I think I've brought this up before, not sure though. I feel a lot of SF guys are socially awkward and defensive. I've always thought it's because a lot of these guys are really smart, got picked on a lot in school, and went to school for many years. Picked on in school would explain the defensiveness and going to school for many years while earning top grades would explain the social awkwardness.
I am not a psychiatrist and unable to diagnose autism. From my Googling, one of the main symptoms of autism is the inability to understand social cues.
I'm just sayin...
Socially awkward does not imply autism lol. Always remember, correlation does not imply causation.
ReplyDeleteI think the social awkwardness that you experience in men comes from a few things. Mainly it involves a low self-esteem. Add to that an unfamiliarity with the opposite sex and social norms in general. This normally leads to an inability to handle uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations.
If you were ever able to get past those things with a guy you'd probably discover a completely different person than the one you originally met. And remember, this happens to women to.....lots of women.
How would one get past those things? Seriously, I've tried ignoring the awkwardness, it didn't work. From what I've seen, it appears to be never ending which is really unfortunate because maybe deep deep deep down, they are nice people
DeleteJust be friends for a while. :)
ReplyDeleteI really don't know your exact situation, but make an effort to spend time with them just as friends. Make it known that it's just as friends but don't say or imply that it will always be as friends. That way you have a back door to use if you at some point decide that you really like him.
Hopefully that will loosen him up and allow you to spend time getting to know who they really are. The pressure to impress someone romantically can cause a ton of anxiety and change their personality for the worse.
Hey J, thanks for the thoughts, gave your comments some thought...nope, can't do it. Just thinking about how I would have to go above and beyond to be super accommodating is irksome. SF guys are already handled with kid gloves, I don't think I can (or want) to enable this behavior (doing so would not be helpful for these guys). I also don't think I would respect a guy I had to tiptoe around...social grace is a necessity (not just for dating)
DeleteI thought about that after I posted. I wasn't implying that you had to put in this sort of work. But, this is a method of getting to know someone you might like but don't have any chemistry with at first.
DeleteI guess the whole point I wanted to make is that chemistry isn't a zero sum game. It's not either you have it or you don't. It's something can be cultivated and grown but time and patience are required.
But I agree, it is a lot to ask of someone for no guarantee of a return.
Hey J, it's true, chemistry can grow...however, I don't think it lasts (at least from my experience). I can think of a couple of guys where I was infatuated with what I thought he was (funny, down to earth, nice) rather than what he really was (boring, arrogant, condescending)
DeleteWhat do you mean exactly by socially awkward? One on one or in groups? What do they do?
ReplyDeleteFor example, I was out with a group of friends. One of the friends brought this very awkward guy...he kept pestering my friend on why she was in the hospital when she clearly didn't want to discuss it.
DeleteAnother example, guys that walk around at a bar or party staring at a girl, but won't say anything...he'll do it for three hours.
Or, in a one on one situation, I went out on a date with this guy that was interrogating me. Non stop questions; it felt like a job interview
I equate introverts with autists, is this too harsh?
ReplyDeleteI would say they are related, but different. The introverts don't really want to be bothered by people, but can pull it together when they need to. The autists want to hang out with other people, but do not realize they are awkward and make others uncomfortable
DeleteAll of this reminds me of one guy I used to date. He'd pull it together in social situation but when we were alone the hell of social awkwardness broke lose.
DeleteI really don't understand why you continue to live here when all you do is make shallow complaints about this city...
ReplyDeleteAs I have already said 100 times, I would like to move to a new city, but do not know where to go yet
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