Dating apps are hot hot hot! Looks like there is another one making
news by getting funding. I've never tried Tinder, so not sure what that is like. From what I've read about Hinge (this new one), sounds kinda similar to Coffee Meets Bagel? I'll probably try it out anyway.
I couldn't get through all of the points because I threw up in my mouth a little because of the absurdity of it all. But maybe you'll find something useful from it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/unwritten-rules-tinder_n_3689441.html
I don't think I've heard anything good about Tinder, lol
DeleteIt said "we're new to the area. you'll have to wait." Well, that's disappointing. Apparently, you have to have a friend who's already using it to use it. Darn.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what markets they are in
DeleteTinder is disgusting, I would avoid it. It's mostly people who want immediate company, and a lot of times it's visitors who just want a one-night stand. You're not likely to meet your husband there.
ReplyDeleteYup, another "stay away from Tinder" lol
DeleteDear adventuresauras girl, I think you are single bc u are too picky. I understand u are highly educated and make a decent salary, but the men u are looking for are douches and are looking for the next best thang. They will not change not matter what you think. It's time to lighten up on the requirements.
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad. It's true, I am picky...however, I'd rather be happily alone than with some loser, Peter Pan, man child that I have to support. So, looks like the requirements will be sticking around!
DeleteAlso, I find it really difficult to believe that all the highly educated decent salary guys in SF are all douches...there's got to be one that's okay? Unfortunately, I don't have any proof of this
My single friends have actually really enjoyed Tinder, I have one girlfriend who actually met her current boyfriend through there. I think it is probably a LOT of people just looking to hook up, but I have looked at it with her on her phone, and I thought the whole "right swipe/left swipe" thing was fun and easy. Mildly addictive, like facebook. Might be worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteWow, interesting!
DeleteJust curious, what is a decent salary?
ReplyDeleteA lot depends on location. For example, 45K is barely surviving in NY (and some would prob say that would also be the case in SF), but that could be fine in other parts of the country
DeleteSorry Anon, will not be giving an exact number because it is diff for everyone
Honestly, in SF or even the bay area, it is over 200K. 150K is ok.
DeleteI specifically meant for you, since other Anonymous said maybe your standards are too "high." Like, if you said min is $150k/yr - you're dealing with a small fraction of people (in the Bay Area, many of those would be software engineers, which you don't like).
ReplyDeleteJust remember, perfect is the enemy of good.
Every single guy I've gone out with since I was in my mid 20s makes 150K+...the problem I am finding in the SF guys I've met, lack of social skills
DeleteExactly what I was trying to say. If you aim a bit lower, maybe you will find someone less douchey. You are only getting older.
ReplyDeleteWow, really? 150K is already lower than the last 10 guys I've gone out with. Are you an insecure and socially awkward guy making less than 150K (this would mean you lose in personality and income)? Are you the doctor that also has problems finding the right guy in SF? Or, are you someone new?
DeleteWow, the only guys you've ever gone out with in the last 10 year have made over 150k? That's quite a different group than most "normal" guys in the city. I honestly am not on a friendly basis with anyone who is in that range. I think a couple of my college friends at Pixar make in the 6 figure range and they both have have an air of superiority about them, yet they were perfectly fine in college.
DeleteIf I can be honest I've always thought from reading your blog that income played a large part in your troubles with men. Well, let me rephrase that. The pool of men you are choosing from is not a very good pool.
If you find a guy who but loves the hell out of you, makes you happy, and treats you well, does it matter if they only make 50-60k a year..or less??! Isn't the happiness the most important part or are you willing to sacrifice happiness to maintain a lifestyle?
And don't think of it as aiming lower. Higher income does not mean that you are a better person. A good friend of mine does marketing at Apple and she makes 6 figures. I could learn her job in a day but she could never do mine. Sure, I could leave and go do the same job, but I would hate it. The job market isn't equal. Some get paid shit for very hard work, others get paid bank for doing nothing at all.
If you remove money or even the type of work they do from the equation you might find the love of your life. I think that's what Anonymous was getting at.
Hmm, looks like we have different definitions of "normal" in SF. I actually don't meet and haven't met any people (guys and girls) that make less than 85K a year. I think this has a lot to do with age, think you might be in your 20s? Most of the people I know/meet are 30 or over.
DeleteI feel like society believes "money is evil," of course, I disagree with this. I think the problem with SF is the guys (not all, but enough to cause girls to write about this in their blogs, tell all their friends something odd is going on, agree on the same "arrogant geek" stereotypes, etc). I have married guy friends in NY who make 500K+ a year that are genuinely nice guys (maybe not to everyone, but to people they consider friends).
I agree money doesn't make a better or more hard working person. I would also argue that just because someone makes less, it also does not make them a better or more hardworking person.
Part of my current lifestyle includes being carefree about money. I don't think about my credit card bills, checking account balance, losing my job, etc. This makes me happy. I don't think "OMG, if I lose my job tomorrow, I won't be able to eat, I'll be evicted, etc." I also wouldn't need to go down the path of, "Well, maybe I can ask my parents for a loan." I've worked pretty hard to get to this point. So, no (sorry J, you might be really frustrated reading this), I will not end up with a guy that makes 50K-60K a year. In that scenario, I would worry about stuff like, "What if one of us loses our job" etc. And that, would not make me happy. It's like me telling a guy, "She's 5' tall, weighs 200 lbs, and has a really pretty face. Just give her a chance, she's really sweet, will make you happy, and will love you to death." I don't know many guys that would be okay with this
What do you do in finance? I need to switch careers
DeleteSo you are not worried about losing your job but if you were a with a guy you would be?
DeleteUnderstand that highly valuing a man's income is shallow. I don't mean that in an insulting way - it's just true. Are you prepared that the men who you might attract might also only like you for shallow reasons, and are you okay with that?
Are there other things you value, be it religion, ethics, a quirky hobby, that you could place above income? That way you could bond on that level, and from there determine whether he is financially secure. You would be able to weed out shallow douches but still hold on to all your values. No one wants to marry a debtor, after all.
Lol, anything you do with a graduate degree in the financial world would work
DeleteI used to think that - I dated a guy for a bit when I lived in NYC. He worked 10+ hrs a day in finance on Wall Street, had an MBA. Found out he made less than $70k/yr, which + MBA + NYC = ouch
DeleteThat's terrible, ouch is right! I've never heard of this for people who 1) went to a top 25 ranked school and 2) had more than 5 years of pre-MBA work experience (unless they graduated 20+ years ago...)
DeleteTo Anon from 11:25 am. With two people instead of one, I'd imagine expenses would go up. So yes, if expenses are much higher and income is the same, there could be a problem.
DeleteYou know how most guys won't go out with a girl unless he thinks she is attractive? Most men are already valuing women for "shallow" reasons; no, I would not have a problem with this. I don't even think it's shallow as much as it is preference. It's kinda like a guy saying, "I only date blondes;" that's fine with me, I'm not blonde and it still doesn't bother me because it's like telling someone their preference for the color blue is "wrong"
Hey, it's no skin off my back. If a girl can't see past my wallet to who I really am then that's her loss. Not that I'm trying to convince you for my sake or anything. I just happen to fall into the sub six figures category. If I was making 150k right now I'd probably say the same thing.
DeleteIf you restrict your dating pool you're going to limit your possibilities. You're right, money doesn't make one a jerk and lack of money doesn't make one a saint. But in this city, money generally equates to being fortunate and being in the right place at the right time.
And I really disagree with the 200lb girl analogy. Physical attraction is generally something that's ingrained in our heads. It can be overcome if the personalities are a good match, but nature is as nature does. But what you are doing is making a conscious decision to avoid men who make less money than you. That's fair and you shouldn't be pilloried for it. But that is a decision that you control and it carries some consequences. I think maybe this is what some want to point out. Spoiled men are generally spoiled for a reason. And if you are making 6 figures at a younger age (early 30's) and never have to "grow" up and learn how to manage money and your life, well that's how you get "man boys".
I went through a lot in my life (I'll be 40 btw). I made a good salary at an awesome job, lost it, worked my way back up, lost it again, then worked my way back up once again. I learned valuable lessons at every set back and I feel like I've got a pretty good head on my shoulders for the effort. I can say that if I was financially secure during that time I would have turned out a much different person.
There's got to be something you can take away form that to help you find your man. Maybe you don't have to give up the financial requirements, but maybe you ask different questions and look for different qualities.
Sorry about your job stuff J, I'm sure you learned a ton from having to actually work for something vs just graduating (like a lot of these guys).
DeleteFinding a "provider" or a successful husband is actually ingrained for many women (especially women that were raised by stay at home moms or women who grew up in different countries with more traditional values, etc). Although women are generally more independent now, from an evolutionary viewpoint, women have always gone for the men who could provide food, shelter, means to care for children, etc.
I actually don't try to avoid guys who make less than me, it works out that way, which is fine. Honestly, I think 80% of this city is spoiled. I hear stories of employees (men and women of all different ages) complaining about their "drab" office holiday parties. They should be grateful that they are even getting one! I remember my friends and I working in NY and being super psyched to get $5 Starbucks gift cards as a holiday thank yous
Wow - I can't believe all the guys you've dated have been so wealthy! That is actually pretty impressive. That said, you clearly haven't been happy with them. Financial security is important, but maybe don't focus on that until later? I didn't find out how much my guy was making until a couple months in.
ReplyDeleteWhen you live in the richest cities in the US, it's easy! :) Hmm, haven't been happy with these guys due to their personalities, not income. Like I was saying to J though, just because someone makes 50K doesn't mean he has a better personality than the guy making 150K
DeleteIf their personalities are the problem, wouldn't it also suffice to say that their careers and the money they make give them the ego boost they need to behave the way they do? I think this is what J was getting at. You don't have to lower your standards, but you could allow yourself to be more open to someone with a lower income. They are typically more down to earth- not to say that people who make more aren't.
DeleteThe fact that the income per year is such an important factor for you, leads me to the opinion that you might want to go easier on these guys who likely also have the same thing in mind. Being closed off to ABC, in my opinion, can be a deterrent to realizing your happily ever after.
I feel like I live on a different planet than you people. On any given day I'm more likely to run into a grizzly bear than someone who makes that kind of money. Haha.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I might prefer the bear ;) If you want to find people with hefty incomes, move to cities with high standards of living (NY, SF, London, Honolulu, DC, etc)
DeleteTrue. Can't do my job there though. I guess I will hang with the bears! :)
DeleteI think you mean cost of living, not standard! I am one of those $150k+ people, and so is my boyfriend. If we moved to a different part of the country, we'd be paid a lot less. That said, people outside the Bay Area own large homes making less than half what we make. If we saved for a while, we could afford a million dollar home, but for $1m you get like, 1700 sq ft in a crappy neighborhood. We eventually will move, but in the meantime we can enjoy the opera, concerts and other city benefits, such as our $3k+ rent :/
DeleteLol, yes, cost of living, very right! Where do you think you'll want to go?
DeleteProbably sacramento-davis area, b/c bf is eventually inheriting a farm out there, and I'd be able to practice corporate law in sac. Close enough to take advantage of SF things every other wknd or so. Never saw myself as a farmer's wife, but love is pretty transformative.
DeleteVery nice! Sounds like it will be a fun adventure! I've always thought it would be cool to have a chicken coop with very fresh eggs (a friend knows a lady who does this in Oakland)
DeleteI find that in Canada, the ideal income range for the perfect balance of personality and income is in between 60-80K. As you go beyond 80K, the douchiness and arrogance increases.
ReplyDeleteThere are nice guys in the 80-100K range - but they're generally older (35-40). I'm more comfortable with guys in the 80-100K range, but have occasionally dated those who made 60-70K if they were generous.
Haven't dated anyone who made less than 100K in SF, though. Anyone who made less either didn't go to college, or had nothing in common with me. Have met some great guys in the 100-150K range, and this is probably the range I'll stick to (when I'm in SF again!).
Going beyond... 150-200K (mostly lawyers)... generally not a positive experience. They're all overworked and view dating more as fun stress relieving outlet, and like things to be easy and convenient for them.
250K-300K: have only met players who travel a lot, so I don't have a good impression of those in this range.
500K+: have only met guys looking for sugar babies, lol, so no.
AG, I don't think it's impossible to find a non-douchey guy who makes more than 150K. He's out there. Don't lower your standards if that's what you want! :)
Thanks, Cinnie! You totally know what I am talking about! How long were you in SF? And, you would want to move back?
Delete