Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Advice: Have A Reason

For the men, if you contact a woman, have a reason.

This is something that I find incredibly irritating - when a new guy (you haven't had a date yet, a date hasn't even been set up yet, you went on one date, et al) feels the need to call/email/text for what appears to be no reason at all.  For example:
  • Hi
  • How are you?
  • How's your morning?
  • What did you do for the 4th?
  • How was your weekend?
  • What are you doing this weekend?  (Very ambiguous and stupid question, the woman doesn't know if you are trying to ask her out or if you are just nosy and want to know what she's doing this weekend)
If you aren't contacting me to ask for a date, then save it.  If we already have a date set up, there is no need to contact me every day with useless chatter.  We've never even met, do you really care how I am?  We are practically strangers.  You are more familiar with your Starbucks barista than you are with me.  And no, we aren't going to be able to "get to know each other" without actually meeting in person; texting me "How are you" every morning isn't going to help you get to know me or vice versa.

Perhaps this is the thing 22 year olds do?  Then leave it to the 22 year olds.  If you are communicating with someone in their 30s, I don't see this as being at all necessary.  I'm in my mid 30s and I'm too busy for this back and forth with no reason "chatting."  Sometimes I'm in meetings for six hours straight, then a three hour work dinner; that's nine hours right there.  So no, I don't have the time or interest in no reason messages.


  1. It's subjective... and I think it make sense to let someone know that's not your thing. Some people enjoy that stuff. But I agree that small talk texting is kind of useless/annoying when it's with someone you've never met or hardly know. I've learned that texting is best left for either making plans or flirting with someone you're dating.

    1. Yes, make plans if you haven't met before. The chatter is a waste of time if it goes on for weeks before meeting and he turns out to be a dud

  2. I think if you like a guy - or like the potential of him if you haven't met him yet - these little texts on occasion are nice. Sometimes it'll be a week or two from when you set the date to when it actually occurs, and it's nice for him to stay in touch. It shows he's interested, and you responding eventually returns that interest. It doesn't have to be a constant back and forth, but I'd say it's way better for a guy to text you with small talk than to completely ignore you.

    Also, a guy asking your weekend plans is not fishing for a date necessarily. Just respond truthfully with what your plans are (however vague you want to be) and see how he responds.

    1. I'm fine with being ignored. It's like when you have a meeting at work, you have it on your calendar and don't need to talk to that person until the meeting. I don't feel like I have the time. I get hundreds of texts a day from people I know, another one might break the camel's back