A single girl in San Francisco (SF) + meeting guys + dating + relationships + poor decisions + having fun = Blog with Adventures + (commentary + random thoughts + advice).
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Salary
Since we've been talking about salary a lot, read this item I saw on linkedin.
That's a naive point of view. Money definitely doesn't guarantee happiness but it gives you the freedom of choice. You'd rather have a limited choice or a $500k choice? I'd for the latter.
If only I had the ability to tolerate jobs like that. But I enjoy making movies and other pretty movie pictures and I enjoy wearing jeans and t-shirts to work every day. It's a shame that's the trade off one has to make to be happy. But that's the world we live in I guess. Maybe in the next world we can do better.
I think if you wanted that kind of money, you could get it. Big Hollywood movie directors are rolling in it!
I must say what is very nice about SF is how wearing jeans has moved into other industries due to the tech industry. Many in other fields, such as, medicine, consulting, financial services, etc can dress down
I enjoy saving lives and property which is what my job entails. Society doesn't put a high priority on that in terms of salary. But good for that guy, I made the choice to do what I do and I'm happy with it.
The entertainment industry is very VERY top heavy. Working in Visual FX isn't very lucrative either. The six figure jobs are there, they just go to a smaller number of veterans. And I don't consider dressing up a work appropriate thing unless you are trying to specifically impress clients or customers. My main concern at work is to get my job done as best I can. I don't have time to worry about wearing suits, or getting my dry cleaning, or being uncomfortable with a tie around my neck.
I save my dressing up moments for going out and impressing a lovely lady. :)
AG, next time you meet a dude who says "I went to Stanford," maybe you should be more impressed (referencing your previous post) - most people do not make that type of money!
I'm convinced you'll be able to find your guy but you'll have to deal with the types of personalities that go with it.
I was sitting in my office in Palo Alto a few days ago when a junior male colleague (who make $150+k) came to my door and said, "I just realized I'll never be able to afford a yacht with this job." Ummmm .... (Also sorry he is married)
Frowning upon someone because they don't dress up for their jobs is really petty. Just because you wear jeans doesn't mean you aren't professional or that you're not good at your job. Yeah, nicer clothes always send a better impression, but if it's not practical or you have the freedom to dress down, why not?
Agreed with Asha. We all dress casually at work. Even at client meetings, showing up in a suit makes you look like douchebag; most of our clients also wear jeans!
I agree. It definitely doesn't mean that you're not a professional or bad at your job. I guess with the modern work preferences for accoutrement around here, you could wear pajamas if you wanted to. But I'm just speaking in terms of that workspace atmosphere where people used to dress up for their jobs.
I've never been a girl that gets goggle-eyed at a rich man. Money/salary really don't impress me after a certain point. I want a guy who is employed and can sustain his own lifestyle (whatever lifestyle he wants). Frankly, I'm more impressed with a guy who rides the bus and bikes as opposed to a fancy car, who donates money to charity rather than spending it on designer shoes.
I'm probably the worst MBA out there because I really don't care about money. Sure, my salary does give me a confidence boost (someone thinks I'm valuable), and it's nice to afford travel (my passion), but I'd trade in everything to be truly and utterly happy.
Besides, I'm sure I could make a lot more with my background & education, but I love my job - I've got great work-life balance, an amazing commute, and wonderful colleagues. There's very little compensation that would compel me to work 80 hours a week in a cut-throat environment.
Ahh, Sabrina, sounds like there is a minimum though? Would you go out with the guy that rides the bus, is fun, nice, cute, etc, but makes $35K a year as a bartender, and is very happy with his lifestyle?
Of course not, I still want my intellectual/professional equivalent. But I also ascribe to the old notion that men should make more money than their wives, so they don't get overly emasculated and 'act out' by having affairs.
I know what I make, which is enough to cover my expenses and leave money for travel and fun, without being too extravagant. That's what I want in a man. I don't want a man to wine & dine me all the time or buy me diamonds (except an engagement ring). I'm just not that kind of girl.
Sabrina, I totally agree, men should make more money than their wives! I would say your intellectual/professional equivalent most likely does pretty well (as does mine, which I don't think a lot of the readers commenting are seeing?)
I don't need 12 cars or a 15 bedroom mansion, but I'm getting incredible push back on "looking for a rich guy" when in reality, I'm just trying to find a chill guy that makes at least as much as I do (and if some people consider that "rich," so be it)
I think the men most likely to cheat are those who feel entitled. To say men who make more than their wives don't have affairs would be incredibly naive. Men have generally always made more than women, and affairs aren't new. Are you aware of some crazy new statistic that I'm not?
You want your intellectual equivalent, but also your loyalty equivalent - income is less a part of that than is character generally.
FYI - I don't have an engagement ring, but that is because (1) I believe they represent the patriarchy, (2) they are a waste of $ when we could be saving for a house/future kids, (3) I kind of asked him to marry me.
You don't have to think exactly like me of course, but if you think faithfulness would be a problem, i think salary is not going to help you weed out cheaters by any account.
"FYI - I don't have an engagement ring, but that is because (1) I believe they represent the patriarchy, (2) they are a waste of $ when we could be saving for a house/future kids, (3) I kind of asked him to marry me. "
Thank you!!!!! I'm not saying I will never buy one for a woman, but I feel EXACTLY the same way.
AG, I don' think you shouldn't ever consider income. But I wouldn't ever weight it too heavily. I mean, sure, there are ingrained cultural pressures for the classic man/wife dynamic. But just because they exist doesn't mean we have to obey them. Rise above my sistah!
Anonymous, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want an engagement ring. :) That said, I don't care for roses, fancy dinners, or lavish birthday presents - one ex and I had a strict "under $10 rule" for gifts, which resulted in hilarious and thoughtful things.
As for making more money, I guess it makes ME feel better knowing the man makes more... if that makes sense? It's hard to explain, and maybe it wouldn't bother me if I found the right guy. But since I have yet to find him, I don't know what would work and what wouldn't!
Your posts confuse me. NO guy is good enough for you, yet you're so impressed with a fat paycheck. On one hand, you seem to think men who lead with "I went to Stanford" are jerks. You slam the Brain who is very rich but he's clearly on your mind since you don't block him.
On other hand, you want a man with lots of money. Well, with that comes men who are addicted to their work. They are also cocky the way they flash their money.
Good luck, but I think you need to figure out what you want.
Huh? I think some names are mixed up. I get see The Brain four times a year because we have mutual friends. Think you are talking about Smart Guy (who I won't block), mainly because he asked me to block him.
I think you are utilizing glittering generalizations. You are saying guys with lots of money are "addicted to their work" and "cocky the way they flash their money," I wholeheartedly disagree with this. There is no way that ALL these guys are the same. I know what I want, a guy who does well and is also chill; even though I haven't found this specimen in a romantic capacity (I have many guy friends that fall into this group), I do believe I can find this
This whole blog is what living in the bay area has now boiled down to: a bunch of transactional relationships. It's not 'wrong' to want to date men with money per se, and you are certainly not the first to go there. It's just incredibly shallow!
Not sure which Anon you are, but what did I say about negativity earlier today?! You might be one of those guys that makes much less than I do. I'm not calling you a loser, so don't call me shallow. I don't think it's shallow to want a guy who makes at least what I make
AG, I don't think making less money than you makes someone a loser, but trying to detect the smell of money on a first date is always going to make someone suspect. Most people that do make money have takers around them a lot.
Just curious - how do you find out the salaries of your dates? LinkedIn? Do you ask to see a recent pay stub? Or just make an educated guess based on their job and title?
I am not smelling out money, but I am smelling out a guy that makes at least as much as I do...which to some might be considered "a lot."
Almost every guy I have ever gone out with has told me his salary and/or alluded to his holdings, totally unprompted. For example, "I went to Wharton. I make $X doing (insert function) at (insert company). Or, "I just bought my # (insert number) place, it was a great deal! Worth $1.6 million and I got it for 900K!"
I'm nearly 30 and dated online for 4 yrs straight (plus real world dating) - I encountered someone who said something like that only once, and he was most definitely lying.
Maybe you really are finding all the guys with Aspberger's!!!
Or liars - I think most well off guys would keep income a secret in order to weed out gold diggers. Also, statistically, not many single men buy homes. I imagine that is esp true in SF.
Or maybe none of the guys I met felt the desire to impress me :(
You're going out with the wrong kind of men. Maybe you should change your screening criteria. I'm very successful, but I do not find it acceptable to boast about money. The best kind of man, in my opinion, is one who is humble about his success.
Sorry to hear about your liar, Anon. Are you the doctor in SF? Lol, I probably am finding the guys with Aspberger's. I actually believe a lot of these guys because it makes sense with LinkedIn and Google. One guy was at Google before they IPOed (verified with LinkedIn). Another guy went into investment banking for years after getting his MBA. Maybe they thought their salaries wouldn't impress you? I don't think I'm considered a possible gold digger when I date these guys because 1) I do pretty well and am very able to support myself, 2) I don't become nicer when they tell me how much they have, and 3) I end up dismissing them anyway, lol. I talk to older guys, usually late 30s and early 40s, the ones claiming to own their places definitely do (SF Blockshopper or Google)...
Anon 2, I agree humble is great! However, I'd rather a guy brag about how much money he has than how many trips he's taken to Paris...I usually only meet guys that brag about something...anything
I'm Anon from 4:28pm, and I'd much rather a guy boast about his travels! Shows he has a broader mind than just money. But really, you just don't know what you want. You say you don't want a cocky boastful guy but yet you seek them out.
Hi Anon from 4:28 pm, that's YOU and not me. Each person is entitled to his/her own opinion and that is your OPINION. I don't care about travel discussions because I wasn't there with him, so I don't care to hear about it (unless he's a great storyteller, I highly doubt I'd experience what he is trying to convey...it's not like I can see all the sights he's seen without being there).
I don't seek guys out. I go out, but I never approach a guy, these are all guys that approach me. I never email guys first online either. And no, I will not start approaching guys, so please do not tell me I should talk to them first and send out the first email. If this conversation frustrates you, feel free to stop visiting my blog
Think you are talking about Smart Guy (who I won't block), mainly because he asked me to block him.
/\ This statement is a little confusing to me- you won't block him because he told you to? Because...? I don't get it. Are you trying not to give him the satisfaction? Even then, it doesn't make sense.
Hey Asha! Yes, I do not want to give Smart Guy any satisfaction or obey his commands (he likes to order people around and expects everyone to listen). He told me to block him so he could stop hoping that I'll respond
What is with the negativity? I don't hope you will fail in all your endeavors, so how about you do the same with me? It's like there is a group of you out there wishing the worst for me because you wish you had chosen better, hate your life, have a poor me attitude, or whatever. Keep your nastiness, hater thoughts/opinions, negativity, etc to yourself
To be fair, AG, you're airing everything publicly, albeit anonymously, so you're subjecting yourself to the judgment. I don't think the post was negative except for maybe the mature part, but that's just true - we are constantly maturing in some way. Priorities change.
Also, from a lot of posts, it seems like you do a lot more instant "writing off" of guys instead of actually dating them and getting to know their character. Of course I'm not there; I don't know you, and I don't know what's happening in your life. Just an observation.
You have some pretty high standards which makes it easy to filter out most people, but maybe you're over-filtering and missing out on good guys? SF is not *that* big after all.
True, I am airing everything publicly. However, I am not asking for everyone to tell me to settle because I am asking for too much, that I'll end up single for the rest of my life, blah blah, etc (I'm not saying you are doing this; it's really hard to keep track of the Anons out there).
You are absolutely correct, I tend to write guys off. I've been slightly more open minded, which is somewhat difficult to do while keeping these standards (you are right, they are high). It's entirely possible that I am missing out on some good guys, think the standards are also weeding out bad guys (which is good)
Question: If you really liked the guy (had that instant chemistry or a strong connection) do you think you would be more flexible with these criteria? I feel like meeting your intellectual and emotional equivalent should more important than his salary- for example, if you met a writer/student/small business owner.
Hmm, Ang, not sure. If we are talking about educational equivalent (I know you said intellectual, but that's hard to quantify) he would have to have at least a masters degree. I've been trying to be more flexible here, not sure if there's a point though because everyone I meet has a masters degree if not PhD. And, in most classes, if you have an MBA/JD/MD/PhD, your salary is pretty good. So, I guess what I'm saying is, if I stick with the whole education thing, the guy would probably have a pretty good salary anyway whether or not I make salary a high or low priority item
Emotional equivalent is very important, takes a couple of meetings to figure this out.
Sure, I'd probably be fine with a student or small business owner; not sure about the writer because we prob wouldn't have much in common...I could be wrong though, I almost never meet writers
Good for him. Doesn't mean he will be happy in life. Money does not buy happiness. In fact, it creates more problems.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Anon, money creates more problems? Think you prob mean excessive wealth? I can't imagine living paycheck to paycheck as being that great
DeleteThat's a naive point of view. Money definitely doesn't guarantee happiness but it gives you the freedom of choice. You'd rather have a limited choice or a $500k choice? I'd for the latter.
DeleteI agree, as we all know by now, I'd rather be rolling in it and there's no such thing as too much money
DeleteIf only I had the ability to tolerate jobs like that. But I enjoy making movies and other pretty movie pictures and I enjoy wearing jeans and t-shirts to work every day. It's a shame that's the trade off one has to make to be happy. But that's the world we live in I guess. Maybe in the next world we can do better.
ReplyDeleteI think if you wanted that kind of money, you could get it. Big Hollywood movie directors are rolling in it!
DeleteI must say what is very nice about SF is how wearing jeans has moved into other industries due to the tech industry. Many in other fields, such as, medicine, consulting, financial services, etc can dress down
Why is dressing down a good thing? I actually frown up the fact that for the majority of jobs around here people don't dress up.
DeleteI don't have to have four different wardrobes, my closet isn't big enough for that ;)
DeleteI enjoy saving lives and property which is what my job entails. Society doesn't put a high priority on that in terms of salary. But good for that guy, I made the choice to do what I do and I'm happy with it.
DeleteThe entertainment industry is very VERY top heavy. Working in Visual FX isn't very lucrative either. The six figure jobs are there, they just go to a smaller number of veterans. And I don't consider dressing up a work appropriate thing unless you are trying to specifically impress clients or customers. My main concern at work is to get my job done as best I can. I don't have time to worry about wearing suits, or getting my dry cleaning, or being uncomfortable with a tie around my neck.
DeleteI save my dressing up moments for going out and impressing a lovely lady. :)
AG, next time you meet a dude who says "I went to Stanford," maybe you should be more impressed (referencing your previous post) - most people do not make that type of money!
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced you'll be able to find your guy but you'll have to deal with the types of personalities that go with it.
I was sitting in my office in Palo Alto a few days ago when a junior male colleague (who make $150+k) came to my door and said, "I just realized I'll never be able to afford a yacht with this job." Ummmm .... (Also sorry he is married)
Hahaha, yeah, totally. Thanks, I believe I can find this guy too! Sure, he might have some quirks, but who doesn't?
DeleteYou will totally meet a guy with so much money, AG! Don't worry!
DeleteThanks for the happy thoughts, Anon!
DeleteFrowning upon someone because they don't dress up for their jobs is really petty. Just because you wear jeans doesn't mean you aren't professional or that you're not good at your job. Yeah, nicer clothes always send a better impression, but if it's not practical or you have the freedom to dress down, why not?
ReplyDeleteAgreed with Asha. We all dress casually at work. Even at client meetings, showing up in a suit makes you look like douchebag; most of our clients also wear jeans!
DeleteI agree. It definitely doesn't mean that you're not a professional or bad at your job. I guess with the modern work preferences for accoutrement around here, you could wear pajamas if you wanted to. But I'm just speaking in terms of that workspace atmosphere where people used to dress up for their jobs.
DeleteI've never been a girl that gets goggle-eyed at a rich man. Money/salary really don't impress me after a certain point. I want a guy who is employed and can sustain his own lifestyle (whatever lifestyle he wants). Frankly, I'm more impressed with a guy who rides the bus and bikes as opposed to a fancy car, who donates money to charity rather than spending it on designer shoes.
ReplyDeleteI'm probably the worst MBA out there because I really don't care about money. Sure, my salary does give me a confidence boost (someone thinks I'm valuable), and it's nice to afford travel (my passion), but I'd trade in everything to be truly and utterly happy.
Besides, I'm sure I could make a lot more with my background & education, but I love my job - I've got great work-life balance, an amazing commute, and wonderful colleagues. There's very little compensation that would compel me to work 80 hours a week in a cut-throat environment.
Ahh, Sabrina, sounds like there is a minimum though? Would you go out with the guy that rides the bus, is fun, nice, cute, etc, but makes $35K a year as a bartender, and is very happy with his lifestyle?
DeleteOf course not, I still want my intellectual/professional equivalent. But I also ascribe to the old notion that men should make more money than their wives, so they don't get overly emasculated and 'act out' by having affairs.
DeleteI know what I make, which is enough to cover my expenses and leave money for travel and fun, without being too extravagant. That's what I want in a man. I don't want a man to wine & dine me all the time or buy me diamonds (except an engagement ring). I'm just not that kind of girl.
Sabrina, I totally agree, men should make more money than their wives! I would say your intellectual/professional equivalent most likely does pretty well (as does mine, which I don't think a lot of the readers commenting are seeing?)
DeleteI don't need 12 cars or a 15 bedroom mansion, but I'm getting incredible push back on "looking for a rich guy" when in reality, I'm just trying to find a chill guy that makes at least as much as I do (and if some people consider that "rich," so be it)
Sabrina! I think your view on men is incredibly sad! I just asked my fiancé if he felt emasculated because he makes less than me, and he said "Nope." In my circle, it's not rare for women to make more than the men they are dating.
DeleteI think the men most likely to cheat are those who feel entitled. To say men who make more than their wives don't have affairs would be incredibly naive. Men have generally always made more than women, and affairs aren't new. Are you aware of some crazy new statistic that I'm not?
You want your intellectual equivalent, but also your loyalty equivalent - income is less a part of that than is character generally.
FYI - I don't have an engagement ring, but that is because (1) I believe they represent the patriarchy, (2) they are a waste of $ when we could be saving for a house/future kids, (3) I kind of asked him to marry me.
You don't have to think exactly like me of course, but if you think faithfulness would be a problem, i think salary is not going to help you weed out cheaters by any account.
"FYI - I don't have an engagement ring, but that is because (1) I believe they represent the patriarchy, (2) they are a waste of $ when we could be saving for a house/future kids, (3) I kind of asked him to marry me. "
DeleteThank you!!!!! I'm not saying I will never buy one for a woman, but I feel EXACTLY the same way.
AG, I don' think you shouldn't ever consider income. But I wouldn't ever weight it too heavily. I mean, sure, there are ingrained cultural pressures for the classic man/wife dynamic. But just because they exist doesn't mean we have to obey them. Rise above my sistah!
Anonymous, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want an engagement ring. :) That said, I don't care for roses, fancy dinners, or lavish birthday presents - one ex and I had a strict "under $10 rule" for gifts, which resulted in hilarious and thoughtful things.
DeleteAs for making more money, I guess it makes ME feel better knowing the man makes more... if that makes sense? It's hard to explain, and maybe it wouldn't bother me if I found the right guy. But since I have yet to find him, I don't know what would work and what wouldn't!
Your posts confuse me. NO guy is good enough for you, yet you're so impressed with a fat paycheck. On one hand, you seem to think men who lead with "I went to Stanford" are jerks. You slam the Brain who is very rich but he's clearly on your mind since you don't block him.
ReplyDeleteOn other hand, you want a man with lots of money. Well, with that comes men who are addicted to their work. They are also cocky the way they flash their money.
Good luck, but I think you need to figure out what you want.
Huh? I think some names are mixed up. I get see The Brain four times a year because we have mutual friends. Think you are talking about Smart Guy (who I won't block), mainly because he asked me to block him.
DeleteI think you are utilizing glittering generalizations. You are saying guys with lots of money are "addicted to their work" and "cocky the way they flash their money," I wholeheartedly disagree with this. There is no way that ALL these guys are the same. I know what I want, a guy who does well and is also chill; even though I haven't found this specimen in a romantic capacity (I have many guy friends that fall into this group), I do believe I can find this
This whole blog is what living in the bay area has now boiled down to: a bunch of transactional relationships. It's not 'wrong' to want to date men with money per se, and you are certainly not the first to go there. It's just incredibly shallow!
DeleteNot sure which Anon you are, but what did I say about negativity earlier today?! You might be one of those guys that makes much less than I do. I'm not calling you a loser, so don't call me shallow. I don't think it's shallow to want a guy who makes at least what I make
DeleteAG, I don't think making less money than you makes someone a loser, but trying to detect the smell of money on a first date is always going to make someone suspect. Most people that do make money have takers around them a lot.
DeleteJust curious - how do you find out the salaries of your dates? LinkedIn? Do you ask to see a recent pay stub? Or just make an educated guess based on their job and title?
I am not smelling out money, but I am smelling out a guy that makes at least as much as I do...which to some might be considered "a lot."
DeleteAlmost every guy I have ever gone out with has told me his salary and/or alluded to his holdings, totally unprompted. For example, "I went to Wharton. I make $X doing (insert function) at (insert company). Or, "I just bought my # (insert number) place, it was a great deal! Worth $1.6 million and I got it for 900K!"
I'm nearly 30 and dated online for 4 yrs straight (plus real world dating) - I encountered someone who said something like that only once, and he was most definitely lying.
DeleteMaybe you really are finding all the guys with Aspberger's!!!
Or liars - I think most well off guys would keep income a secret in order to weed out gold diggers. Also, statistically, not many single men buy homes. I imagine that is esp true in SF.
Or maybe none of the guys I met felt the desire to impress me :(
You're going out with the wrong kind of men. Maybe you should change your screening criteria. I'm very successful, but I do not find it acceptable to boast about money. The best kind of man, in my opinion, is one who is humble about his success.
DeleteSorry to hear about your liar, Anon. Are you the doctor in SF? Lol, I probably am finding the guys with Aspberger's. I actually believe a lot of these guys because it makes sense with LinkedIn and Google. One guy was at Google before they IPOed (verified with LinkedIn). Another guy went into investment banking for years after getting his MBA. Maybe they thought their salaries wouldn't impress you? I don't think I'm considered a possible gold digger when I date these guys because 1) I do pretty well and am very able to support myself, 2) I don't become nicer when they tell me how much they have, and 3) I end up dismissing them anyway, lol. I talk to older guys, usually late 30s and early 40s, the ones claiming to own their places definitely do (SF Blockshopper or Google)...
DeleteAnon 2, I agree humble is great! However, I'd rather a guy brag about how much money he has than how many trips he's taken to Paris...I usually only meet guys that brag about something...anything
So what happened to google guy?
DeleteI felt like I was being interviewed, we have almost no shared interests, and his voice was high pitched/nasal
DeleteVoice, really? Bahahahaha
DeleteYeah, something I didn't want to hear for the next 40 years, hahaha
DeleteI'm Anon from 4:28pm, and I'd much rather a guy boast about his travels! Shows he has a broader mind than just money. But really, you just don't know what you want. You say you don't want a cocky boastful guy but yet you seek them out.
DeleteHi Anon from 4:28 pm, that's YOU and not me. Each person is entitled to his/her own opinion and that is your OPINION. I don't care about travel discussions because I wasn't there with him, so I don't care to hear about it (unless he's a great storyteller, I highly doubt I'd experience what he is trying to convey...it's not like I can see all the sights he's seen without being there).
DeleteI don't seek guys out. I go out, but I never approach a guy, these are all guys that approach me. I never email guys first online either. And no, I will not start approaching guys, so please do not tell me I should talk to them first and send out the first email. If this conversation frustrates you, feel free to stop visiting my blog
Think you are talking about Smart Guy (who I won't block), mainly because he asked me to block him.
ReplyDelete/\ This statement is a little confusing to me- you won't block him because he told you to? Because...? I don't get it. Are you trying not to give him the satisfaction? Even then, it doesn't make sense.
Hey Asha! Yes, I do not want to give Smart Guy any satisfaction or obey his commands (he likes to order people around and expects everyone to listen). He told me to block him so he could stop hoping that I'll respond
DeleteHi AD girl,
ReplyDeleteI think your priorities will change once you get a bit older and more mature and still single.
Dear Anon,
DeleteWhat is with the negativity? I don't hope you will fail in all your endeavors, so how about you do the same with me? It's like there is a group of you out there wishing the worst for me because you wish you had chosen better, hate your life, have a poor me attitude, or whatever. Keep your nastiness, hater thoughts/opinions, negativity, etc to yourself
Thanks,
AG
To be fair, AG, you're airing everything publicly, albeit anonymously, so you're subjecting yourself to the judgment. I don't think the post was negative except for maybe the mature part, but that's just true - we are constantly maturing in some way. Priorities change.
ReplyDeleteAlso, from a lot of posts, it seems like you do a lot more instant "writing off" of guys instead of actually dating them and getting to know their character. Of course I'm not there; I don't know you, and I don't know what's happening in your life. Just an observation.
You have some pretty high standards which makes it easy to filter out most people, but maybe you're over-filtering and missing out on good guys? SF is not *that* big after all.
True, I am airing everything publicly. However, I am not asking for everyone to tell me to settle because I am asking for too much, that I'll end up single for the rest of my life, blah blah, etc (I'm not saying you are doing this; it's really hard to keep track of the Anons out there).
DeleteYou are absolutely correct, I tend to write guys off. I've been slightly more open minded, which is somewhat difficult to do while keeping these standards (you are right, they are high). It's entirely possible that I am missing out on some good guys, think the standards are also weeding out bad guys (which is good)
Question: If you really liked the guy (had that instant chemistry or a strong connection) do you think you would be more flexible with these criteria? I feel like meeting your intellectual and emotional equivalent should more important than his salary- for example, if you met a writer/student/small business owner.
ReplyDeleteHmm, Ang, not sure. If we are talking about educational equivalent (I know you said intellectual, but that's hard to quantify) he would have to have at least a masters degree. I've been trying to be more flexible here, not sure if there's a point though because everyone I meet has a masters degree if not PhD. And, in most classes, if you have an MBA/JD/MD/PhD, your salary is pretty good. So, I guess what I'm saying is, if I stick with the whole education thing, the guy would probably have a pretty good salary anyway whether or not I make salary a high or low priority item
DeleteEmotional equivalent is very important, takes a couple of meetings to figure this out.
Sure, I'd probably be fine with a student or small business owner; not sure about the writer because we prob wouldn't have much in common...I could be wrong though, I almost never meet writers
That is because all of the creative people in SF are being priced out of the housing market by tech idiots!
DeleteWell you yourself are a writer so don't assume so much ;)
ReplyDelete