Got Pears?

I went to the library after picking up a two pound bag of pears.  As I was wandering around, a guy kept looking at me.  About five minutes later he said, "Nice pears."  That's a new line, lol, I replied, "Thanks" to be polite.  He then said, "Let's talk it over breakfast tomorrow."  Uh, I gave him an odd look an walked away.

Pro: he tried to pick me up at the library using pears
Con: he was not attractive and alluded to spending the night together?

Well, at least he tried...

MTV Is Casting

MTV emailed this to me.  Maybe one or some of you are interested?

CASTING MTV's TRUE LIFE: I CAN'T CUT OFF FROM MY EX

Have you broken up with a significant other, but you just can't seem to stay broken up? Does your ex constantly come in and out of your life? Are you constantly reminded of your ex on social media? Has it become impossible to unfollow/unfriend your ex? Or do you try to keep up with your ex, even if your ex doesn't want you to? Does a single past relationship keep affecting your life in ways you never expected? 

If you appear to be between the ages of 18 and 28 and you have an ex who doesn't stay in your past, MTV wants to hear your story. Please reply to truelife@punchedinthehead.com with True Life in the subject line. Give us your name, location, phone number, a picture and tell us why you should be on True Life: I Can't Cut Off From My Ex.

Top 5 Reasons Why Girls Don't Reply To Emails From Guys Via Dating Sites

Top 5 reasons why girls don't reply to emails from guys via dating sites (this is not the same for every girl, but these keep popping up when I talk to my girlfriends):

1. He's ugly or unattractive in some other way (obese, missing teeth, unkempt facial hair, etc)
2. Something in his profile was creepy (serial killer/pedophile/sex offender leer) or too sexual (talking about how "sensual" he is, his love of kissing, his love of giving massages, etc)
3. Something in his profile was a turnoff (he's a thug, all he talks about is work or partying with his friends, his lack of education/job, full of negativity, he listed out what his girl "must have," etc)
4. His email was too wordy (three + dense paragraphs), only four words (Hey, how are you?), full of typos, uses netspeak (How r u), an obvious form letter, etc
5. Something seems off (his profile is too blank, his email makes it seem like he isn't proficient in English, he has no profile pictures of his face, all his photos are blurry or from a distance, etc)

Not Funny

Saw this on a guy's OkC profile.  This is not funny, it's obnoxious.  I hope this doesn't actually work for him.

"Yes, I am X'X" tall.  If that's too short for you, you can just move on."

Also not funny, the guy that sent "HELLLLLOOOOOO??????" when I ignored his first four emails.

Social awkwardness or autism?

SF Fraternities and Sororities

SF has what I call fraternities and sororities (Guardsmen, Spinsters, various private clubs like Pacific Union, Metropolitan Club, The Francisca Club, etc). I've heard initiation tasks can be similar to what undergrads do when pledging a frat.

I am a not part of these groups and have not met any members of the older clubs (like Pacific Union). I have met some of the Guardsmen (they are typically younger guys, probably 22-45 years old). I am sure collectively, they do nice things like help underprivileged children. However, as individuals, they are arrogant jerks who think they are hot sh*t. I met nine of them at a bar in the Marina a while ago. One guy was very sweet, the other eight were dbags. Even the sweet guy was arrogant, but he was at least trying to be nice and humble. They other guys acted like us girls were lucky to be talking to them and we should be bowing down and kissing their feet

In college, I was in the Greek system and as arrogant as some of those frat boys were, a majority of them were really nice. I'm being completely serious when I say these clubs in SF may help the underprivileged, but they definitely serve as more proof that most SF guys suck.

Wow, Really?

Wow, really?  I thought he got the hint.  Smart Guy just contacted me again.  For the newer readers, I haven't responded to any of his calls, texts, emails, etc in a year...he's tried contacting me at least 15 times.  He's a jerk and doesn't deserve a response.

The Definition Of Insanity

I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. What have I been doing (or done in the past) to meet a guy that hasn't worked:

• OkCupid
• Going through coworkers, friends, and acquaintances
• Match.com and their horrible Stir events
• eHarmony
• Being seen in grocery stores, pharmacies, hospitals, the mall, movie theaters, dry cleaners, laundromats, various parks, bars and clubs (on weekends), sandwich shops during lunch Mon-Fri, parties, events (alumni and networking), sporting events (baseball, football, and hockey), lobbies of tall office buildings
• Hiking
• Walking along the Embarcadero and water in the Marina

What does this leave me?  Am I brave enough to post a Craigslist ad?  I met someone who told me her friend met her guy on Craigslist

More On The "Slow Fade"

So, some people think the "slow fade" is wrong, while others think it's perfectly fine.  Here is another perspective on fading out.

Have you ever applied for a job and never heard back from the company via form email, letter in the mail, etc?  Doesn't it sometimes feel better when you don't get the official no?  It's like, "Hey, I sent you a cover letter and a resume.  You don't really know me, yet you are telling me "No" seven hours later?"  This has happened to me and I got mad; I would rather hear nothing.  In this case, it was one of five jobs I applied to, I forgot I even applied until I received the "Thanks, but no thanks email."  True, I wasn't that interested in the job, but interest level didn't matter because I wasn't really interested in any of those five jobs.

I think the job application example is comparable to going out a couple of times (or more) with someone.  Would he/she really better off hearing "I'm not interested" or hearing silence?  When you tell him/her "I'm not interested," you are basing that off of a few dates (he/she probably has a pretty valid argument with "You didn't give it a chance, you don't even know me."  Even if you went out with him/her on 10+ dates, he/she could still use the "You didn't give it a chance, you don't even know me" argument.

"I'm not interested" or "We don't click" is just a waste of words.  It puts him/her in the "What's wrong with me" and defensive camp.  It also opens the door for him/her to 1) try to convince you to go out again or 2) want a reason as to why you aren't interested.  Yes, I've had many guys try to talk me out of "I'm not interested."  And, there's no nice way to say "I find you completely unattractive even after four drinks or you need a new personality."  When I stay silent, the guy can think "Maybe she's just a bitch or maybe she's a flake, I'm better off and this is a problem with her, not me."  With my silence, I am taking the blame, which is much better than some angry guy that just won't go away.

Also, aren't we overestimating our own importance when we assume it hurts someone by staying silent?  Maybe they are so busy with work, life, or dating 12 other people to even notice that you didn't respond to their text/email/call.

Yes, I've Done This

Yes, I've done this slow fade and ignored texts/calls/emails.  I think it's totally okay when (any of these can apply):

• You've only gone out a couple of times
• You aren't officially a couple and there is no assumption of exclusivity
• You haven't hooked up
• You know you'll say something truly nasty if you acknowledge the person
• You don't think he/she deserves closure because of something he/she did/said/etc (some examples, ran over your dog, behaved like an embarrassing drunk, tried to hook up with one of your friends, etc)

Blink

I read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink years ago and do not remember much about it.  The main thing I do remember had to do with trusting your gut.  So, when I meet a guy and think to myself "I'm not interested," I am going to go with that and refrain from giving him a shot.  I cannot think of any examples where I gave a guy a shot and ended up actually being into him and having it all go well.  I can remember many instances of giving a guy a shot and never getting into him.  I think I am also doing him a favor...

Okay, No More Nicey Nice

Okay, it's about to get unfiltered.  Some of you may have noticed that I've gotten a little sassier in my comment responses.  Well, that's because I was trying to be nice.  There is a strong likelihood that I'm about to get blunt, which will undoubtedly be construed as me being "mean."

Tech Party

Went to a huge tech party over the weekend, over 1,400 RSVPs.  There were a lot of people there, but probably not 1,400.  It was fun to check it out and no, I didn't meet any guys I thought were interesting.  Although I haven't met anyone great, I still think I can and will find someone great in San Francisco (despite years of evidence that would disprove this).  Am I being stupid here?

That's Refreshing

I went out to grab lunch and mail a letter in the Financial District.  I held the door open for a lady at the post office and she thanked me.  I've noticed that most people I've encountered do not thank anyone else for open doors in SF, it's almost like they expect the door to be opened and express 0 appreciation.  Not only did this lady thank me, she turned around while I was getting ready to walk away and said, "Thank you so much, I really appreciate it."  Wow.

When I was walking back to the office two random guys (two blocks apart) smiled at me.  Also something I rarely see in SF.

That's refreshing!  San Francisco wants another shot?

What Can You Do For Me?

I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking.  When I meet people here in SF, I get the sense that a lot of them are coming from a what can you do for me stance.  Can you get me a new job?  Can you introduce me to a VC?  Can you fund my startup?  What have you accomplished?  Etc.  Does this really impact how much you would like a person?  It shouldn't.  These questions are 1) mostly related to career/business and 2) not, are you a cool person that I want to see again, or do we have fun together?

Social Awkwardness

I think I've brought this up before, not sure though.  I feel a lot of SF guys are socially awkward and defensive.  I've always thought it's because a lot of these guys are really smart, got picked on a lot in school, and went to school for many years.  Picked on in school would explain the defensiveness and going to school for many years while earning top grades would explain the social awkwardness.

I am not a psychiatrist and unable to diagnose autism.  From my Googling, one of the main symptoms of autism is the inability to understand social cues.

I'm just sayin...

A Devoted Website

Just came across this, it appears to be a site devoted to why SF guys suck.  I will have to read this, just caught the part where the author talked about fleeing SF.

So, What Part Of The City?

Ahh, another article about cities and dating.  According to this article, I live in a very guy heavy part of SF.  It could be true, but it's not single guy heavy.  How accurate is the map for you?

This Is Also No Good

This is also no good, notice how San Francisco tops the sugar daddy list.  This blurb is about a year and a half old, but still.  So, many SF guys (single or married) have any issues paying a hot young girl to go out with him.  Everything is up for sale?  Hmm, okay...

Even The Atlantic Agrees

Even The Atlantic agrees, Silicon Valley isn't great for the single ladies.