A single girl in San Francisco (SF) + meeting guys + dating + relationships + poor decisions + having fun = Blog with Adventures + (commentary + random thoughts + advice).
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Even The Atlantic Agrees
Even The Atlantic agrees, Silicon Valley isn't great for the single ladies.
Have a go at reading the comments to that article. I'll challenge this view all the time because I honestly feel that it's not true. Sure, if you look at just one segment of the population you'll find this stereo type. But not every guy in the Bay area is a tech guy nor are they misogynistic spoiled man children.
But I've pointed this out before and I'll point it out again. I think your standards are leading you to this type of guy. Rich, well educated, professional. It all sounds like a formula for the dream guy. But every guy that I've ever meet who falls into this set of standard always comes across as a giant douche with a raging air of superiority. You'll find grounded guys who are really cool in this group, but they are the exception.
Again, I'm trying not to be judgmental here. I myself suffer from having this "ideal woman" stuck in my head. I'm trying really hard to get past it and give girls a chance that I traditionally wouldn't be interested in. It hasn't worked so far, but I am meeting some interesting women and I'm going on more dates than I have been in the past. I have to also remind myself that my last long relationship started off with me resisting the idea that she was a match for me. I ended up loving the hell out of that woman and it still breaks my heart that it had to end.
J, I wish more guys would be as open minded as you. As for myself, the older I get the fewer requirements and deal breakers I have. Of course, I don't live in a big city where it seems a lot of value is placed on where you went to school and how much you make. If someone here started out a conversation saying how much they make or where they went to school, as A.G. has mentioned some men in SF do, people would think they were deeply weird or egotistical.
J, I agree, not every guy in the Bay area is a tech guy or a spoiled man child. This group does account for more than 95% of the guys I meet. I would guess this population represents at least 80% of the Bay area guys based on the 80/20 rule? This population seems larger in the SF bay area than anywhere else I've ever been. Really a shame.
I think of it this way...I am well educated, do pretty well, and am not a douche. So, why shouldn't I get have a guy who is pretty similar? As much as I talk about wanting a rich guy, I have to admit, I'm not exactly poor...or even close to it.
You seem like a nice guy and I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you with the whole giving girls a chance thing. I think you deserve what you want and don't need to expand your horizons to a segment which you would normally deem undesirable. I truly enjoy hearing about whether it's working or not because I wonder if it would work. Every time I've talked myself into giving a guy a chance, it never worked.
Lynn, don't settle! You'll meet the right guy. I like it when guys tell me how much they make and where they went to school, saves me a lot of time, lol
Oh AG, please don't be sorry for me. it's all good truly. :)
This is sort of a catharsis for me any ways. Online dating messes with the head I feel. One can feel the judgement and categorizing and it slightly changes the way you think about yourself and others. Instead of being an organic process, dating becomes a matter of checking boxes.
So take my rants for the simple 1's and 0's that they are.
While we can't make a blanket statement about ALL men here, my own personal experiences having lived in other parts of the country have made it clear how different the men are in SF when it comes to dating. THey are not assertive, they don't ask women out, and they are 35 year-old bros. Every now and then, Tinder sends me matches in LA, NY, or Chicago (because I travel for work). Unfailingly, all of those men message me first. My matches in SF, however, do not message or even respond if I initiate.
Anyway, not to go on a rant here, this is same-old, same-old. I'm not going to move to find love, I'm happy about the life I've created here. But it's frustrating sometimes.
I agree with Sabrina, SF guys are sooooo different when it comes to dating and are absolutely passive and man children. I've asked a lot of women about dating in SF and think I have enough anecdotal evidence supporting the stance that guys out here are a different breed.
Very nice, Sabrina! Glad this isn't getting you down
Just embrace yourself. You don't need a man to be happy. Look at all your achievements and be proud. Don't ever settle because in the end it will never work.
Have a go at reading the comments to that article. I'll challenge this view all the time because I honestly feel that it's not true. Sure, if you look at just one segment of the population you'll find this stereo type. But not every guy in the Bay area is a tech guy nor are they misogynistic spoiled man children.
ReplyDeleteBut I've pointed this out before and I'll point it out again. I think your standards are leading you to this type of guy. Rich, well educated, professional. It all sounds like a formula for the dream guy. But every guy that I've ever meet who falls into this set of standard always comes across as a giant douche with a raging air of superiority. You'll find grounded guys who are really cool in this group, but they are the exception.
Again, I'm trying not to be judgmental here. I myself suffer from having this "ideal woman" stuck in my head. I'm trying really hard to get past it and give girls a chance that I traditionally wouldn't be interested in. It hasn't worked so far, but I am meeting some interesting women and I'm going on more dates than I have been in the past. I have to also remind myself that my last long relationship started off with me resisting the idea that she was a match for me. I ended up loving the hell out of that woman and it still breaks my heart that it had to end.
J, I wish more guys would be as open minded as you. As for myself, the older I get the fewer requirements and deal breakers I have. Of course, I don't live in a big city where it seems a lot of value is placed on where you went to school and how much you make. If someone here started out a conversation saying how much they make or where they went to school, as A.G. has mentioned some men in SF do, people would think they were deeply weird or egotistical.
DeleteJ, I agree, not every guy in the Bay area is a tech guy or a spoiled man child. This group does account for more than 95% of the guys I meet. I would guess this population represents at least 80% of the Bay area guys based on the 80/20 rule? This population seems larger in the SF bay area than anywhere else I've ever been. Really a shame.
DeleteI think of it this way...I am well educated, do pretty well, and am not a douche. So, why shouldn't I get have a guy who is pretty similar? As much as I talk about wanting a rich guy, I have to admit, I'm not exactly poor...or even close to it.
You seem like a nice guy and I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you with the whole giving girls a chance thing. I think you deserve what you want and don't need to expand your horizons to a segment which you would normally deem undesirable. I truly enjoy hearing about whether it's working or not because I wonder if it would work. Every time I've talked myself into giving a guy a chance, it never worked.
Lynn, don't settle! You'll meet the right guy. I like it when guys tell me how much they make and where they went to school, saves me a lot of time, lol
Oh AG, please don't be sorry for me. it's all good truly. :)
DeleteThis is sort of a catharsis for me any ways. Online dating messes with the head I feel. One can feel the judgement and categorizing and it slightly changes the way you think about yourself and others. Instead of being an organic process, dating becomes a matter of checking boxes.
So take my rants for the simple 1's and 0's that they are.
While we can't make a blanket statement about ALL men here, my own personal experiences having lived in other parts of the country have made it clear how different the men are in SF when it comes to dating. THey are not assertive, they don't ask women out, and they are 35 year-old bros. Every now and then, Tinder sends me matches in LA, NY, or Chicago (because I travel for work). Unfailingly, all of those men message me first. My matches in SF, however, do not message or even respond if I initiate.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, not to go on a rant here, this is same-old, same-old. I'm not going to move to find love, I'm happy about the life I've created here. But it's frustrating sometimes.
I agree with Sabrina, SF guys are sooooo different when it comes to dating and are absolutely passive and man children. I've asked a lot of women about dating in SF and think I have enough anecdotal evidence supporting the stance that guys out here are a different breed.
DeleteVery nice, Sabrina! Glad this isn't getting you down
Just embrace yourself. You don't need a man to be happy. Look at all your achievements and be proud. Don't ever settle because in the end it will never work.
ReplyDeleteYes, never ever settle!
Delete