Happy New Year (Again)

Happy new year (again)!  It's Chinese New Year, so time to revise or make new resolutions...

No Sad Looks

I don't want sad looks when people find out I'm single.  This used to happen a lot at work.  Some people (I know they weren't trying to be mean) have even said, "Why are you single?  You are attractive and you don't seem psycho."  Is being single really that bad?  I don't think so!  I can think of a lot of things I have which the coupled up people do not, such as:

• I can sing really loudly and really poorly (not only in the shower)
• I can sleep for eight solid hours should I choose to (for the people with kids)
• I can eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and not get disapproving looks
• I don't have to wear clothes in my apartment if I don't want to
• I can spend 8K on shoes and not have to explain myself
• Basically, I can do whatever I want, when I want (I'm not talking about killing people, stealing cars, breaking into homes, etc, but you know this)

I'm tired of having to explain my status and way of life to people.  I stopped talking to an old friend because he kept telling me that he thinks I am a lesbian.  It got unbelievably annoying.  I have no problem with lesbians, but I don't need people in my life to insist that I am a lesbian because I don't have a man.

Societal Pressure

As much as I've been meeting new guys, dating, and talking about finding the right guy, I've realized that I don't think I actually want to find him right now (or maybe ever).  I love hanging out with myself, doing stuff by myself, and having the time to figure out who I am and who I want to be.  I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Unfortunately, I feel extremely pressured to find a guy and spend the next 50 years (which is a really long time) with him because I am in my 30s.  I blame society for this belief that women have an "expiration date."  Yes, it is true that some women may have difficulty conceiving should they want children if they are in their 40s, but not everyone wants children.  I've never known so many married people without children before moving to San Francisco.  Also, men believe they can be dads whenever they want whether they are 18 or 88; sure, that's true to a certain degree, but not without risks.  I saw this article years ago, so guys, if you are sitting on your high horses, time to dismount.

I do still believe that if/when I'm ready to meet the right guy I will.  Some may say I am being foolish, I disagree.

I'll Pay Someone To Do It For Me

A married girl was very confused as to how I was going to buy and move a chair off of Craigslist.  She had been with her guy for such a long time that she didn't know how to move furniture without him.  She wasn't even joking when she said, "See, this is why you need a boyfriend, so he can move stuff for you." She was genuinely surprised when I told her, "I'll pay someone to do it for me."

Gals, please don't feel helpless.  You can always ask friends/family or pay people to do stuff for you.  I'd rather pay people than trouble my friends.  Yeah, I'm sure friends would be happy to help, but why inconvenience them especially when manual labor is involved?

I Had To Open It

A 62 year old guy emailed me on match.com.  I just had to open it because I was embarrassed for him.  Yeah yeah, age is just a number, but is it really?  What would I have in common with a guy that's around my dad's age?  AND, he's only looking to date a "sensual woman" in the 28-42 age bracket.  What a douche.

Oh yeah, also got a wink from a 76 year old guy looking for a gal that's 29-39.  Jeez.

Nada On Match.com

This article was pretty cute.  It's written by a 50 something year old lady.  She talks about her experience on match.com.

I've gotten 80+ emails and have not wanted to go out with any of these guys, so...

Checking Out The Ladies

I was checking out the ladies on OkC today...specifically ladies that are similar to me (age range, zip code, educational background, etc).  There are a lot of pretty ladies! Guys shouldn't be complaining about the lack of attractive women in SF.

This is not directed at anyone specific, so please take no offense, this is just a reality check.  For the guys who talk about how all the girls in SF are stuck up, unresponsive, not engaging, boring, etc, maybe it's you.  Let's say these ladies are 7s and 8s while you (the guy being blown off/not getting responses) are a 4 or a 5, why would she respond to you?  Or, read this post I wrote last year about ladies not responding to your emails.

A Small World

SF is definitely a small world.  A guy I met at a bar and went out with a couple of years ago keeps looking at my eHarmony profile, lol.

Also, it seems like most of the guys out here are on several dating sites.  There is nothing wrong with this, I do this too, but I guess that debunks my theory that I would reach a different audience by being on a bunch of sites.

Another SF Dating App

Looks like SF is getting another dating app, it's called Hinge.

Thanks For The Favor!

I truly believe when guys are half *ss (attempting last minute dates, trying to get me to go where it's convenient for him, taking weeks to reply to an email, etc), they are doing me a favor by making it known that they just aren't that into me.  This saves me anxiety, energy, and time.  Thanks for the favor!

Oh Boy

Oh boy, have you seen this article about a girl's horrible profile?

Resolution, Check!

I had a dinner date planned two weeks in advance (good) for last night (Saturday) and I cancelled because:

1. I wasn't interested in him and was only going to go because he's really well educated (bad reason, as I have already learned from dating countless well educated arrogant dbags)
2. He didn't seem that interested in me (see reason #3), and
3. He was too casual (he didn't pick a specific time to "hang out" and was hinting I go down to San Jose even though we had already agreed on dinner in San Francisco weeks ago)

Usually, when I see the kind of behavior exhibited in reason #3, I know A) he's a guy that isn't used to going after a girl because he doesn't need to (this tends to happen with successful guys, yes, he falls into this category), or B) he just isn't interested enough.

I'm actually sticking with what I said I would do (cancel on a guy even if I already agreed to go out with him).  Yes!

Coffee Meets Bagel First Date

I went on my first Coffee Meets Bagel date!  Even though, I don't think I'll hear from him again and I think we might bet better off as friends, he might be one of the best dates I've had in a really long time.  He was chivalrous, funny, and knew how to hold a conversation.  He didn't brag about how great he is or all the sh*t he has.  What a refreshing change!  He's also not a computer engineer, but does work at one of the major tech companies out here.  Sorry, computer engineers, I know I rip on you guys a lot, but I've had zero good dates with you guys.  If this guy calls, he calls.  If not, doesn't matter; I am just really glad I didn't walk away totally pissed off and frustrated (like I did a couple of weeks ago).

Maybe I should "like" a lot more guys than I currently do on Coffee Meets Bagel and see if the quality of guys is better (I've heard the guy quality is better on CMB from a lot of the ladies).  There have been two guys I "liked" that never reached out to me even though they liked me too...eh, whatever!

New York Match.com

I changed my location on match to New York.  In 24 hours, I've received:

• 19 emails
• 28 winks
• 33 likes
• 7 favorites (guys that favorited me)

Out of the 19 guys who emailed me, I am interested in exactly zero of them.   This makes me quite happy because I have less of the whole "guys are in NY are more my type" kind of thinking.

Riled Up

I've been getting riled up.  There is this guy who wants to go out with me and I just want to smack him upside the head.  He asked me out on Thursday for Thursday night (NO), Friday night (when I said NO to Thursday), Saturday afternoon (when I said NO to Friday), and Sunday anytime (when I said NO to Saturday).  Then, he was offended and asked me when I was free.  I told him, the following Thursday (I have a lot on my plate).  I know I shouldn't be offended, he's probably used to girls rearranging their schedules for him.  I am not one of them and am a bit insulted, come on, we've never met before and Thursday for Thursday?!?!  Are you kidding?

Annoyed, not sure I even want to bother meeting up with him.  He works in tech, he didn't tell me what he does, but I suspect he's a computer engineer.

Just Go For A Free Meal

Friends used to tell me to just go on a date with a guy (even if I am not interested in him) for a free meal.  No thanks!  I turn down a lot of guys because I value my time and want to preserve my mental stability.  After a very bad date, it is likely that I'll be mad at myself and think of all the other things I could have done with that time (watch a movie, read a book, do some yoga, see friends, etc).  You always hear millionaires talking about how time is their most precious commodity.

Let's break down a typical dinner date:

• Cost of dinner for two $120, so $60 a person
• Length of date:  three hours
• $60/3 hours = $20 an hour

My time is worth much more than a free meal and $20 an hour.  If I thought the guy could be the right guy, I'll take that chance.  However, if I don't think he'll be the right guy, then no.  I totally should have cancelled on this guy and am still mad at myself.

This view of time was not something that registered with me when I was in my early or mid 20s, I did love my "free" meals back then.

A "Resolution?"

A new year, a fresh start, ahhhh.  I'm not sure if this qualifies as a resolution (I typically don't make these...at least, not only at the start of a new year).  People seem to automatically do a "Year in Review" type of thing around the holidays; I certainly do, but I digress...

So, a new thing I'm doing in 2014: not going out with guys just because I already agreed I would.  Let me explain, there have been several instances in 2013 (and probably beyond) where I have agreed to go out with a guy, was massively turned off by something he said over email/phone/text/etc before the date, but went out with him anyway because I had already agreed I would.  This has never worked out for me!  Think I'd be doing the guy a favor if I just say, "Hi, sorry, I have to cancel" or something like that.

I'm still mad at myself for having gone out with this guy.  I was already annoyed with him before we had even met!  If I liked him, I might have thought to myself, "Oh, that's cute that he keeps contacting me and wants to know more."   However, since I didn't like him, I was left thinking, "Ugh, I should have cancelled.  What a horrible date.  What a waste of time and I feel a violated because he rapid fired 150 obtrusive questions at me."  No, I didn't answer all his questions and I still feel this way.