Bye bye, New Leaf Guy. We did have a talk on Saturday night. He told me he wanted to be exclusive. He also told me he has to travel for work all August and half of September. Maybe he is genuinely very interested, maybe he isn't (I suspect he isn't, but wants me to be on the back burner while he's traveling).
Why don't I think he's interested enough? He talks a big game and has no follow through (not a good character trait). We talked about taking a local weekend trip in March, that hasn't happened. He said he wanted to get me a Valentine's gift (which I didn't ask for, but want to see since he's brought it up 20 times), never got it, it's been four months. In January, I mentioned I'd like to work for Google. He said his good friend works there and he'd set up a meeting for us to discuss, that didn't happen.
He didn't have to offer to do any of the things that he offered to do, but he did, and didn't follow through; broken promises. Yes, I did tell him all the reasons why I'm not feeling it. I don't think I could have been any clearer.
That stinks that he set expectations and didn't follow through. Especially strange if he claims he wants to be exclusive -- when I'm genuinely interested in someone I am extra thoughtful. But I know men operate differently, so maybe he had the best intentions. Regardless, if it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work for you and you shouldn't waste your time waiting around for him.
ReplyDeleteThanks, TJ. You've got a really good heart to see the good in people. I usually jump way over to the "he was trying to pull the wool over my eyes" side. I agree with you, when I am genuinely interested, I am thoughtful.
DeleteI don't believe in getting mad, but I got mad. For 24 hours, I thought about other incidences of him not following through, and how I want to scream f*ck you and how long did you think I'd listen to your bulls*t at the top of my lungs. Being mad causes me to check out and gives me closure. I'm not mad anymore and I think he's out of my system.
I agree with TJ that he doesn't seem ill-intentioned at all, nor do I think he wants to put you on the back burner. He reminds me of a really nice guy I once dated that just truly didn't know he was driving me nuts with his lack of follow through. This nice guy also thought we were way more of a couple than we actually were.
ReplyDeleteI've also dated guys who really were messing with me, so I like to think I can spot the difference.
Did you follow up with him on the weekend trip & the Google intro? Those are things you could easily have asked about (unlike the Valentine's present)
Thanks, Sabrina, you also have a good heart! Did you eventually tell the nice guy his lack of follow through was driving you nuts? I did told that to New Leaf Guy Saturday night. He's had several days to do something that he said he was going to do by now.
DeleteI can't tell the difference between guys with good intentions and guys who are messing with me.
I did bring up the weekend trip a few times and there was no movement. I also brought up Google a few times and that made no difference either. It's hard for me to believe this guy has good intentions when he doesn't do anything even though I remind him a few times
What's funny about this is that I used to just give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and then I moved here. Now I find myself assuming the worst instead of the best, which really does suck. And some guys are so good at hiding their intentions that they even have themselves fooled (i.e. my ex). This time around I'm trying to be better at not letting my own baggage get in the way of something that may be good.
DeleteThis guy does seem like a flake though. I'm definitely guilty of promising things that I thought I could do at the time and then later realized I couldn't. But that should be the exception, not the rule!
LOL, and then you moved here. Hope it works out great this time around!
DeleteI've given this New Leaf Guy the benefit of the doubt for a while, no more! I haven't figured out if he is a flake/forgetful or intentionally being a d*ck. Since I am expending zero hours thinking about it (he's already wasted enough of my time), I won't figure it out and I don't care :-)
Listen to your gut. This guy is a flake and just using you to have "something." Guys always want to have something going on. It's up to you to decide if you just want to be his something.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anon! I feel like I've already given him the benefit of the doubt time and time again. Time's up, LOL! I agree, he is a flake, and probably just wants to have "something" until "something else" shows up. Next!
DeleteGood for you. I was dating a guy who was stringing me along and when I told him I was looking for a commitment, he told me he did not want to commit to me. He still texted to me to keep me around, but never made plans again to hang out. I never heard from him again...
DeleteGood job! Did you respond to his texts? From my interactions (ignoring) Smart Guy, I learned many men cannot handle being ignored :-)
DeleteI did respond unfortunately, but didn't respond to the last one and never heard from him. His loss. Men play more games than women.
DeleteAbsolutely his loss! If this ever happens again, and I really hope it doesn't, give ignoring a shot ;-) It's strangely empowering. It's like, you know what, I see your message, and you mean so little to me that I can't even be bothered to respond (aka f*ck you, man)
DeleteLove the way you think. I totally understand you. Lots of haters reading your blog, but I totally get it as a single, professional woman dating in SF.
DeleteThanks, Anon! Lots of haters, which makes it interesting, sometimes, sure... Dating in SF is so different from the rest of the country. Do you also find that to be the case?
DeleteI really admire your strength! It seems like you had some feelings for New Leaf Guy for a little while, but despite that and him being good on paper, you stood up for yourself and wouldn't settle for treatment that is less than you deserve. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, M! I did like him, though I'm not sure if I actually liked him or who I imagined him to be? Next! ;)
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