Why Am I On This Date?

I went on a coffee date this afternoon.  I found myself thinking, why am I on this date? A) I should have asked for clearer photos before agreeing to meet him - my fault.  B) I think he wanted someone to listen to his enormous list of problems.  They included how expensive San Francisco is, his train wreck last relationship, his father passing away two years ago, and other topics you wouldn't normally discuss with someone you just met for the first time.  I didn't like the questions he asked me, also things you wouldn't normally discuss when you first meet someone - last boyfriend, darkest secret, broken dreams, et al.

Even worse than the "conversation" if you can call it that, he didn't understand my clear "don't touch me" signs and invaded my personal space.  An example, he tried to put his arm around me, I moved far away and was practically walking in the street.  He did at least five times before I shouted, "What are you doing??!?!!?" 

I ended the date when I saw him looking me up and down very slowly; I should have ended it sooner, but I was trying to be polite.

Professional Contact

I went out on a dinner date with this repeat guy.  He's nice, we had a better conversation this date, but I still don't feel a spark.  He made it very clear that he thinks there is a spark, would like to see me again, and it's up to me.  I don't see him as relationship material, but I do see him as a professional contact; something I don't think he'd like...

A Good Example Of A Reappearing Guy

I wasn't going to talk about Smart Guy again, but I do think he's a good example of a guy who keeps coming back.  (Background for new readers, we went on several dates in 2012, I was never his girlfriend - so, we weren't in a relationship, and I stopped responding to his messages.  Most of him is great on paper, late 30s, 6'+ tall, affectionate, attorney, lives in Peninsula/Silicon Valley, Ivy law school, works at a prestigious firm, likes to argue, socially awkward, condescending, et al.)

He emailed me a few weeks ago.  I'm still not responding to him (and never will) because I don't want to date/see him and he doesn't deserve a response.  I don't give him much thought (though I used to get angry when I heard from him), now I laugh my *ss off at his ludicrous messages.

So, why do I think he keeps reappearing even though I haven't responded to a message since 2012?  I suspect he's bored, I know he's socially awkward, and he probably hasn't found "better."

5 Reasons Why Guys Keep Coming Back

I was thinking about comments from Tuesday's post and came up why I think guys reappear, so...

5 Reasons Why Guys Keep Coming Back:

1. He's bored - work is slow, no one has replied to his OkC emails in months, his best friend moved away, yadda yadda
2. He's been hit with spring fever, it's almost the holidays, et al - seasonal
3. He's socially awkward - doesn't understand social cues/norms ("Leave me alone" means "Leave me alone")
4. He sees you as a challenge and likes challenges - also tied with ego "How could she not be interested in me????"
5. He hasn't found "better" - operating under his definition of "better" and whatever qualities he looks for

I think this list applies to all women who have that guy or those guys who keep reappearing after she said no to a date, went on a date, went on a few dates, made her boyfriend, made her fiance...

I believe most of the guys who reappear in my life do so because they are bored (and the things that go with that); I don't take them very seriously.  If I've actually gone on a few dates with them and they contact me very often, I might start think it's because they haven't found "better."  No, I am not saying I am better than the other women (perhaps I am, perhaps I'm not).  I'm saying they came to the conclusion that I am "better," which is why they keep coming back even though I almost never respond. 

Ladies, don't be disappointed if guys don't reappear in your life very much, it's a good thing they don't.

Repeat Date

I have a repeat date this weekend.  He is someone I met for drinks at the end of 2014.  On our date, he asked very detailed questions about the rest of my night, week, et al and I got the sense that he was scorched/cheated on in his last relationship.  Our second date was supposed to be dinner, but I cancelled because I wasn't feeling well and I wasn't sure about him.  He did not accept my cancellation graciously, which was no problem.  So, I was shocked when he emailed and texted me every month since then.  I'm giving him another shot; it's just dinner.

Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day.  For me, it's always a reminder that we are about halfway through the year.  I finally gave this blog a facelift.  Other than that, nothing to report for the first half of the year.   How about you?

This Is What It Looks Like

I had a drink with a guy friends last night.  He's in his late 20s/early 30s and was talking about how he is absolutely totally in love with the girl he is currently dating.  They've been dating for a month, he plans on asking her to be exclusive in the next few weeks because he doesn't want to lose her to another guy.  And, sex is the last thing on his mind (he has not tried to move it into the bedroom).

This is what it looks like when a guy is really into a girl, none of this "sorta with" rubbish.