So, I was recently reminded of a guy I met at a party what seems like forever ago. I saw him out of the corner of my eye at several different points in the evening. Eventually, he found me and started a conversation. We were chit chatting, nothing spectacular, nothing horrendous. He asked me for my email address, I gave it to him, and continued wandering around. He emailed me the next day or maybe a day later, I can't remember. He asked me what day I was free, I said weekend. Then he proposed a date and I told him I was busy. His reply???? "Sniff, sniff." No, I did not think this warranted a response. I did not like his response, it was like he was saying, "Poor me, I am pathetic and don't have the balls to ask you for another date" kind of response (at least that's how I read it).
I want a real guy, none of this weak, I'm going to go cry in a corner guy. I am in the wrong city!
Yeah, I was going to say that "sniff sniff" is kind of cute but then I thought about it - it's immature and definitely a bit pity-seeking. He should have said "Sniff, sniff. How about next weekend?".
ReplyDeleteI agree!
DeleteWhoa! Big overreaction here. You got all of this from that one response? Was there anything about him from your first meeting that would indicate that this guy was a weak cry baby? Do you honestly feel that he was accusing you of being "pathetic"? Through two very innocuous words? Or are you projecting?
ReplyDeleteIs it possible that he was just being playful? Innocently showing his disappointment about not getting the chance to see you. I've certainly done this before. IMO, this is nothing. You should actually be flattered. You should find whatever impulse that's inside of you that made you jump to this conclusion and crush it so that it never bothers you again. Your life will be better for it.
I apologize if I sound harsh. It's only because I care. :D
Hey J, when I first met him he was whining about how cold SF is. Oh no, I don't think he was accusing me of being pathetic, but I am accusing him of being pathetic. Let's say, you were trying to meet up with a friend for dinner and your friend replied, "Sniff sniff" when you said you were busy. AND, your friend didn't try to ask for another day. Would you find it to be odd? I would...
DeleteI agree, I am sure he was being playful. I also think he wasn't thinking before speaking (not an attractive trait). He didn't play his cards right... I still standby the whole, if he was really interested, he would have tried to reschedule, so this says a lot...
No apologies necessary!! I like hearing other viewpoints.
Fair enough. But I'm a pretty laid back guy. If any friend of mine "sniff sniffed" me I'd tell them to get over it and it would be all good.
DeleteBut it seems that you weren't completely sold on him to begin with which would explain your reaction. So he never got back to you asking for a different time for the date?
"Sniff sniff" is a ridiculous response. Seriously, if any of my friends replied in this manner, I would also not respond. It's not guy specific...I guess it's more about being direct.
DeleteNope, he never asked for a different time
I think "sniff sniff" is weird.
ReplyDeleteTotally!
DeleteI agree with J. You're not going to be a good date until you stop the negativity.
ReplyDeleteI know you try to play hard to get, but in this day and age, the guys you'd actually want to go out with aren't going to wait around for you - they don't think it's cute and they have way too many options to spend time on someone who treats them coldly or doesn't respond all together.
Next time if you're busy, suggest an alternate time in your response.
Who said anything about "negativity?" Pretty sure J didn't. This is not "negativity," it's having standards and being busy.
DeleteI don't "play hard to get," I am legitimately busy. Not that I need to provide any examples, but I will because I am sure you will argue with me (which is an unattractive trait); working, going to work functions, traveling, exercising, doing errands, reading, seeing friends, etc. Guys "in this day and age" have an issue with girls that are busy and have lives? Fine, I don't think it's cute when a guy expects a girl to drop everything to see him. Also, in SF, guys do not "have way too many options."
I don't know your gender, but you would respond to something as lame as, "Sniff, sniff?"
Anonymous has a fair point - not about you specifically, Adventuresaurus Girl - but about balancing between playing hard-to-get and not pushing men away. For instance, I never agree to last minute dates (usually because I am legit busy) but I always offer an alternative. I want to make a guy work, but I don't want to completely discourage him. I'm 30 and single - by no means desperate, I'm aware that I'm not 23 and a size 0.
DeleteI agree with Sabrina. It seems that whenever you are asked out and you happen to be busy, you don't propose an alternate date that works for you. In this instance, why didn't you? Were you just not that into him?
DeleteSabrina, Asha, and Anonymous...I guess if I was somewhat interested in a guy, I'd be more accommodating. Honestly, when I replied to this guy telling him I was busy, I thought he was someone else (was behind on emails and shooting off quick replies). And yes, I was actually busy and didn't mean to tell him what I was busy doing (traveling). When he replied, "Sniff, sniff" I thought to myself, who is this and terrible response. That response made me even more disinterested in him.
DeleteThat was a pretty hostile response!
ReplyDeleteI am assuming we do not know each other in the real world. Yes, my response may have been harsh, and for that I apologize since it isn't all directed towards you. However, I am tired of being judged and labeled. Readers skim a couple entries here and there and believe they know everything about me, the situation, life in general, and the world better than I do; there is no way any reader knows me better than I know me. I'm constantly having to defend myself and it gets tiresome. For example, you said, "I know you try to play hard to get." Really? How do you "know?" Did it occur to you that I may have been legitimately busy? No, it seemed like you thought I was trying to be "cute;" you judged me, labeled me, and believed you knew my intentions
DeleteThis guy said "sniff sniff" and you made a lot of negative associations with it, which kinda came from left field. I believe you were busy, but not suggesting another time with your decline made it sound like you were rejecting him entirely (thus the sniffles - he was inviting you to respond that you were still interested). This is not a judgment - just a suggestion. If you expect him to take the lead and keep asking you out again you'll prob be continually disappointed b/c only "losers" (ie guys you would never ever go out with) will do that.
ReplyDeleteI am presuming you werent into this guy to begin with, but, that said, I don't think the old fashioned "wait for him" to make all the moves really applies in this day where a new lady is a mouse click away. Men, like women, want a woman who show interest in them. If you're busy, and you like him, make a time work for both of you. But I guarantee if you like him you won't need any advice. Dating sucks until it's over, in my opinion.
Agreed, anonymous. Guys do like the chase but as a whole, our society has moved away from men truly pursuing women because women have more control over their own lives.
DeleteAdventures Girl, it sounds like you want men to pursue you. Fair enough, I do too. But don't run the risk of turning men off by being too hard to get. As Anonymous above says, a new lady is just a click away.
Anonymous #1 and #2, yes, a new girl is just a click away. However, I believe if a guy is really interested, he will not go away after one attempt. I went out on one date with a guy years ago. Then, he called me everyday for a month; I never returned any of his calls.
DeleteA more recent example is Smart Guy. He contacts me every month and a half. I haven't responded to his last 20+ attempts. I don't respond because it will lead to a hideous fight (he's fairly argumentative which makes sense since he is a lawyer)
Adventuresaurus Girl, I hear ya on what you are saying about these men. I am a single woman living in SF as well and the men here are just immature. If that guy REALLY wanted to see you, he would have ended it with "let me know a day that works well for you." or something like that. The response sniff sniff just shows immaturity. Next.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I agree 1000%! I told a married male friend this story a while ago. He thought the guy was a complete and total waste of time.
DeleteHow long have you been living in SF?
Sorry, Anonymous...the publish link is right above delete and my fingers can't seem to handle this on my phone...
DeleteYour comment: Hey! Yes, you are right. If he really wanted to spend time with you, he would be an adult and try to reschedule. You are smart for not wasting time on these useless guys. You were probably a transitional girl that he was going to spend time with and never commit to. I have dated quite a bit in this city and and have now learned how they work. I have been living in SF for 3 years now and occasionally regret my decision for not moving to Chicago or NYC.
Seriously, the guys in this town are extremely non committal or childish. That guy was such a waste of time!
DeleteAre you thinking about moving? I am. Just not sure where, though NY does sound like a very good option...
NYC is terrible for women!!! So many articles written about the numbers and ratios.
ReplyDeleteTrue, I have read many articles talking about how NY is awful for dating. I've also read many articles talking about how great SF is for dating; as we know, this is false... My theory on SF is these articles say SF is great because of the number of single people...meaning everyone is always single and always will be. I know a lot of people who have met in NY and gotten married. I know married people in SF, but can only think of one couple who have met here.
DeleteWhat cities would you recommend? Besides every city in Alaska, lol
Chicago! Or the Midwest in general. People are nice, men are men. But, you'd have to deal with the fact that outside of major places like NY & SF, everyone who lives in those cities is essentially from there. It's harder to penetrate social groups because people's lives are so entrenched. One reason why I love SF so much is everyone has a story of how they got there.
DeleteI've heard people in Chicago tend to get married pretty young (before 30). From what you've seen, is this accurate?
Delete