCupid...than ever.  Is the older crowd getting tired of match.com and migrating over to OkC?  If so, doesn't that mean OkC is almost over?  I've always thought of OkC as catering to the younger hipper crowd.  It's like that feeling when you see lots of parents and grandparents on facebook.

That's New

That's new!  A bisexual girl emailed me on OkCupid.  I was flattered, but did not reply.

Never Ever Ever Again

I loaned a girlfriend money...this was more than a year ago.  She is still paying me back, but often "forgets."  Instead of returning everything in one lump sum, she is doing installments (minuscule amounts) every month.  Had I known it would take two or so years for her to pay me back, I wouldn't have lent her the money.

It's true, loaning money does ruin friendships. I don't think we'll continue to be friends after her debt is repaid.  I'm pretty sure she has the money, but is just taking her sweet time, not sure why...I know where she lives and am not above breaking kneecaps.  Never ever ever loaning anyone money again.

Apparently, when a guy loans a girl money, the girl can "work it off."

It's Been Really Nice Out

When it's warm and sunny out, I really don't care about dating, meeting new guys, finding a husband, etc. Why is that?  Am I the only one who thinks this way?

Okay, it wasn't warm today, but it was sunny even though the forecast predicted rain.

Disturbing Show

When Girls first aired on HBO, I was not a fan. It took me months to give it another shot.  Finally watched Sunday's episode.  It's like looking at a train wreck, I just can't help myself.  I find myself pausing the show a lot because it makes me uncomfortable.  Is it too real?  I am sure I know people who used to behave like this.  I remember being pretty confused and doing stupid things when I was in my 20s.  I also remember life as being pretty drama ridden...

LA Guys

I was recently in LA and I must say, there are some good looking guys in LA!  I'd move down there if it wasn't for the traffic.  LA guys are also pretty aggressive, fabulous!  Guys I don't know ran to open doors for me, it was great!  Don't think SF guys do this.

Almost Spring

Is it almost spring?  It certainly feels like it out here in SF, not so much in NY.  The days are getting longer, the weather is getting warmer (sorta, weather in SF doesn't change much), and the guys are looking better (this is probably in my head).  Not ready to come out of my break from dating yet though...

Waste Of Time

Really hesitant about going out with guys I am not all that interested in because I see it as a huge waste of time.  I could be doing so many other things, including laundry.  These guys who ask me out aren't horrible, but I don't see them as being good candidates either.  Yeah, I could get a free meal, but that's really not enough.

The Dating Cycle

I've been paying closer attention to this, the dating cycle.  Around New Year's people:  1) stick with who they've been dating even though they are lukewarm, just because, 2) try to find a girlfriend/boyfriend fast because it is a resolution, or 3) hibernate for the winter.  Valentine's brings people closer or farther apart. 

Then, it's spring/summer which means:  1) breaking up with the person you've been hibernating with all winter because it's getting warm out and you know know you were slumming, 2) getting engaged, or 3) coming out of hibernation and meeting new people. 

And then, back to the holidays:  1) you are part of a happy couple, you do holiday stuff together, 2) if you are part of an unhappy couple, it unravels (usually around Thanksgiving), and 3) if you are dating someone newish, you make it official or call it quits.

Look At That

Look at that, The Brain emailed me.  Guess his Valentine's wasn't great.

Four Texts

Aw man, those two guys I pity-gave my number to texted me.  I probably won't respond to any of these texts.

OkC Event

I went to an OkCupid/match.com event earlier this week.  It was exactly as I expected, lots of guys; lots of guys I not very interested in.

I was there for about an hour and a half with the event spanning two hours.  A guy was always talking to me even though I was not the best dressed (girls went all out, dresses, heels, full makeup, etc); of course, I did not go all out.  I can remember six guys:

1. The shorter guy who didn't get that I didn't want to talk to him.  He was interviewing me, it was annoying.  He had memorized my profile and was asking me about it.  I never even replied to this guy!  He would not stop with the questions - for 15 minutes.  Where do you live?  Where do you work?  Where did you go to school?  Where are you from?  He even asked some of the same questions twice.  He didn't understand that me looking around the room meant very disinterested.  He also didn't understand that my short answers also meant very disinterested
2. The awkward Asian guy, he was nice, but boring.  So boring.  And, he said something about me being judgemental.  Uh, that's probably because I am not interested.  I felt bad for him, so bad that I gave him my number when he asked, with the disclaimer, "I never use my cell phone and it's never on"
3. The nice enough guy that I am not interested in.  He was an easy conversationalist, but no thanks.  He also got my number.  Should he contact me, I will respond with, "Let's be pals" or something just as encouraging
4. The guy that I went out with and even mentioned in this blog.  Think I went out with him twice and never responded to any followup he attempted.  I did not make any eye contact with him.  He was trying to make eye contact with me
5. The guy that probably read "The Game" and "negged" me.  After he did that, I made him feel pretty inconsequential and walked away.  No, I did not feel bad doing this
6. The much older guy that helped me with my coat.  That was really nice of him

Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day, so Happy Valentine's Day!  It broke more of my relationships than I can remember, probably due to the extreme pressure.  Guy usually went all out, I usually did not because 1) I am not into Valentine's and 2) I thought it was too early to really celebrate.  Think both guys and girls have big expectations for this day, not good.

I am hanging with a gal pal.

Last Minute? Right

Nerdy Guy contacted me today because he wants to see a movie tomorrow.  Sorry, I don't do last minute.  I didn't say that...I actually haven't even replied yet.  Not sure if/when I will.  Don't care!

Huffington Post Live

Well that's interesting, got a media request to be on HuffPost Live.  It was for last week, but just saw the email.  Hmm, thinking that would mean people would see me?  Oh my...

Happy New Year Again!

Yes, it's our second chance for a fresh start (and boy do I need it).  Happy New Year!  It's Chinese New Year and I am going to restart my resolutions, again...one in particular, out with the old, in with the new!

Toxic and Whiny

Think I need to break up with a friend who has gotten toxic and whiny.  These are two traits I would absolutely not accept in a potential guy, so why should I accept them in a friend?  Yes, it could be temporary, but I really don't think it is.

Oh Yeah, Super Bowl

Gal pal was in town, went out to a house party for Super Bowl. 

Also, saw The Brain (who is now dating the girl from New Year's) over the weekend.  It's really funny that he wants me to care and be jealous.  If he was so happy with this girl, shouldn't he be more concerned with his and her happiness rather than trying to make me unhappy?

Think she's a backup.  He professed his undying love for me that night, I did not return the sentiment, and he is now with her.  Oh, and he also doesn't remember how they got together because he was so drunk on NYE (this is what she told people, unflattering). 

I do things; my hand was somewhere it shouldn't have been for an hour, for all to see; he should have moved it, but he didn't.

I Am Really Confused

So this guy (think we'll have to name him...Nerdy Guy) asked me out again.  This would be date #3.  He asked me to do something on a Saturday night.  I am really confused because I am totally convinced he has a girlfriend from my facebook stalking (his profile is very open).  It STILL says he is "In a relationship" and she keeps posting to his wall, so...

Super Bowl Sunday

It's Super Bowl Sunday and I am sure EVERYONE will be out because 1) it's Super Bowl Sunday and 2) the 49ers are in it - remember, I live in San Francisco.  A girlfriend is in town and we are going to go out.  Her request a place with 1) lots of tvs and 2) lots of hot dudes.

Hanging Out

Times have changed and not for the better.  This article in NYT talks about traditional dating and how it's virtually nonexistent.  If you want a traditional dating experience/courtship, I don't think you should accomodate "hanging out" and last minute "dates" which consist of meeting some guy and all his friends at a bar.

The article mostly focuses on people in their 20s, but I think a lot of it applies to those of us in our 30s.  Dating has become too casual and guys have become lazy.  The article touches on technology possibly being the cause of this "hanging out" culture; I would blame technology.  As I have said in the past, texting, facebook, cell phones, etc. have all made everyone too available.  When I am out, I do not want to be found.  I certainly don't want to be pinged to meet up with some guy in 20 minutes; no of course I don't go!

And Whatever

That guy I think might have a girlfriend, well, I went out with him again because 1) he asked and 2) I like two give guys two chances.  He was somewhat inebriated because he had went out with friends before dinner.  That's fine, he didn't try anything.  We had dinner and he dropped me off (via cab).  He's a nice guy, but whatever.  I spend less than 1% of my time thinking about him.  That says a lot.

Wow

Wow!  Smart Guy is off OkC!  Did he find a girl?  As my bestie said, "She must be desperate."  LOL.  I'm actually relieved to see he is off.  I was kinda scared he would click on my profile (what he used to do).  Seeing his narcissistic dbag profile annoyed the sh*t out of me because it served as a reminder as to how stupid I can be.

Is There A Pattern?

I've heard a lot about people coupling around this time of year.  I wonder if there is a pattern.  Is this part of New Year's resolutions (get boyfriend or girlfriend)?  Did these people know each other before the holidays or did they just get together in the last couple of weeks?  This would be a wonderful social experiment.

I am still on my break from guys.  I don't want to be dating anyone around Valentine's Day.  Too much pressure for a newish guy.  Also, I've decided to be pickier this year.

I Don't Know

I went out with a guy from OkC last week.  I just don't know.  He's smart, able to hold a nice conversation, optimistic, and well educated.  We had a lot to talk about, but it felt very workish.  Oh yeah, think he has a girlfriend (based on my facebook research).  And, don't think he is ready to settle down (a necessity at this point).  Don't think he's all that attractive either. 

He called me and wants to go out again, I don't know what to do.  On the plus side, he knows how to make outgoing calls on his phone and leave a voicemail.

No, Guy

A guy emailed me on OkC, "Do you instant message?"  Not with you!  This was the second email he sent me, I actually replied to the first one (it had much more substance).

Seems like he is bored.  Don't think he's that interested in meeting people if he wants to sit in front of a computer instant messaging ladies instead of seeing them face to face.  Also, reread his profile and he's eh.  Next!

I Am Human

Although it may not seem this way, I am human.  At times, I still get a little annoyed with the whole Smart Guy thing.  Why would I let a guy I don't even want annoy me?  Gave this some thought and now I can definitely put this nonsense to rest.

It really bothered me that Smart Guy didn't realize I am a catch (or at least he certainly didn't treat me like he thought I was a catch).  I might not be a catch for Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, Justin Timberlake, etc, but I was definitely a catch for Smart Guy.

Instead of giving him 10+ tries to wow me, I should have just cut my losses and moved on to someone that actually appreciates me.  Lesson learned.

Why Should I?

Was talking to one of my besties and she had been advocating that I give The Brain some time to plead his case.  (BTW, she actually knows The Brain in real life.)  Not to sound like a total brat, but why should I?  Yes, I did ask her this question.  Why does deserve yet another chance?  He's already had one (that's way more than most guys).  Okay, he's really rich, but so what, there are plenty of rich guys, so, there goes that argument.

Just Know

Everyone has fears.  I was reading a book that was talking about fears and how they unconsciously hold us back.  I know many ladies who are scared of being 50 and single with 12 cats.  This won't happen!!!  Just know this!  Or at least, don't turn it into a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you do the math, there should be thousands of guys that are right for you.  Don't believe in perfection, but I do believe in "right."  Let's break down the US population (this is just a demonstration, numbers are only estimates).

• There are about 315 million people in the US (January 2013)
• Say 42% of them are men = 132.3 million
• Say 40% of them are single = 52.92 million
• Say 10% of those guys are guys you would actually go out with due to personality, age, occupation, education, looks, whatever = 5.29 million
• Then you factor in location and whatever else you can think of = tens if not hundreds of thousands of guys that could be right for you

Remember, this is just me playing with math to illustrate there are many available men.  Scrap the idea that there is only "The One" and go for the idea that there are so many guys that could be "right" for you.

OkC Is Like The Gym

OkCupid is like the gym.  Lots of people have New Year's resolutions like: get a new job, get in shape, get a boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.  There's usually a flurry of activity at gyms around this time of year.  It looks like it's the same with OkC.  I've gotten over 30 emails in two days.  I usually get a fair amount, but this is insane!

Although I am on a dating break, I did reply to a couple of guys.  Why not, it's just email.

January Funk

Everyone, time to cheer up.  Yeah, the weather is sh*tty, it's January, you've seen tons of people get engaged on FB, you ate yourself into a coma over the holidays and your pants are snug, etc.  I've heard too many stories about depressed single girls over the last two weeks (friends, and friends of friends all over the US).

Let's think about this logically, is disappearing into a big black hole of depression productive?  Does it make you feel better?  Will that help you find THE guy?  No.

Read somewhere that anger helps people think clearer.  For me, it helps me think clearer and take action.  It's like, "I am not going to take this f*cking sh*t; I always get what I want."  I won't tolerate a guy just because he likes me.  I need to like him too!

She Had It Coming

The girl The Brain made out with New Year's Eve has it coming.  After chatting with some friends, a couple of things occurred to me:

1. She was trying to make me feel bad (lol, good luck with that one, I'm very confident) - it was her idea to make out so close to where I was sitting.  She doesn't realize I gave him to her
2. She has no idea what kind of guy he really is (he has a habit of trying to mess around or actually messing around with me when he has a girlfriend)

All I can say is, if they do end up dating and I happen to be around, she had it coming.

He's Just Not That Into You

Well, I think this is a fairly accurate article talking about "He's just not that into you."  This would also apply in "She's just not that into you."

Attention deficit disorder is probably the most annoying for me.  Why bother asking me out if you are just going to fiddle with your phone throughout the entire date?  And, why rinse and repeat?  Next!

Hah, You Again

With all that nonsense the other night forgot about this guy!  If I haven't answered his last five or so texts, then?

He said "Happy New Year, may 2013 be a great year."  Um thanks for the thoughts...still not replying.

That's Interesting

Wow, this is funny.  Apparently, The Brain checked out my OkC profile a couple of days before New Year's.  Hah!  Just took a look at my Visitors.  After what happened that night, this is really funny!

My Head Has Stopped Hurting, But I Am Still Amazed

Went to bed extremely early last night and my head has stopped hurting, yes!

Happy New Year, readers!!

My friend Sabrina guessed correctly, The Brain had a NYE party.  He rushed to my side for a kiss at midnight.  Not a complete party pooper, I went with it.  Then he wanted to talk...about how much he misses me, how much he loves me, and how badly we need to talk about us.  Us?  We are "just friends" (which I still think is totally impossible).  If anything, this proves just how impossible it is.

Part two of the evening. 
To put it lightly, The Brain was drunk (he was so drunk he kept falling over).  He would randomly find me, try to talk, whisper some incoherent things in my ear, put his arm around me, go in for a hug, give me a peck on the cheek, and wander away.  Remember that girl from a couple of weeks ago?  That girl that is "just friends" with The Brain?  Well, she was also at the party and started to put some serious "moves" on him after she saw the midnight kiss.  She was hanging off his arm (literally), grabbing at his face, putting her face up against his (where he kept turning away), jumping on his back, etc. By this point she knows:

1. We used to date and
2. He ran to me for a midnight kiss

No really, girl, like I said last time, have some self respect!  He kept asking me to "help him."  I tried to pry her off a couple of times, but let her have my sloppy seconds without a fight.  He's a big boy and should know how to handle these situations.  Any guy that wants me to fend off a girl is no guy of mine.

And then...
They ended up making out (three feet away from me) at last call and probably went home together.  Says a lot when a girl has to get a guy trashed to hook up with him, especially since she knows when he is thinking clearly, he's just not that into her.  Does she think this will miraculously turn into a relationship and they will get married?  Still don't see her as competition.  Why? 

1. She can have him, I don't compete for guys
2. She doesn't have anything on me (his friends were avoiding her because she is really chatty, she has a not so good education, she doesn't have that great of a job, she's not the best looking girl (not ugly either), etc). 

If I wanted to stop her/them that night, I could have.  I can do better than this sh*t.  I could have taken advantage of one of his good friends to "get even," but I didn't...think I've grown up (this is something I totally would have done a couple of years ago).

Thoughts:
I was pretty annoyed yesterday, thought it was such a major party foul to be making out with her after making out with me especially since he professed his undying love for me earlier in the evening.  If he wasn't trying to have a talk with me or looking for me at midnight I wouldn't have been annoyed with their antics.  I saw their actions as making a fool out of me (although, she did take my sloppy seconds, so...).

And this is why he is an ex!  Kinda felt bad for the guy because 1) he was really drunk (totally uninterested in her when he was sober) and 2) the door on that second chance he wanted with me wasn't even fully opened before it got slammed shut, right in his face (he can thank himself for this).  It would take A LOT for me to consider giving him a second chance now...a lot!

New guys for me when I come out of my break from guys!!