Back to Monday

I didn't want to start this again (back to Monday's post on that San Francisco Magazine article), but something is bothering me.

So, question (paraphrased) I asked one of my readers, TJ:

Why can't they (men who date/spoil hot young women and hot young women who only date successful older men) have a mutual interest in and genuine feelings for one another?  

I think we (as a whole, society, people, whatever) jump to conclusions too quickly and stick our noses where they don't belong.  If they are happy, why should we concern ourselves and judge?  I don't think we should.  I'm not sure if you noticed this, but I usually take the less socially accepted stance on things because I try to make a conscious effort not to judge others (and frankly, I don't give a sh*t about what other people are doing as long as it's not hate crimes, gang wars, et al).

I think I'm about to get a sh*t storm of angry comments.

Love At First Sight

This article talks about love at first sight.  From speaking with a variety of people, it seems like this happens to men more than women.

I've definitely experienced lust at first sight, don't think I've experience love at first sight.  According to this article, one of the ingredients to love is thinking the other person is interested.  Never really noticed this, but it does make sense if someone is more interested in another person because he/she thinks that person is interested in him/her.

San Francisco Magazine

I believe a reader left this article on sugar daddies a few months ago.

I find myself playing the "Is that his daughter or sugar baby" game when I walk around San Francisco.  Now that I've been made aware of this world, I think "sugar baby" is much more common than "daughter."

Getting paid to go on first dates (or any dates) would be spectacular!  I would go on more dates and want to kill myself less when I have a terrible date because at least he made up for it by compensating me for the time I wasted with him.

Pinpoint

I've been trying to pinpoint why I suddenly lost interest in the New Leaf/Last Chance Guy and I think it boils down to three things;

1. He spent our entire last dinner date talking about work.  He could have talked to a wall and it probably would've been just as nice of an experience for him
2. I think he's been doing and saying everything he thinks is "right" to get into my pants (no, we have not had sex) and him showing a lack of interest in my day/life/week/whatever became very apparent on the last date
3. He's coasting because he thinks he has me where he wants me and all effort appears to be out the window I am going to phase myself out

What now?  I am going be unavailable because I want to see if any positive feelings towards him reemerge (this could really be related to hormones and I could be overreacting).

That Was Unexpected

Well that was unexpected.  It's been less than a week since I started taking my large step back from the New Leaf/Last Chance Guy and well, I don't care.  I used to like him and now I don't.  Maybe it's hormones, maybe I finally see him for who he really is (not who I want him to be), maybe it's stale and old, or maybe it's something else.

I'd be curious to see if my opinion changes the next time I see him (next week).  We were supposed to have dinner tonight, but I cancelled because I'm so not feeling it right now and need time to go by to see if this is a phase or my new reality.

Friends With Benefits

Had this exchange with an Anonymous reader from the Sexpecation post.  Think it's important enough for it's own post.

Question:  Speaking of sex and relationships, have you ever ended up in a friends with benefits situation, when at first you were dating and it kind of headed that way. It's that way with me right now and I feel kind of...disrespected

Answer:  Sorry this is happening. I think it has happened before and is quite common. When I sense that's what's happening I pull back and won't see him unless he asks me on a date, none of this "hang out at his place" kind of thing. Has it been established that you are "friends with benefits" or is he being a lazy boyfriend?

Question:  We haven't established anything actually. After 3 months of dating I asked him where this was going and he didn't want to commit. I haven't met any of his friends, he doesn't include me on events he goes to...Yet he comes over to hook up and we go out to dinner here and there. 

Answer:  Sorry to hear! I would start being very very unavailable and busy. If he thinks you are dating other guys, good. If you really are dating other guys, even better! Basically, he'd figure it out fast; if he wants to continue with you, he needs to commit before you are scooped up by someone else. If he doesn't want to continue with you, you don't waste time on a guy who never will. Either way, I think you deserve someone who is dying to get you to be his girlfriend! 

A Large Step Back

I've been taking a large step back from the New Leaf/Last Chance Guy.  I will continue to go on dates when he asks and be pleasant; that's where it ends.  I am not going to try to determine how much he likes me.  I like him, but as we all know, actions speak louder than words.  He's done some good things, but he also done some not good things.

Until he shows me he's 100% in, then why should I think about it?  He's either very interested or not interested enough.  If he doesn't show me he's very interested, I am taking a mental hiatus.  If he shows me he's not interested enough, his loss.

Sexpectation

When I was in high school, no boys expected sex for months.  From an especially friendly girlfriend of mine, 2-3 dates is what she does.  Sure, that could work for her, but that doesn't work for me.  I won't even tell someone my last name at the second date.

What is the sexpectation today in the 35-55 age bracket? 

Wrong

When I meet a married man and he talks about his wife and kids, I think that's a very clear sign that he's not coming on to me because he's talking about his wife and kids.  Am I wrong?

Business

A new guy has been taking me out for dinners to talk about business.  Something tells me it's not just business.  Why?  He always pays, the conversation always gets personal, we always get dessert, and he always insists on picking me up and dropping me off.

This is not right, he's married with two very young children.

Something Is Off

Although this New Leaf/Last Chance Guy has been doing better, I'm still not convinced that he's a long term prospect.  I like him, but I do think something is off and I am taking off my rose colored glasses.  Is he telling me what he thinks I want to hear or acting the way I want him to act because he was almost disqualified?  Part of me thinks so, the other part doesn't, it's 50/50.

Nevertheless, I should focus on finding more guys, a lot more guys without the help of the Internet.  This might be difficult.

Spring Is In The Air

Spring is in the air.  I've heard from several online guys I met and disqualified.  I've also heard a lot from the guys I just stopped responding to (inappropriate emails, didn't set up a first date in a timely matter, et al).  I'm not responding to any of them.

Fewer Online Dates

I alluded to this in a comment from a few days ago, thought it deserved its own post though.  I've greatly reduced the number of online dates I've agreed to go on because you can't see or feel spark over the internet.  I know this also greatly reduces the number of guys I meet.

Been thinking about this and for me, if there is no spark on date one, then I'm just not into him.  I can go out with him a ton, but it just ends the same way.

A New Leaf

So this last chance guy has turned a new leaf.  We went to a very nice dinner over the weekend and talked a lot.  He seems pretty genuine this time around.  What motivates a guy to set things in motion?  Knowing that he's about to be disqualified.  I didn't need to tell him this.  Guys know when they do something wrong.

Then Again, No

That guy I went out with earlier in the week is not someone I want to see again.  He emailed me around 10 pm last night saying he had a great time and wants to see me again.  Then he emailed me at 8 am this morning saying, that my lack of response must mean I'm not interested.

That second email made my very angry.  It's been less than 12 hours and that includes times when people are normally sleeping.  I could have been at the bar til 2 am and slept until 8:30 am or a ton of other scenarios.

I will not respond to him because he seems unstable.  If he's behaving this way when we went out once, it'll get worse.  He seems very insecure and needs a lot of attention.  Even if there was a spark (there wasn't), I would not go out with him again.

No Spark

Went to dinner tonight with a new guy tonight.  He was nice, but no spark.  If he asks me out again, I'll try again.