A single girl in San Francisco (SF) + meeting guys + dating + relationships + poor decisions + having fun = Blog with Adventures + (commentary + random thoughts + advice).
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Must Continue Online Dating
I am sick of online dating, but it looks like I should continue because of this article? So, for those of you ready to throw in the towel, let's keep trying!
Given that the study was funded by EHarmony, that leads me to believe that the study participants and results may be a little biased in favor of online dating. Not to say that I don't think everyone shouldn't give online dating a fair chance. In my experience, my regular dating experiences were more satisfactory than my online dating ones. Not ready to throw in the towel, but more hesitant for sure.
Asha, probably true! I didn't read the article that carefully, lol...didn't know it was funded by eHarmony. Yeah, I like meeting people in the real world much more than the virtual world. In the virtual world, I feel like I am exposed to a lot more information, which makes me rule guys out much faster
Hmm, I don't think I've found a great site yet. I agree, on Match I can find a lot of dates, but I think they were looking for a roll in the hay. eHarmony, a lot of guys contact me, but I've only gone out with one or two of them because I haven't found many of them to be attractive. Coffee Meets Bagel has been useless for me, haven't gone out with any guys, think I've "liked" two. OkCupid has been interesting, probably have met with two guys in the past three years
Damn Gina! I thought it was just me with poor results! eHarmony has matched me with guys light years away and I barely want to date someone outside of the city. A guy from eHarmony that I dated told me that Match is the hook up site haha. His friend went on there and slept with 37 women in one year! Gross. Maybe I'll give OkStupid a try. Thanks! Love your blog!
I found eHarmony terrible - my matches were really far away and NOTHING of what I wanted. But I really think eHarmony is not made for people living in big metropolitan areas - also, the CEO of eHarmony is a crazy homophobe - which makes me think twice about rejoining (but admittedly I may still try it again... desperate times call for desperate measures)
Funny story, I've decided twice this month to shut down my OKCupid account. But each time I got a response from a girl that I messaged like a week or two before. The first girl didn't go anywhere. Trying to get a date established for the second one.
I keep trying to get out, but they keep dragging me back in. But for the most part I'm done with contacting any new girls. At least until well into the new year.
J, do you sometimes feel like OkC people aren't that interested in actually meeting someone? I feel that way. I check my OkC account once or twice a month now, lol
I think most people on OKC don't understand the nature of meeting someone online. It's not a situation where you're going to have natural chemistry very often. Most of the time when you meet someone in a romantic fashion it is predicated on the fact that you share something with that person already. Be it friends you can gossip about, work that you can gossip about, activities that you share, anything that will allow you to naturally talk to this person. Otherwise you are forced into an interview type conversation or some kind of "hey how was your day?" type text messaging. It's forced conversation in hopes that you can create some sort of connection from scratch. It's possible, but difficult and time consuming. So most people (including me) get frustrated and impatient with the process. With my Ex, I knew her for years.
I also think that bringing your friends around sooner rather than later can help things along. I haven't tried this yet, but it worked for my roommate. Me and a group of friends ran into him on hist first date and we had a chance to bring his date into our group for a short time. They've been together since.
You are totally right J. It's hard to go on these OKC dates. That's why I feel that instead of "dates" it's sometimes better to keep it low key and hang out and get to know one another without any pressure.
J, starting to think activity dates are the way to go (bowling, a walk, hiking, painting, skating, something other than sitting across a table from them)...less interviewy and at least the activity will be fun? I really hate it when a guy asks 1,000 questions, one right after the other, just so there isn't any silence. Do you think OkC dating would be better in a more "social" city?
I call my first date a "meeting" and I keep it quick - one drink or coffee. While an activity date is fun in theory, for a first date you could get stuck in a long round of mini golf or bowling with someone you clearly are not interested!
You are right, that could be the longest mini golf game ever! Do you tell them you only have X minutes before meeting up with them? I've done a quick 30-45 min coffee before and the guy seemed kinda insulted when I said I had to go, lol
I'm not up front about how much time I have, but I keep first dates casual so it's easy to slip out after one drink. If I like the guy, we can always do a second round or get a snack.
I went on an OKC date the other date. There was chemistry and we went from drinks to having dinner. He then proceeded to ask me to come over to his place....Buzzkill. Not sure what these men are thinking (or not). As if I would come over to a random stranger's place. So bizarre. They are professionals too!
Sorry, Anon! Wow, that's really ballsy. Did he call you again?
I went out with a guy that asked me when we'd hook up...I left and he still wanted to go out again. Yup, he was a professional too...I met him on Match years ago
While we're on this topic I wanted to bring up one of the more frustrating things that happens on OKC. I'm sure all of you are familiar with the Quickmatch. If you rate someone 4 or 5 stars OKC will most likely let the other person know about this.
So twice I was informed that a woman "likes" me where I actually was interested in her. Most of the time it's just women I would never consider. So when someone comes along that I like I take advantage of it and contact them. Both times I have done this the women never respond to me.
To me this is a very WTF moment. The second one happened recently and I'm planning on sending a followup message that politely reminds her not to like someone who you aren't prepared to be contacted by. To me, it's shit like this that ruins the whole thing.
So I'm curious, have any of the ladies here experienced this or even done this?
Hey J, I don't use that feature, but I agree, if they like you, they should definitely respond! I don't understand why they would like you and not respond...well the only thing I can think of is they haven't logged in since you messaged them?
I don't think I get emails every time someone likes me...I have 50 likes, but have only gotten 15-20 of those emails. Because I am not an A List member, can't see the other guys that liked me...figure if they like me that much, they'll send a message, lol
J, this happens to me ALL THE TIME too. We mutually like each other, he'll check my profile multiple times over a week, so I bite the bullet and write him a quick note. He never responds!
I stopped using it since they don't display the other persons height. I ended up liking a girl who was 5'10'. Being 5'9' myself I prefer girls who are at least 5'7" or shorter. So when the girl contacted me I noticed this and I was honest with her and politely declined.
I've grown quite numb to the non-responses on OKC. But this circumstance really pisses me off. I'm giving her a week then I'm going to give her a piece of my mind.
So I sent the like/not like girl a message telling her that it was bad form to rate someone then never respond to them after they message you. She responded today with a blistering response telling me how bitter, old, and arrogant I am. I guess that's what happens when you call out entitled people.
If there is a poster child for what is wrong with Online Dating she would be it. There is just no accountability for rudeness.
Oh I know I got to her. She tried very hard to not let me have the last word and we had quite the exchange because of that. In the end, I had the last word but I'm not sure how satisfying it was.
BTW, my date went well last Wednesday and we are actually going out to dinner tonight for our second date. She spent the last 10 years living in Paris and she just moved back to SF. It made for some good conversation material.
Given that the study was funded by EHarmony, that leads me to believe that the study participants and results may be a little biased in favor of online dating. Not to say that I don't think everyone shouldn't give online dating a fair chance. In my experience, my regular dating experiences were more satisfactory than my online dating ones. Not ready to throw in the towel, but more hesitant for sure.
ReplyDeleteAsha, probably true! I didn't read the article that carefully, lol...didn't know it was funded by eHarmony. Yeah, I like meeting people in the real world much more than the virtual world. In the virtual world, I feel like I am exposed to a lot more information, which makes me rule guys out much faster
DeleteWhat online dating sites do you find to be the best? I've done Match and EHarmony but got a lot more dates on Match but better guys on EHarmony.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I don't think I've found a great site yet. I agree, on Match I can find a lot of dates, but I think they were looking for a roll in the hay. eHarmony, a lot of guys contact me, but I've only gone out with one or two of them because I haven't found many of them to be attractive. Coffee Meets Bagel has been useless for me, haven't gone out with any guys, think I've "liked" two. OkCupid has been interesting, probably have met with two guys in the past three years
DeleteDamn Gina! I thought it was just me with poor results! eHarmony has matched me with guys light years away and I barely want to date someone outside of the city. A guy from eHarmony that I dated told me that Match is the hook up site haha. His friend went on there and slept with 37 women in one year! Gross. Maybe I'll give OkStupid a try. Thanks! Love your blog!
DeleteThanks! Wow, didn't know that about match, but that does explain a lot now. 37!?
DeleteI found eHarmony terrible - my matches were really far away and NOTHING of what I wanted. But I really think eHarmony is not made for people living in big metropolitan areas - also, the CEO of eHarmony is a crazy homophobe - which makes me think twice about rejoining (but admittedly I may still try it again... desperate times call for desperate measures)
DeleteHey Sabrina, if you do rejoin, I hope your experience is much better than mine. Let us know what happens!
DeleteFunny story, I've decided twice this month to shut down my OKCupid account. But each time I got a response from a girl that I messaged like a week or two before. The first girl didn't go anywhere. Trying to get a date established for the second one.
ReplyDeleteI keep trying to get out, but they keep dragging me back in. But for the most part I'm done with contacting any new girls. At least until well into the new year.
J, do you sometimes feel like OkC people aren't that interested in actually meeting someone? I feel that way. I check my OkC account once or twice a month now, lol
DeleteCan't wait to hear about your date!
I think most people on OKC don't understand the nature of meeting someone online. It's not a situation where you're going to have natural chemistry very often. Most of the time when you meet someone in a romantic fashion it is predicated on the fact that you share something with that person already. Be it friends you can gossip about, work that you can gossip about, activities that you share, anything that will allow you to naturally talk to this person. Otherwise you are forced into an interview type conversation or some kind of "hey how was your day?" type text messaging. It's forced conversation in hopes that you can create some sort of connection from scratch. It's possible, but difficult and time consuming. So most people (including me) get frustrated and impatient with the process. With my Ex, I knew her for years.
DeleteI also think that bringing your friends around sooner rather than later can help things along. I haven't tried this yet, but it worked for my roommate. Me and a group of friends ran into him on hist first date and we had a chance to bring his date into our group for a short time. They've been together since.
You are totally right J. It's hard to go on these OKC dates. That's why I feel that instead of "dates" it's sometimes better to keep it low key and hang out and get to know one another without any pressure.
DeleteJ, starting to think activity dates are the way to go (bowling, a walk, hiking, painting, skating, something other than sitting across a table from them)...less interviewy and at least the activity will be fun? I really hate it when a guy asks 1,000 questions, one right after the other, just so there isn't any silence. Do you think OkC dating would be better in a more "social" city?
DeleteI call my first date a "meeting" and I keep it quick - one drink or coffee. While an activity date is fun in theory, for a first date you could get stuck in a long round of mini golf or bowling with someone you clearly are not interested!
DeleteYou are right, that could be the longest mini golf game ever! Do you tell them you only have X minutes before meeting up with them? I've done a quick 30-45 min coffee before and the guy seemed kinda insulted when I said I had to go, lol
DeleteI'm not up front about how much time I have, but I keep first dates casual so it's easy to slip out after one drink. If I like the guy, we can always do a second round or get a snack.
DeleteI went on an OKC date the other date. There was chemistry and we went from drinks to having dinner. He then proceeded to ask me to come over to his place....Buzzkill. Not sure what these men are thinking (or not). As if I would come over to a random stranger's place. So bizarre. They are professionals too!
ReplyDeleteSorry, Anon! Wow, that's really ballsy. Did he call you again?
DeleteI went out with a guy that asked me when we'd hook up...I left and he still wanted to go out again. Yup, he was a professional too...I met him on Match years ago
While we're on this topic I wanted to bring up one of the more frustrating things that happens on OKC. I'm sure all of you are familiar with the Quickmatch. If you rate someone 4 or 5 stars OKC will most likely let the other person know about this.
ReplyDeleteSo twice I was informed that a woman "likes" me where I actually was interested in her. Most of the time it's just women I would never consider. So when someone comes along that I like I take advantage of it and contact them. Both times I have done this the women never respond to me.
To me this is a very WTF moment. The second one happened recently and I'm planning on sending a followup message that politely reminds her not to like someone who you aren't prepared to be contacted by. To me, it's shit like this that ruins the whole thing.
So I'm curious, have any of the ladies here experienced this or even done this?
Hey J, I don't use that feature, but I agree, if they like you, they should definitely respond! I don't understand why they would like you and not respond...well the only thing I can think of is they haven't logged in since you messaged them?
DeleteI don't think I get emails every time someone likes me...I have 50 likes, but have only gotten 15-20 of those emails. Because I am not an A List member, can't see the other guys that liked me...figure if they like me that much, they'll send a message, lol
Wow, or the 700+ people that like me (I've had the account for years)? Definitely haven't gotten that many notifications
DeleteJ, this happens to me ALL THE TIME too. We mutually like each other, he'll check my profile multiple times over a week, so I bite the bullet and write him a quick note. He never responds!
DeleteI stopped using it since they don't display the other persons height. I ended up liking a girl who was 5'10'. Being 5'9' myself I prefer girls who are at least 5'7" or shorter. So when the girl contacted me I noticed this and I was honest with her and politely declined.
DeleteI've grown quite numb to the non-responses on OKC. But this circumstance really pisses me off. I'm giving her a week then I'm going to give her a piece of my mind.
So I sent the like/not like girl a message telling her that it was bad form to rate someone then never respond to them after they message you. She responded today with a blistering response telling me how bitter, old, and arrogant I am. I guess that's what happens when you call out entitled people.
DeleteIf there is a poster child for what is wrong with Online Dating she would be it. There is just no accountability for rudeness.
Just think of it as her doing you a favor, J. That's what I try to do anyways. :-)
DeleteJ, you must have really gotten to her for her to write back! She is probably still angry. Hopefully, knowing that is satisfying?
DeleteOh I know I got to her. She tried very hard to not let me have the last word and we had quite the exchange because of that. In the end, I had the last word but I'm not sure how satisfying it was.
DeleteBTW, my date went well last Wednesday and we are actually going out to dinner tonight for our second date. She spent the last 10 years living in Paris and she just moved back to SF. It made for some good conversation material.
Wow, did she tell you why she rated you? I did find it weird that she didn't respond.
DeleteNice! Good luck!
That's awesome, J! Good luck! :-)
Delete