Living Together

This article talks about living together before marriage and divorce rates.  Should I ever get married, I do not want to live with him until we are actually married. 

I don't believe in this living together "to see if we get along" stuff.  You should know if you get along before moving in.  I'm sure you've had some sleepovers if you've been dating for a while.  If you really like each other, you will work it out, not just end the relationship/move out because he whistles in the shower, she has 200 pairs of shoes, or other reasons you may have.

I Didn't Even Like Him

Many married women have told me "I didn't even like him" when we first met.  Yes, they are talking about their now husbands.  Maybe these men grew on these women or maybe these women settled.  As long as they are happy in/with their relationships, it doesn't matter.

When I first met New Leaf Guy, I liked him.  There was a spark on both our ends, perhaps that was because we made eye contact that lasted more than four minutes and that NYT article is sorta right (no, I did not fall in love at first sight).

I'm Starting To Feel Bad

I'm starting to feel bad for New Leaf Guy.  Not bad enough to call him back.  One of my guy friends who can't stand the guy (based on what he's heard) was pleading his case for him at lunch today.

Another Call

Another call from New Leaf Guy and this time he left a voice mail to call him back.  He sounded annoyed, LOL, imagine how I feel about all that flaking.  Yes, I chose not to answer, again.  I've heard enough of his blathering and he doesn't deserve me answering a two minute phone call (or however long it would end up being).

If he really wanted me to talk to him, he'd follow through on some of his broken promises.  For example, he could email me his Google friend's contact information, apologize, send me that Valentine's gift I never asked for, et al.

Men and women think differently.  I thought I was speaking "guy" when I told him his lack of follow through is a serious problem.

An Amazing Dinner

I had an amazing dinner with one of my male friends this evening.  We laugh so hard, we cried.  It makes up for the horrible date I had on Saturday night with New Leaf Guy.  My friend is taken and we are not interested in each other "like that."  I do feel this is how all my social interactions should be with friends (guys or gals), new potential men, et al.

No Voice Mail

New Leaf Guy just called and didn't leave a voice mail.  Yes, I was near my phone and chose not to pick up.

If I saw a grand gesture, I might reconsider my stance; "might" being the key word.  And no, I don't think he'll come up with a grand gesture.  I laid it all out for him, he talks a big game and doesn't follow through.  Did he think I didn't mean any of it?

Since his ego is so large, he probably doesn't believe I could live without him.  Watch me!

Bye Bye, New Leaf Guy

Bye bye, New Leaf Guy.  We did have a talk on Saturday night.  He told me he wanted to be exclusive.  He also told me he has to travel for work all August and half of September.  Maybe he is genuinely very interested, maybe he isn't (I suspect he isn't, but wants me to be on the back burner while he's traveling).

Why don't I think he's interested enough?  He talks a big game and has no follow through (not a good character trait).  We talked about taking a local weekend trip in March, that hasn't happened.  He said he wanted to get me a Valentine's gift (which I didn't ask for, but want to see since he's brought it up 20 times), never got it, it's been four months.  In January, I mentioned I'd like to work for Google.  He said his good friend works there and he'd set up a meeting for us to discuss, that didn't happen.

He didn't have to offer to do any of the things that he offered to do, but he did, and didn't follow through; broken promises.  Yes, I did tell him all the reasons why I'm not feeling it.  I don't think I could have been any clearer.

A Talk Tonight

Having a talk tonight with New Leaf Guy, not a "what are we" relationship talk.  I'm going to have a "what are you doing" talk.  I don't want to waste anymore real time or mental time on him.  I'm prepared to throw in the towel, which is what I think will happen because I think I've kept him around because of the fantasy/idea vs the reality.

5 Reasons I Hit Unmatch On Tinder

I've remembered to log into Tinder once every two or three days, which is much more frequent than before.

I like how they've made it much easier to unmatch.  Months ago, I remember they made users type something in to confirm unmatching.  I just unmatched the following (aka everyone), guys who:

1. Send a lot of messages without me even getting a chance to read the first one (Are you still there?  Where did you go?  What are you doing?  Are you at work?) - Needy, bored, clingy, et al
2. Type like high school girls (how r u, gr8, r u free, and more) - I don't speak the language and it makes him look like an imbecile
3. Have had more than a week to send me a message and have logged in within the past two days - Not interested enough
4. Seem like d*uchebags ("Oh, what made your weekend so great???") - Why did he feel the three question marks were necessary?
5. Seem like they want to chat for hours (Hey, how are you?  Where are you from?  Where did you go to school?  Where do you live? Have you ever been to Alaska?  What would you rather lose your freedom or your life?) - Notice how none of these questions are, "Do you want to go out sometime?"  Ask the lady out or don't, this endless chatting is irritating.  And, are you really that bored that you have nothing better to do than spam women you've never met before?

Time invested has been low, which makes it acceptable.  Yes, I'll continue logging in since this is my only form of online dating right now.

Smoothed Over

New Leaf Guy called today.  That sorta bad date from last week has been smoothed over.  I feel better about it, but it was still sorta bad and a sign of future relationship issues.

Sorta Online Dating

I'm now sorta online dating.  I've stopped with the sites where you have big profiles, emails, et al.  I'm giving Tinder a shot again because I've heard a lot of good things.  I'll try to log in more than once every four months.  I've "liked" a handful of guys and they've all sent messages.

One is about to get blocked; he's been messaging me incessantly, sometimes sending ten messages without me replying to even one of the ten.  He's been texting my mobile too.  This is too much.  I don't have the time or want to message all day.  He asked me out for next week, nothing concrete, and I think he'll get that I'm not interested when I disappear from Tinder and block him on my mobile.

Sorta Bad

I saw New Leaf Guy tonight and it was sorta bad.  He was very nervous and tired.  I was cranky and resentful.  Our expectations of one another are unaligned.  He thinks I should be head over heels for him after seeing him for many months.  I am on a different page because we don't see each other consistently, it's either a few times a week or a few times every few months (due to travel).  He expects us to be able to pick up where we left off and I don't work like that.  Out of sight, out of mind.  After a long hiatus, I feel like we need to restart and see if we are still interested.  And it takes time to get back into that mindset.

3 Reasons Online Dating Sucks

I know online dating has worked for many couples.  I know online dating is a good way to meet more men.  I've been using online dating on and off for at least five years, and the more I use it, the more I think it sucks.

3 Reasons Online Dating Suck (I think these are the most important ones):

1. Even if someone meets all your desired characteristics (looks, intelligence, yadda), you trade some good emails, you could still have absolutely no spark when you finally meet him/her in person.  (If you had met him organically, you would know if there was a spark within minutes.)
2. It's used as a tool to weed people out, not necessarily to cast a wider net.  (Example, he's not as tall as you'd like him to be, had you met organically and you had a spark you would of course date him.  However, since you met him online, you disqualified him because of his height, and you'd never know if you would have hit it off.)
3. There are some truly awful people (men and women) online (and in real life, but I've really met a lot online).  This guy comes to mind!  Or, perhaps they lie about their age, show pictures that from 15 years ago, have anger management issues, are the next American Psychos in the making, et al. 

After my last online date, I am on a hiatus from online dating.  I will share a story from a few months ago.  A guy wanted to trade emails "to see if we are compatible" (we had already traded six emails) and he requested more photos even though I already have several online.  I told him we can also see if we are compatible by getting coffee.  I ignored his picture request.  He said he wasn't comfortable meeting without emailing to see if we are compatible.  Delete.  He might be one of those guys who wants to have a pen pal and never intends on meeting in person.  Who cares what the reason is, point is he's an imbecile if he thinks one can trade emails to determine compatibility and/or compatibility alone leads to a spark.

I thought about making a collage of the worst online men I've met (in person or over email), but that would be low.

Propose To Him?

While waiting in line at Safeway, I flipped through the June issue of Glamour and saw them post results from a poll they took.  Findings, 70% of guys are fine with the girl proposing.  The line was moving, so I don't know number of guys surveyed, ages of these guys, et al.

I bring this up because I don't think it's wise for women to propose to men.  You could do it if you want, but don't be surprised if you don't get your desired outcome.  Think about all your girlfriends who pressure their boyfriends to get married.  Many of these boyfriends protest, buy more time, and do not propose.  So, all of a sudden, she proposes and he says, "Yes!!!!" Suuuurrrreee.

Thanks!

One of my close friends, Goodfella asked me if I wanted to meet a guy he knows in SF.  I said okay.  The guy hasn't emailed me and that's no problem.  I wasn't impressed by his FB pictures, but I really do appreciate Goodfella trying to make an introduction.  Thanks!

Don't Touch Her

Advice to guys, if you are on a date or are hanging out with a girl you like, don't touch her unless she gives you clear signs it's okay.  Some signs include you find her touching you a lot, she puts her hand on your arm, she removes imaginary lint from your shoulder, she squeezes by and happens to rub up against you even though she has plenty of room, she pulls you over and kisses you, et al.

Guys, if you already touched her arm and she moved away and/or looks visibly upset, she isn't interested.  Don't do it again.  I know, there is some hypocrisy, for most guys, a girl can touch them all they want.  This does not go the other way.

Evidently, I'm still bothered by that turd I met on Sunday.  I am less bothered, but it's not entirely gone.

Heebie Jeebies

This past weekend I went on two dates; one was satisfactory, the other one was revolting.  I'm reasonably good at deciding who to meet in real life, but this means I need to A) get even better at deciding and B) cut the date short when it takes a bad turn.

I have friends who always encourage me to accept a date, because "it's just one date."  Indeed, but what if the date is so ghastly that you are left with the heebie jeebies?

I was looking forward to seeing New Leaf Guy when he gets back in town next week.  However, after that revolting date (it was revolting because he repeatedly invaded my personal space) this past weekend, I don't want to go on a date with any man for some time.

Reminder to self and advice to others, "just one date" can scar you for a bit and f*ck staying longer because you are trying to be polite.