New Year's Eve

It's New Year's Eve and I am going out!  Ummm, I don't have plans on kissing anyone when the ball drops, but you never know.  A friend is throwing a party with 100 people or so?  Why yes, I did use to date this "friend..."

Friendships Between Guys and Gals

I am a firm believer of - guys and girls cannot be "just friends."  There are some exceptions that would only apply to 10% of the population (girl used to go out with guy's best friend, girl is someone's sister, etc).

This article in Scientific American says guys have more trouble being "just friends" with a girl.  I believe it!  I have guy friends who think that they are in line to be a boyfriend, they are just not up to bat yet.  No!

Crazy

I drive myself crazy every now and then.  I think about things I don't care about.  Why do I do this?  Do I have too much free time on my hands?  Do I need a hobby?  Should I pick up any book and read it?

This is my dilemma...even though I know The Brain and I have had issues in the past, still think he's no so bad.  My memory is apparently so so bad.  On the bright side, because I've seen The Brain a lot, I've totally stopped thinking about Smart Guy.  Everything happens for a reason.  The Brain has helped me permanently remove Smart Guy from my head and life.  Nothing like getting rid of a guy because I'm thinking about another one!

The Brain was kind of a dbag years ago, so was I.  Have either of us changed that much where it would work?

Merry Christmas

I would like a lot of new potential guys when I come out of my break from guys in 2013.

Merry Christmas!

Gratitude

People always say happiness is tied to gratitude.  Generally speaking, I am pretty happy.  Why not?  Here's some stuff I am thankful for:

• A good job with health insurance that doesn't require me to work 80 hours a week
• Being well educated
• Cool friends and family
• Ability to laugh
• A peaceful relatively stress-free life
• Funds to buy whatever I want to buy, go where ever I want to go, eat whatever I want to eat, do whatever I want to do (true, I don't want extravagant things)
• No sh*tty roommates

OkCupid Emails

A friend sent this to me.  It's pretty funny.  I've gotten some good contenders via OkC for the worst emails ever.  One guy said, "Your profile is boring" and expected me to reply to that.  Others are sarcastic and cynical.  Who wants a cynical, complainy, whiny guy?  If you do, I know just the guy for you!

Must Remember

So much to remember.  For example, stop thinking high a OkC match % means something substantial.  Or how about, if I think someone is negative, I must have some evidence supporting this even though I can't remember specific examples (highly doubt I've haphazardly labeled someone as negative).  "Potential" is just that, know when to cut losses.  Stop entertaining the idea a guy because I know he is REALLY into me.

Son Of A ___

Oh come on!  Smart Guy is still visiting my OkC profile.  AND, he texted me something like "How are you?"  (I already deleted the text or I'd probably throw it in here verbatim.)  Let's do some easy math...it's been more than a month since I last saw him and a couple of weeks since I last replied to one of his texts.  So, as a "mathematical and logical" guy (what he claims to be), shouldn't he stop looking at my profile and contacting me?

A Thin Line Between Love And Hate

People always say there is a thin line between love and hate.  Hm, well yes, I would agree that there are intense feelings there.  That's about it.  Think I hate Smart Guy.  Seeing him in my OkCupid "Visitors" list causes my eyes to roll to the back of my head.  I get annoyed just reading his profile and knowing that he exists.  His asinine text messages absolutely infuriate me.  How did it get here?  Not sure, don't think I care to figure this out.  Maybe it's because I've fairly (or unfairly) labeled him as whiny and negative.  Maybe he represents my dashed hope that he would turn out awesome.  Done is done.  Wasted enough time talking and thinking about him, no point in wasting more (unless I actually learn something from this exercise).

I am indifferent to The Brain.  Indifference is not terrible because it means that I haven't completely ruled him out (even though that's what I did several years ago).  Smart Guy on the other hand is totally ruled out.

Food Chain

Saw The Brain in a group setting.  Stayed at his place in his bed, with him in it; no, nothing happened and nothing was supposed to happen.  A friend of his (a girl) came out with us.  95% sure she has a crush on him.  We were about to pile into his car and she said something about sitting shotgun.  HAHAHA, right, know your place in the food chain or at least be observant?  My stuff was already there and she knew I spent the night with The Brain, so...

And, if you were into a guy, wouldn't you be extremely disinterested/hesitant if you knew that another girl was in his bed?  A girl that you knew was hanging out with him all day and night?  I sure would!  Yeah, we all say "nothing happened," and in this case, nothing happened, but wouldn't you be somewhat suspicious?  I'd be thinking, "Who is this girl roaming around his apartment like she owns the place?  Couch isn't good enough?"

To make matters worse (for her), he was super touchy feely with me (arm around shoulder, feeding me bites of his food, etc).  If sitting shotgun and sleeping arrangements weren't odd enough to this girl, you would think these types of things would deter her.  They did not.  Is she that naive?

Don't find her to be a threat...not even close.  Yes, I sound like a bitch for saying this, but you know what?  It's true!  If she was a viable candidate, he wouldn't treat her like he did (as in second class citizen compared to me).  I guess she could be a booty call, and if that's the case, have some self respect if he treats you like garbage.

He Pops Into My Head

Not sure why, but Smart Guy does pop into my head from time to time.  Maybe because I am thinking about what could have been?  He had great potential, but potential is not enough.  Maybe because we had chemistry?  Maybe because we spent so much time together?

Yuck, I don't want to waste time thinking about a guy who has no potential!

Not That Bad

Starting to think The Brain really isn't that bad.  He's got some highly desirable characteristics, such as:

• He knows how to make outgoing calls on his cell phone
• When he takes calls or replies to texts with me nearby, he always tells me who is on the other end (that's courteous)
• He took care of me when I was sick months ago and would do it again in a heartbeat
• He wants to settle down
• He's very smart
• He's extremely nice to me (yeah, I know this could change with time)

The Rules

Yes, it's true, I practice and believe in The Rules.  Don't think it's manipulating/game playing, as much as, knowing one's worth and being treated well.  Lots of ladies make dating and access into their pants/skirts way too convenient.  I've done The Rules with 90% of the guys I've talked about on this blog.  The Brain is still very interested even though we dated over three years ago.  Smart Guy is still clicking on my OkC profile, all the time.  He has been texting me less, this is probably due to my obvious disinterest and non-responsiveness.  Telling you, The Rules work!

Of The Rules, the big ones I follow:

• Being mysterious and light (no one likes serious and to be grilled)
• Not accepting last minute dates (that's just rude, we are not at anyone's beck and call and have stuff to do)
• Not meeting a guy halfway or going dutch (it's called chivalry and impressing a lady, going dutch is something you do with colleagues at work)
• Not contacting him first - unless he's contacted me five or six times first (yes, I added the second part in, but don't think I contact guys, ever)
• Not talking to a guy first (how else am I going to know if he's really interested in me or just talking to me because he's bored - okay, fair I talked to The Brain many years ago, but that was because he was physically in my way and I told him to move)
• Not getting naked with a quickness (no, just no)

Holiday Party

Went to a holiday party yesterday.  It was 97% women.  No joke.  It was at an advertising agency, but you would think they know to invite some male staffers?

He Clicked Again!

Smart Guy clicked on my profile again!  Is this to remind me that he is alive?  We haven't seen each other in a month or so.  Yes, he has reached out to me and I've responded to fewer than 10% of his texts (I get bored, but am quickly reminded of why I don't reply to his texts anymore). 

I don't understand.

What?

I was on OkC and Smart Guy clicked on my profile knowing full well that I can see that he visited my profile.  What was the purpose of this?  I did not click back.

A Break!

I mentioned I am taking a break from dating.  Of course, The Brain contacted me and wants to have dinner.  I didn't answer the phone, this is just what the vmail said.

How Much Was My Fault?

I tend to do some reflecting during the holidays.  Was thinking about Smart Guy in terms of "how much was my fault" in order to figure out what to do/what not to do with the next guy.  Okay, so he was insecure to begin with and my constant OkC updates probably didn't help.  However, instead of going about it in a polite manner, he just said obnoxious things and acted out a bit.  And, instead of asking me questions like an adult, he assumed things like me having an affair with my married boss (no, I did not do this).

He's selfish, don't think there's much I could have done to "cause" this.  Don't think I could've caused crudeness or inconsideration either.

Another OkC Experiment

A friend sent me this article about another OkC experiment. Basically a lady (I think a lady, it could have been a guy) created a pretty nutty profile of a cute girl in Beverly Hills, CA. Even though the girl seemed like a psychopath based on her profile, lots of guys emails her.  She replied with pretty ridiculous responses and those did not deter some guys!

I guess it's right, guys really care about looks and don't mind crazy?  A guy friend once said, "Do not underestimate what a guy will tolerate for a hot girl." No kidding!

Oh Holidays!

Oh holidays, almost forgot, gross guy that tried to make out with me within two minutes of meeting me texted to say "Hope you had a great Thanksgiving."  I deleted it as soon as I got it.  He thinks holidays are a good time to reach out to girls that rejected him?  Okay, this is actually quite common.

Reminders

I probably shouldn't have continued with Smart Guy because after the sixth or so date, I knew he wasn't the right guy for me (but hoped he was because he was cute and good on paper).  Well, maybe not that good on paper.  I was reminded of several things, the biggest one?  Follow your gut.  Yes, it's fine to go out with a guy twice if you aren't sure, but 10+ times because of chemistry?  Not a good idea. 

Also, once you see his true colors, you know how he really is (so, discount those "good" days, they are not real and shouldn't go on the pro side of your pro/con list).  If you don't want to text/gchat/email for hours, don't feel bad about not replying; if a guy really likes you, he'll contact you again another time.  I actually think when a guy texts for hours it's because he is bored and doesn't have much to do vs him being so very interested.  He probably likes the attention and has nothing better to do.  Pay close attention to how you feel during the date and right after you see  him.  Are you happy or miserable?  Are you relaxed or irritated?

Ever since I stopped talking to the most recent guy, I have been back to my positive and relaxed self.  Think his pessimism and anxiety were rubbing off on me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm thankful that I'm not with the wrong guy.  For all the single ladies, you should be thankful for this too!

I've been trying to be more grateful...having cool friends/family, steady employment, enough self respect not to be a doormat, etc.  We all are all lucky and need to remember this.

Get Used To It

I am ignoring Smart Guy again.  He should get used to it.  He contacted me, I did not respond.  I've thought about responding to tell him it's over, but he doesn't deserve official closure (that would be way too nice of me).  And, I don't want to have to explain why I think he is a major self centered dbag. 

Taking a break from dating until Q1 or Q2 2013.  Supposed to see The Brain in a couple of weeks, that should be interesting.  Really don't think I want to restart things with him.

Very Done

I am serious, I am very done with Smart Guy.  Yeah, you probably don't believe me because I have said this (MANY times) before.  Well, when a girl is very done, she is very done.  I am at that point.  He lacks general self awareness and insinuates that I am a slut (95% sure he thinks all women are sluts based on several absolutely ridiculous comments he has made).  That's fine, I'll let him think I am f*cking the world, everyone except for him of course.

Nexting him!

The Exclusivity Question

Many many months ago, Smart Guy hinted at exclusivity...three or four times.  I successfully thwarted all of these discussions.  Now, the question is, why is he still hanging around??  He's not "getting any," I am not his girlfriend, I'm not that fun when I am with him, etc.  He can't be that bored/lonely?  It's not like I live across the street from him.  He needs to drive at least an hour to see me (that's each way, not round trip). 

In the past, I have made him insecure with my constant OkCupid updates (this was not intentional, I just like to update my pictures...a lot).  I have also blown him off by ignoring all his attempts to reach me (this was absolutely intentional and probably not great for his ego).  So, why is he still asking me out?  Does he lack options?  Is he delusional?  Does he think I will change my mind and really want to be his girlfriend?  We met in July, he started hinting at it in August (too early in my book), and it's now November.  We've been talking for four months (which is longer than a lot of my recent relationships, I like to cut it short when I know it's all wrong...not saying this isn't all wrong).

He has been trolling on OkC almost nonstop.  This does not bother me, but I do find it curious...especially since he tells me he doesn't use it (liar).  So, setting the lie aside, it doesn't bother me because: 1) I don't want to be his girlfriend or 2) with his personality and issues, I don't think he can do better (even without his issues, his personality or lack thereof would be a great deterrent).  I am a catch and I know it, not being arrogant, just aware.

Why am I still talking about this guy (I am very sick of talking about this guy, probably as sick as you are for having to hear about him)?  Maybe I am that bored.  I am sure he has no future potential, so why am I doing this to myself (and you)?  Am I delusional or that bored?

Smart Guy's probably confused too since most of the ladies want boyfriends...some ladies aren't even that picky.  I have dodged it like it's my job.

This Seems Excessive

Should I be insulted?  I think I've gone on more than 10 dates with Smart Guy and not once has he tried to sleep with me.  No, I am not easy, but 10 dates seems a bit excessive, right?  It doesn't mean I would sleep with him, but he hasn't even tried!  Why???

Damn You Chemistry

Yes, chemistry is the reason why I went out with Smart Guy again (and he asked politely instead of his stupid normal "Hey there" texts).  Him being an effortless d*ck the first nine or so times we went out should have trumped chemistry, but it did not.  I think this guy is the wolf putting the sheep's clothing back on.  (He's definitely not the wolf in this scenario, I probably am.)  I do wonder, could a guy that was an effortless d*ck really be a guy that is super interested (not a d*ck) and just doesn't know better?  Wait, he must know better if he totally cleaned up his act!

I was reading my friend Sabrina's blog post about not wanting to kiss a guy or be exclusive and it got me thinking.  If I do want to kiss a guy and not be exclusive, is that also a bad sign?  If Smart Guy was the guy I went out with over the weekend, I would consider it.  However, he did show his hand earlier (lack of effort, jealousy, neediness, whiny, etc).  Those issues don't just go away because he decided to try harder.

I'll Admit It

I wouldn't say Smart Guy has blown up my phone, but he is certainly texting.  I'll admit it, I finally replied and went out with him.  I like persistence; he sent at least 10 texts before I replied to one of them. 

He was actually really nice and brought game (showed effort).  Maybe taking me for granted and learning I won't always be there changed his behavior?  Does that really help him though?  I've already seen what he is really like.  I don't think this (guy that tries) is his natural state.  I also don't think it's possible to change a d*ck to being a non d*ck.  Am I wrong?  Seriously, let me know...

Going out with him again will depend on how he goes about it.  "Hey there" texts will be ignored.  Maybe he has learned this, we'll see.

Not That Mean

I don't think not responding to Smart Guy was that mean. He hasn't blown up my phone like other guys. This leads me to believe that he wasn't all that interested in me and couldn't care less that I just stopped talking to him.  Good, less mess.

Mean

Screw karma, I've been mean to Smart Guy and he had it coming!  He doesn't care about me (as demonstrated by the whole me being sick thing, driving off before I get into my building, not respecting my preference for emails, etc), so why the f*ck should I care about him?  At least I have the capacity for being a caring human being unlike him!

He doesn't know how to date.  He acts like he is still in college.  Interesting for a guy who's in his mid 30s.  Good luck finding a girlfriend, he's going to need it!

Yes, I sound upset.  I am upset; not at him, but at myself for putting up with his sh*t for so long.  Let's not go slumming again!

I Knew He Would

I knew The Brain wants a second chance.  He's been trying to orchestrate some get togethers over the last few weeks.  Yeah, I am taking a break from guys, but might see what is up his sleeve.  I have many issues with The Brain (surely many of these are still an issue).  What I really like about him - nothing I can do would be a turnoff for him.  I could not shower for a week and he would still want me.  That's kinda nice.

Yeah, this is labeled potential guys.  He might be potential again?  He does put in a lot of effort.

A Year In Review

The year is not over yet, there are two months left.  Think it is time to take a break from dating.  Some stand out guys from 2012:

• The guy that told me I am really hot and how bad he wanted to make out with me (this was all within the first two minutes of the date)
• The guy that wanted to know how many dates it would take for us to hook up
• The guy that was a d*ck (perhaps unintentionally)
• The guy that was really fun, but looked at least ten years older than he claimed to be
• The guy that asked me how match was going while blatantly checking out every girl that walked by
• The guy that was really rich and had nothing else to offer (sub par education, short, horrible voice)

I am sure I have left some guys off, that's probably for the best.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!  What a great day to meet people (during the day when they are still sober).  Don't you love how guys like to cross-dress and gals like to dress in almost nonexistent "costumes?"

By the way, I've started talking to random people, guys, girls, it doesn't matter.  Why not?

Same Faces

All I see are the same faces on OkCupid.  I've heard the way to fix this is un-answer ALL your questions and re-answer different ones.  Have heard this should be done every couple of months.  Not sure what to do since some of these questions are really important.  However, I need new faces!

Mean vs Nice

Haven't decided if I'll be mean or nice yet.  A little worried about karma, which makes me want to be nice.  However, he is a d*ck and doesn't deserve nice.  He's an unintentional d*ck (socially awkward), but still a d*ck.

Smart Guy is absolutely done.  I can't/won't deal with him anymore.  I don't enjoy our interactions and how flabbergasted I am after every date we have.  It's like he's interested, but a bit resentful because I am not trying to strong arm him into a relationship.

I can either respond to his texts telling him we are done (nice) or say nothing (mean).

Effort

Smart Guy talks a big game; it's all talk!  He's good at telling me he wants another chance and all that jazz.  Pay attention to actions not words.  The level of effort he has shown in person has consistently decreased over the past two dates.  He has:

• Had a lot of s*ht in his teeth (a lot)
• Worn paint splattered clothing
• Worn pants with a hole so big I knew the pattern on his boxers
• Eaten half a sandwich I was still working on
• Not tried to plan engaging date activities
• Talked about two if not three different ex girlfriends
• Complained about everything
• Whined, yes whined

More Smart Guy

I think I made it pretty clear to Smart Guy that I am not really feeling it.  That has made him pursue me even more.

No Brain

Saw The Brain again.  He has not changed.  Not again!

Text Messaging

I heard if a guy that normally does not end sentences with periods suddenly starts ending sentences with periods, that means he's angry.  Is this true?  If so, someone is very mad at me.

Text messages are also dangerous.  Since I am not on the sending or receiving end of these, they are funny.

Also funny, Texts from Last Night.

Ignored Signs Of Clingy

It's my fault.  I ignored signs of clingy, such as:

• Contacting me 20 minutes after our first date
• Giving me a pet name before we even met
• Talking to me 24/7 even though we had only gone out once
• Constantly text messaging throughout the day, every single day
• Asking me where I was, what I was doing, who I was with

Finito

Smart Guy is done.  Can't do it anymore.  He lacks consideration (I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, shouldn't have).  He wasn't there for me when I was sick a month ago (yes, I still remember this).  He doesn't care about what I want.  Told him I prefer emails, dislike gchat and text messages.  So, what does he do?  Text messages and gchats me.  He's selfish.  Everything is about him; where we go, what time we go where we eat, etc.  I remember, we were at dinner and shared calamari, it was in the center of the table.  Instead of pushing it towards me, I remember him pulling the plate towards him.  Never seen this before!  What kind of guy (or person) does that?  He also complains...a lot...more than any bitch I know.

Moving Slowly

I get confused when guys move very slowly.  I think, "Well, he seems interested, but he isn't trying to do much else."  This is confusing because most girls think guys want to hook up, but when they don't try...

Keep Trying To Reach Me

Firm believer that if a guy is really interested, he will call, write, text, etc even if I don't respond to all of his attempts.  Think about it, every time you are eh about a guy, you can't seem to shake him.  I've had guys call me everyday for 30 days straight with me only picking up on one call.  I've had guys stop by my apartment after not being able to reach me through email or the phone (a little stalkerish, but I get it).

Difference Of Opinions

I go on dates to give guys a shot.  I've gone on more than six dates to give Smart Guy a chance.  Unfortunately, he might not be seeing it the same way.  It seems like he thinks things are much more serious than they are.  Well, I don't know what to do about this.  Think my friends are right, I might in a relationship and his girlfriend in his head.  He tries to talk to me everyday too.  Until he tries to claim this girlfriend thing out loud, I am going to pretend I am unaware.

OkCupid Activity

There has been a flurry of OkCupid activity.  Why has there been so much activity?  I got five emails in one day and I haven't updated my profile.  Too bad I don't want to talk to most of these guys.  Guys, if you write a generic email, you will not get a response!  If you write something dirty, you are not getting a response!  If we are polar opposites, you are not getting a response!

Complicated

Technology has made dating much too complicated.  Most of us google/facebook/linkedin stalk new guys/gals we meet.  I know a lot more about my first dates than they think I know.

Check out this chart.

I still stick by NOT texting a guy after a date.  It's not just texting, it's calling, emailing, facebooking, etc.  If a guy likes you, he WILL contact you.  Besides, aren't you too busy with your other 15 guys to be staring at your phone waiting for this one guy?

"Pullback"

I heard guys do the "pullback" when dating.  Pullback meaning things are going swimmingly well, then they need to pullback to regroup.  Well, I guess I do the same thing.  In my case, wouldn't say things are going swimmingly well, but I do need some time to think.

Girlfriend?

My friends are telling me Smart Guy thinks we are in a relationship and I am his girlfriend.  That's odd, I don't remember having a DTR (define the relationship or) WAW (what are we) type of conversation.  Yes, we typically see each other on the weekends, more Saturdays than Fridays.  Yes, he does hold my hand.  I am no one's girlfriend without a discussion.  Furthermore, I have some issues with him.  For example, I was very sick last weekend, which he knew.  He didn't even ask me if I was okay or if I wanted him to bring me anything.  That's a very bright RED FLAG!

Smart Guy

Is this a test or does Smart Guy just not care anymore?  He still makes an effort to see me.  However, he doesn't seem to be trying to do much more than that.  He was wearing paint splattered clothes from head to toe.  He didn't open the car door, something he usually does.  He's on his phone.

He still wants to see me again and talks about future dates.  What?!?!

What?

I was on a date a couple of weeks ago.  The guy told me he was having dinner with a person he met at a party the next weekend.  Did he tell me he is going to be on a date next weekend?  If so, what an idiot!  If not, he wants me to think that, what an idiot!

If this is a competition in sketch, I won!

Doubts and Divorce

Saw this article about doubts and marriage and think it's a great read!  Basically, if you are a lady and having doubts about getting married to a specific guy, your chances of getting divorced four years after the wedding are 19% versus the 8% that were divorced and did not have doubts before the wedding.

If I were to date The Brain, I would have doubts.  If I were to date Smart Guy, I would be apathetic.  What's worse here?

Oddest Weekend

Had the oddest weekend ever.  After not seeing The Brain for years, spent the weekend in his apartment, sick in his bed with him happily taking care of me, and making sure I ate.  He did not stay in the bed with me.  I think we are friends and I am sticking to it!  No, I don't believe friendship was his motive, of course not!  I am sick, not sick in the head.

People keep telling me The Brain has changed and asking me what I think of him.  He seems a lot more relaxed these days.  He could give me the Cessna, multiple vacation houses, 10 cars life that is somewhat appealing.  Yes, there is a trade off too.  This is a "problem" I'll think about if it should really rear its head.

Wasting Time

I am not trying to waste my time or Smart Guy's time.  Really don't know what I think of him!  Was talking to some guy and girl friends.  The guys were saying, "If you say you aren't sure or don't know about a specific guy, it means you aren't interested."  They were also saying that at our age, we should be able to determine if someone is a good long term potential partner in fewer than six months.  Is this true??

If I didn't think Smart Guy was cute, I probably would have disappeared a while ago.  Maybe this says something?

Bi

I don't respond to Bi guys who contact me.  There is nothing wrong with being gay!  Just don't want a guy who isn't really sure what he is into.

Counter Intuitive

This is a bit counter intuitive, but every time I meet a guy that seems pretty great, I try to meet more guys to see if Guy A is really that great while others want to hold on as tight as they can.  My friend Sabrina (actually Penny on Sabrina's blog) talked about a mathematical model for when guys choose to settle down on her blog which led me to Michael Trick's Operations Research Blog.

Michael Trick is correct in the whole accept/reject decision process that takes place in a dater's mind.  This just proves that we should all be doing what I am trying to do, meet as many people as possible before having to make a decision.  I am not the girl who asks "Where do we stand" after three dates.  I don't want to know where we stand after three dates!  Three dates is not enough to determine whether I want to make someone my boyfriend or not. 

Also, think about opportunity costs.  Let's say on date #3 I decide to make a guy my boyfriend and we date for six months.  Let's say this guy does not turn out to be someone I would like to continue dating.  That means I was off the market for six months for no good reason and could have missed out on the right guy for me!

Then there's this whole "sampling phase" thing Trick talks about.  I actually think it's just not having to make a decision before you are comfortable with what you have already seen which is why everyone should take their time.  We all want to end up with the right person, why rush?  If that person disappears because it took too much time, then he/she isn't right for you anyway.  As hard as it is to really advocate, I want guys I am dating to be dating a lot of other women.  That way if we select each other it's because we believe we are right for each other, not because I am his only option.

An Ex

Saw an ex on OkCupid.  We are around an 80% match.  It shouldn't be that high!  Our enemy % is quite high...maybe the algorithm does make sense?

Smart Guy

Smart Guy is trying to make a comeback?  He's been looking for me.

No one is perfect and I know this.  Not sure if Smart Guy is all that interesting.  This is really important. 

There are a couple of other things that are questionable about Smart Guy, but they are not deal breakers.  He's great on paper and I think he is cute.  Have some energy.  Look like you are having a good time.  He must have had a good time if he is looking for me and asking me out.  We have been talking for months and I still don't know (hey, that's better than no).

Worthless

OkCupid's match percentages might be worthless.  Why?

1. Most people don't know what they want
2. Most people lie (who is going to admit to cheating, abusing animals, going to jail, doing heroin, blah blah)
3. Most of the questions are probably irrelevant if you meet the right guy/gal (would you really care if they are open to matches double their age if they are the PERFECT guy/gal for you?  They are not asking to be in an open relationship with you, are they)

If anything, I should go through all my questions and rerank "importance" to get a better match.  Might just do this.

OkCupid Match %s

How does OkCupid come up with it's match percentages?  I COPIED and PASTED this from OkCupid's FAQ.

Calculating Match Percentages

What exactly those numbers mean.

This is a brief, but technical, explanation of how your match percentages are calculated. It’s a little complicated, but our method is quite interesting—even unique. Also, there’s a patent pending, so no funny business.

Lets get started

We start wanting to calculate a match percentage for you and someone else. And we want to avoid mistakes at all costs! We collect three values for all users. When you answer a question on our Improve Matches page, we learn:

1. your answer,
2. how you’d like someone else to answer, and
3. how important the question is to you.

Your match percentage with a given person on OkCupid, let’s call him B, is based on the values of (1), (2), and (3) for questions you’ve both answered. We’ll call that set S later in this explanation:

Questions You Answered Questions You Both Answered (S) Questions B Answered

Now let’s look at two example questions and see how we use all this information to make a match.

Example Questions

How messy are you?

1. very messy
2. average
3. very organized

Your answer

3

How you want someone else to answer

2 or 3

The question’s importance to you

Very Important

B’s answer

2

How B wants someone else to answer

2

The question’s importance to B

A Little Important

Have you ever cheated in a relationship?

1. yes
2. no

Your answer

2

How you want someone else to answer

2

the question’s importance to you

A Little Important

B’s answer

1

How B wants someone else to answer

2

The question’s importance to B

Somewhat Important

Calculating The Match

First of all, since we use computers to do this, we need to assign numerical values to ideas such as “somewhat important” and “very important.” We chose the following scale:

Level of Importance

Point Value

Irrelevant

0

A little important

1

Somewhat important

10

Very important

50

Mandatory

250

When we look at how each of your answers satisfied the other’s preferences, we’ll use these values to give our calculations the correct weight. Your match percentage with B is figured by answering the following two questions:

How much did B’s answer make you happy? You indicated that B’s answer to the first question was very important to you. And that his answer to the second question was not. So we placed 50 importance points on the first question and 1 point on the second question. Of those 51 possible points, B earned 50 by answering the first question how you wanted. So B’s answers were 50/51 = 98% satisfactory.

How much did your answers make B happy? Well, B placed 1 importance point on your answer to the first question and 10 on your answer to the second. Of those 11, you earned 10 points. So your answers were 10/11 = 91% satisfactory.

To get a match percentage for you and B, we just multiply your satisfactions, and then take the square root: sqrt(91% * 98%) = 94%.

This is a mathematical expression of how happy you’d be with each other… if these two questions were the only things that mattered in a relationship!

Any questions?

Why do you multiply (as opposed to say, average) the two match scores together, to get a final score?

Because we like to think of each match percentage as the probability you’d get along. That’s the product of them, assuming they’re independent. Intuitively, this makes more sense anyway; two people matching each other 95% are a better match than two others who match 90% and 100%.

What if a user and I have only answered one question in common, and we happen to satisfy each other's requirements? Does that mean we're suddenly a 100% match?

Even though two users have satisfied each other on a few common questions, they may not actually be a good match. That is, while the set of questions you’ve both answered, S, is small, we can’t have much confidence in the match percentage yielded by the above calculations.

With any poll, there’s a margin of error that needs accounting for, and here’s how we do it: True Match = Calculated Match +/- Reasonable Margin of Error

We’ve toyed with multiple formulas for confidence, as there are subtle forces at play. For example, if we’re too aggressive, people with few questions answered will never show up in match results. If we’re too lenient, you might see too many matches who just got lucky on a few questions. Currently, we’re defining the reasonable margin of error as 1/(size of S).

In OkCupid, when the size of S = 50, meaning you and someone else have answered 50 of the same questions, and we’ve calculated your match to be, say, 84% based on your answers, that means your “True Match” is between 82% and 86%.

To give you the most confidence in the match process, we always publish the lowest possible percentage your match can be. In this example, that would be 82%.

So when we were comparing you and B above, your calculated match was 94.5%, but you’d only answered 2 questions. The margin of error for a S of that size is 50%! So the published match percentage of you and B would only be 44.5%, which is 94.5% – 50%, as per our “True Match” formula.

Examine the following:

Size of S	Margin of Error	Highest Possible Match
1	1.00	0%
2	0.50	50%
3	0.33	67%
4	0.25	75%
5	0.20	80%
10	0.10	90%
20	0.05	95%
50	0.02	98%
100	0.01	99%
500	0.002	99.8%
1000	0.001	99.9%

You have to answer 100 questions for a 99% match to be possible. A consequence of this is that we’re highly confident in our published match scores... we’ve chosen the lowest statistically valid value. Our users have to tell us a lot about themselves before we can pretend like we know them.

How are questions chosen?

We have a system for sorting questions by how well they divide the population. Users are exposed typically to the best questions they haven’t answered yet.

What if I check all the “acceptable answers” boxes, or none of them?

We record your answer, but the question’s importance is cast as “Irrelevant” when matching people to you. Your answer may obviously still affect the match, of course.

Shouldn’t “Mandatory” be some kind of filter?

Using the “Mandatory” and “Very important” votes selectively will heavily focus matches on users who meet your most important criteria. However, purely filtering matches by the “Mandatory” vote would upset many users who use the term more liberally. As a rule of thumb, save that vote for the case where you couldn’t POSSIBLY IMAGINE dating someone who answered incorrectly. Still, keep an open mind.

Why can’t I place different importance values on each acceptable answer?

It’s likely you would get confused and screw up your matches.

The importance values you mentioned above (0, 1, 10, 50, 250) seem wrong. I know what is important to me and I want to assign my own values. Ok?

The best way to think about those numbers is to see what they imply about the relative values of questions. For example, 10 “a little important” questions are equal to 1 “somewhat important” question. And 5 “very important” questions are worth 1 “mandatory“ question. If we let you edit them, you might put in something ridiculous like (0, 1, 2, 3, 4) and that would be bad for your matching. Nonetheless, we might add this as a feature soon... It would be very easy to program, it’s just a question of whether or not we trust you.

What besides user questions affects my match percentages?

That’s it!

Like I Said

Like I said weeks ago, The Brain is back for round two.  He hasn't officially stepped up, but the contact has increased.  Let's see what he's planning next.

Player, Inept, Or Both?

Been giving this some thought; is Smart Guy a player, inept, or both?  He has some signs of player and some signs of social ineptitude.  When I go on dates, I am paying attention; it doesn't look like I am, but trust me, I am.  Come on, he is a smart guy, how does he not know this?  How does he think I got through high school, college, graduate school, and hold a "real job?"

Why would I think Smart Guy is a player?

• He is insecure (many insecure guys are players because they need women to validate them and how cool they are)
• He is very active on facebook and probably has thousands of friends (no we are not facebook friends, but I know)
• He's not asking to be FB friends (something to hide)
• He was familiar very fast
• He drives a flashy car and has expensive clothes/accessories (cares about appearances, probably more so than the average guy)
• He is very suspicious about my whereabouts (guys that are very suspicious are often up to no good themselves)
• His OkCupid profile has five or six pictures (meaning attention seeker)
• Don't know much about him other than what his profile says and we've been on a few dates
• He doesn't know much about me and doesn't seem to be trying to learn more
• He got touchy feely pretty quickly (think middle school style)
• He lies about little things and has no idea I've picked up on this (good, by the way, I hate liars)
• I don't hear from him for days (think part of this is because he is trying to see if I will reach out to him to gauge my interest level)
• He gets lots of text messages (he is better with a nice electronic barrier)
• He scopes out other girls in a very obvious manner (yes, this could be him trying to get a reaction.  I don't do jealousy, it just makes me lose respect for guys who attempt this).

The main reasons I don't think he is a player:

• He has NOT tried to sleep with me (at least not that I am aware of and this is huge since that's usually a player's main objective)
• He is very into PDA
• He drives up to take me out (there have got to be much easier girls fewer than 45 miles away from him)
• He is emotional (meaning he cares, players usually don't care if you are talking to other guys, they encourage it)

Maybe he is trying to be a player, but very bad at it?  Or, maybe he just wants the attention, as in, he wants a girl (any girl) to be all over his sh*t like white on rice which leads to needy.

Hold on, why I am I even giving this any thought?  Not 100% into him, but haven't ruled him out either.  He still has potential.

And, Happy Labor Day

Not actually sure why we have Labor Day, but I don't have to work, so it's a good holiday.

Remember the guy that tried to get it on our "first date" (if you can even call it that).  He texted me out of nowhere (he did look at my OkCupid profile a couple of weeks ago, think I blocked him. By the way, blocking is useless on OkC).  It sorta makes sense since three months have not passed.  There is a rule of three, can't truly believe a guy will leave me alone until three months (sometimes years with zero contact) have passed.

Girl Players

Came across this blurb, it seems like I could be a player?  This wouldn't be the first time I am called a "player."  I really do want to find a great guy though!!!

Blurb's main points:

1. She doesn't give a sh*t what anyone thinks (yes)
2. She becomes a good friend first (that's the goal)
3. She knows when to walk away and when to run (just because I know, doesn't mean I always do it)
4. She remains private and mysterious (well, yes)
5. She's not going to sleep with just anybody (of course not)

This doesn't seem like "player" to me.  I call this knowing one's worth and being selective.

Talk To Strangers

Might try a new experiment; talk to and smile at ALL strangers.  This could turn into a very funny story.

Silicon Valley

Lots of people tell me I should go to Silicon Valley to meet a guy.  This blurb says no. 

The blurb's top reasons:

• The huge guy to girl ratio means guys are desperate.  This could be true, but it seems to be a good thing for the ladies?
• People are stressed.  Weak argument, people are stressed in most major cities
• Very high expectations.  Also a weak argument, high expectations aren't just a Silicon Valley thing

Silicon Valley still looks like a possibility.

Done Again?

I am done with Smart Guy (again).  Told a friend I really like the idea of him.  The friend said, "That's what people usually say when they break up with someone." 

Things that have set me off:

1. He fishes for compliments
2. He's been trying to make me jealous
3. He has been asking "none of his business" money management questions

Very Busy

Been very busy with work.  So busy that I haven't had time to analyze the crap out of Smart Guy and how his future with me will unfold.  Yeah, I'll see him again.  I really don't think I should know exactly how I feel about him and whether he has a long term position in my life yet.

Really need some fresh faces on OkCupid.

Still Don't Know

I still don't know about Smart Guy.  We've been talking a lot and went out again.  I think we are into each other, but still unsure about him.  Like what I know about him, but don't think I have enough information.  Need more information.

Maybe Is Better Than No

Maybe is better than no.  For example, "Do I like this guy?"  If the guy likes me, maybe is better than no.

What Do I Want?

I don't think women take enough time to think "What do I want?"  I used to think about "Does he like me" a lot.  Wrong question, I should be thinking "Do I like him" and "What do I want?"  These are fabulous questions for a Sunday afternoon.

Expectations of Perfection

Expectations are too high.  Everyone wants perfect.  How is this possible?  Your friends aren't perfect, your family isn't perfect, your boss isn't perfect, etc.  And nowadays, spouses are supposed to be everything; your best friend, your mentor, your companion, etc.  That's too much for one person!  I don't want to treat my husband like a gal pal.  I don't want to tell him about some new diet I am trying out or how many hours I spent researching a new pair of shoes.

Screw the guy that is trying to rule a girl out.  I am not trying to be a hypocrite and don't consider myself one since I am trying to change this terrible habit.  It's easy to cross people off the list, but is having a typo in an email really that bad?  Does that mean he will be a bad husband?  Maybe, maybe not, but come on, this just doesn't seem like a smart way to go about spouse hunting.

Okay, Smart Guy

Okay, Smart Guy is back in the picture.  I read an article (can't remember where) about how girls work themselves into a tizzy when they don't hear from a guy they went out with.  It said something about a guy having a life before meeting her and by the time he gets around to fitting her in his schedule, she is beyond angry and oozing with hostility.  I've certainly done this before.  It also said something about guy time being totally different from girl time.  For example, a week has gone by, but a guy will think it's only been two days.

Went out with Smart Guy recently.  Even though he used to contact me all the time, haven't heard from him since the date and not worried about it.  This is new for me!  A) does this mean I don't care about him?  Or, B) does this mean I am sure I will hear from him again?  B

Still Have Hope

Even though this article in Scientific American basically poo poos online dating algorithms, still have hope that OkCupid could work.  OkCupid match percentages are based on what the users think are important to them.  Users should know themselves better than anyone else, right?

Seems About Right

Came across this article.  It talks about how men will just about talk to anyone (in their league and out of their league).  Seem about right.  I think guys look at online dating as a number game.  The more emails they send out, the higher the responses/potential dates.

Aggressive and Insecure

Who knew aggressive and insecure was even a possible combination???  Wait, I did.  The Brain and now Smart Guy?  Sh*t.

Never A Good Sign?

Ever meet a guy in person (from online) and hear the question, "So, what do you think of match/OkCupid/Plenty Of Fish/etc?"  I have twice.  Both those experiences have not been good.  I think those are the guys looking for a girl who will just put out.  It's like the dck from a couple of weeks ago (yeah, the "frigid" name calling guy  who I saw walking around downtown on Friday and and this guy).

I'll admit it, I've asked the "What do you think" questions to guys I am not interested in ever ever ever seeing again.

Theory
If the guy asks you about your online dating experience while on a date with you (awkward to begin with), lower your hopes and expectations.

Online Dating

I know millions of people date online.  I also know many couples who have gotten married after meeting online.  This online dating adventure doesn't seem to be panning out for me.  I have met some scary, creepy, and sketchy guys.  A couple of guys were not creepy, but there was also no spark.

How am I supposed to meet a nice guy?  Have also met some scary, creepy, and sketchy guys offline.

F*ck, Smart Guy could have worked out so well if I didn't find him kinda scary.

What's Your Number?

I was talking to some younger ladies today (early, mid, late 20s).  They still think knowing someone's "number" (not phone number) is important.  I am in my early 30s.  I guess I used to care about that in my 20s, but now I really don't.  What is it really supposed to say?  No matter what, someone is going to lie.  Why bother asking and what does it matter?

I could marry a guy that never tells me his number.  If he offers, I'll walk out of the room.

I'm Done

I'm done with Smart Guy.  He likes to get under people's skin.  He likes to be condescending.  He likes to know everything, but has no right to know everything.

Logged onto OkCupid earlier today and he was on too.  I honestly don't care.  Another great on paper, but not in reality guy.  Next!

Peter Pan Syndrome

Was at a networking event earlier this week.  Again, met many nice young ladies that can't find a decent guy to save their lives.  One mentioned the Peter Pan Syndrome (never wanting to grow up), which is prevalent (according to her).  Her reasoning:

• Many people do not plan on living in SF forever
• It's too difficult to buy a house, raise a family, etc. without a TON of cash
• Organizations here are pretty flat, so career wise, not much room for growth

Time to think about moving again!

OkCupid and Paid Sites

The more I use OkCupid, the more I convince myself I should stick with it.  Look at the screenshot.  OkCupid did the math on why paid sites do NOT have good odds (this was before they were bought by match.com).

Not Deleted

I contacted Smart Guy because I was fuming about something he said to me.  It was so judgmental.  He actually responded and was nice (did not expect this).  Smart Guy's number is not getting deleted this week.

By the way, I think he's been cheated on or scorched in some other way.

Closure

I would like some closure.  Limbo is not a good place, would like to know if I should delete someone's number out of my phone.  Would also like it if someone didn't assume I seriously lacked morals and ethics (which is what I think is going on right now).  So I did something that should get me an answer/closure...I feel pretty good now.

Not Ready

Don't know if I am ready for a relationship.  Thinking I am not (either because I haven't met the right guy or it's not the right time).  Really thought I was.  I get freaked out easily.  This isn't directed towards anyone in particular, or is it?  Who knows, maybe he feels the same way.  The momentum (and my giddiness) are at super low levels right now. 

I also feel "off."  Smart Guy is great in person, but I am kinda uncomfortable right now (had some unpleasant conversations with him).  I know, totally singing a different tune today (compared to a couple of weeks ago).  I think he is judgmental and might also be close-minded (he really didn't seem that way in person).  I don't walk on eggshells, not part of my nature!  A friend had a great point, it's a good thing I'm learning all this stuff now versus later.

Couldn't care less if he does or doesn't contact me (yes, I do flip flop on this depending on the hour of the day).

I've Already Dated This Guy?

I think I've already dated this guy?  Smart Guy is bit too similar to The Brain.  NOT good.

• He gets upset with me for things that go on in his own head (remember, we aren't exclusive, doesn't stop him from jumping to conclusions on how I spend my time)
• He is insecure (likely) and really care what others think
• He wants to know everything (Where are you?  Who are you with?  What are you doing right now?)
• He is very smart and might need to always be right (BAD)

These are red flags.  I guess a part of me wants to think this is temporary because we aren't dating exclusively?  Everyone is telling me it will only get worse with time.

Watch This

Watch this, found it to be disturbing.

So, This Is How It Works...

I met a young lady today (late 20s), very nice girl, seems fun, etc.  She has been married for five years and they are happy.  I learned that she picked him up!  This is not the first time I've heard about the ladies picking up the men in SF.  I know I could try this tactic, but it hasn't worked well for me in the past.  Okay, it was more than 10 years ago, but still.

Every Guy Wants A Wife

I was talking to a coworker today about dating.  She is older, been married, divorced, etc.  She told me every guy out there (secretly or not so secretly) wants a wife (yes, I am assuming she meant heterosexual guys).  Is she right???

OkCupid Experiment

I read the news a lot.  Apparently, this guy Jon Millward did an experiment (I am not a researcher, but I don't think his research was that precise) and Huffington Post picked it up.  Better looking girls get 581% more responses than other girls.  Better looking girls getting more emails does not surprise me.  What I did find interesting from the article:

"While some people find the cycle of online dating to be "hellish," the number of users continues to rise. According to MBA Programs, in 2007 about 20 million people visited or used online dating sites. That number has now doubled, with around 40 million romantic hopefuls now looking for love online."

I knew more sites were popping up, but 40 million are online dating????

Event

Went to an event.  A 28 year old asked me out.  99% sure he didn't know I was older him.  I said no, but he seems like the persistent type.  65 year old guy also asked me out.  No.

Yes, He Is In The Picture

I've gotten a lot of questions about Smart Guy. Yes, he is in the picture. We actually talk/text/email everyday. Surprisingly, this has not gotten on my nerves.  We have not had another date due to work obligations.  He's the only guy I've found remotely interesting in five years.  Yeah, five years.  The other guys I dated were all guys I talked myself into dating.  Didn't see any of them and think, "Wow, he's cute."  Smart Guy isn't my typical "type."  He's got light hair and more than 4% body fat!

Smart Guy is pretty cool (remember, we just met), but I suspect part of me being interested in him has something to do with the fact that I am more open to meeting someone now.  Yeah, many of my posts talk about how hard it is to find a guy in SF, blah blah.  I think a lot of it had to do with me not really wanting to find a guy.  After I got back from a short vacation in June, I felt sorta ready (hey, that's a huge step)!

I got a little crazy and NO I didn't tell him! I did the whole, "How many other girls is he talking to?" thing in my head. It's a valid question; a question I would NEVER ask him. Then I remembered all the conversations I have had with SF guys and was reminded of something HUGE - low supply and high demand of SF girls. I am covered.  Also, not to be a d*ck, but I am not exactly at the bottom of the barrel here.

I know I should going out with more guys. I don't think I'm able to do this because I feel bad for the new guy (the guy that is not already the favorite - yeah, Smart Guy is the favorite).  A new guy could be really psyched, but I just wouldn't be into it; he wouldn't even know why, but it could bother him.  See, I do have compassion, I just don't want you to know.  Besides, no one new I would want to go out with has contacted me.

Not Always Accurate

Went out with another OkCupid guy that was 90%+.  Trying to figure out if the match % actually means something.  The guy was smart, pretty funny, well spoken, nice, etc.  However, I was totally not attracted to him.  He looks a bit older than early 30s.

We did get along well.  Yeah, the sample size is small, but 90%+ tend to have the personality traits I am looking for.

Pleasantly Surprised

I was pleasantly surprised.  D*ck on the phone guy was not a d*ck in person.  How nice!  He's really sweet.  I think he might actually be that way (not d*ck).  He was a gentleman, not pervo *sshle (really can't handle another one of these).  We had dinner and watched a movie.  There was no funny business.  I think I'll see him again.  He gets a name!  We'll call him Smart Guy.

D*ck

So, I was on the phone with this guy I met on OkCupid.  We are a match, 90%+ match.  He sounded like a d*ck on the phone.  Does that mean OkCupid thinks I am a d*ck?  I couldn't wait for the call to end.  I think he was angry with me.  He could have been nervous?  His emails were always very pleasant.

Fine, I am not good with the phone either, but really???

Just Call Me A Puma

I heard ladies in their 40s going after younger men are "cougars" and ladies in their 30s going after younger men are "pumas."  I am not a puma yet, but these opportunities keep presenting themselves!  Met a very cute, tall, well spoken, blond, blue eyed 22 year old today.  He turned a five minute conversation into 35 minutes.  22 is way too young, but he was adorable.

Is Your City Making You Single?

Saw this article, "Is Your City Making You Single" and HAD to read it.  It mostly talked about DC, New York, and Los Angeles.  I guess I shouldn't look into moving to any of those cities.  The article said NY match.com users make up 8% of all of match.com users.  That's why I know so many people in NY who met their spouses on match!  The supply of girls is also pretty high in NY, also not a good thing because "everyone is looking out for someone for better."  That might apply to many other cities, but in NY, there actually is "better;" not the case with San Francisco.

DC is said to be quite good for coupling up, but it the reviews weren't exactly spectacular.  Why wasn't SF discussed?  Haha.  I said the same thing about SF (it's top ranked for singles, but that's probably a bad thing) years ago.

Dating and "proximity" are huge.  The term "geographically undesirable" didn't just sprout up for no good reason.  San Francisco is kinda spread out and when you factor in Silicon Valley, it's even more expansive.  I know people in the Mission who don't want to date people in Pacific Heights or the Marina because it's too far.  That can't be the only reason, the Mission is known for hipsters while Pac Heights is known for yuppies, and the Marina is known for frat/sorority life.  And, what to do about Silicon Valley?  I've been told that's where "all the guys are," but it's also 40 or so miles away.  Going to the Mission from Pac Heights doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it?  Well, that's if you like hipsters...

I actually think it boils down to if you meet the right person, geography will not matter (not talking about cross country here).  The issue is how to meet the right person.

Next!

Next!  I wouldn't say I am angry as much as I am annoyed.  Women in SF have done something very wrong.  Have they all behaved like a bunch of sluts?

I heard from that Monday guy - not surprised.  It was a pretty douchey text - also not surprised.  Something about me being frigid.  For f*cking real?  I've known the guy for all of 45 minutes.  I wrote back something along the lines of "Good luck, harder to get into than Fort Knox."

Seriously, ladies of San Francisco, are you letting every guy you meet jump into your bed as soon as you meet him?  At that point, you probably don't know his last name (maybe not even his first name), if he has ever been to prison, his gambling habits, if he bathes regularly, and other things beneficial tidbits.

What To Do?

If I hear from that guy I met up with on Monday, what do I do?  He reminds me of Valley Guy -- not a good thing.  He seemed better than Valley Guy because he was more interesting and less arrogant.  He didn't sweep me off my feet though.  Should I follow my two date rule and agree to see him again?

I probably won't hear from him.  I wasn't very nice towards the end of the meeting (I was probably bitchy).  Things happen for a reason.

This Again?

Met up with a guy during the day.  We had been emailing for a while.  He was all up in my personal space.  This again?  What's with guys in their late 30s that try to get inappropriately friendly without following dating protocol??

Yeah Introvert

Just finished reading Quiet by Susan Cain.  It was pretty interesting and yeah, I am definitely an introvert.  It makes me think that I really cannot end up with someone very heavy on the extrovert side.  He would want to go out all the time, I wouldn't.  This would probably get ugly.

So where do introverts meet if they don't really like to go out?  I have no idea.

That's Way Too Old

Yeah yeah, age is just a number.  Is that what you would think if someone 20+ years older than you asked you for your number?

This happened a couple of weeks ago at a networking event.  I was not very pleasant to him (shocker).  I wasn't in the mood to be at the event, but had already told the organizer (my friend) that I would be there.  I was there, just not talking to anyone.  He came up to me and actually commented on my antisocial behavior and how he wanted to know more about me.  Really?  I knew he was older, but 22 years older is a bit much...like at least a decade too much.

Pay Attention And Smile

I need to pay better attention to stuff.  I was walking down the street a couple of weeks ago by the Clift Hotel.  A guy in a Range Rover was staring at me and smiled.  I looked at him confused.  Did I know him?  Looking back, the answer is, "No, idiot.  He was trying to hit on me."

The worst part?  Not only did I not smile, but I gave him a totally bewildered look.  I need to improve my reaction to random guys smiling at me.

I've Been Thinking About Weather

So, I've been thinking about weather.

Warm weather = people want to go outside and enjoy the weather, people tend to drop whomever they are dating and play the field, and people get married (think about all the spring and summer weddings you have been to), people go out more (anywhere - parks, bars, malls, movies, whatever)

Cold weather = people want to stay indoors, people wouldn't mind having a warm body nearby, people couple up, people don't meet new people because they are very busy in their apartments trying to stay warm.

Of course these are glittering generalizations.  However, doesn't this very short list of observations imply that San Francisco should be good for dating because it's usually pretty freaking cold?

I am going to go back to my introvert idea.  Dating in SF would be better if there weren't as many introverts.  That still doesn't make me want to go out more often...

More Weather

As we already know, weather is super important.

People look way better when it's warm out.  I look way better when it is warm out.  My main objective is to be warm when it is cold.  That might include an ugly fleece coat, oversized ski jacket, etc.

Great, now I've got to think back to other points in my life when I did get paired up with guys I liked at the time.  Yeah, I can expend some energy on this, but it doesn't fix the fact that I have not met many guys that are my type here in SF.

Alumni Networking

Went to an alumni networking thing last night.  Even the married guys (yes, the ones married to women) seemed gay.  Awesome.

The Appeal Of Younger Guys

The idea of going out with a younger guy is kinda appealing again.  No, don't have prospects, but there are a couple of reasons:

1. I look pretty young, would prefer the guy I end up not look like he could be my dad's age
2. Younger guys (some/many/not all) probably haven't had their hearts stomped all over in more than a few occasions = less cynical and bitter

I guess I have to define younger.  Hmm, late 20s?  By the time a guy is 36, he's probably had his heart ripped out at least once, and that's probably made him a somewhat jaded guy.

Young love is cute.  Look at Lucy Hale (she is super cute) and her guy.  Or, Selena and Justin.  Selena and Justin are often caught making out everywhere.  His new song, "Boyfriend" was written for her.  Have you heard those lyrics????  I want a guy who's that totally into me.

Justin Bieber + Forbes

I am a teeny bopper in many ways, but didn't know much about Justin Bieber until today.  Yup, did some research on him after I read the article in Forbes.  How could you not, this 18 year old guy is on the cover of the June issue.  So, not only is he a superstar singer, but he's also a start up investor?  He invested in Spotify, pretty good move.

So, instead of being one of those "singers" who uses recording studio tricks to make themselves sound better, he can actually sing and actually sings live in concerts (as opposed to the rampant lip syncers out there).  He also taught himself a bunch of instruments like piano, guitar, trumpet, etc.  I am not a 14 year old girl, but I'll admit it - he's pretty impressive.  Did some YouTube viewing and saw his very early (pre recording contract) stuff.  He's worked his ss off throughout the years.

JB's also dating Selena Gomez who's he's thought was "pretty" since 2009 (or before).  They didn't start dating until late 2010 or early 2011 (they were hiding it for a while, I think they got together late 2010).  He treats her like a princess (think being really nice, tweeting sweet messages, going on great trips, renting out the Staples Center to have dinner and watch a movie, etc).  I'm bringing this up because I still think it's true, guy after girl = guy treats girl well.  I have yet to hear this scenario being true, girl after guy = guy treats girl well.  There are rumors that Justin broke up with Selena via Twitter over the weekend.  Hope that's not true, they look cute together.

Is Spring Over?

We have had some great weather in the Bay Area, like two weeks of great weather.  Spring was here?  Spring doesn't seem to be here anymore.  It was 52 degrees when I woke up this morning and 54 degrees when I left work.

I've been thinking a lot about the weather.  What's more conducive to finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/long term relationship, warm weather or cold weather?

Hah

So, met up with a guy from match.  Glad my subscription is almost up.  What went wrong?  Well:

1. He talked about one if not two ex girfriends
2. He blatantly check out ladies that walked by
3. He asked me how match is going

Then he left it as I should call him.  Yeah, okay.  No.

Definiton of Insanity

I went to another match.com party because, why not.  Oh yeah, I remember why not.  A friend always  says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with expectations of different outcomes (or something like that). 

Surprisingly, the crowd at this one was even worse than the one months held in March.  I purposely avoided eye contact.  The party was also at a bar/lounge I do not like much, Roe.  Roe is right across the street from Gold Club (strip club) where I probably would have had more fun (been there once before).

Introversion in San Francisco

If you haven't figured it out yet, I am an introvert.  Yes, I attend many events, parties etc., but I would really much rather be in my apartment in sweats, not talking to strangers.  I've always been an introvert, but I try to balance it by meeting new people.  I would rather have a small group of close friends than know everyone and their mom.

I think San Francisco is full of introverts which is why people have difficulty meeting new people.  On a Friday/Saturday night more than 50% of my immediate neighbors are home and on their computers.  Not a Peeping Tom, but when people don't close their blinds at night...

Flakes

Talked to a new coworker today.  She actually met her husband in San Francisco!  This is a first.  They met online several years ago.  We talked about her dating adventures in SF before she met her husband.  She said the guys are flakes.  I can see it! 

I think flake applies to everyone though, guys and gals, in all situations.  For example, people will meet up for drinks as friends and say, something like "Let's do it again."  They then never do it again.  This happens with my assorted friends and I think it's great because I'd rather be doing something else.  Almost anything else.  My idea of fun early evening is not sitting in a loud bar shouting at each other.

Then there are people I actually want to see, but my couch just sounds so nice...so do my pajamas.  I don't think I have always been a flake.  SF encourages it and I don't mind.

Jobs and Personalities

I wonder, how closely are personalities and jobs related?  If a guys is a very aggressive pitbull lawyer or investment banker, is he also a pitbull (aka sshole) outside of work?  Was thinking about this because I want a successful guy (duh), but I don't want the typical pr*ck personality that goes with success.

I knew a successful investment banker, a giant d*ck all around.  D*ck at work, d*ck to his friends, maybe nice to his mom, and that's about it.  He liked to agitate others (coworkers, friends, roommates) and was all around inconsiderate.

Need to give this some more thought.  There are always anomalies, but if personalities and jobs are tied very closely together, that would mean there are certain occupations to avoid like the plague.  This is also tough because I think age is also part of this equation.

New Blogger Format

Blogger has changed.  Everything looks different.  I sometimes had issues posting before, but now I really have issues.

Asian fetish

I was trying hard to block this out, but ick, there were a lot of 60+ year old men with Asian fetishes at that singles party Saturday night.  There were also guys trying to play grab ass (I would have broken an arm had anyone tried with me).  Yeah, I am never going to one of those parties ever again.

Generation Y

I was reading this book about Generation Y.  This book was more focused on what Gen Ys buy and why.  However, it did talk about dating and relationships.  Maybe this not meeting desirable guys is an age thing?  It said many Gen Ys don't know how to date because dating doesn't really exist.  Instead people "hang out" in groups and "hookup."  It also said Gen Y was brought up believing they could and would have anything they want = no settling.

Hah Singles Party

I've never been to a singles party, now I know why.  As you know (or should know by now), I really don't care what people think about me.  Was supposed to go to the party with a gal pal.  She flaked, no surprise.  I went anyway...by myself.  Yes, this is bold, but what do I care?  I know there would be no shortage of guys trying to talk to me.  Unfortunately, these guys were more "seniors" than anything else...think retired and collecting Social Security.  Interesting lines I heard tonight:

• You have the prettiest face out of all the ladies here
• Want the keys to my place?
• Let's make this dance our song

At least they tried and got the hint.  Still had fun, danced like I just don't care.

Nope

Nope again.  Went out with one guy.  Stayed sober.  His personality is nice, but once again, I don't see it.

Ugh, Valley Guy contacted me a couple of weeks ago.  Did I reply?  Absolutely not.  He seems like the type that can't hear no.  He seems like the type that would turn into a stalker.  It's been months since I last spoke to him and he has contacted me two or three times.  Ummm.

Singles Party?

I was curious and went to a match.com sponsored party a couple of weeks back.  There were cameras everywhere.  I would hate to end up in one of their commercials (it might actually happen). 

So, nope, no one interesting.  Talked to one guy for a while.  He was interesting, but there was no chemistry...at all.  He got my number, I felt like that was the polite thing to do.  Glad he hasn't used it and hope he won't.

No, I Don't Feel Bad

I enjoy throwing things out.  These "things" include people (friends, exes, exes trying to be friends, etc).  No, I don't feel bad throwing people out of my life because it makes life easier/less stressful.  Come on, I am sure you have that friend that doesn't stop b*tching, the one that is seriously depressed, the pessimist, etc.  Wouldn't your lives be better without them?  Only one way to find out.

San Francisco 49er

I have lived in San Francisco for years.  Just heard this term 49er to describe women.  Some guys in SF think the women are 4s, but act like 9s.  Guess what guys?  Same to you.  Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Boston

I read in the March Glamour issue that one out of eight Boston dwelling men expect sex on the first date.  That made Boston the highest city for this.  One out of eight doesn't sound that high.  I feel like I have seen way worse in San Francisco.  Maybe that's because I know too many douchebags. Or maybe it's because a lot of the guys I know don't even know how to date.

Judgement

Judgement/judgmental/judging are all words that piss me off.  I think there is mass confusion out there on what it means to be judgmental vs selective.  For example:

1. Deciding someone is a "bad" person because they spent time in the pokey
2. Not wanting to date someone because they served time and not assuming the guy/girl is a "bad" person

See the difference?  I don't label people "bad" based on how they spend their time, their occupation, etc.  However, that also doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to use these as criteria when selecting a guy.  It's as simple as, I am not making any assumptions related to their character.  I am just selecting guys based on things that I know are important to me.

In case this still isn't sitting well with you.  Another example, this one is for the guys:

1. Girls that wear short skirts are slutty
2. I don't want to date girls who wear short skirts

Number one assumes something about a girl's character based on her skirt length.  Number two simply states a man's preference in dating women that wear longer skirts or pants.  Number two does not assume anything about women that wear short skirts.

Some of the most ridiculous items directed at me:

• Sleeping in is stupid and a waste of time (f*ck you, I love sleeping in and I am not telling you how to live your life)
• You/that is disgusting.  I can't believe you are eating that (f*ck you, if I wanted your opinion/judgement, I would ask you)
• How could you...?  (that question is just loaded with judgement)

Johhny Depp

So sad that Johnny Depp and his girl Vanessa Paradis seem to be on the outs.  I follow some celebrity gossip, but this bit of "news" stood out for two reasons:

1. They've been together for 14 years
2. Johnny Depp is 48 or so, but still looks 35

How does Johnny Depp preserve himself so well?  Excellent work.

Kate Middleton And Prince William

I want what Kate Middleton and Prince William have.  Those two seem very genuinely in love with each other.  They have been together for over 10 years and are still into each other!  Many marriages don't even last that long.  Look at Katy Perry and Russell Brand.  Or, how about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries?  That was doomed and it was soooooo obvious.

So what is it that keeps Kate and William together?  Is it the fact that they basically grew up together?  Is it their many shared interests?  Is it the fact that Kate is totally poised?  Maybe because they were dating all through college and their young adult lives?

Large Frame

After examining San Francisco men/guys/man children, I think I know why I haven't seen many I am attracted to; it's because of the lack of large frames.  I want guys that have broad shoulders, height, big bones, etc.  Unfortunately, a majority of the guys I have met in SF do not fall into that category.  Maybe I should move.  Yup, this again.

Get Off The Pill

Over the past year or so, I have seen many articles talking about birth control and how it makes women react to met differently when they are on versus off it.  Basically single girls (hopefully you aren't already married before you try this), to figure out if you are really into the guy you are dating, get off hormonal birth control (pill, ring, etc).  According to these studies, many women find themselves NOT sexually attracted to their partners after they discontinue hormonal birth control usage.

Dating Is Huge

Finally read all my emails.  Dating is huge.  Everyone is looking for someone and all this is apparently blowing up all over the internet.  Had a bunch of folks contact me about guest blogging, advertising on my blog, trying out their products, wanting to meet in person, etc.  Meeting in person probably isn't a good idea since I don't want people to actually know who I am.

My Bad

My bad, I haven't logged in since my last post over a month ago.  I have 150 unread emails.  Totally plan on getting to them!

I posted some comments people left for me.  One was from a post I wrote back in December about Valley Guy.  Gosh,  the comment guy sounds mad...a little too mad.  Hitting too close to home?  Here are some of my favorite lines with my commentary:

• The entries on this blog paint the portrait of a woman who is unbelievably condescending, narcissistic, judgmental, shallow, rude, and self-entitled.
• I would agree with condescending and rude (at times, I am not always condescending and rude, but look at what I am working with here)!  Some of you readers actually know me in real life, so it's quite humorous that I am being called narcissistic, judgmental, shallow, and self-entitled
• Their only crime seems to be that they possess some ridiculously unimportant "flaw" that is a automatic dealbreaker for you ("too short" "didn't go to a good enough college", etc).
• I think the guy may have gone to a sh*tty college and is probably short.  Well, his comment was pretty well written, so he probably went to a good college and is short
• Listen, we are all trying to find the "right" person.  My "right" person went to a good school and is taller than me.  I don't go around telling people that the characteristics they are interested in finding are "unimportant."  Pal with the long comment seems like he is judging me, wouldn't you say?  Er hem, hypocrite!!!
• You also seem to have an irrationally supreme belief in your own universal appeal to the opposite sex - even in one entry assuming without question that you could immediately break up an existing couple (Surfer Guy and his girlfriend), despite knowing next to nothing about the state of their relationship. Do you really consider yourself such an catch that any man would just leave his existing partner for a chance with you?  
• Yes, the opportunity has presented itself several times.  Two of the guys were married with kids; one of those had a newborn.  Of course, I turned them down!  As for Surfer Guy, he has made it abundantly clear late last year.  No thanks.
• The reason you're having so much trouble is because you are competing with girls who are, frankly, better/nicer people than you are.
• This guy definitely doesn't know me, I don't compete and I never said I was nice!

No Drinking

No more drinking on first dates.  I hate drink dates.  They are stupid.  I need a clear head to fully evaluate the guy sitting across from me and drinking makes this impossible.  I think guys know this, which is why they like drink dates.  I haven't met many girls that aren't friendlier after they get a drink in.

I went out with this guy a couple of weeks ago for drinks.  I thought he was hilarious.  Then I saw him again sober...yeah, not that funny anymore.

Holiday Parties

I am glad it is the end of the holiday party season.  I have eaten too much, drank too much, and met too many people I never want to see again.  I guess the last part isn't that true.  I have been to some really cool parties and met interesting people.  Unfortunately, not interesting people I would want to date.