Guy Update

Valley Guy (this jackss) sent me an email wanting to know how I am doing.  Well, I was mighty fine before I received that infuriating email.  How dare that guy contact me????  I shouldn't let him pss me off, but come on!

Sucks To Be Her

I was at a cocktail party.  Knowing me, I was not in cocktail attire since I just had a full day of work.  I didn't even have on proper footwear unless athletic footwear is proper for a cocktail party.  I was standing on the outskirts of the party activity.  A guy approached me and started talking to me.  He was tall, pretty cute, and gay?  Apparently, I was wrong on the gay part (starting to see a trend here).  His girlfriend walked up to us (I didn't know it was his girlfriend until later).

Girlfriend:  Oh how do you two know each other
Me:  Standing around in this very spot.  How did you two meet?
Girlfriend doesn't say anything, ignores the question, gets one of her guy friends to talk to me and pulls the tall not gay guy away.
She starts making out with him (this is the part where I figure out he isn't gay).

Sucks to be her though to know her guy is standing around at parties making conversation with other girls.  I wasn't even trying to steal her man, imagine if I was...great that i can do it regardless of the setting and my attire.

Entitlement

There is too much entitlement out there in the dating world.  I am sure I am one of those people, but I am at least conscious of it and trying to change my way of thinking.  Yeah yeah, I am educated, easy to look at, fun, have a great sense of humor, yadda yadda yadda.  However, I also have some not so positive traits and might not be the warmest person in the world.

I see these guys out there who think they are the sh*t and deserve to get the hottest supermodel in the world because they are rich, smart, handsome, have a nice apartment, went to Harvard, etc.  They need to remember, this is SF, there are tons of rich, smart guys, with nice apartments and Harvard degrees.  Notice how I left handsome out (it's in the eye of the beholder anyway).  I have met some truly unfortunate looking guys who think they are handsome. 

Back to the topic at hand, these entitled guys need to remember, they aren't perfect either, so learn when to stop chasing after perfection.

OkCupid %s

After reading The New Yorker article, I think more highly of OkCupid.  I never had a problem with the site, just the guys that were contacting me off of the site.  There are hundreds of questions that users can answer.  With all that data, I think the % could be quite helpful providing that there are enough answered questions to make the match % statistically significant.  For example, if I answered 400 questions, but some guy answered 14, the match % could be garbage.

Is compatibility in the OkCupid sense really that important.  For example, is how messy a guy is a good indicator of how he would be as a husband and how that would factor in with my messiness/not so messiness? 

Too many things to think about.

What Is Really Important?

There seem to be a couple of different schools of thought on this whole relationship thing. 

1. Compatibility is the most important, for example, waking up around the same time in the morning, thoughts on noise/quiet, etc; I still think this is important
2. Shared interests is important (I tend to think shared interests are an indicator of compatibility); not sure I agree with this at all.  I could be compatible with someone very into video games even though I couldn't play one to save my life.  Guys like to "do things" with their gals like run, sail, bike, etc...I don't see why guys can't have their own "thing."  Yeah, go for that run at 6am, I'll be doing what I like to do...sleep
3. Shared values, such as, family, religion, money management, etc; I am starting to think this is probably the most important

Good Enough

I read this article a while ago and recently read Lori Gottlieb's book called "Marry Him."  I'll let you read the article yourself, though I may have talked about it in an earlier post; I just can't remember.

So, in this book, "Marry Him," she talks about a lot of things, but some points stuck out.

• The less information you have on your online dating profile, the better because people build fantasies and have expectations based on what they read
• Don't find reasons to rule guys out online, find reasons to go out with them because you never know if you don't give them a shot (I have been trying to do this, it hasn't been working)
• Just because a guy is good to date, doesn't mean he is good to marry
• Find the guy that wants to be married and have the "boring life;" I see nothing wrong with a "boring life" (I kinda have one right now and it's great)
• Stop chasing perfection and realize good enough is really quite good (one of my really good friends has said everyone settles and I have always agreed)

This is a lot to think about.

What To Do?

I am torn; I have too many conflicting views on relationships.  I figured out I am the avoidant type (big surprise), as in I don't like to feel trapped and usually keep my distance.  However, I can also say this is because I haven't met the right guy?

I have also heard that people should throw "type" out the window.  I've actually heard this from a lot of married people.

What to do?

Younger Guys

I have been thinking about going younger for a few months now.  I think I should do it!  I like that younger guys are more playful and don't really have wrinkles/deep creases.  Goodfella thinks I should go younger because guys in their late 30s are usually set in their ways and very resistant to change.  Totally superficial, but what about all those years of sun damage (= serious wrinkles)?

Back To Basics

Okay, I am going to take this a step further.  I will continue my two date rule, but I will ONLY date guys that I find attractive.  Yes, brains are hot, personality is hot, sense of humor is hot, etc.  However, I have dated all these guys and I didn't find them hot...at all.  It doesn't matter how funny he is or how he can build complex financial models.  At the end of the day, if I am not attracted to him, it is doomed.

This is what I am calling going back to basics.  I think back to college and how I didn't care what he was studying, what he wanted to be when he grew up, etc.  The only thing that mattered: do I think he is hot?

I know this could be difficult, but it shouldn't.  I just need to stop knowing what school he went to, where he works, how big his house is, etc.

Two Date Rule

I have a two date rule.  I always go out with guys twice just to make sure I am not being too harsh.  I think I should probably stop doing this because it has only gotten me into situations where I am left saying, "Ugh, why did I go out with him again?"

Still Don't Get It

It's been months and I still don't get it.  This Guy never reached out to me.  Really?

1. That doesn't happen to me (I am just telling it like it is, not an ego thing, just 98% of the time thing)
2. He loves Asian girls (so, this is like a fat girl turning down cake)
3. He said he would reach out to me (he really didn't need to say this if he didn't mean it)

Yeah, it bugs me a little because I didn't hear from him.  It shouldn't because we actually don't have much in common, probably don't have any chemistry, etc.  Out of his four hobbies, I hated three of them.  And I didn't like his voice.  I can be stupid, so if I ever heard from him, I probably would go out with him just to make sure he is really not the one for me.

Good Idea

I am not saying Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker is a genius, but I do think she has some very useful points.  For example, she tells everyone that they need to have a list of five things that are must haves.  Five is not very many. 

A new one to my list...ability to be comfortable with him.  Yes, this seems like common sense, but I find myself forgetting it a lot.  For example, going out with The Brain.  I was never comfortable with him and he turned out to have some serious insecurity/anger issues.  I was actually pretty comfortable around Valley Guy, maybe because I am also kind of a douchebag?  Just a little...

Millionaire Matchmaker

I know some of this Millionaire Matchmaker show is scripted, but I think it's really interesting.  I think there are only a certain number of kinds of guys out there.  This show has showcased many of them.  For example, the perfectionist, the guy that chooses really dumb girls, etc.

I think guys and girls can learn something here.

Talk Much?

I think it's pretty funny that guys try to talk me into going out with them. Unfortunately for me, this works every now and then. What possesses me to agree with such nonsense?

1. I think I am being a "good person" because I am giving them a chance. Who knows, maybe they will wow me with their conversational skills
2. I don't mind a free meal
3. I have nothing better to do

Analysis:
I think the answer might be choice #1.

Let's examine the other choices. #2, a free meal really isn't that hard to come by. Also, remember there is the opportunity cost of my time. Is a $40 meal worth 2 hours of my life that I can spend doing something else? Eh. #3, I do have better stuff to do. I could be sleeping, looking for jobs, watching tv, hanging out with friends, etc.

Have the guys who talked me into going out with them been successful? Not really. Yes, I went out with them and gave them a chance. I already wasn't into him all that much, so unless he really wowed me, he would only be digging himself a deeper grave.

Advice:
Guys, yes you might be so charming that a girl will fall head over heels for you across the table at dinner if she didn't even want to go out with you in the first place. However, it might be more likely that nothing will come of it unless she is desperate or really bored.  You don't want that, right?

What Happened To Valley Guy?

Yes, back to Valley Guy.  This is hilarious.  I am glad I can find humor in everything.

All sorts of things came out of this guy's mouth on the third date, such as:

1. How many dates is it going to take for us to hook up?
2. Why haven't you made a move on me yet?
3. Are you ever going to put on a sexy black dress for me or do you like dressing like a 17 year old boy?
4. How do you not think that is funny?  You are stupid.  I am just kidding (nope, didn't seem like he was kidding)
5. I thought I had you figured out, but I guess I don't (this has got to be the funniest.  More often than not, I appear ditzy.  Yeah, sometimes I really am ditzy, but that doesn't mean I am not watching/keeping notes)
6. I am really smart, much smarter than you (really?  See #5)
7. I don't believe you don't want me

He left the ball in my court last time I saw him.  I really thought he knew he was cut.  I think he knows now...  He has only called once and driven by my apartment once.  Yes, he really did drive by my place (how many times, I don't know, I only caught him once).  How embarrassing is it for him that I caught him driving by my apartment because I was standing at the curb talking to a friend?  LMAO.  Yes, most girls would be scared of some guy driving by her place, but I was not; I am used to it, this kind of sh*t happens to me ALL the time.

I am sure he means well and no, I don't wish him harm.  I think he is really immature and a mama's boy.  He whined and threw tantrums.  He even tried to use peer pressure, "Everyone is doing it."

NEXT!

Why Do I Do This

Against my better judgement, I went out with the Valley Guy again (this guy).  I didn't do it because I thought there was something there.  I did it because he was so persistent and I became curious.  He sent me several messages (unreturned messages because I just didn't reply).  None of these messages were scary/stalkerish.  They seemed nice and he seemed interested.

So, we went out a couple of more times.  The first date was fine, he was funny.  I didn't learn a single thing about him that I didn't already know; purely superficial conversation.  The second date was dinner...at his place.  I was under the impression that we were meeting up at his place and going from there.  That's what he told me we would be doing.  No real conversation, watched TV.  The guy has a car and didn't even offer to drive me home.  At this point I shouldn't have even agreed to a third date; I wasn't planning to.  Then he called with a daytime activity that sounded fun.  Third date was fun in the beginning and I wish I saw him in daylight earlier because this guy looks old.  I wouldn't be surprised if he was in his early 40s and lied about his age.  I knew on the third date that I would never see him again.  I thought he understood this, I was wrong.

Pen Pal or Therapist

What is with guys who want to exchange 100 emails, but never ask to meet up?  I am not looking for a pen pal, nor do I have the time to write 100 emails.

Even worse, guys who keep wanting to talk to you on the phone.  How does that help anyone?  I don't want to be a therapist, I don't want to know about your day, I don't care what did over the weekend.  Why?  Because we have never met and I haven't even decided if I would consider you a friend.  Sure, you can spend hours on the phone with someone and then meet them in person only to realize, there is no chemistry.  That is the ultimate waste of time.

Guys that date online need to: stop trying to have a phone conversation and stop exchanging several emails without asking to meet in person.

I Am Alive

I am alive, the stalker didn't get me.  More later...

CNN Talks Online Dating

Read this article today.  Hilarious! 

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/social.media/08/24/online.dating.messages.netiquette/

While we are on the topic, let's talk about online dating.  I have a stalker and might be crazy.  Red flags include:

1. He wants to know where I went to school, where I am from, where I work, where I live, etc.  With technology these days, it's a bit too easy to figure out my identity.
2. He has my number and always calls when he sees me online
3. He has sent me over 15 texts with me only replying to two (early on)
4. He texts me at hours I deem inappropriate to see where I am
5. Did I mention I have not seen him in person and don't plan on it either?  Safety first kids

No Focus

Okay, as much I talk about wanting to find "the one," I don't think I am focused.  I a lot going on with work and my living situation right now.  No more roommates for me.

I actually do believe people can do what they want to do when they are focused.  I was focused on getting out of where I was living.  Something happened which triggered me to KNOW I needed to move.  Even in this ridiculous rental market, I found a new place in an area I want to live in with a huge walk in closet in a record eight days. 

One day, I will wake up and just know I want to find the guy; sounds crazy, but I think that's when I will find him.

No Dice

This doesn't happen to me often (if ever at all...sorry, don't mean to sound conceited, but I mean it)...he didn't call.  The 30 something year old white guy didn't call.  I was also there, it was a little awkward, but I do think it was okay enough to warrant a second go around.  Either I am totally off or?  I have heard that I am scary and always come off as disinterested.  This is probably true.  However, does that really drive a guy away if he is really into a girl?

Same Issues?

I went to happy hour and feel like I meet these people all the time. 

1. 20/30 something gal with trouble in the dating world.  Tonight's story was about really hitting it off with a friend of a friend (guy), only to have nothing come of it.  She said they talked at the party all night together and she made it pretty clear she was interested.  He never called, texted, emailed, etc.  He never even responded to her social networking connection request.  Mother f*cker, seriously?!?!  I just don't get it!  The first part of the story really sounded like my Odie tale.  Should I be happy or sad that other people have almost identical stories?  She even said guys in SF want assertive women.  Well, how about the guys in SF be men!?
2. Really flamboyant guy (could be gay), but all the ladies loved him.  I then learned he is an absolute hit with the ladies; gets girls left and right.  Wtf?  Okay ladies, we know everyone likes a gay pal, but let's try not to date them.

This having the same issue thing is sad.  We are all looking for the same thing, someone to spend forever with.  How can this be so difficult, especially since we all have the same goal and are actively looking??  Have we been corrupted by Hollywood?  Do we think we will "just know" when we meet that special someone?  Are we being totally unrealistic in our searches?  I know I am picky and a part of me wants to "just know," but I know that probably won't happen.  I hope I am not the only one who knows this.

Glutton For Punishment

I must be a glutton for punishment.  I met up with another newish guy.  This one might actually have potential???  He is in his 30s, white, and smart.  Excellent start.

Also, he seems straight!  LOL.  Yes, as some of you may know, I have gone out on two dates with two different "straight" guys in 2011; straight my *ss.  So, this whole being straight thing is a vast improvement.

We'll see what happens...

Nothing Against Gay Guys

I truly have nothing against gay guys; I just don't want to marry one.  I don't want to be divorced because my husband turns out to be gay.

WTF

Yeah, that's right, wtf????  I am finally ready to talk about the other date from the past weekend.  The guy is great on paper, tall, white, well educated, funny, etc.  However, he talks like a valley girl.  Yeah, for f*cking real.  I think I am pssed at SF guys.  This is not the first guy I have met up with who talks like a girl.  Holy f*cking sh*t.  This could mean several different things:

1. There are a lot of gay guys in SF and do not realize they are gay yet
2. I am only meeting guys who could be gay
3. These guys I think are gay because of mannerisms, speech patterns, etc are actually straight (this is the scariest possibility)

Why is #3 the scariest possibility?  Because that would mean the categories for organizing people would fall into: heterosexual, homosexual, and heterosexual homosexual?  This can't be right!!  I have been wracking my brain trying to think of women out there who act like guys, speak like guys, sound like guys, etc and AREN'T lesbians.  I cannot think of one.  I have also been thinking about flaming gay guys I know (no disrespect and no offense, many of these flaming guys admit they are flaming guys) who aren't actually gay.

Bottom line, wtf???  What is happening?  It's no okay for straight guys to behave like gay guys?  Or gay guys to really deny they are gay?  Or all I meet are gay guys?  I am really starting to think it is time for a new city...

I Need To Process

I need to process exactly what happened this weekend. 

A new girlfriend happened to be with a guy she thinks is perfect for me (this was Friday night).  She is obviously a new friend since the guy she brought with her is Asian.  I really have given Asian guys a chance.  It all boils down to: I am not interested.  0 spark.  That's too bad because this Asian boy is ridiculously rich.  We also agree on some stuff and he is nice.

I am really convinced everyone has a type.  My type is not Asian, truly unfortunate since I live in San Francisco.  This place is 50% Asian??

Two Dates, Two Days

Two dates in two days.  More later.  I don't think either of them really have a shot, but we'll see.

Okay, Fine, I Read It

Okay, fine, I read that New Yorker article because none of you wanted to read it for me.  It was sooooo long that I had to break it up into five different sections.  I believe it was over 10,000 words; hope the author got paid by the word.

Anyway, I think the article was arguing that online dating is actually a pretty good way to find a match.  For example, Okcupid has huge amounts of data which they use to create statistically significant theories/algorithims.  I think I am going a bit too nerd right now and no, I cannot say with 95% certainty that I am summarizing all the points correctly.  However, I do know the article talked about how online dating could really help folks find their match.  Enough for me, let's do this.

By the way, Okcupid was started by a bunch of Harvard math guys (they love data).  Okcupid was bought by match.com.  I think it would be safe to assume that match.com has integrated some of the okcupid data handling techniques.

Potentially Interesting Article

This looks like a potentially interesting article.  Could someone pleaaaaase read it and let me know the top five points?  I started reading it, but it's just sooooo long.  I don't have that kind of attention span anymore.  Then I started skimming it.  I know the author was trying to demonstrate online dating works or online dating does not work...

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/07/04/110704fa_fact_paumgarten?currentPage=all

This Could Make Me Rich!

I half *ss check my whatsyourprice.com account (meaning I am rarely active on it).  Nevertheless, I have gotten 12 different offers for a date.  Most of these guys want to pay me $75 and up.  One guy wants to give me $5.  For f*cking real?  Suuuuuurrre.

A Joke?

I am not a hooker, but I am still checking all the winks I get from that whatsyourprice.com website.  Is it crazy that I am getting way more attention on that site than I am on other online dating sites (sites where guys don't have to pay me to go out to dinner with him)? 

Okay, it started as a joke and based on some of the people who want me to go out with them, it is a joke. There are guys I would have to charge $500 to go out with. And I mean go out for dinner, no funny business. I sure hope these guys realize this is not an escort site.

I highly doubt I will go out with another guy from this whatsyourprice.com site, but it is interesting how many guys are willing to pay me for a date.  I could make a lot of money...

No, Not Again. Thanks.

I have been wracking my brain.  What is the best way to tell a guy "not in this lifetime, not interested, never going to be?"  I have heard:

• Ignore.  Do not respond to texts or pick up calls.  Throw all emails into spam
• Say "There is no chemistry"
• Say "It's not you, it's me"
• Say "I am not ready"
• Be incredibly busy

He's nice and smart, I would have to be drugged for anything to happen between us.

Okay, Time To Share

Okay, it is time to share my tale.  I tried out that whatsyourprice.com site.  I went out with a guy.  Yes, I took all kinds of safety precautions (telling a couple of friends, giving them his phone number, telling them where, when, etc).  Went on a couple of dates.  First one for obvious reasons, I was paid around $100 + dinner.  The date was okay.  He is smart, makes about $1 million a year, perfect gentleman, etc.  Even though I found him totally unattractive, I went on a second date just to make sure there wasn't anything there.  There definitely wasn't anything there.  He was socially awkward, said bizarre things, asked too many very personal questions, answered his cell phone, blah blah.  I knew he would want to see me again.  I was trying to spare his feelings.  So, I was really boring and I mean REALLY boring.  I exhibited all signs of crazy too.  I thought this would work!

No, it didn't work.  He wants to see me again.  Yes, that explains my previous post.

For A Fee

You gotta wonder about guys that are willing to pay a girl for a date.  Or maybe you don't have to wonder and know exactly what this means:

1. Guy is ugly
2. Guy is socially awkward
3. Guy is desperate

Or, how about a combination of all three?  Ever since I tried turning that new leaf, I've been trying to give guys I would never be interested a chance.  Nope, not working.  Why bother trying?  I have proved it does NOT work.

Not Even If You Pay Me

I can't remember if I have mentioned this...there is a site out there called What's Your Price and this caught my attention online:  A New Way to Find a Rich Guy & Wealthy Mate.  No, I don't normally click on ad like links, but I had heard about this website on the news.  I think Gawker called it prostitution or something along those lines.  What is this site really?  It's exactly as interesting as it sounds.  I know you have heard me say, "Guys should pay me to go out with them."  Well, this site facilitates guys paying me to go out with them.

I signed up a while ago and forgot about it.  I recently logged in and found 9 guys that want to pay me for a date.  Just a date!!  The site is pretty clear about not having pimps and hos search for business, so I am going to assume these guys just want a date.  A guy offered me $100.  Is that enough?  Opportunity cost of my time.  I actually rejected some guys even though they are willing to pay me for a date because: guy #1 totally unattractive to me and guy #2 too cocky vibe plus he wanted to negotiate.

This video how it is supposed to work from my side (the attractive side):

$10,000 A Day

I remember reading an article over 10 years ago about supermodel Naomi Campbell or Linda Evangelista not getting out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.  I used to think that was ridiculous, all they had to do was sit around and take some pictures; I was wrong. 

I was a model for a photo shoot not too long ago.  It is going to sound stupid, but sitting around and having people throw you in clothes to try on, pull your hair, poke you in the eye with mascara brushes, paint your face, etc is not easy.  It's actually pretty tiring.  You can't really do anything except sit still.  Trying on clothes took about 30 minutes.  Hair took about two hours.  Make up took another two hours.  Rollers coming off took about 15 minutes.  Make up touch up, another 15 minutes.  Pictures, another 15 minutes.  It was almost a full day of work!!  Taking off the makeup?  At least 15 minutes.

New York Guys

I got hit on everywhere in New York. We are talking:

• Line for a bathroom at a bar
• Elevator
• Mall
• Another line for a bathroom at a restaurant (I was there with a guy, but the bathroom guy didn't seem to care)

I used to think aggressive NY guys were annoying. Nope, not anymore

Networking Event

I went to a very hush hush networking event.  It was sponsored by a business school in London.  Even better, I was only allowed to attend because I went to the handful of business schools on the invited list and I was emailed the location less than 24 hours before the event.  Pretty exclusive for a networking event, but I do like keeping out the riff raff.

I met a lot of people who could be great business contacts.  Did not meet any guys that could be potential.  I feel bad for the geeky Asian guy who thought I could be his future wife and the big guy that reminded me of Will Ferrell (think hair and looks).

On my way out, I ran into this sugar daddy wanna be (he's not rich enough to be an actual sugar daddy).  San Francisco is small!!!

Privacy Please

I find it crazy that there are people out there that use Facebook, blogs, Twitter, etc. like a diary.  Is no one fearful of stalkers, jilted exes, and haters?  Yes, I have a blog and I periodically write in it.  However, not that many of you out there actually know who I am (and sorry, it has to stay that way).

Not Good Enough

It's really interesting, I know a couple of guys who break up with girls because they genuinely think they are not good enough for the girls.  These guys are friends of mine, so I see no reason why they would lie.  I don't think I have ever broken up with a guy because I think he is too good for him.  I have broken up with plenty of guys because I have thought they weren't good enough for me (because they weren't).

Royal Wedding

I spent the weekend watching five plus hours of the BBC's coverage of Kate and William's Royal Wedding.   Because of reporters constantly mentioning Princess Diana, I started googling her.  I didn't know much about Princess Diana when she was alive, but she seemed pretty extraordinary.  As if it wasn't difficult enough for Prince William to be in Westminster Abbey, he will get to watch news reporters talking about Princess Diana's funeral also taking place in Westminster Abbey; like he didn't know that already.  Her death was so sad; he was really close to her.  It's been over ten years since her death and she is still a very inspirational person.  She makes me want to get off my ass and do something.

The very stylish Kate Middleton is now a Princess/Duchess.  I think this woman is brilliant.  The tabloids called her Katie Waitie, but look who's laughing now...  They don't even have a prenup.  Then again, they have been together for eight years.

As much as it would be nice to be a princess, there is just too much pressure to behave, do "stuff," and look good all the time.  I am not saying I would turn it down if offered, but I would be aware of the many cons.

Pantywaist

Word of the day: a couple of days ago pantywaist (no joke), meaning - a weak or effeminate man (still not a joke).  Ahhh, San Francisco.

I sat down and started really thinking about what I would want in a guy, must haves versus nice to haves.  This is tough and I think those of you out there that are still looking should do the same.  It's kinda like job hunting...how are you going to find a new job if you don't know what you are looking for?

Time To Go Online

Okay, I have had tons of friends who have met people online.  Some of you reading have even done it; you know who you are!  Should I give this a try?  On a scale from 1-10, I am probably at a 5 for how interested I am in finding the right guy.  However, I also haven't been going out as much.  So, perhaps I should check it out and see if I am missing anything?

Speechless

Wow, I am almost speechless...that says a lot.  A coworker from nine years ago (yeah, he had a crush on me) has been trying to get in touch with me.  Oh my god.  Way to leave a lasting impression, eh?

An Introduction

Even though Goodfella lives in New York, he was nice enough to set me up with his friend's friend's friend in San Francisco.  Goodfella had never met this guy before, but he heard good things.

The guy is really nice.  We talked on the phone, went out, and had some laughs.  Unfortunately, I think he likes guys (as in, he is gay).  I don't think he knows it yet, but all signs point to gay.  I have terrible gaydar, so if I think he likes guys...

Vultures

I love how guys circle like vultures in San Francisco.  I am being completely serious.  It's a kind of social darwinism/survival of the fittest.  At any given bar, party, event, etc. there are always guys ready to jump to talk to one of the few ladies in the establishment.  I was at a party and talking to a guy friend I ran into.  He didn't want to leave my side, but he had to go to the bathroom.  As soon as he left, a guy came up to me.  Nice!

Perhaps I should go out more often...

You Want Me To Think I Know You?

I was on my way to work this morning and some guy I have never seen in my life gave me "the nod." "The nod" is that slight upward chin movement typically reserved for those you know or recognize, accompanied with direct eye contact. Since I don't know or recognize this guy, I simply glared and gave him the death stare. I was so scary that he jumped into the street and dodged oncoming traffic just to get away from me. Nice!! I don't think he really though he knew me. He was banking on me acknowledging him because most normal people:

• Are polite (I can be depending on the circumstances, this was obviously not one where I would be)
• Are really embarrassed if they don't recognize someone they have met before (I forget people all the time and it doesn't bother me at all)

I watched him cross the street and approach three different guys. I don't think he knew these guys either since I saw the confusion on their faces. However, these guys were polite, even when he threw his arm around them. He could have stolen their wallets for all they know.

Yeah, it's not very nice to death stare people I don't know, but this could really save my life or my wallet one day! And no, I wouldn't have death stared him if he was cute...

Green Counts

Yes, green as in money counts, but so does being green in the environmental sense.  I look down on guys that don't recycle...one guy I went out with threw glass bottles in the trash.  And, what's with the inability to turn off lights when not in use?  Afraid of the dark?  One guy I know (friend of a friend) has the television or radio on all day (even when sleeping or out) because he doesn't like silence.  Issues much?

Does San Francisco encourage these "eccentricities?"

Fascinating!

I rarely check my adventuresaurusgirl at gmail.com address, but did today.  Wow, people want me to guest blog and plug their products/services.  Fascinating!!  I think this could work as a win win situation, I just need to figure out the logistics...

I Have This Friend

Okay, now this is a fairly transparent question/statement.

Guy (I have rebuffed him several times in the past three years): Are you dating anyone right now?  (He catches the "ew, are we doing this again" look on my face).  I have this friend I want you to meet.  I think you guys would hit it off.
Me:  Sounds great!  I am not dating anyone exclusively right now (or at all, but he doesn't need to know this).
Guy: Okay, I will put you in touch with each other.

Advice:
I can think of at least five guys in San Francisco wanting to set me up with one of their friends, NONE of them have done it.  Hmm.  If you are trying to ask a girl out and offer to set her up with your friends, there is a disconnect.  Don't offer to set a girl up if you are the one interested in her!

Blast From The Past Week

This week has been a blast from the past. 

1. Seen Surfer Guy about a billion times and it's only Wednesday.  Okay, not a billion times, but probably 30.  Yes, he has a girlfriend, but it's not my fault he keeps walking by my cube.  He's pretty cute, but I think that can be attributed to the fact that there are not any great looking heterosexual guys at work.  We also sat in a dark conference room for an hour next to each other.  That was awkward and yes, I might be in high school. 
2. Odie wants to be my neighbor.  Wow, really?  Yes, this is what I hear.  I haven't seen him for months, so this is about right on time (the Odie cycle is repeating itself).  Somehow, I think this has something to do with me

Not So Dreamy

Remember Dreamy Guy?  Yeah, he is not so dreamy anymore.  I met up with him and caught up on old times.  We talked about what we have been up to for the last five years. He talked much more than I did. He talked about ex girlfriends and girls he is dating (that would indicate friend). Then he started listing all the things we should do together (that could indicate friend, but not with that level of enthusiasm).

Bottom line, I think he is really confused and lonely. I don't mind interacting with him as a friend, but I think he is too much of a wreck to consider for dating.

Another Event

I went to another event this week.  I am not sure what category the event falls into..."the arts," fundraiser, or party?  I think it was a party for "the arts."  However, none of the party goers were actually into the arts even though the event was at a museum.

I don't think I will go to many more of these events.  Patrons were primarily women, much older men, and more women.  I ran into some people I knew, but didn't necessarily want to talk to.  Arthur was there, but I pretended not to see him.

I must say, even though I am not interested in guys over 60, they do have chuztpah!  One guy asked me if I would go to dinner with him.  I said, no, but I did think it was great that he had the balls to ask.  I was very nice in my "pass."

Chivalry Is A Must

What happened to good old chivalry?  Guys who open doors, let girls walk into elevators first, and give up bus/train seats to pregnant or old women are a rare breed these days.  I just don't get it.  Is it an age thing?  One of my coworkers rides the bus to the Financial District from the Marina.  Apparently guys never give up their seats.  She is very much pregnant.  What?!?!?

If I go out with a guy and he shows an unchivalrous behavior, there is no second date.  If he is rude to the waitstaff, no.  If he wants me to go dutch, no.  If a random guy jumps into an elevator ahead of me and smiles at me, I glare (this happened this past week).

So You Want A Job

Went to another networking event.  It must be networking season.  Lots of people out there are unemployed in San Francisco.  Nothing with networking to find a job.  However, a few things I noticed tonight which lead to dos/don'ts for a networking event:

• Do not get sloppy drunk (this should be obvious)
• Do not gesture wildly and hit people
• Do understand body language and signs of boredom
• Do watch your tone; asking, "Where do you work?" is different from "WHERE do YOU work?"
• Do not follow people around
• Do not make fun of my major (so you want me to help you find a job, but you are ragging on my major?  Genius)

This should all be common sense, unfortunately, it's not.

Personal Space

I went to a networking event last night.  You know what's worse than a guy (you are totally disinterested in) who won't stop talking to you?  A guy you are totally disinterested in talking to you and encroaching on your personal space.  I must have backed up 10 feet.  He decided to come closer every time.  Why, oh why?  I would have been really unpleasant had he not been a friend of a friend.

No Plus One

I would rather go to a wedding alone than bring a guest.  I only attending weddings of very close friends and family.  It is a great chance to catch up with everyone; I don't live nearby.  I also do not want to deal with the hassle of having to entertain my guest who will not know anyone.  Also, I don't want a "guest" to meet my family and childhood friends.  These are people who have seen me grow up (assuming I am a grownup) and people I grew up with. 

Could I have commitment phobia?  Yes.  I wouldn't say it is a phobia...it's more an aversion.  I do not like new groups to meet well established groups (the groups that will never go away).

Not Right Now

Maybe I am simply not ready.  I know a pretty decent guy.  I have known him for more than ten years and he happens to live in San Francisco.  By decent, I mean ridiculously cute (I have always thought so).  We are supposed to meet up.  We have been talking about meeting up for months if not years.  I haven't reached out to him.  It's not because I don't think he is serious potential, as much as, I just don't feel like going down that path right now. 

Okay, I have been proven wrong again.  I used to think I would be totally ready to dive in if I met the right guy, but now I don't think that's true.  I am not saying this guy (I'll name him Dreamy Guy because I thought he was so dreamy when I first met him) is the guy, but he really does have potential.

Jeez

Oh jeez, The Player is reaching out to me again.  How about, go away?  I never respond and he continues.  It would be much worse if I responded because he would be getting a reaction.  I think I am going to defriend him on Facebook and block his number.  I know how to defriend, blocking a number can't be that difficult...right?  If I ever run into him again, it's going to be funny.

Facebook Removals

I have become obsessed with Facebook.  It's always in the back of my mind.  How so?  Well, I just don't care.  Too much information.  I have hidden many people, but now I just want to delete people.  It's going to be really funny when I inevitably run into folks I delete.

No Guy Friends

I have a lot of guy friends.  Apparently, if I want to meet a guy, this is not helpful.  I've heard this before, but this seems to be true.  When was the last time your guy friend tried to set you up?  This question is for both guys and girls out there, but more for the girls.  Girls are always trying to hook up their gal pals.  I don't see many guys trying to hook up their gal pals.

I should befriend more girls.  Too bad I find most girls to be irritating...

Waste Of A Day

No, I don't think it is a "waste of a day" if I spend the whole day sleeping.  The guy I end up with will have to agree with me on this.  I don't want to be woken at 6am on a Sunday to go grocery shopping (or worse, biking...if you haven't noticed, I really have an issue with bicyclists).  If he wants to do it, by all means go.  This kinda comes down to the whole judging thing again.

Some of you may be thinking, you are lazy!  Well you know what, I am a little bit lazy, but would love to be lazier!  I consider being lazy a reward for having to be "on" five days a week and over 50 hours in these five day weeks.  Lazy is also a reward for getting up by an alarm, humoring incompetent people for over nine hours a day, and regularly getting less than eight hours of sleep.  Yeah, a little different when you look at it from this perspective, eh?

Single Women

I have never known this many single women in my life.  Many of these women are attractive, successful, educated, and more.  I know single women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who have never been married (yes, I am using the word "single" to mean never married, not divorced, not switching sides, not engaged, etc.).

I know I will eventually want to be married.  I know I don't want to be 40 and single (so I say now, ask me when I am 40).  Somehow, I think I will come across the right person when I want to and it's not now...  Or, I could end up single forever by choice.  I don't need another person to sit with me at a movie, eat with me at a restaurant, sleep next to me at night...and right now, not only do I not need it, but I also don't want it. 

I joke about it, but maybe I really am antisocial.

Another Valentine's Day

I am actually on vacation right now.  No, I am not writing while I am out of town, I scheduled this post.  Valentine's Day really doesn't do it for me.  I remember what I did last Valentine's Day (oh how I wish I could forget - I went out with The Brain).  Gross!!!

Happy Belated New Year

Happy Belated New Year!  Yes, chance number two for resolutions.  I never made them the first time around, so should I start now?  Sure, why not...

1. Do things that I want to do, not because I think I am missing out on something if I don't (I know some of you must go out on a Saturday night when your friends call because you don't want to miss out on what happens)
2. Clean out my life (Facebook friends, old emails, clothes, things - I have 30+ bobby pins, the last time I used a bobby pin was 12 or so years ago); I urge you to do the same, it feels great having less clutter whther it be mental or material
3. Get more sleep (I like sleeping, there are several studies saying sleep is great for the mind and body - most importantly skin)

Nice Day Out

While the rest of the country has been pounded by Jack Frost, San Francisco has been unseasonably warm.  When I say unseasonably warm, I should clarify...San Francisco is almost never this warm.  It has been in the high 60s and low 70s.  This isn't even the kind of weather we would get in "summer" (June/July...it's actually really cold, think 50s) or our "Indian summer" (October/November...mid 60s during the day, cold at night).

I am not too fond of those that judge (duh, read some of my other posts).  Well, I especially dislike those who like to go out biking, swimming, hiking, kayaking, running, fishing, camping, golfing, etc. when it is warm out and have an issue that I don't.  Don't get me wrong, I like the warm weather, but why do I have to go outside to truly "enjoy" it?  I like staying indoors and reading a magazine on a gorgeous day.  Unlike the weaklings, I'll go on a hike in 45 degree weather when I feel like it, not because it's warm out.

In case you haven't figured it out, I do not want a guy who likes to "be active" if I have to partake in this activity.  I would rather have a guy that likes to play video games on "nice days" than a guy that can be found biking.

It all comes down to this: "don't judge."

Sarcasm

I used to think sarcastic people were fun.  Apparently, I am a quite different now than when I was 14.  What I have recently noticed is that sarcastic people are usually expressing themselves in a highly negative way.  Who truly enjoys negativity?  Do people really seek out incredibly negative?  I certainly don't.  I think negativity is tied to anger.

I came across an article with an excerpt from W Robert Nay, PhD.  Apparently there are some signs to anger (he was referring to partners in a relationship, but I think this can be applicable in all situations, platonic, romantic, other, etc):

1. Witholding - conversation or affection
2. Sarcasm
3. Contempt
4. Name calling

So, if you meet someone like this...RUN.

Salads

I try to get out during lunch, it doesn't always happen.  However, when I do make it out, I have noticed really long lines at the salad places.  One would think a ton of girls are lined up because they are trying to keep their girlish forms.  Well, I have seen a ton of girls lined up with the ton of girls. 

I think guys having salad for lunch is unattractive.  It's not very masculine at all.

Him Again

You guys remember "The Player?"  Really nice teeth, pretty good body, and that's about it?  Yeah, the same guy that:

1. Tricked me into a date (we were supposed to be in a group, ALL his friends got sick) and
2. Has called, emailed, and texted asking me random things (I have never written, called, etc. back)

He is asking me random questions again.  I am still not replying to his email. 

I always complain about guys not being that aggressive.  The Player is being aggressive, so I will give him credit where credit is due.  If he wasn't an aggressive guy, he never would have gotten my name, my number, or a chance to go out with me. 

Guys: continue to be aggressive, although you may not need to, maybe you will wear her down one day...at least you will get opportunities that you might not have gotten without manning up.

That's How You Talk To Me?

I don't know much about men being from Mars or women being from Venus, but I have noticed there are some communication differences.  I know a guy who talks down to all his friends; these are supposedly "good friends" of his.  He doesn't tease them, he gets personal.  He rips on family, perceived cultural differences, physical attributes, and more.  Some guys let it bother them and take it, some guys talk back, and others don't care enough to comment or formulate a rebuttal.

Maybe this just how guys talk to each other, but I find that difficult to believe since a lot of my friends are guys.  Yeah, they pick on each other, but it's not as mean spirited as what I have recently seen. 

If you are the kind of guy who really rips on your friends (think nasty, not funny), you really shouldn't talk to girls that way.  I can guarantee it will not be well received unless she is desperate (if that's your type, go for it).

There's No Crying In Baseball

"There's no crying in baseball."  I don't know what movie came from, but I like the quote.  There is no crying in baseball, at work, in a grocery store, when getting dumped, and the list goes on.

Unfortunately, society (mostly Hollywood) is telling it's okay to cry.  Okay fine, maybe in certain situations involving death, serious illness, near death injuries, and that's all I can think of.  I don't want to see a man cry.  I don't want to see his sensitive side.  I don't want him to have a sensitive side.  Flip the coin guys, do you want your girl to have a manly side?  Do you want to see her fart, burp, scratch her crotch, and melt slugs?  Yeah, now you see my point.

I can think of at least four guys I have gone out with that cried when we broke up.  1) I wasn't even crying!  Maybe that's the reason, but still.  2) We didn't even go on that many dates!

It is possible that some girls are into seeing a man's sensitivity and tears.  I can describe that girl: believes in unicorns and fairies, always wants to spend quality time together, kills boy's night, cries all the time, loves ruffles, and calls her mom 12 times a day.

Hah

Hah!  Odie has been asking around about me and getting mutual friends to invite me out when they go out to the bars.  This again?  I have declined several invitations.  I am not trying to avoid him, I just don't feel like drinking in excess and staying up until 5am.  Blame the weather.  Plus, why he should get to see me without directly inviting me?

Guys: if you want to see a girl, ask her yourself; going through mutual friends is weak.

Facebook

I believe the average Facebook user has a Facebook user life cycle.  I remember when Facebook first came out and was only made available to students or people with a .edu email address; that's when I signed up.  I loved Facebook when it first came out.  I was on all the time reading about what all my "friends" were up to.  I accepted 98% of all invites.  These "friends" were more acquaintances than friends.  I spent over eight hours a day on Facebook (well, it was on in the background).  My usage must have peaked around 2008.  Now, I am bored of Facebook.  I don't care what people are doing, where they are going, what their kids have done, what they ate for lunch, and what they are bitching about; it is mental clutter.  Many of my "friends" do not even have full access to my profile because I don't want them to know who I am related to, what pictures I have posted, what I am thinking about, etc.  I used to log on Facebook all day, now, I can't even look at it for more than three minutes a day even though I have blocked 98% of my "friends" from my news feed.  I would guess the FB life cycle is five years.  Facebook will never go away.  The number of new users is exponentially higher than users that quit.

By the way, Mark Zuckerberg seems like a nice guy.  He is dating someone not very attractive, but brilliant.  He could have any girl he wants.  Does he realize this??

I went on a Facebook tangent because Odie and I are on the same invite for a party.  He is "Attending."  Of course...  Facebook has also been in The Wall Street Journal all week.

Coffee

I met up with a guy (he doesn't even qualify for an alias) for coffee.  I couldn't throw down scalding coffee fast enough.  Oh how I almost forgot this story, probably due to the fact that I was trying to block it out.

First, he wanted me to meet at a time convenient for him.  No.  Second, he wanted me to meet near his office.  No.  We decided we would meet at a time and place that was convenient for both of us.  Okay.  He was late and the agreed coffee shop was very busy (things are not looking to good for him).  We left the first Starbucks and went to another.  While we were walking up the street, a homeless lunged at me and tried to grab my arm.  This guy I was with laughed (things are straight up looking bad for him).

So, we get to the second Starbucks and sit down.  He blatantly checked me out when I took off my coat.  He then whines about how hungry he is (grow a pair and stop your bitching).  He brags about how he just finished his graduate degree...not sure what is worse, where he went to school or the University of Phoenix.  The whole "date?"  15 minutes.  Since this "date" in November, he has called me.  I have no plans to ever see him again.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!  Yes, it's that time of year...time to reflect and make resolutions.  As much as I talk about wanting to find the right guy, I don't think I really do...not now.  Yes, I know society tells me I should be married with a house in the suburbs, two kids, and two cars.  I have never been one to do what is "normal" and expected of me; why start now? 

People always say you meet the right person when you aren't looking...I've got my blinders on so tight...