Tuesday, June 9, 2015

3 Reasons Online Dating Sucks

I know online dating has worked for many couples.  I know online dating is a good way to meet more men.  I've been using online dating on and off for at least five years, and the more I use it, the more I think it sucks.

3 Reasons Online Dating Suck (I think these are the most important ones):
  1. Even if someone meets all your desired characteristics (looks, intelligence, yadda), you trade some good emails, you could still have absolutely no spark when you finally meet him/her in person.  (If you had met him organically, you would know if there was a spark within minutes.)
  2. It's used as a tool to weed people out, not necessarily to cast a wider net.  (Example, he's not as tall as you'd like him to be, had you met organically and you had a spark you would of course date him.  However, since you met him online, you disqualified him because of his height, and you'd never know if you would have hit it off.)
  3. There are some truly awful people (men and women) online (and in real life, but I've really met a lot online).  This guy comes to mind!  Or, perhaps they lie about their age, show pictures that from 15 years ago, have anger management issues, are the next American Psychos in the making, et al. 
After my last online date, I am on a hiatus from online dating.  I will share a story from a few months ago.  A guy wanted to trade emails "to see if we are compatible" (we had already traded six emails) and he requested more photos even though I already have several online.  I told him we can also see if we are compatible by getting coffee.  I ignored his picture request.  He said he wasn't comfortable meeting without emailing to see if we are compatible.  Delete.  He might be one of those guys who wants to have a pen pal and never intends on meeting in person.  Who cares what the reason is, point is he's an imbecile if he thinks one can trade emails to determine compatibility and/or compatibility alone leads to a spark.

I thought about making a collage of the worst online men I've met (in person or over email), but that would be low.


  1. Hi AG,
    I completely agree with you. The quality of men on online dating has declined significantly over the years. It was good 5 years ago. I have several friends who met their sig others online. However, I have noticed in the past year the men online lie about their age, are flakey, want a pen pal and are shady in general. Only thing is, how else do you meet ppl in the city? I'm 37, a professional, own my place and would really like to settle down.

    1. Hi Anon! Do you think the quality of men in online dating has declined or could it be the quality of SF men is just bad. Did your friends meet their significant others in the San Francisco Bay Area?

      I heard through friends and at work as being the most common

    2. 37 and want to settle down? At 37 you have already missed the boat and will never have children, thats good enough reason for men to avoid you altogether.

  2. As you very well know, I am completely with you on #1 and #2. I'm consistently telling people about how all of the guys I've dated in SF I would have passed over on dating sites, because they weren't "my type." It's amazing what meeting someone organically in-person can do. I recently read somewhere that a woman did an experiment in which she went on dates with guys whose dating profiles and/or messages to her didn't fall within her spectrum of what she found desirable, and she ended up meeting some great people. My takeaway from that: Don't rule out people who don't seem to be your type on a dating site/app.

    I also agree that there are sketchballs out there AND men who don't seem to want to meet - just message indefinitely. That's when I straight up ask their intentions and drop them if their desire is just for a pen pal.

    All of that being said, I have chilled on the online dating. BUT, I took the article's advice and met someone from Hinge who didn't seem my type. We totally clicked (in a group setting) and have a one-on-one date Saturday. I'm looking forward to seeing how we are without the buffer of other people.

    1. Hi TJ, I find it hard to juggle giving someone a shot and the great odds that it's going to be a terrible date (I've been on so many of these). I don't understand the pen pal thing. Why do they want pen pals???

      Glad it's going well for you! Keep us posted!