Sunday, November 3, 2013
It Doesn't Work
From what I've seen and heard from my guy friends, it just doesn't work. What doesn't work? Girls "chasing" guys. I was at a party with a guy friend. We were sitting on a couch talking to each other, just the two of us. Then a girl and her girlfriend sat down next to us. One of these girls kept interrupting us. Eventually we (me and my guy friend) got up to walk around. This girl got up, followed us, and kept talking to us (more him than me). After ambushing us another six times in the evening, she gave up (well, maybe she didn't give up, we left the party). I asked him why he didn't want to talk to her. He said, "She's not my type, I wish she was because she was sending very clear signals. It would take a lot of beers to convince myself to be into her, and even then, I don't think I could." I didn't see anything wrong with this girl! She wasn't fat, she wasn't ugly, she didn't seem dull, etc.
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Not seeing how this proves "Girls chasing guys doesn't work". Did he happen to say that she wasn't his type because she was doing the chasing? We have to remember that attraction is completely relative. Just because a girl is "pretty" or "not fat" doesn't mean that every guy will want to be with them.
ReplyDeleteTo me the girl was being obnoxious and wasn't respecting the fact that you two were talking. That would certainly turn me off.
Hey J, I agree, guys have a type. In this instance, the girl chasing the guy did not work because she wasn't his type. This girl could have taken off her shirt and jumped on him, but it still wouldn't have worked. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl make up a hundred reasons in her own head as to why it wasn't working (he didn't see me, the girl is in my way, he's just playing hard to get, etc).
DeleteSo, for the ladies, if a guy doesn't notice you, acknowledge you, or try to talk to you, don't go chasing after him, he's just not interested
Girls chasing a guy definitely works. That's how my last relationship came to be. Of course, like you mentioned, there has to be some mutual attraction, but I think this is more a case of attitude. She just went about it the wrong way. Had she approached him differently, he may have been more receptive to her. I am a firm believer in that it's not what you say, it's your delivery.
ReplyDeleteHey Asha, your ex got you for a while, but it may not have worked in the long run because you aren't together anymore
DeleteOur relationship ended for different reasons than me chasing him. We were together for two years.
DeleteFrom what I've heard from girls that have chased guys and guys that have been chased by girls, a couple of things usually happen. 1) The girl breaks up with the guy because he's not proposing marriage, he's really distant, he'd rather hang out with his friends, he's not as committed as she is, etc. Or, there's 2) the guy breaks up with the girl because she's not the one, he needs space, it's not her it's him, and other reasons that are irrelevant because she went after him.
DeleteWhen I was younger, I went after what I wanted. In the those two instances, I remember the guys being not as interested in me as the guys that really went after me.
Asha, I'm sure you had a lovely two years together, and I don't know how old you are, but if I spent two years with a guy and didn't end up walking down the aisle, I'd see it as a major waste of time. Apologies if this is forward, please feel free to ignore this question if you are uncomfortable...who broke up with who?
We had plans to marry and we cohabitated for about 18 months out of the two years we were together. Our relationship ended because we became loss parents. We experienced an unexpected, unplanned pregnancy from a pill failure that led to a fatal chromosomal condition. When we lost our daughter, the relationship started to die. Grief took over and made me a different person for awhile. He couldn't deal anymore and ended the relationship. I am 25.
DeleteAsha, I'm sorry for your loss and hope you are doing better. You are so young and have so much ahead of you (I'm sure you hear this a lot)
DeleteThank you for your condolences; it's been about 1.5 years now since it happened. And yes, I do hear those sentiments a lot, although I am still not convinced I have a ton of time ahead of me. My biological clock is ticking away pretty loudly, and the loss of a baby makes you crave that fulfillment of marriage and motherhood even more. I am grateful for what the experience taught me and it has molded me to be a better person.
DeleteIt's great that you are able to be so strong and allow this event to mold you into a better person. Not many people can do that.
DeleteThanks, J. :-)
DeleteThat's very true. Chances are a guy will notice you before you notice him. But it's not a hard rule and I would never discourage a girl from pursuing a guys attention. But if the first attempt fails, chances are he's just not interested. If the second attempt fails, he's definitely not interested.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this is definitive proof, but it's one of many anecdotes I hear that point to the underlying theme - men will go after what they want, even the most timid of them. Men are also visual; you may look like Jessica Biel, but he might be more into the Kerry Washington type.
ReplyDelete"men will go after what they want, even the most timid of them."
DeleteThis is definitely not true. It's something I deal with a lot in single male life. It's true, some men just don't care about rejection and will ask a any girl carrying a bag of pears if they want to have sex.
Some guys are just plain afraid of rejection and will do everything they can to avoid it, even if it means being single. Or even if they do attempt it, they are so paralyzed by their fear that they generally screw things up.
And then somewhere in between lies the majority of men. Some will have brave careless moments. Some will choke at the moment of action. Some are just too damn nice and don't want to make a girl uncomfortable with unsolicited attention.
I think it really comes down to how confident they are feeling at any given time. Or how much support (i.e. friends) they have around them. Thus the reason for the wing man. There's nothing worse than being turned down while you're solo. No one is there to pick you up and you just feel like the world is staring at your failure.
J hit the nail on the head. Which is why I took a chance on my ex. He even thanked me later on for making the effort to exchange numbers and suggest a date. He hadn't had a girlfriend or sexual encounter in five years when we met.
DeleteJ, let's say you are at a party, event, grocery store, somewhere. You see a girl and you think to yourself, "Wow, she could be the one! This is the girl of my dreams!! She is exactly my type, seems like a nice/considerate person based on her helping the stranger with crutches, has a great smile, has style, and has whatever other positive criteria you desire." Would your fear of rejection hold you back from trying to talk to her?
DeleteOh I would most certainly approach and attempt to charm the hell out of her. Just for the record though, I'm one of those middle ground guys. I don't believe that any girl is out of my league. But at times I suffer from a lack of confidence or I don't wish to make a girl feel uncomfortable. When you're at a party or out at a bar/club there is an implication of socializing so I have no problems talking to women in those situations.
DeleteBut what really vexes me are the encounters out in the normal world. On the bus, out on the street, at the grocery store...etc. I'm not really sure why I have problems approaching women ithen. I guess I don't like making people feel uncomfortable and I feel being hit on by a guy on the bus could be a little embarrassing. I keep trying to convince myself that I have nothing truly to lose, but I haven't won that argument yet.
J, that's great! See, I (and most girls) want the guy that thinks, "Maybe she could be the one, I'm going to go talk to her" not "Oh, she's here, has a pulse, and is after me; so, I'm just going to go with the flow."
DeletePersonally, I'd rather be approached in the normal world. When I'm at a bar/club, I usually assume the guys are drunk and just looking to hit it
J, most of us girls want a middle ground guy! Not a timid, insecure one, or one that wants to hump everything that moves.
DeleteJ, please write a blog! Love your insights.
ReplyDeleteHaha thanks! I'll have to consider it.
DeleteAgreed! I always enjoy reading your thoughts, J!
DeleteLove getting the guy's opinion, J! Keep 'em coming.
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