I spoke too soon. New Leaf Guy called yesterday and curiosity got the best of me. Since I've never been stood up before, I wanted to know how he was going to play it. He small talked about a variety of things while possibly noticing my curtness.
He said he was sorry he couldn't grab a drink Monday night and we should pick a night next week. That's when I cut in and said he should have called to cancel. He said he left me a Google hangout/chat message. No, he did not. He said he did, apologized that I didn't get it, and pleaded for me to see him next week. I said no, busy all week. (Complete lie, wasn't trying to be convincing, thought about saying, "I'll be washing my hair every night" to make it painfully obvious that I am lying.) He asked me to think about it or name another day.
Here's what I think really happened. Out of passive aggressiveness/anger/games, he stood me up on Monday and expected me to call/text every two minutes asking him where he was, which would have appeased his ego. I did not react they way he expected me to act. He freaked out Tuesday and tried to get my attention with Instagram. Yesterday, he freaked out even more, broke down, called me, and made up some bull sh*t excuse. I think I'm right about this because I've seen it before (not standing me up, but similar uncouth behavior) with two other very intelligent and very insecure men, The Brain and Smart Guy.
When I'm angry with someone, I won't talk to them until I've simmered down. I don't care if they call me 100 times. However, if I already had plans with him/her, I would have the courtesy to send a cancellation message.
Okay... you're not going to like this. But in his defense, many of my friends (including me) have had issues with Gchat/Google apps where people have sent messages that weren't received. One of my friends called me out on ignoring a message from him once - one I never got. So I'm not saying he's not lying, but he could definitely have sent something you didn't get.
ReplyDeleteI think at this point you either need to give him the benefit of the doubt or go with your assumption and cut him off. But it's really not healthy to keep this up, all the while thinking the worst. Choose to accept his excuse for Monday or not. But if you agree to accept it and see him again, then really accept it!
That's my $0.02.
No way!! I did not know others were having problems with Google! Totally shocked! With him, I still don't believe him, but I am curious to see...I need to think about this
DeleteI've had that issue with Google Hangouts several times, literally a message just doesn't show up or isn't on my chat history and sometimes it's messages that *I* sent. It happens to BF on occasion - if he has hangouts open on two different devices, they don't always sync and he misses it.
DeleteI agree with TJ, either give him the benefit of the doubt or cut him out completely.
Having been intentionally poorly treated by men (with the purpose of exerting control), I just don't see that with New Leaf. I think he's just a bit aloof and maybe socially awkward. However, the anger and disrespect you feel are your own and unfortunately, he's not responsible for them. Sorry if this sounds tough, but whether you think he's a good guy or a bad guy he's not worth taking up any more space in your head!
Hi Sabrina, this happened to you too?!?! I didn't know it was so common. I agree, he's not worth the space in my head. I don't think he's a bad guy. I do think his follow through is low, which translates into the anger and disrespect I feel
DeleteFor the Google Chat thing, ask him for a screenshot from his computer/phone that the message went through on his end (if you care that much)-- I think there's a 95%+ chance he's lying. I know it's hard to resist someone you have chemistry with but the bottom line he's unreliable and not worth your energy thinking about him. NEXT!
ReplyDeleteLOL, thanks, Anonymous! I won't be asking for a screenshot. I agree, he's lying! I am going to go with the flow and it will be a "What do I feel like doing right now?" question when I hear from him again. Two options 1) nothing, absolutely nothing, don't answer, don't reply, et al or 2) act like I believe him, turn him into a guy friend (I don't need more guy friends, this is so he thinks we are on good terms and doesn't go trying to turn mutual friends against me) while dating a lot a lot of other guys
Delete"Mutual friends" is really business contacts
DeleteEven with friends, I would never cancel plan by any other way than a phone call. Not only because I want to make sure they got my message, but also to apologize for the time they reserved in their lives. Work things or other things can always interrupt but they deserve at least an explanation why I can't make it. And that should come from my voice. Unless I simply don't care about you. But even than I hope I would make the call.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jurgen, true!
DeletePersonally I wouldn't let google anywhere near my love life. He's lying, google can't be trusted. Relationships are hard work whether you're in them or out.
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