Just came across this article about some men feeling threatened by successful girlfriends. I've seen this before. I try not to let it happen to me because I don't usually talk about work, and if I do, I play it down. I almost never mention my education unless a guy won't drop it.
Unfortunately, in the Bay Area, I've met a lot of guys that try to compete with me. It's all about one upping. It could be "I went to a better school" or even "This is why my day was crappier than yours." I never experienced this anywhere else, have you?
If a guy is threatened by your "success" then he's obviously not the guy for you.....his loss though am I right?
ReplyDeleteBut a thought occurs that I should shuffle the question and ask you this. Is your opinion of a guy influenced if they aren't as "successful as you?
Would you date a guy who is a bartender, loves being a bartender, and never wants to be anything else than a bartender? The key to this question is that he is perfectly happy.
Yeah, J, if a guy is that insecure, I do not want him.
DeleteMost women have been raised to find a provider type of husband (I've read that this has evolutionary ties to it...you know, the guy that can make sure there is a roof over your head, food on the table, etc). With that being said, yes, I would like to meet a provider type that I know can take care of things. I would not date the bartender because I don't think he would be a good long term prospect.
So you would prefer a guy who was more financially well off than you? Or at least financially on the same footing?
DeleteDoes education matter? What if you met a guy who made a good career for himself but never went to college?
I'm curious because I've met a few women lately who never went to college but who have decent jobs that they enjoy. It was something I never thought I would care one bit about. But I found myself thinking about it a lot. It surprised me.
No I think college is important. It shows that one values education. It becomes especially useful when raising children.
DeleteI definitely want a guy that makes more than me. Education does matter, however, if he happens to be a billionaire, I would overlook the whole education thing.
DeleteAs much as most girls want a successful guy, I think most guys want a really attractive girl. So, I think guys will overlook things like education if a girl is really attractive. I don't know if guys would see these girls as "wife material," but I'm sure they would "hang out" with her as long as they are amused.
Anonymous has a good point with the raising children point.
So billionaire status is the threshold for no college education huh? The dollar doesn't go too far now a days does it? ;)
Delete$10 million could work :)
DeleteWith these girls, you are okay with no college if they are really good looking or not really?
If we get along and I can be myself around her, that's what matters to me. Physical attraction gets me to the table but it won't make me sit down and stay for dinner.
ReplyDeleteAs for college, it's not a deal breaker. But there should be a good reason why they never went to college.
I'm curious- what would be a good enough reason for her not to go to college? Let's say she felt it wasn't for her and pursued a career somewhere else that made decent money that she enjoyed. Would that be a good enough reason?
ReplyDeleteI am very educated and have a doctorate degree. I cannot date men without a graduate degree. I just don't feel that I can relate to men who don't have the same education level as me.
ReplyDeleteAsha - As long as she was curious, motivated, and had a desire to improve herself, what does it matter how she does it? I'm just not interested in being a girls only path to a better financial life, which is what a lot of girls look for where I come from.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - I'm sorry to hear that. You could be missing out on a lot of very interesting and intelligent men. Fun fact, only 8% of US men over 25 have a graduate degree.
First anonymous - I have a JD and used to feel the same way re: grad degrees. I am glad I no longer feel that way b/c I wouldn't have met my fiancé otherwise. In fact, he dropped out of college during the tech boom and is now an engineering VP at a Silicon Valley company. He is definitely a hard worker and just as smart as me if not a lot smarter. I think when it comes to deal breakers, the only ones that matter are lifestyle-based values like religion and children. Other than that many things aren't so fundamental.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteDoes your fiancé have any single friends? Honestly I have kept an open mind trying to date men without advanced educations and it just really hard to relate to them. I guess I'll just be single forever...
I wish he did! I bring him up only b/c I was convinced that my perfect match was someone with a graduate degree and of a certain age. I met him on OKCupid in January when I needed a last minute date to the Edwardian Ball. I was sure I wouldn't like him based on his stats (no grad school, 7 yrs older than me, his okcupid name was an homage to his dead cat). Now I shudder to think that I nearly passed up meeting him based on such arbitrary measures.
ReplyDeleteI really do understand what you mean about not being able to relate to people without graduate degrees - the vast majority of my friends have them. My simple message is that the value (intelligence, love of learning and pursuit of knowledge) isn't always so simply drawn by educational lines.
But who knows, maybe I'll end up divorced :P
Hi Anonymous, I play with okcupid a lot. Did you contact him first？ Or, did he contact you first? Also, did you pay attention to those OkC %s? I'm trying to convince myself that the enemy % doesn't really mean much
DeleteHe contacted me first. We were a 95% match, and about 8% enemies.
DeleteI think the percentages can be very helpful, but the best way to find out is to go through their questions and also make sure you really thought about your answers.
Well said! I find that there is a real reluctance out there to even go out on one date to see what someone is like. It's almost as if people (girls in my case) are afraid to say "thanks but no thanks". I mean, it's not an easy thing to do to turn someone down to their face, but the possible gains far out weigh a moment of being uncomfortable. IMO
ReplyDeleteI think many women are hesistant to go out on dates with men they meet online because so many of them only want to sleep with you, and many will put on a facade until then. It gets to be an irritating waste of time.
DeleteUgh, I wish I could refute that. But I know it's true. :/
DeleteOh no, I didn't know that! In hindsight, I would say 40% were trying to hookup and 60% were looking for a girlfriend. I could be very wrong though. Really thought guys trying to hookup mostly hung out at bars, especially at bars around 2am
DeleteWell, that sounds about right. I know guys who really just want to find someone. But I also know guys whose only MO is to get dates so that they can get laid and have something to do between work, the gym, and the bars. The ones I've talked to aren't very bright...well I'm being nice. They're idiots.
DeleteBut there are girls out there who want this. If not then these guys would never get laid. So what is it about stupid, semi attractive guys?