I went on my first Coffee Meets Bagel date! Even though, I don't think I'll hear from him again and I think we might bet better off as friends, he might be one of the best dates I've had in a really long time. He was chivalrous, funny, and knew how to hold a conversation. He didn't brag about how great he is or all the sh*t he has. What a refreshing change! He's also not a computer engineer, but does work at one of the major tech companies out here. Sorry, computer engineers, I know I rip on you guys a lot, but I've had zero good dates with you guys. If this guy calls, he calls. If not, doesn't matter; I am just really glad I didn't walk away totally pissed off and frustrated (like I did a couple of weeks ago).
Maybe I should "like" a lot more guys than I currently do on Coffee Meets Bagel and see if the quality of guys is better (I've heard the guy quality is better on CMB from a lot of the ladies). There have been two guys I "liked" that never reached out to me even though they liked me too...eh, whatever!
Was there no chemistry? A good date is awesome weather it works out or not!!
ReplyDeleteNo chemistry and he looks like he would weigh 100 pounds soaking wet
DeleteThe whole "liking" or "rating" thing in online dating is kind of weird. I think a lot of people don't use it very honestly....or at least they use it very cavalierly but then freak out when someone responds to them.
ReplyDeleteSo I kind of want to hijack your post quick to pose a question to you and your audience.
Have any of you ladies ever set up a phone date with a guy? Like a guy asks you out on a face to face date, but you instead suggest a phone call first?
I ask this because I asked a girl out on OKCupid after a few email exchanges and she suggested we chat on the phone first. I thought it was odd but I agreed. I sent my number along and suggested that I was free after 7pm on a certain day. She then didn't respond until that day saying that she would call but never giving me an exact (or even a round-a-bout) time. I then proceeded to wait for her call. It was weird because it made me a bit antsy and I couldn't do anything but futz around with my iPad. She finally calls around 9pm at which time I'm pretty annoyed. But one we start talking I loosen back up.
We talked for a little over an hour and I thought it went OK. Nothing crazy was said, it was classic first date banter. She signals the end of the phone call by saying how she enjoyed the chat. At this point I was prepared to ask for the in person date. But then she pulls the "Unfortunately I don't think we're dating material". I was kind of flabbergasted and all I could do was dumbly agree, say goodbye, and then hang up. Today I've been kicking myself in the ass for not saying anything more in my defense. How can anyone get that from a phone call? I mean, if what I say in my emails and on my profile is good enough for you to engage, why not meet up and see if there is any chemistry?
Needless to say this is an all too typical pattern I've run into with online dating. Ridiculous standards, hypocrisy (she boasted how open minded she was on her profile), and quickness to push the eject button. I made the decision today to close my profile and take a real break from online dating. But I'm just curious as to thoughts on this story.
Again, sorry for hijacking your original post.
No problem, J! It's funny you bring this up because I actually thought I should do phone calls before a first date because, I've had issues where a guy was very pleasant in his emails, then totally argumentative in person. I also had an issue where a guy had great English in emails, but I could barely understand a word out of my mouth in person.
DeleteThe phone screener is good because you can grasp their command of the English language, hear their voice (voice can be a turn off), and get a general sense of their demeanor
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DeleteI guess I can agree with those reasons. I feel my circumstance was a bit unfair though. It's far too hard to have an honest conversation with a stranger on the phone. You have no idea what their personality is like and you have no way to key off of body language or facial expressions. When you are talking with friends or family, you already know who they are and how they react. You don't need those signals.
DeleteTo be honest though, from talking to her I did have my doubts. But I'd never make that judgement call until I got a chance to talk to her face to face. Sometimes you just can't avoid those awkward dates. You just have to take your lumps and move on. But I feel that online dating is running away from that concept.
I also like to talk on the phone, text back and forth, get a general feel for the guy before meeting up. It saves time. Many of them prove they are only after ass through their texts.
DeleteI like texting before meeting up. I'd even have a phone conversation as a primer but I'd still want to meet up before making any decisions on whether to proceed. I guess I have a different point of view being a guy. I really don't have to worry about lecherous or douche bag women.
DeleteJ, I've actually had guys ask me for the phone date first. One even said "I like to have a phone call first and then determine if a date makes sense." It felt like an interview.
DeleteThat said, the phone call would save a lot of time if you ended up having zero conversational chemistry!
When I was on Match and OKCupid, I insisted on a phone call first. I weeded out so many perverts and otherwise incompatible men and saved so much time!
ReplyDeleteVery good idea!
DeleteAG, I've had 2 recent mutual matches on Coffee Meets Bagel and the guys never got in touch. It's hit or miss. My main complaint is not being able to filter matches by height.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm up to three mutual matches that haven't reached out. Glad about this because that just means they aren't interested enough and I save myself some time
DeleteHi randomly found your blog and it's really hilarious, seeing all the same in NYC!
ReplyDeleteHi and welcome! Glad you enjoy!
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