Aziz Ansari's Book

I finished that book by Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance.  What I believe to be the main points:

1. Hi, Hey, Heyyyy, et al don't work (what I've always said)
2. Meet as soon as possible (agree)
3. Too many choices makes it harder to choose (I've talked about this before)
4. Treat people as people, not just pictures on a screen
5. Go on an interesting date, not the standard drinks, movie, or meal
6. Don't snoop 

I agree with five of these.  I'd like to agree with all six, but I'm not sure about #5.  If I were to agree to go on "an interesting date," which lasted longer than a standard date, and he turned out to be a bust, I would not be happy.  The risk seems a bit too high with that one.

Modern Romance

I'm about a third of the way through Aziz Ansari's book, Modern Romance.  He's the comedian that who on The Office.  Some things he said that I've always said (he had scholars and researchers backing him up, I just examined my life and those of my friends):

1. Most of the time, messages like "Hey," "Hi," "What's up?" et al do not get responses
2. Many daters believe online dating is exhausting
3. Instead of trading hundreds of texts or emails, meet as soon as possible

I like to meet ASAP because you don't really get to know a person unless you interact face to face.  Also, I don't have hours to spend hunched over my phone.

Tinder Killed Dating?

Saw this article about Tinder, hooking up, online dating apps, non relationships, end of dating, et al floating around on facebook and it is disturbing.  I don't think tinder killed dating, it was already dying before tinder appeared on the scene.  Perhaps online dating as a whole started the demise of dating because people turned into commodities and meeting someone took on an online shopping feel.  The sense of scarcity disappeared because you could simply login and see hundreds of others hoping to meet someone (intention unclear).

Although the article talks about young people in their 20s, I am sure some of it applies to many of us who are out of our 20s.  The main point I got?  Men are trying to have sex with as many women as possible.  They will either flat out say they are not interested in a relationship or lead women to believe they are interested in a relationship in order to have sex with them; #2 is quite despicable.  And, women talking about how dating is dead.

I'd like to say:

• Men if you are just looking for sex, tell her that.  Do not appear to be interested in more in order to persuade her to sleep with you.  That's obnoxious
• Women, if you are just looking for sex, do not expect the men to want more.  If you are looking for a relationship, do not have sex with him until you are in a relationship

San Francisco Magazine

I believe a reader left this article on sugar daddies a few months ago.

I find myself playing the "Is that his daughter or sugar baby" game when I walk around San Francisco.  Now that I've been made aware of this world, I think "sugar baby" is much more common than "daughter."

Getting paid to go on first dates (or any dates) would be spectacular!  I would go on more dates and want to kill myself less when I have a terrible date because at least he made up for it by compensating me for the time I wasted with him.

Ode To Single Ladies

Someone sent this article about single ladies.  It basically talks about all the pros to dating an almost perpetually single lady.  I agree with the list and really appreciate this view, rather than the cat lady stereotype.

I have many lady friends who always have to have a boyfriend.  I do not share in this practice because I care about my time.  Many of these lady friends have almost endless lists of complaints about their current beaus, but continue to date them because they "like to have someone" - this has been the most cited reason.  How about date yourself, spend time with yourself, be by yourself until someone incredible comes along.  There's no need to settle for some guy just because you want to have someone.

Dating Today

By popular demand and one of my readers, TJ; here's an article on "dating" today.  It basically talks about dating today and how many are always on the lookout for the next best thing.  There are simply too many options today, or at least the appearance of too many options.  Just because there are hundreds of thousands of singles on OkCupid, does not mean that the percentages of people you'd be interested in dating are increased.

Although I agree, many people are afflicted with the whole, "what's the next best thing" view on dating, I am not one of them.  I know what I'm looking for and will be more than ecstatic when I actually find it.  I realize, it may not be in the package I had imagined - around my age, tall, ivy educated, et al.  And I think that's something I learned not too long ago.

I've talked smack about facebook and social media a lot in the past, working on another blurb right now.  I do believe it is unfortunate that so many are validating themselves through likes, favorites, upvotes, et al.  And I do hope many have come to realize social media represents the very well curated version of how someone wants to appear, not necessarily how they really are.

Make People Fall In Love

Anon, thank you for sharing this article on making people fall in love.  It was very interesting.

Lasting Marriages

Article about lasting marriages

Much Older Men Article

Harrison Ford is 71?  He doesn't look it.  Remember how I was talking about much older men?  Just came across this article about dating men in their sixties.

2 Traits For Lasting Relationships

Have you seen this article?  It talks about 2 traits for lasting relationships

Shelf Life

I always hear women have a "shelf life" due to child bearing years.  Well, guys and gals, take a look at this NYT article talking about paternity age and mental illnesses.

Article On Infidelity

I skimmed this article on infidelity.

More Than 50% Single

Saw this article, so, seems like more than 50% of us are single.

4 Horsemen Of Doom

I remember hearing about the 4 horsemen for relationships in a sociology class many years ago.  I agree with them (just think back to when you or your partner exhibited any of these things and what happened).  The 4 horsemen:

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

I am a stonewaller, I'm sure this is of no surprise to anyone, lol.

Too Many Choices

Have you seen this op-ed in The New York Times?  It's interesting and I agree with it.  When people are faced with too many choices, they can't make decisions (that theory really came from The Paradox of Choice, which I have read, it's a really interesting book).

In terms of dating, I don't think technology has helped us.  It's made finding people more difficult because there are too many choices (not all good choices).  People rely on the digital world (texting, email, etc) so much that people aren't good at interacting with others face to face anymore (out of practice, never learned, blah blah).

And people go into checklist mode when they meet someone from an online source (job, education, hobbies, blah blah).  I remember when it used to be, "Bobby, in my math class is so cute and funny."  There was no, "Does Bobby have hopes to be blah when he grows up?  Does he plan on going ivy or state?  Does he swing dance on the weekends?"

Date Conversation Topics

Time magazines talks about stuff like dating?  I guess so, see here.  Lol, controversial topics, such as STDs and abortion are suggested.

Smart People And Dating

One of my excellent readers shared this link as a comment on an older post.  I think everyone should take a look at it.  It's from 2009 and explains the SF area pretty well.  Almost everyone (guys and gals) I meet went to top tier schools, have impressive jobs, etc.

Man Up

I don't know who Matt Walsh is, but several people have sent this to me over the past month.

This is what I'm talking about!  Guys - be decisive, take charge, and man the f*ck up.

Better To Be Single

Someone sent this (on why it's better to be single) to me in February, yeah, just skimmed it.

Interesting Chart

Finally looked at an email from Coffee Meets Bagel.  Haven't had a chance to really read this, but seems like we already know the results of their study.  1)  Men like younger women and 2) women don't like younger men.  Please correct me if I got this study totally wrong.