Happy New Year

I can't believe it's already NYE.  Where did this year go?  Happy New Year!

San Francisco Rent

As all of us in SF know, rents are crazy.  This is a colorful map showing averages near BART.

New Year's Eve

The Brain invited me to a New Year's party a few weeks ago.  No thanks!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate

Much Older Men Article

Harrison Ford is 71?  He doesn't look it.  Remember how I was talking about much older men?  Just came across this article about dating men in their sixties.

Insecure Women

I know this woman, well, I know many women like this...they can't be without some kind of booty call, boyfriend, whatever in their lives.  For many of these women I know, this stems from insecurity, they don't feel like they are anything special without a man.  Or maybe they feel fat, ugly, unwanted, whatever.  If you are one of these women, try snap out of it any way you can.

Why am I even talking about this?  I have a neighbor, we've been neighbors for many years.  When I see her, we always chat about the men she cycles through.  And, she always says, "I'm done with him, I haven't been single since I was 14, and I want time to myself."  She's in her late 30s now and has never stuck to this.  This morning I saw her with a guy from a few months ago.  The same guy she used to have screaming matches with and who she also literally cried herself to sleep over for months; the walls are thin.

I Am Cancelling

I am cancelling tomorrow night's date with the Much Older Guy.  I don't see this going anywhere and I don't want to waste my time.  I am not attracted to him no matter how I splice it.  His age is not the problem, his weight is.  He's a bit lecherous and very obese.  I can feel the angry comments coming, so no, I don't think there's anything wrong with being obese, it's just not for me.  If you'd like to call me shallow, fine.

Another Date

Much Older Guy asked me out for next Saturday just now.  This is how it should work...none of that spur of the moment sh*t.  He seems nice and I'll go, but I'm not really feeling it.

Age And Divorce

A commenter left this and I had some time to take a look.  So, it basically says my go older thought will surely lead to divorce.  Well, I think more important than age gap, is the at age at which people got married.  I have many friends in their late 30s and early 40s getting divorces.  Most of them got married in their mid and late 20s to people who were very close in age (usually they met in college and graduated the same year).

So, What Now?

I said something about having to go out to East Bay to the much older man (I think it's fair to call him much older since he is around 20 years older than me, I don't know the exact number).  His solution?  Borrow a car out of his fleet (he did not use the word "fleet," I did because it's the best description), each one is more than $150,000 (he didn't tell me this, but he did list models and I'm no car novice...European sports cars, SUVs, and top of the line sedans).

Some of you might be thinking, he's trying to sleep with you.  Probably.  But so is the lazy 37 year old who texts me at 5pm to meet for dinner at 7pm (a dinner where he probably expects me to pay half), the 48 year old who emails me on Friday night to do something the very next evening, the 37 year old who contacted me nine months after we had met for coffee, etc.  So, the guys who are trying to meet up with me and closer to my age 1) might also just be trying to hookup and really lazy about it or 2) just aren't that into me.

Go Much Older?

A new girlfriend of mine who is my age (mid 30s) married a man in his 50s.  She is incredibly happy, they've been married for five or six years.  I just met him, he is sweet.  I thought, hmm, I like older guys, maybe I should go much older.  Well, ask and you shall receive.

The man I met is also in his 50s and he's really trying.  He respects my time and is chivalrous.  The guys I've been interacting with (mid 30s- mid 40s) are spur of the moment, which I think is obnoxious.  Texting at 4:40 pm to meet up for happy hour at 5pm, emailing me at 10 am on a Saturday for dinner at 7 pm, etc.  On a Saturday?  Okay, thanks for trying to make me a backup because someone else fell through, no thank you.  Even if that wasn't the case, still obnoxious because it illustrates the lack of respect for my time and assumes that I will be free or make myself free to see him.  (This is someone I saw months ago and I never agreed to a second date.) 

We All Assume A Lot

I didn't read this very carefully, but I think it proves what we all know...we assume a lot about someone just from looking at them.

Yeah

Yeah, Silicon Valley dating scene

Did I post this already?  It's making all over fb again

This Is Terrible

This is so terrible.  I don't know much about this site, is it reliable?

HBO's Silicon Valley

When is Silicon Valley coming back?  This is hilarious.  Be aware, there is profanity and the topic of conversation is not for the workplace.

Dating In SF Is Hard

Dating in SF is hard.  I've heard this from men and women over the past six years.  It's been a long time since I've dated in another city (besides a couple of weeks in NY over the summer), can't really compare.  Maybe dating has gotten hard everywhere?

I'm back to not dating for a while.  I hear about these tech guys who are done with dating, which is why they throw themselves into work, startups, marathons, etc.  I totally get why they do it.  One of my girlfriends decided to throw herself into her new job so she can get promoted, make a ton of money, and not worry about finding a husband (she is in her late 30s).  It doesn't sound like a bad idea.

White Fetish

I'm Asian, this white fetish video is funny to me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

This Happens Every Year

This happens every year around Thanksgiving, the number of guys who contact me on my many dating sites increase dramatically.

2 Traits For Lasting Relationships

Have you seen this article?  It talks about 2 traits for lasting relationships

More On Catcalling

I feel like there were enough comments on my previous catcalling post to warrant a follow up post.  Bottom line, catcalling depends on the content, delivery, and attractiveness on the guy.  If George Clooney shouted, "You're hot" as you walked by (assuming you are a woman...or maybe a man, who knows), you'd probably be okay with it.

No I do not think self worth should be tied to the amount of catcalls one gets or doesn't get.  I am simply saying, I'm more okay with attractive guys catcalling (depending on content and delivery) than unattractive guys catcalling.  I'm also more okay with attractive guys approaching me, than unattractive guys.  You don't want attractive guys versus unattractive guys approaching you?  Come on.

For all the ladies who are offended by catcalling, take it easy.  Why should you let this negatively impact your day?  Brush it off and keep moving.  Easier said than done, sure.  I used to get really worked up over this and now I just don't care.  Why?  Because I don't want to give someone else the power to ruin my day.  It's like, great, some guy just shouted "You're hot," I know I'm hot, a guy saying this or not saying this is irrelevant.  It's also better than some guys saying, "You're fat," though this would also have no impact because I know I'm not.  At least the first guy is trying to say something nice!

You don't have to agree with me, but take this to heart; the amount we let someone negatively impact our lives is tied with how we perceive things.  Maybe you might be less offended if you think the guy catcalling you has good intentions versus this whole objectification thing.

Think about a random woman saying, "I like your shoes."  I'm sure you almost never get angry about this and storm off in a huff because you think she thinks your self worth is tied to her liking or not liking your shoes.  To the Anon girl who said, "...why should I be happy some guy found me attractive? I'm not here to be appraised and either accepted or rejected by you. We really shouldn't base our self-worth on what some guy you don't know and don't care about thinks of us..." apply it to the shoe comment and you'll see they really aren't that different.

Screw You

Some guy apparently didn't like my reply to his email.  He replied, "!!!????????????????????????????????"  Screw you.  Would any woman actually reply to that?  I immediately blocked him.

He Strikes Again!

Smart Guy strikes again!  Think the last time I heard from him was earlier this year, can't remember.  I do remember the last time I saw him being sometime late December 2012.  I have not responded to any of his attempts to talk to me because he's a douche.

Hate This?

I remember really hating this about New York.  However, if they were all incredible looking guys I'd consider dating, I'd welcome it.

Shelf Life

I always hear women have a "shelf life" due to child bearing years.  Well, guys and gals, take a look at this NYT article talking about paternity age and mental illnesses.

Douchebag

I just named a guy douchebag in my phone.  I don't normally save potential date numbers (or even the numbers of guys I've gone out with seven times).  He called me five minutes ago and wants to meet up tonight.  I legitimately have plans, which he didn't believe, and demanded to know what my plans were; no I did not disclose this, none of his business.  He also said it's such a shame that I don't get to meet him tonight and would really miss out.  What a douchebag. Google Voice is awesome, you can block numbers with one click!

Icebreakers

I was digging through my emails and can't remember if I talked about this.  I went on a date many months ago and the guy requested I think of some icebreakers we could use on the date.  I do remember going on the date and never wanting to see him again (there were more reasons than the icebreaker thing).  Has this happened to anyone else?  Icebreakers?!

You Do?

That coffee date guy emailed me to say he wants to go out again.  You do?  Why?  I replied a nice, thank you, but no thank you email.

The Coffee Date I Kept

The coffee date wasn't much better than watching paint dry.  He was nice enough, and not at all talkative; there was a lot of silence.  He'd ask me a question, I'd reply, ask him a question, and get a three word answer.  I get it, maybe he just wasn't into me, fine.  So why not end the date and why so surprised when I ended the date?

On Second Thought

On second thought, I don't know if I'm going to see this guy again.  Since I saw him, he's sent me five text messages (I replied to one early on) and one email.  This is a bit much.

That Didn't Work

Seriously, every time I swear off dating, I end up going on even more dates than normal.  I have four dates this week.  That one on Thursday, brunch earlier today, coffee and lunch tomorrow (two different guys).

The brunch today was okay.  He didn't tell me he expected me to put out soon, so that's a huge improvement.  He didn't grill me, which was awesome.  I don't think we have chemistry and don't find him attractive, but if he asks, I'll go out with him again because I didn't leave the date wanting to kill myself.

Now, tomorrow...I will keep the coffee date and I'm about to send an email to cancel the lunch date.  Why?  We spoke on the phone, and he seems utterly clueless and I feel like it would be one of those dates where I would be grilled and annoyed.  Also, I smell his desperation and just don't see it working.

The Date Started Off Fine

I know I said I'd stop dating, that doesn't seem to be taking hold.  Went on a lunch date today.  The date started out fine.  Then at the end, he said, "If we are to continue dating, I expect it to get physical by the fourth date...at latest."  Next!

Whaat?

I went out for a drink with a guy earlier this year.  He was nice and I felt it as being more friend than potential boyfriend.  After not hearing from him for months, he emailed me this week saying he thought I was fun and wants to be friends.  Whaat?  Is this guy suddenly lonely because it's holiday season?  Does he really want to just be friends?  Is he trying to see if I'm interested in him?  Do I even give a sh&t?  No.

I am trying to keep my guy friend count low because 1) I have plenty of guy friends, 2) guy friends are c*ckblocks (let's say I'm at happy hour with one of them, I'm almost never approached by any new guys because I'm already there with a guy), and 3) in my experience, new guy friends never want to be just friends.

Math And Spouses

Hahaha, this video is funny, or maybe it's the allergy medications

Scary

This is scary and kinda funny.  I don't remember chimneys as being very wide...

No Way

As a follow up to this post, for those of you who asking me to pay you for some service, no way.  Please stop asking, if anything, it's the other way around.

Red Flag!

Wow, what a bright ss red flag!  This guy email me and I replied a couple of hours later.  He emailed again and I didn't reply over the course of six hours because I wasn't near a computer and out doing things.  He then sent another email telling me off for not responding to him in six hours and blocked me.  Holy sh*t, want to talk crazy?  Bullet dodged.

Being Single Is Good For Your Health

This article basically says being single is good for your health (except for the whole surgery and heart health thing).  However, if I were in a bad marriage, I'm sure it would give me more than heart issues (insomnia, mental problems, uncontrollable rage, etc).

I Don't Care

Dear Haters,

I don't care what you think.  You don't want to read my blog?  Then don't.  You think you know me just from reading this blog?  Okay, if you are stupid enough to think that, sure.  It's the internet and it's an anonymous blog, I can portray myself any way I want, negative or positive.  You want to leave haterrific comments?  Okay!  If you want to dish it, be ready to take it.

XOXO,
AG

Too Crowded

The dating app market is simply too crowded.  Have seen countless emails from people wanting me to try out and blog about their apps.  Sorry guys, there are too many apps out there and a lot of them have very similar features.  If you want me to check out your app, tell me why it's different from the ones already out there and how many straight single men you have in SF (including why these guys are that great when compared to existing sites).  Also, outline what you are thinking when you say you want to do a partnership. 

Cheap Ring Followup

Follow up to the cheap ring post, let's look at this.  I said $500K is too much.  What do I think is a good ring?  1.5-2 carats and whatever that translates to...wild guess, $40-80K.  I can feel more outrage coming my way.  Yes, I have read a statistic saying something like 80% of all engagement rings fall into the less than 1 carat range.  Yes, I know $80K might be someone's yearly salary in other parts of the country and world.  SF is very expensive, most people are well paid, and some tech summer interns make more than what other people in the US make in a year.

Most of the people in SF (just read those hate on tech articles) are used to be in the top deciles in all aspects of their life; for example, high school class rank, college rank out of the country (those Top 25 lists), college GPA, LSAT/GMAT/GRE/MCAT scores, top ranked graduate schools, top companies, top income bracket, etc.

For all the haters out there, if you think I am crazy because I throw these figures around and they are numbers you'd like, make a change in your life and work to earn more.  I worked my *ss off to get to where I am today, so if you want it, I encourage you to go get it, instead of talking about how crazy I am.

I Would Date An Entrepreneur

This article talks about entrepreneurs and dating  I would date an entrepreneur, I prefer a guy who is ambitious and doesn't want to spend every waking hour with me.  It'd be like being single most of the time, which I'd enjoy.

A Cheap Ring?!?

This video is crazy and applies to a segment of the population I don't fall into.  The video says if a guy spends less than $2K for a ring vs. spending $2-$4K on a ring, the chances of staying married is higher with the < $2K ring.  Maybe because they don't have enough money to get a divorce?  I have purses that cost more than $2K.  Ridiculous

10 Things To Do For Me To Reply To Your Email

In response to comments from my last post, 10 things to do for me to reply to your email (when online dating):

1. I find you attractive
2. There is at least one clear face picture and if you are balding, you don't cut off part of your head because it will all come out if we meet
3. There aren't pictures of other women with you unless they're clearly labeled, sister, mother, aunt, etc.
4. The email you send makes it seem like you read my profile (no "Hi," no obvious cut and paste, etc.)
5. Your profile is short (no pages and pages and pages, who reads all that?  Don't you respect the reader's time?  Want to know or say more?  Go on a date)
6. Your profile does not mention anything about loving to kiss, giving massages, being sensual, and anything else that alludes to having sex or getting naked
7. No list of things a girl should do for you (yes, I have seen this)
8. It seems like we are in the same socioeconomic classes (like you don't make $24K a year waiting tables)
9. You seem independent (none of this, "I've been dreaming of finding the right girl so we can spend all our time together")
10. You know how to spell and use real words (no "Hi, how r u 2nite?")

So Whatever

I've been thinking about this for months, I really like being single and am so whatever about dating, getting married, etc.  Every time I think this, I get asked out.  10 online guys have asked me out over the past two days.

Business Or A Date?

I met a guy at a networking event last night and he asked me out to lunch via email today.  I have no idea if this is business or a date?  Apparently, he only wants to see me even though my coworker and I met him together.  I guess I'll figure it out if/when we do meet up.

That Was Fitting

I was just talking about infidelity and that was fitting.  Went out to lunch today.  The guy was nice enough.  Then he told me he was married and has been cheating on his wife for more than five years.  He also said something about how most of his married friends are also cheating on their wives.  Great.

Article On Infidelity

I skimmed this article on infidelity.

That Was Flattering

So, that was flattering.  I went to Palo Alto yesterday.  While I was on the platform waiting for the train to go back to SF, a very young guy (maybe 20?) kept checking me out and smiling at me.  He rushed onto the train behind me and sat across from me.  Then he started chatting.  When I got off the train in SF, he ran to catch up with me and practically walked to Union Square with me.

Another Date, Different Guy

I went on another date tonight, different guy from the five strikes guy.  There was absolutely no chemistry, but the date itself (two people meeting each other to chit chat) was okay.  We chatted, had some laughs, and ate some food.  He did not grill me or force me to agree with his viewpoints, huge improvement from that other guy last week.

More Than 50% Single

Saw this article, so, seems like more than 50% of us are single.

Low Social EQ/IQ?

I don't remember...low social EQ or IQ?  Whatever, that five strike guy I went out with has it.  He emailed me to ask me out again.  Something about taking a ten hour day trip together (not even kidding, wish I was).  This means, he truly had no idea I was 100% disinterested and didn't realize I was counting the seconds on our one hour and four minute date.

I responded with a nice email saying we aren't a good fit because I don't think he was trying to be a jerk; I think that's just how he is (think Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory).

FIVE Strikes

FIVE strikes.  The guy who called me for a date and I wasn't that too into his looks contacted me about 60 minutes before we were supposed to meet to ask where and what time we were meeting.  These are things we had already discussed a few days beforehand, strike #1.  Strike #2, 20+ minutes late even though I gave him the option to meet later. He insisted he could make it at the time we had initially agreed upon. So, he'd rather waste my time than push back the date, right.

Strike #3, talked about work the entire time (and in great detail, he is a tech person, I am not and didn't understand a thing he was talking about; he didn't seem to care, even when I tried to change the subject several times).  Like a bull in a china shop, he was super loud, spit while talking, etc.  Strike #4, talked about how great marathons are and was trying to convince me that I'm "wrong" for not being interested in marathons.  He even went as far as to suggest I'm "wrong" for never having done a marathon.  He brought up how I should try a marathon about 10 times, talk about a broken f*cking record.

Strike #5, I made it abundantly clear the date was over, yet he kept talking and trying to extend it.  Oh yeah, he also called me "disorganized" because I wouldn't disclose what I was going to do over the weekend.

His personality reminds me of Smart Guy with the whole having to be the smartest guy in the world thing.

Before the date, I didn't know this guy was a computer engineer.  Now I do.  I'm not saying all computer engineers are like this, but what I am saying is ALL of the computer engineers I've gone out with think others are "wrong" if they have different opinions.

Talking To Strangers

I skimmed this article about talking to strangers.  I think the key takeaway was most people aren't friendly?  Remember, I skimmed this...

Sure, I Guess

I agreed to go out with a guy with whom I've exchanged a few emails a couple of weeks ago (I haven't logged into that site for weeks).  I don't remember anything about him, but he asked nicely (over the phone), so I said yes.

Cute And Married

A lot of my girlfriends in SF have been asking me about the guys at Disrupt.  It was 85%+ guys and yes most were focused on getting funding, making contacts, etc.  As one can guess, there were a lot of malnourished looking guys (skinny, lanky, short, etc) and some buff looking guys.  And there were some cute guys, but they were married.

What A Shame!!

Even though I was at TechCrunch Disrupt SF 2014 to network, ended up meeting a cool guy on the last day (yesterday). What a shame, he lives in SoCal. He was cute, a tall drink of water (lol), smart, and knew how to flirt/hold a conversation (ie make light conversation while getting information vs interview style grilling). This might be the first guy I've been excited about since I moved here six years ago...and he doesn't live in SF.  He asked for my contact info several times and wants to keep in touch, we all know how that goes...

TechCrunch Disrupt SF 2014

Yup, I've been attending TechCrunch Disrupt SF 2014.  Yup, I've been dissed by another programmer trying to make conversation with me.  He said something along the lines of, "What do you mean you don't know how to program?!?!"  I'd like to know how to program, and on his end, I guess I would sum it up by saying, what an ignorant tool.  Once again, it's the non intentional rudeness thing, like this guy.

Day two today :/

Oh God

Oh God, I watched the first three episodes of Bravo's The Single Project. On the bright side, this proves I haven't met the most obnoxious men or women in the world.  LOL

4 Horsemen Of Doom

I remember hearing about the 4 horsemen for relationships in a sociology class many years ago.  I agree with them (just think back to when you or your partner exhibited any of these things and what happened).  The 4 horsemen:

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

I am a stonewaller, I'm sure this is of no surprise to anyone, lol.

That Was So NY!

That was so NY and it was great! A guy working at the doctor's office flirted with me.  And, it wasn't creepy!  He was really nice, joked around, and said he hoped he'd see me at the corner bar at 5pm.  In my 6+ years in SF, I've only met one or two guys who know how to flirt, yeah, scary.

Happy Labor Day

Happy Labor Day 

Saw this article, it looks really time consuming, nope, wouldn't do it.

Mistreated

I was thinking about that young girl at brunch last weekend again.  It reminded me of some stuff, I'd like to overlook.  It was never that bad, but I remember when I was younger (late teens and early 20s) and would tolerate obnoxious behavior from the guys I was dating.  Ultimately, I got fed up and bailed, but the fact that I stuck around for even a couple of dates or weeks is plain embarrassing.

Maybe it's a youth thing?  I can't think of one girl I knew who didn't have an "*sshole" boyfriend at some point in her life.  And we (as women) only let them be "*sshole boyfriends" because we let them stick around.  Clearly, that's not the case anymore, LOL.

Oh, Again?

Oh, again?  The guys I've met and have actually gone out with (on more than two dates) just don't get it.  Someone liked me on OkCupid today.  It was...Valley Guy.  Yeah, I don't think so, thanks.  What's even more interesting?  He's the same age as he was three years ago (and he was already lying back then).  He's in his mid 40s (possibly late 40s), not late 30s as he claims to be.  And, he's also using the same photo which taken 20 years ago.

That Poor Girl

Over the weekend, I was standing in line outside a busy brunch spot.  There was a young couple behind me (maybe early or mid 20s) and I couldn't help, but overhear what was being said.  The guy was a total dck and loud.  Some the things he condescendingly said to her:

• You've only been here once?  You go on and on about this place like you are a regular.  Was that one time really that great?  That one time does not make you a regular, you know?
• Well, that's not very descriptive (she was describing some dish).  Your description was horrible.  Were you just trying to do a really sh*tty job describing it?
• Do you even know what we should order?
• This wasn't well thought out on your part
• This line is so long, I better not get a ticket 

She couldn't get him off her back and asked him if he wanted to wait in the car.  He said no (which was really terrible, not just for her, but for everyone in this line).  By the way, she was on the verge of tears (I'm guessing from anger, I'd be pissed).

That poor girl.  She can do better, no one deserves to be criticized for 30 minutes straight.  She was also way cuter than him.

10 First Date Faux Pas

10 first date faux pas according to SFGate and what I usually encounter:
1.  Too much information (wow, he just told me about his travel stomach issues)
2.  Eating off my plate (wtf)
4.  Talking about the ex (this almost always happens)
5.  Uncomplimentary remarks (this even happens when I'm not on a date)
7.  The me show (always)
8.  Last minute scheduling (happens way too much, pretty infuriating)
9.  Expecting to get some (happened twice, not even in NY, this was in SF)
10.  Ignoring signals (I've packed up all my stuff, looked at my watch 20 times, and he ordered another drink)

#3 is splitting the check.  No, I do not split checks, feels too businesslike and I believe in chivalry.  If a guy has a problem with this, he's not the guy for me, and no, we will never see each other again.  It's the principal and the act of providing (doesn't matter if the cost is $2 or $200).  It's the engineers who seem to have a problem with this...and one lawyer.

Too Many Choices

Have you seen this op-ed in The New York Times?  It's interesting and I agree with it.  When people are faced with too many choices, they can't make decisions (that theory really came from The Paradox of Choice, which I have read, it's a really interesting book).

In terms of dating, I don't think technology has helped us.  It's made finding people more difficult because there are too many choices (not all good choices).  People rely on the digital world (texting, email, etc) so much that people aren't good at interacting with others face to face anymore (out of practice, never learned, blah blah).

And people go into checklist mode when they meet someone from an online source (job, education, hobbies, blah blah).  I remember when it used to be, "Bobby, in my math class is so cute and funny."  There was no, "Does Bobby have hopes to be blah when he grows up?  Does he plan on going ivy or state?  Does he swing dance on the weekends?"

And This Is Why You Can't Get A Girl

I went to a networking event and met a friend of a friend.  He asked me what I do for a living.  I told him.  His response, "So, you add no value; you're basically useless and just take up space."  Instead of arguing with him, defending myself, whatevering with him; I simply turned around and started talking to someone else.  He tried to get my attention for the next ten minutes.  I ignored him.

I know he wasn't trying to be a d*ck, but he was a d*ck (I've met a lot of these types of guys); kinda reminds me of Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.  I did think, "And this is why you can't get a girl" about a hundred times even after I got home.

Date Conversation Topics

Time magazines talks about stuff like dating?  I guess so, see here.  Lol, controversial topics, such as STDs and abortion are suggested.

Smart People And Dating

One of my excellent readers shared this link as a comment on an older post.  I think everyone should take a look at it.  It's from 2009 and explains the SF area pretty well.  Almost everyone (guys and gals) I meet went to top tier schools, have impressive jobs, etc.

Another Horrible Date

And, that was another horrible date.  My dating hiatus has been very useful because instead of being angry by this horrible date, I feel nothing.  The guy was smart and was trying to be nice and sociable.

The minute I saw him, I knew it would never work; he lied about his height and might be shorter than me.  Other reasons the date sucked:

• He was late
• He kept looking at my chest (I wasn't even wearing a low cut shirt)
• He talked about work and basically told me his resume (this was about 80% of the date)
• He actually asked, "When was your last relationship?  Why did it end?  How long were you together?  How did you meet?  How would you raise your kids?"
• He didn't pick up on the fact (or he just didn't care) that I didn't want to answer those questions and kept going back to them every time I changed the subject
• He kept giving me unsolicited advice (if I were you, I'd...)
• He was trying to project his interests on me (no really, you'd like scotch, why don't you like scotch, are you sure you don't like scotch)

It's Moved

Okay, the location of the date has moved to a location of my liking.

No, I Don't Think So

I love it when a guy wants to meet in a coffee shop right under his office (which happens to be about 2 miles from where I am).  No, I don't think so.  I suggested at our midpoint.  Let's see what he does with that.  Btw, yes, at this point, I would not be surprised if he simply disappears.

On Second Thought

Going back to the east coast probably isn't the best idea.

Although my dating life would improve (more than 80% sure on this, I mean, come on, look at the guys I've met in SF), I don't think that's enough to account for things I don't like (noise, crowds, working like a dog, having dinner at 11pm which is apparently an acceptable dinner time, etc).

Going to table the whole moving thing right now.  Bigger fish to fry, like figuring out my dream job.

Looking

Lol, just watched an episode of HBO's Looking (show about gay guys in SF).  In the first episode, two guys were on a date at Press Club.  If this show depicts how gay dating is in SF works, it's pretty similar to some of the dates I've been on.  On the date, one guy was being interrogated (questions included "How old are you?  I forgot what it said on your profile" and "are you drug and disease free?"), and he said, "I feel like I'm having a physical."

Instead of fighting the whole interrogation dates, I'm just going to expect it...maybe this way, I won't be as irked if it happens.

Back To Dating In SF

No more east coast trips (or trips in general) scheduled for the rest of 2014 (of course, this can change).  So, back to dating in SF.  I am still cutting back on the amount of time I plan to invest.  Have not been able to meet up with two SF guys over the last 3+ weeks because our schedules haven't matched up.  Honestly, not excited about either of these guys.

New York Bashing

I don't normally come across many articles bashing New York. This one does. 

Okay, Women Of New York

Okay, women of New York; I've heard a lot of complaints about the lack of men in NYC.  I'm quite surprised because several very successful men wanted to meet even though they knew I might not move back to NYC (and no, it didn't seem like their end goal was a one night stand).  If you think dating is bad in NY, I dare you to come to SF, I think you'll appreciate NY men more afterwards.

Although two out of three of my New York dates brought up their exes, the dates were still better than the ones I've had in SF because I wasn't interrogated.  They knew how to have a conversation versus asking a million questions (what do you do, where did you go to school, how long have you been living in San Francisco, where do you live, etc) for hours without taking a breath.  Also, the NY guys I met were more confident, so the guys didn't permeate nervous energy, which makes both parties really uncomfortable.

Dating In New York

I can't say I really know how dating in New York works.  I went on three dates.

• Guy #1 - Divorced guy, mid 40s, higher up in investment banking.  Very take charge in reaching out, setting up the date, etc., which I like.  Nice guy, but not for me.  Big oversharer.  Also don't think he is really ready to date since he brought up his ex wife and a few ex girlfriends.  I really don't know why guys bring up exes
• Guy #2 - Never married guy, late 40s, hedge fund guy.  Nice guy and looked nothing like his photos. Think he was nervous (based on him talking about the NYC subway system for 20 minutes, ie, nothing to say, grasping at straws)
• Guy #3 - Never married guy, early 40s, lawyer.  Nice guy, much shorter than he claimed to be.  Also brought up an ex gf

Three other guys wanted to go out and dates were not set.  One guy wanted me to go to Brooklyn (a place convenient for him and not even close to being convenient for me).  Another guy was whiny in his texts and vmails; he also didn't know how to make plans (no, I was not impressed with the fact that he is a young surgeon).  The last guy left the ball in my court and I forgot he existed.

Sorry, Austin

I've never been to Austin, TX.  People have told me the Austin guys are very similar to SF guys.  I don't think this rips on their dating scene, but it does rip on just about everything else.  Sorry, Austin.

It's kinda nice that I'm starting to see more than the "SF sucks" type of articles.

Dinner Tonight

Dinner tonight with a guy in his mid 40s.  He was very direct in his emails, none of this "How are you?" repeated over the course of five text messages.  No, instead it was, "Would you like to go to dinner?"  I think directness is very attractive.

Goal Oriented

One of my very good (and incredibly intelligent) New York friends has spelled it out for me.  New Yorkers (in general) are all around goal oriented.  Maybe this is why I've had so much trouble adjusting to life on the West Coast.  The guys I've met in the San Francisco Bay Area don't seem to have personal life goals.  Sure, they have career goals, but that seems to be where it stops.

New York

East again, NY. Love New York summers (or summer in general)!  Will I be going on dates while I'm here?  Yes.  Do I have a couple lined up?  Yes.  Did I just move to New York?  No.  Am I still thinking about moving out here?  Yes.

Man Up

I don't know who Matt Walsh is, but several people have sent this to me over the past month.

This is what I'm talking about!  Guys - be decisive, take charge, and man the f*ck up.

Face To Face Interactions

Saw this on techcrunch a couple of weeks ago.  It talks about how people are having issues with face to face interactions.  Of course, I am going to ask, is this nationwide or mainly San Francisco/Silicon Valley issue?

Better To Be Single

Someone sent this (on why it's better to be single) to me in February, yeah, just skimmed it.

Interesting Chart

Finally looked at an email from Coffee Meets Bagel.  Haven't had a chance to really read this, but seems like we already know the results of their study.  1)  Men like younger women and 2) women don't like younger men.  Please correct me if I got this study totally wrong.

Texting Like A Girl

Saw this old article about texting/writing emails like a girl, funny

This Is Networking

So this is networking...was at a networking event (in SF).  There were about 90 men and 10 women.  One old guy and two younger guys approached me; that's it.  As for the other ladies?  Maybe they talked to some of the guys, but when I took a look, they were sitting by themselves, talking with each other, and standing by themselves

I guess one side of the argument could be, none of the 90 guys were interested in meeting women and/or off the dating market.  However, it was a networking event.  Maybe one of these women was a CEO for a big company, a recruiter for a startup, a top attorney, etc?  So, why not mingle with the opposite sex?

Kindness And Generosity

Really long article, haven't read it, but did read the subtitle of "...kindness and generosity" being the key to long lasting relationships.

I'm Taking Another Break

I'm taking another break on the whole guy hunt (for now, if I stay in SF, probably forever).  I'm going to spend my time thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life (or at least the next couple years).  It'd be nice if I could answer these questions:

• What do I want to do?  Get a new job?  Go back to school?
• Do I want to stay in SF?

 I've got a vacation coming up.  I will of course observe the men in these cities and report back.

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day!  I decided to fly East and watch some fireworks.  Hope everyone is having a good one and it isn't too cold and foggy (for the SF readers).

100 First Dates

I remember hearing the odds of finding the right person = you meet 100 people, you consider 10 of them, you go out with 3 of them, and then you find 1 right person.

I just heard, you have to go on 100 first dates before finding the right person.  Seems high, is it?  Just thinking about going on 100 first dates is making me tired.

Meeting In A Game?

So much to read.  This is a really long article.  I have not read all of it.  Think the gist is a woman met her husband on a Second Life type of game.

OkC Math Hack

Just saw this Wired article from January talking about a guy in LA hacking OkC with math.

It reminds me of that lady Amy Webb who wrote a book talking about how she hacked Jdate to find her husband.  She may have also used math, I don't remember.

Too Many Matches Is Overwhelming

Saw this article a couple of weeks ago.  I agree, too many matches is overwhelming.  And it's true, the more guys that email me, the less I respond.  Tinder may work for some, but not a fan.  Will continue logging in once a day and to see if it gets any better.

Update On Trying Something New

Here is my update on trying something new (aka winking or emailing a guy who liked me in "Daily Matches" on match.com), fail.

The two guys I winked at sent me emails almost immediately.  I replied to their emails and they never wrote back.

The three guys I emailed first replied to my emails almost immediately.  Then, I replied to their emails and they never wrote back.

So, I still think for 80% of the guys out there, when they don't email a girl first and saw the girl's profile, that means they simply aren't interested enough.  And the ladies I know who snagged their men by emailing them first?  Well, those guys fall in the 20% or maybe they think "she'll do" because of age, family pressure, desire for children, and whatever other reasons they may have.

Tinder Bandwagon

I'm now on the Tinder Bandwagon.  I just signed up about 15 minutes ago.  So far, there seem to be a lot of eligible bachelors (assuming messages are sent and dates are planned).  Not sure how this will turn out, but there have been some really cute guys.

I plan to log in and do some swiping for five minutes or so a day (I can only take so much).  We shall see.

Coffee Meets Bagel Update

I've had Coffee Meets Bagel for eight months (or something around that) have "liked" about 20% of my bagels (this 20% is a bit inflated because I hit "like" more than I actually liked), have been contacted by maybe 50% of those bagels, and have only been on THREE dates.  If it wasn't free, I'd be mad.

In the beginning it seemed like a fresh batch of guys, but now that everyone is on it, don't think the guys are much different from the ones who already on Tinder, OkC, Match, etc.

Really?

Really?  Yes, really.  Smart Guy just sent me an email.  Remember, I have not responded to any of his texts or emails since late 2012.  It is now June 2014.

Less Picky

Here's that article that talks about guys in their 40s being less picky.  It also discusses the pickiness of women.

That's Also New

Well, that's also new.  One of my Coffee Meets Bagel guys has been trying to call me for a while and finally got me on the phone today.  He sounded annoyed.  Well, sorry guy, don't call me at 11 pm and expect me to answer, especially if we've never met before.  11 pm is late.  Think he also called me at 8 pm on a Friday night (another WTF are you thinking day/time).  He left me a vmail in his first call and I didn't like his voice, but was willing to do an in person meeting to give him a shot.

So, I spoke with him on the phone for three minutes just now.  I made it clear that I had to keep it short because I am on my way out of the apartment.  He made it a bit awkward by saying something along the lines of how these calls are always awkward, uh, sure...don't know how I was supposed to respond to that.  ALL of his questions were news reporter style. For example, what did you do this weekend, where did you go, what restaurant did you go to, who were you with, blah blah.  I don't like being grilled.  If this is how it is and we haven't even met...  Apparently, he didn't like my answers (or my voice or who cares) and said we wouldn't be a good match.  That's never happened before, but fine with me.

I know I've said this before, maybe I should have more phone chats before meeting in person.  That might not work though because I am trying to find more reasons to give a guy a chance, not rule him out based on whatever I glean from a three minute conversation.  I wish this guy the best of luck, I think he believes the "perfect girl" exists.  I read in some article that guys in their 40s are supposed to be less picky, lol.  Will find that article for you.

This Does Explain The Majority Of SF Guys I've Met

This article basically talks about the tech guys in Seattle and SF and how hard dating is (for the women) in these cities even though men outnumber women.  (I know some readers are going to be irate, just remember, this explains 80% of the men we meet, not 100%.  Well, for me, it probably explains 95% of the men I've met.)

Thanks for sending it to me, Sabrina!

Giants

Went to a Giants game over the weekend.  Met a very cute girl who was telling me about how hard dating is for women in SF, no kidding.  She also told me about her 10+ girlfriends who have been here for 10+ years who have done everything to try to meet their husbands, but have failed miserably.  Great.

Also met another girl who told me about how she lived in SF for two years, didn't meet anyone, and moved to LA.  She told me LA is much better for dating.  Great.

That's New

Was at a bookstore in Inner Richmond.  Two guys smiled at me.  That's new!  Haven't experienced much of that in the Bay Area.  Well, I guess I have, but they are usually guys who are 65+ years old.

Trying Something New

Okay, I am trying something new.  What's that?  Emailing and/or winking at a guy.  As you know, I am very against reaching out to a guy first because I feel like he's just not that interested if he isn't sending me an email after visiting my profile.  However, I know two ladies who have met their guys the SF Bay Area (specifically peninsula) this way.  These guys are no scrubs.  I'm friends with one of the guys (Stanford doctor) and have known him for at least a decade; he is one of the nicest guys I've ever met.  I haven't met the other guy (Google engineer), but have heard wonderful things about him from his fiance (they are now engaged and planning the wedding).

I've contacted five guys on match (these are guys who expressed interest in the Daily Matches).  I was no Shakespeare, I simply wrote, "Hi, I've been told you are interested" to three guys and winked at the other two.  The two guys I winked at wrote me emails.  The three guys I emailed replied.  All five guys took some kind of action within 30 minutes.  Let's see what happens next...

"So Obnoxious?"

I went to the Startup & Tech Mixer on Friday night at the W Hotel.  Valleywag said their last party was "so obnoxious" and I was hoping to find a really obnoxious party; I did not.  I've experienced much douchier nights in the the Marina.  And, the free food was pretty good.  To the best of my knowledge, this is how I'd describe the crowd:

• 50% gay guys
• 40% possibly straight guys (or European/hipsters/bisexual/straight and effeminate)
• 6% girls who were totally decked out (short dresses, full makeup, high high heels)
• 2% girls who were not totally decked out (casual attire)
• 2% definitely straight guys

I'm not very tall, shorter than 5'4" and I noticed I was taller than 70% of the guys there.  I did some mingling, but spent most of my time listening to the guest speakers (and considering the crowd, I'm sure it was a much better and more interesting use of my time vs trying to meet a guy to date). A guy sitting next to me looked like he was having great difficultly finding a way to start a conversation with me, kept staring/fidgeting, blah blah, so I said, "Hi" so that he could get out whatever he had to say.

Sold Out

Thought about going to this Techcruch/HBO Silicon Valley showing tonight when tickets were available (Thursday morning, by Thursday night, totally sold out).  That was fast!  If any of you go, please share your thoughts (especially thoughts on the Press Club after party).

Not Obnoxious

I went to a party tonight and expected it to be really obnoxious, but it wasn't.  More later.  Goodnight

Fundraiser At The Fairmont Hotel

I went to a superhero themed Leukemia Lymphoma fundraiser at The Fairmont Hotel last night.  Apparently, the gala/fashion show was thrown together in eight weeks.  They were a bit behind schedule, some parts were spotty (AV issues), but the turnout was great.  Lots of people.  So many people that they ran out of chairs for the fashion show portion of the evening.  Even a couple members of the Ferrari family were present.

Since, I do talk about dating in this blog, I'll just put it out there; I did not meet a guy I'd want to date.  Three men approached me.  Two guys were much older and might have kids who are older than me.  One guy was probably around my age, but creeped me out.  He was talking too close, blatantly trying to look down my dress, and did this really unnecessary arm brush (down to the hip where his hand then grazed my butt, and it was not the back of the hand).  He wanted to buy me a drink, but I ran off after the butt palming.  He approached me another two times in the evening.  The first time, I pretended I didn't hear him and picked up the pace.  The second time, I was trapped in a corner and he was trying to impress me with talks of how his company has raised a lot of venture capital money.  He might be a good business connection, but I don't know if I could endure his handsyness (made up word, yes).  If I do decide to try to be friends with this guy, I might tell him I'm a lesbian.

A lady was chit chatting with me, then tried to sell me insurance or maybe investments; I don't know, I walked away.  She wanted to add me on facebook too, uh, never!

Met a nice couple.  Much younger guy, much older gal.  I asked the how they met.  Online, either a French food connoisseurs board or French food connoisseurs niche dating site.  They seemed really into each other.

I met a nice lady who wants me to meet her niece.  The niece just moved back here from New York.  She was a really nice lady and hopefully her niece is also really sweet.  So yes, I will meet up with the niece and try to meet more people.  Many of my friends have moved away.  I also stopped talking to some friends because we've changed and have different interests now

More On The NY Women

More on the NY women who flew here to meet SF men.  They landed Thursday and left yesterday (I think).  I spoke with a few of them and asked them two questions:

1. What do you think of the men you have met?
2. Would you move here because people claim there are more men here?

None of them would move here.  And, they were "eh" on the guys they've met here.

He's Become More Interesting

That guy I gave my number to over the weekend called (not texted, called) me fewer than 24 hours after I gave it to him.  He called at a decent hour (before 9:00 pm, yes I do think getting calls from guys you don't know very well past 9:00 pm is late).  He was funny and didn't try to prolong the conversation with chitchat.  Nice!  He's become more interesting to me.  In case you don't notice the bold font, I will list the four reasons why he's become more interesting:

1. He called (not texted)
2. He called at a decent hour (before 9:00 pm)
3. He was funny
4. He didn't try to prolong the conversation with chitchat

He asked me out, but due to conflicting schedules (already agreed upon engagements, work travel, vacation travel, etc), I'll hear from him in a few weeks.

Yeah, I Went And...

Yeah, I went to the kickstarter/Dating Ring/fly out NY women to meet SF men  party and may have just confirmed that I really do need to move out of San Francisco if I ever want to get married.

There were a lot of guys.  A couple of guys confused me because I thought it was a party for heterosexuals, but maybe it wasn't?  Saw two guys having an awesome time on the dance floor, lifting their shirts up, and rubbing their stomachs up against each other.  I have no problem with gay guys, I love gay guys.  However, I have a sneaking suspicion that they weren't gay, and rubbing stomachs was just something they wanted to do because they thought it was funny.  It might have been funny for them, but probably made some of the ladies rule them out.

I started conversations with men and women because I was bored and it was crowded.  Kinda awkward not to talk to someone when their face is about 10 inches from yours.  Found it interesting that one guy talked about how great he is and how he's dated "so many women," but none of them have measured up.  Yes, this is the topic he brought up at a party.

Gave one guy my number because he seemed nice and wanted to go out sometime; if he calls, I will go.  He's not my standard type in terms of looks, but I'll give him a chance.   One guy invited me to a party which will be happening in a couple of weeks.  Got two cards for business networking purposes.

Can't Wait To See What Happens

I can't wait to see what happens!  NY women have flown here and are trying to meet SF men.  This was that kickstarter campaign a while back.

Friday Afternoon Coffee Date

Had a Friday afternoon coffee date today.  There was no chemistry.  In fact, I was irritated by a bunch of things he said (like how he was so surprised that I haven't set foot in every continent; I never claimed I had, so why the disbelief and the need to dwell on it?)  He asked me a lot of questions about my online dating experience (big turnoff).  He was also trying to get me excited about his hobbies, like bowling.  He shouldn't have assumed that I like bowling, but he did...not sure why since my profile didn't say anything about bowling.  So, he spent about ten minutes trying to get me to be excited about bowling.

After the date, he sent me an email telling me that he didn't think we'd be a good fit and how he felt really bad about sending "these types of emails."  Ummm, oooookay, I wasn't planning to ever see him again, so, uh?  It was a bit presumptuous?  We both said, "It was nice to meet you."  No, "Let's do this again," "I had fun," "Let's have dinner," or any language alluding to another date from either of us.

If he sends "these types of emails" a lot, wow. I thought he was trying to be nice, so I responded with 100% agreement, but still, didn't think his email or my response were even necessary.  Most people wait until the other person reaches out if they want to say, "We are not a good fit, thanks."  The fog and going on dates like this are two major reasons why I want to leave this city; the city search and endless pro/con lists are back on.

The Marina Is Cute

I've been hanging out in The Marina a lot over the last couple of days.  My friend is visiting from NY and staying with her friends there.  The Marina is really cute and has a lot of good food.  I've never seen it during the day, lol.  I probably should have lived in the Marina for at least a year.  I wouldn't move there now because I have no idea what I am doing (staying, going, yadda yadda) and rents are probably insane.

Oh yeah, the NY visitor is another person I know who really wants to get out of NY.  My life out here in SF really isn't that bad.  I think I hate it here when the weather is sh*tty (dark, cold, windy, foggy).  When it's warm and sunny, love it.  I did read that SF weather will be warmer and drier with the whole climate change thing.

So Confused

I'm so so so so confused.  I thought I had it figured out, but this ultra nice weather has thrown me.  SF weather has been really nice, which has made me like it again.

All my friends who are trying to get out of NYC have also thrown me.  You see, I was pretty sure, like 90% sure I'd move back to the NYC area this summer.  However, it seems like 90% of my New York Metropolitan area friends really really really want to get the out of NYC and are telling me how awful it is, which is triggering awful memories (I did leave there for a reason).

I don't know what to do anymore.  I was never excited about the idea of moving back to NYC, but I was excited to move somewhere.  Never thought I had the whole "fear of missing out thing," but now I think I have it for cities.

LinkedUp

How did I just hear about this LinkedUp app?  I would definitely date someone I met through LinkedIn.  And, I've been known to look up someone I'm about to meet or recently met, so why not connect the two?

Anyone try it yet or know someone who's tried it?

Weather And Mood

Really think weather plays a big role in mood, definitely for me, maybe for others?  It's been really warm in SF, like 80-90 degrees, which is pretty unheard of.  I've noticed people are friendlier and smile a lot more.  If it was 80 degrees everyday for at least three months here, I think I'd really like SF and would stay here despite my cons.  Apparently, I care about the weather...a lot...who knew?

I'm trying to think back to when I lived on the east coast, but I really can't remember.  Were people more pleasant during the summer?  Maybe?

Wow, Hot!

Wow, hot!  Make up + hair = every girl is hot hot hot.  None of these girls were completely unfortunate to begin with, but makeup really makes a HUGE difference.  One of my friend's linked to this on FB today.

Memorial Day Party?

Hey, remember that company that was going to throw that big Memorial Day party and fly in ladies from NY?  Does anyone know when/where that party is?  Totally forgot to throw in a $20 when the Kickstarter was alive.  Took a look at Eventbrite and didn't see it.

Fastest Growing Cities

Hmm, I might consider one of these fastest growing cities...

Never been to Charlotte, NC or Denver, CO, but hear they are absolutely beautiful.  Heard Memphis, TN is super relaxed.  Phoenix, AZ was much nice than I thought it'd be, but friends have told me I might melt when it's 120 degrees out.

Such Hatred

Some comments (usually from Anonymous people) are really defensive and exhibit such hatred.  If what I am spewing is pure bullsh*t experienced by only one person (myself), why so angry?  Why not just write me off as a fluke?  I suspect it's because these people:

1. See some truth in what I'm talking about, but are vehemently trying to convince themselves they like SF and want to be here or
2. Always have to be right, have the last word, yadda yadda (yes, a trait I've seen a lot in the Bay Area)

I've been here for over six years.  I've met a lot of people (guys and gals).  I hear the same sh*t over and over.  I meet the same type of people over and over.  Unbelievably, I run into guys I've gone out with at least once a month because this city is so small and cliquish.

This city reminds me of high school, yes, I'll elaborate in the next couple of days.  Goodnight

Cinco De Mayo

So, it's Cinco de Mayo, which I didn't even realize until I heard it on the radio.

Another holiday for Americans to get stupid...drunk...stupid drunk.  Bah humbug, no, I don't participate in nonsense "amateur night" holidays.

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHA.  Silicon Valley isn't helping itself.  You guys see this?

Nice Businessman

While I was on my flight from LAX to SFO earlier this week, I chatted with a married guy sitting next to me towards the end of the flight.  He was traveling for work and staying in the Financial District.  He lived in LA with his wife and two kids.  He was really nice, passed my trash to the flight attendant, and got my bags out of the overhead for me.  Even nicer?  I hopped in his cab to SF's Financial District, which really cut down the SFO to home trip (vs BART).

Like I said, I've noticed guys from other places (even LA) are much nicer and chivalrous than guys in SF.

Back To SF

At LAX again, this time waiting for my flight back to SFO.

LA Match.com

Because I'm in LA, I changed my Match.com profile to LA.  In 30 hours 12 guys have emailed me (not counting winks and favorites).  That's a good start, haven't read any of the profiles and emails yet.

I Moved My Trip Up

I moved my trip up.  Just got to LAX and feeling it out.  We'll see how the next five days go.

I'm Lucky

I know I'm lucky.  I have the luxury of just picking up and leaving SF for good.  Not working for months if not years is very doable.  I have many friends who have offered up their couches and/or guestrooms (for an indefinite period of time) so that I can make a quick getaway.  I'm trying to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, I have it pretty good and have places to fall.

Still?

The Brain is still asking mutual friends about me.  Still?  Jeez.  He thinks I'm mad at him because I never returned a vmail from several months ago.  How about I'm just not interested and I don't care enough about him to return his vmail?  After the many unkind things he's said and done to me, I don't owe him s*ht; he should be happy with silence vs me telling him exactly what I think of him.

He's also been telling friends that he is so busy with work and so great at his job, thinking about buying his fourth condo in SF, buying his sister a new house in Southern California, and getting an Aston Martin.  These are the guys I meet in real life, not online.

Fascinating

I find it quite fascinating when women react so negatively to what I say.  Why?  Because 1) I'm not telling them how to behave or what to believe and 2) they probably don't know the guys I interact with in the real world.  So, why the "passionate" responses?

Well, I read this psychology article a while back about people getting very worked up when things they don't like about themselves appear in others.  For example, let's say you forget stuff all the time and you go crazy on your friend every time he/she forgets something.  It would indicate that you really hate the part of yourself that forgets stuff all the time.

If we flip that to the very angry women who write in...

SF Is Taxing

Yes taxes are due today, but when I think of April 15th, I actually think about SF being taxing.  I'm sick of the people, the weather, the hills, et al.  No one interesting has contacted me on match.com, haven't liked many bagels, rarely log into OkCupid, etc.  I know the right guy for me is not in SF.

It's fine, I'm spending 90% of my time looking into new cities.  I've had enough and will leave San Francisco this year (probably over the summer, normal people summer, not SF summer).  My friends in Chicago got married two-three years out of college and are now having their second kids.  New York is supposedly difficult for a single girl, hah, I'd like to see what those girls think of SF.  Actually, I know because I was in New York before I moved to San Francisco and seriously think I made a huge mistake.  Almost all of my girlfriends (outside SF) who have wanted to find husbands, have found their husbands (over the last three-five years).

Just thinking about how much time I've wasted here (over six years) is starting to piss me off.  Okay, not all of it was bad, but I really should have left two-four years ago (when I started not wanting to be here).  It'd be different if I loved the city, I loved my job, or we had year round San Diego weather.  Sometimes you just gotta know when to throw in the towel.  I should have viewed the years past as a sunk cost, not an investment; I get it now.

HBO Silicon Valley

Did you guys see the first episode of HBO's Silicon Valley?  Ready for episode two tonight?

Even though I live in SF, I am not part of the tech scene.  Is this show pretty accurate?

Cute Cartoon

Cute cartoon on dating.  A little long, but still cute.

And Another Article

Oh yes, another article talking about SF sucking.  Five people have sent this to me (my personal email address) over the last two days.  The funniest parts (for me):  1) author talking about driving and 2) author talking about BART.

Enough Is Enough Already

Enough is enough already.  You guys already know I think SF is the absolute worst place to date.  I've shared several articles and anecdotes.  I was getting my hair done today and even the hair wash girl was saying the same thing.  This is a big deal because I never step foot in her part of town (Haight) and places she'd go (NOPA, Mission, Potrero, Sunset, etc).  She was telling me that guys online (Coffee Meets Bagel and Tinder) will "like," but never do anything 95% of the time.  I'm probably going to piss a lot of people off by saying this, the guy is supposed to send the initial message!

Eye Roll

I'm really glad I cancelled on this guy.  We were supposed to have dinner tonight.  Just thinking about seeing him causes my eyes to roll to the back of my head.  Many "relationship experts" say the eye roll is just about the worst thing because it's a sign of contempt.  Yes, that applies here!

I wonder if he tricked me; he's a pretty clever guy.  He sent me an email right after our first date and I never replied.  Then he waited a couple of weeks to send me a text.  Then he sent me another email, which caused me to realize who he was; bad mistake.

Stewing

I'm kinda stewing just from thinking about going out with the argumentative interrogator.  I am 80% sure I'll cancel.  I just can't do this.

Oh Sh*t

Oh sh*t.  So, I pretty much never add new guys #s into my phone.  I accidentally responded to the wrong guy.  I responded to the argumentative interrogator AND agreed to go out with him again.  Sh*t.  He does seem to be trying really hard (giving me options for what to do, giving me options for restaurants, driving up here from somewhere deep in Silicon Valley, etc).  Hmm, I could conduct an experiment to see if my first date impressions of him were accurate.  Or, I could bail because I really really want to.

New Bravo Show

Have you guys seen that new Bravo show, Online Dating Rituals of the American Male?  I've seen all four episodes, and, um, scratching my head.  It's kinda helpful to see that people are a little wacky everywhere and not just in the Bay Area (though I still believe it's wackiest in the Bay Area).

2nd Date

So, this guy asked me out again.  I haven't replied yet because I really don't know if I want to go out with him again.  He had a pleasant time, but there wasn't any chemistry.  I can't even remember what he looks like.  I guess I could give it another shot, but wouldn't that be a waste of time?

New To Online Dating

When a guy says, "I'm new to online dating" in an email, text, profile, etc, he lands in my recycling bin.  It's like a girl on her way home from a one night stand saying, "I never do this."  In both cases, too much justification.

Why Do I Even Bother?

Got interrogated on another date, ugh.  Why do I even bother?

He was good on paper and his emails were okay.  I guess flags were raised once he got my number and texted me a lot (on several of these occasions, he didn't wait for me to respond before sending another message).  The date started off friendly.  Then, I felt like I was defending a thesis.

When I got home, I was thinking, maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was nervous, etc.  Well, I'm still annoyed, so, I think we have my answer.

Mixology

I watched a couple of episodes of Mixology (new show on ABC).  Okay, one really funny line that stuck with me, "Girls who wear flats are never trying to get laid," or something like that.  I wonder if there is any truth to this.  I'm always in flats and never trying to get laid, but it's also San Francisco.  Seriously, try walking up or down a 35 degree angle hill in heels.  I'd break my neck.

The Articles Keep Coming

More on SF dating...the articles keep coming.

Another Article

Another article about SF, have you guys seen this?

Date Recap

So, went out with this guy and he was a perfect gentleman.  He wasn't super braggy, which was a nice change.  He paid for dinner and he dropped me off.  He lives really far away (60+ miles), so I don't think he's a potential long term prospect, but if he asked me out again, I'd go.

Boom! This Is A Great Example Of A Very Interested Guy

Boom!  This is a great example of a very interested guy:

• Guy texts me some banal question
• I respond 24+ hours later because I didn't like the question.  I didn't like it so much that it slipped my mind
• Guy responds to my text almost instantaneously with another banal question
• I respond 24+ hours later because I didn't like the question (again); I didn't like it so much that it slipped my mind (again)
• Guy responds to my text and asks me out to dinner 12+ hours later (I am happy about this because I find pointless question texting to be irritating)
• I respond yes to dinner 12+ hours later
• Guy responds with a time and place 12+ hours later
• I respond okay to time and place 12+ hours later

At first, I was irritated by his "How are you" type of questions because I genuinely do not believe you can "get to know someone" by hunting and pecking out a message on your cellphone.  Will someone really know me better because my day was "awesome" or my weekend was "interesting?"  No

Why do I think he is very interested?

• He'll be driving 60+ miles to meet me
• He did not propose we meet halfway (turnoff)
• We did not have endless rounds of back and forth texting (irritating)
• He asked for a Saturday night (I've always thought Saturday nights are bigger deal than other nights)
• He wasn't put off by my extremely slow text response times

And This Is What Happens

So, Guy #1 asked me out a week and a half in advance.  It was something along the lines of, "Let's do something next weekend."  I said, "Okay."  It is now Wednesday evening and I haven't heard from him.  Meanwhile, earlier in the day, Guy #2 asked me out for dinner Saturday night.

I'll agree to dinner with Guy #2 since Guy #1 never specified a date/time.  Guys, this is what happens when plans are not defined, girl goes out with another guy!  :)

SF Men To NYC

I just noticed this, flying SF men to NYC.  Lmao.  Notice how's it's not doing so well

My Goodness

My goodness, what a little b*tch.  The Brain told our mutual friends that I am ignoring him.  He's also asked them to call me about it.  Haha, are we five years old?  He needs to get used to being ignored, there's a lot more where that came from.  He's been asking me to last minute dinners again.  He's just getting what he deserves, nothing, not even a response!  If he was a nice guy, I'd feel bad about this; however, he's slimy and I want nothing to do with him.

Kickstarter

Here's that kickstarter campaign to fly NY ladies to SF.  This is either a social experiment or a great way to drum up publicity. 

Haven't we disproved this statement?  "There are tons more single women in NYC, and tons more single men in SF."  I would also challenge, "...we've met thousands of amazing, beautiful, smart, super datable people in NYC and SF..."  "Thousands?!"  "Super datable?!?!?!"  So datable that there's always a new app, site, group date, yadda yadda around the corner because people are "super datable" and seeing great success on their own?

Not to be a hater, but I'm gonna say it, should this actually happen, many NY ladies will be sorely disappointed.  If it looks like it's going to get funded, I'll throw in a 20 to check out the party (yes, like watching a train wreck).

Gross

This has nothing to do with dating, but I wanted to share.  Gross!

Fly The Ladies In

Hahaha, another idea on how to fix the dating scene in SF, fly the ladies in.

i always hear about how there are more guys than gals in SF.  Well, I'd like to know, what is the ratio of straight single men to straight single women?

This Was An Interesting Read

I thought this was an interesting read, especially the part about moving if there doesn't seem to be many single guys.

Perfection And Dating Don't Work

This is an interesting read on what you should/shouldn't look for in a significant other.  Bottom line, find someone nice.  Keep looks off the table; it's a bit difficult because I think people need to be attracted to their significant others.  However, what you think is hot might be totally different from what I think is hot.

As we already know, dating in the Bay Area is extremely difficult.  We know most SF men and women have extremely high expectations.  Have we really looked into why expectations are off the chart? 


Theory:
One possible reason, it's likely that the Bay Area has a very large concentration of perfectionists (think I read somewhere that SF is one of the most educated cities).  If you went to a top tier school and work at one of the most prestigious companies in the world, you might be a perfectionist (or at least closer to being a perfectionist than someone without these attributes).  You've probably also been told you are "special" throughout life and haven't experience any real hardships.  When someone is that "special" and used to being pampered, of course he/she is going to believe he/she can have "the best" and anyone his/her heart desires.  My really close girlfriends and I have always agreed, "perfection doesn't exist and everyone settles."  Dating in SF would be much better if everyone realized this.

We also have a very high concentration of engineers; aren't they trained to be perfect?  Perfection is more valuable than social skills amongst the engineers.  Hey, this is what keeps my building sound in an earthquake and my Gmail working, so I should remember this when I meet someone very awkward...

Also came across this on perfectionism.  

Oh, Technology

I really do think dating would be much better without facebook, texting, online dating, etc.  I've always believed this (well at least in my adult life).  Check out this story.

Ugh

I try to avoid bars and clubs, especially on a weekend.  They are usually crowded and filled with very drunk patrons.  I met up with a friend at  bar over the weekend.  A random guy grabbed my *ss on the dance floor.  It was a full on five finger (with palm) grab, not a back of the hand graze.  What an *sshole and I hate bars.

Funny

Funny article on online dating.  I'm at the point where I just don't understand how I know real life couples who have met online.  My experience summed up in two words - sh*t show.  Most of my girfriends in the Bay Area agree.  Come to think of it, I only know four SF couples who met online (two met on Craigslist which is fascinating in itself).  All my other friends who met their spouses online live everywhere, but here.

"Negs" Gone Bad

I wish guys would stop listening to pickup artists.  As you know, pickup artists tell guys to "neg" a girl to make her feel insecure and more receptive.  This doesn't work with me, I just get angry and walk away.  I've been getting a lot of neg emails.  Sure, they get my attention, but definitely not in a good way.  For example, "Your profile doesn't say much.  Is this because you don't have much to say?"  Yeah, he could have been trying to be cheeky or whatever; I don't care, epic fail because I am left thinking, f*ck you and delete.

And Some More Reading

Some more reading.  I haven't this yet either.  So many articles this time of year.

Even More On That FB Study

And some more, I just skimmed it...

More On That FB Study

More on that FB study.  Kinda funny.  Well, not that funny if you live in SF (like myself).  Even less funny if you are a guy living in SF.

WSJ Ranks SF #1 (Not In A Good Way)

As a follow up to yesterday's WSJ comment from Anon (thank you), here's the full article on the best/worst cities for love.  Drumroll, or not, the winner of the worst relationship city goes to San Francisco!!

I wonder if having too many perceived options ("perceived" being the key word) creates Peter Pans.  Maybe because they think they can get anyone whenever they are ready with their endless options of supermodels?

Also, another guy I've never met before has asked me out to dinner tonight.  No

No Coincidence

I don't think it is a coincidence that THIS many guys are trying to take me on a last minute date this weekend.  Are guys more bothered by this Valentine's Day thing?  I have at least two out of towners that want to meet.  I also have a guy who has been emailing for months and is suddenly very interested in seeing me tomorrow night.  Whatever, NO.

Ohhhh, I got it!  Guys think it's easier to get laid this weekend (because most girls are easier this weekend)!

Valentine's?

I've never really cared much for Valentine's Day.  I find it really awkward and kinda cheesy.  Ever been to a restaurant on Valentines?  It's all couples, yeah, I was part of a couple, but still, cheesy.

For those of you who celebrate, Happy Valentine's Eve!

The Cycle Continues

I talked about the dating cycle in 2013, but I do believe it still holds true.  I noticed a lot of online dating activity starting around Thanksgiving and going into early/mid January.  Late January/mid February things slow down a little.

I really don't want this to come off as arrogant, but I must reiterate, guys, if you are interested in a lady a "wink" "favorite," etc. is not enough.  I've gotten more than 100 "likes," "winks," "favorite," "ratings," etc in the past 24 hours.  I feel overwhelmed and it gives me anxiety, so I am unsubscribing from these emails.  If a guy is waiting for me to wink back, oh well.

LMAO and Thank You!

No really, LMAO and thank you!  I had to see The Brain at a party over the weekend.  I've successfully avoided him for six months.  Of course, The Brain knew I wouldn't miss it and turned up.  Let's just fast forward to:

• He was hitting on me throughout the beginning of the evening.  However, every time he came near me, I found a reason to get up and walk away (bathroom, another drink, coat check, phone call, bathroom again, long lost stranger I had to greet, etc)
• After he realized he really had no shot, he started hitting on another girl that he dated years ago (SF is too small and/or he dates too many girls)
• This girl has not spoken to or seen him in five years, yet, he tried to take her home that night anyway!  LMAO, that indicates ignorance, denial, and/or sheer stupidity?
• The girl and I had a good laugh about it the next day when we were texting each other

The Brain is pathetic, so pathetic that I might start to feel bad for him.  Surely, he must realize by now that his personality is so bad that: 1) girls he dates never want to speak to him again and 2) even his money can't make up for his really sh*tty personality.

An Online Stalker

I have what I would like to call an online stalker.  He's managed to find me on OkC, match, and eHarmony.  He's managed to find me on OkC a few times, I keep blocking him on OkC and I think he keeps opening new accounts with different usernames.  I don't know what says "not interested" more than blocking a guy on every single site he messages me.

Meh, No

That really old guy I went out with months ago texted me to grab a drink tomorrow night.  I'm not going to even bother responding because: 1) he's not a realistic boyfriend candidate and 2) tomorrow night?  Hah!

When He Likes You, He Likes You

I believe when he likes you, he likes you, and you'll know.  There have been several guys who have sent me multiple emails even though I never responded to their first emails.  And, if he has your number and you don't respond to a text, he'll call, send more texts, or send some emails.  If he doesn't try again after one attempt he simply isn't interested enough and that's fine, I'd rather know at the start.

I can hear some of the guys groaning, but think of it from a girl's perspective.  We'll use me as an example.  I have at least three guys who won't stop contacting me (these are guys I've met years ago).  Then, there are also the guys I haven't met who are asking me out.  So, who is going to pop up in my radar?  The guy that sends me one text or the guy who sends me four?  And, I hardly remember any details about the guys I haven't met yet or went out with once because they have not earned any space in my brain.  Ladies, just think back to all the guys you weren't interested in that wouldn't leave you alone.

Happy New Year (Again)

Happy new year (again)!  It's Chinese New Year, so time to revise or make new resolutions...

No Sad Looks

I don't want sad looks when people find out I'm single.  This used to happen a lot at work.  Some people (I know they weren't trying to be mean) have even said, "Why are you single?  You are attractive and you don't seem psycho."  Is being single really that bad?  I don't think so!  I can think of a lot of things I have which the coupled up people do not, such as:

• I can sing really loudly and really poorly (not only in the shower)
• I can sleep for eight solid hours should I choose to (for the people with kids)
• I can eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and not get disapproving looks
• I don't have to wear clothes in my apartment if I don't want to
• I can spend 8K on shoes and not have to explain myself
• Basically, I can do whatever I want, when I want (I'm not talking about killing people, stealing cars, breaking into homes, etc, but you know this)

I'm tired of having to explain my status and way of life to people.  I stopped talking to an old friend because he kept telling me that he thinks I am a lesbian.  It got unbelievably annoying.  I have no problem with lesbians, but I don't need people in my life to insist that I am a lesbian because I don't have a man.

Societal Pressure

As much as I've been meeting new guys, dating, and talking about finding the right guy, I've realized that I don't think I actually want to find him right now (or maybe ever).  I love hanging out with myself, doing stuff by myself, and having the time to figure out who I am and who I want to be.  I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Unfortunately, I feel extremely pressured to find a guy and spend the next 50 years (which is a really long time) with him because I am in my 30s.  I blame society for this belief that women have an "expiration date."  Yes, it is true that some women may have difficulty conceiving should they want children if they are in their 40s, but not everyone wants children.  I've never known so many married people without children before moving to San Francisco.  Also, men believe they can be dads whenever they want whether they are 18 or 88; sure, that's true to a certain degree, but not without risks.  I saw this article years ago, so guys, if you are sitting on your high horses, time to dismount.

I do still believe that if/when I'm ready to meet the right guy I will.  Some may say I am being foolish, I disagree.

I'll Pay Someone To Do It For Me

A married girl was very confused as to how I was going to buy and move a chair off of Craigslist.  She had been with her guy for such a long time that she didn't know how to move furniture without him.  She wasn't even joking when she said, "See, this is why you need a boyfriend, so he can move stuff for you." She was genuinely surprised when I told her, "I'll pay someone to do it for me."

Gals, please don't feel helpless.  You can always ask friends/family or pay people to do stuff for you.  I'd rather pay people than trouble my friends.  Yeah, I'm sure friends would be happy to help, but why inconvenience them especially when manual labor is involved?

I Had To Open It

A 62 year old guy emailed me on match.com.  I just had to open it because I was embarrassed for him.  Yeah yeah, age is just a number, but is it really?  What would I have in common with a guy that's around my dad's age?  AND, he's only looking to date a "sensual woman" in the 28-42 age bracket.  What a douche.

Oh yeah, also got a wink from a 76 year old guy looking for a gal that's 29-39.  Jeez.

Nada On Match.com

This article was pretty cute.  It's written by a 50 something year old lady.  She talks about her experience on match.com.

I've gotten 80+ emails and have not wanted to go out with any of these guys, so...

Checking Out The Ladies

I was checking out the ladies on OkC today...specifically ladies that are similar to me (age range, zip code, educational background, etc).  There are a lot of pretty ladies! Guys shouldn't be complaining about the lack of attractive women in SF.

This is not directed at anyone specific, so please take no offense, this is just a reality check.  For the guys who talk about how all the girls in SF are stuck up, unresponsive, not engaging, boring, etc, maybe it's you.  Let's say these ladies are 7s and 8s while you (the guy being blown off/not getting responses) are a 4 or a 5, why would she respond to you?  Or, read this post I wrote last year about ladies not responding to your emails.

A Small World

SF is definitely a small world.  A guy I met at a bar and went out with a couple of years ago keeps looking at my eHarmony profile, lol.

Also, it seems like most of the guys out here are on several dating sites.  There is nothing wrong with this, I do this too, but I guess that debunks my theory that I would reach a different audience by being on a bunch of sites.

Another SF Dating App

Looks like SF is getting another dating app, it's called Hinge.

Thanks For The Favor!

I truly believe when guys are half *ss (attempting last minute dates, trying to get me to go where it's convenient for him, taking weeks to reply to an email, etc), they are doing me a favor by making it known that they just aren't that into me.  This saves me anxiety, energy, and time.  Thanks for the favor!

Oh Boy

Oh boy, have you seen this article about a girl's horrible profile?

Resolution, Check!

I had a dinner date planned two weeks in advance (good) for last night (Saturday) and I cancelled because:

1. I wasn't interested in him and was only going to go because he's really well educated (bad reason, as I have already learned from dating countless well educated arrogant dbags)
2. He didn't seem that interested in me (see reason #3), and
3. He was too casual (he didn't pick a specific time to "hang out" and was hinting I go down to San Jose even though we had already agreed on dinner in San Francisco weeks ago)

Usually, when I see the kind of behavior exhibited in reason #3, I know A) he's a guy that isn't used to going after a girl because he doesn't need to (this tends to happen with successful guys, yes, he falls into this category), or B) he just isn't interested enough.

I'm actually sticking with what I said I would do (cancel on a guy even if I already agreed to go out with him).  Yes!