I've been thinking about what I'll call the "sorta with" phenomenon discussed in NYT's Modern Love. I think everyone's been "sorta with" someone. I've certainly done it when I was younger. And looking back, I know what was wrong with it. The guy (or I) just wasn't interested enough. If I really liked him or if he really liked me, there wouldn't be "what are we" thoughts. Someone would say what they want, maybe with a label or maybe without one. I think when there is a label, both parties are more "serious" about getting together.
If you are "sorta with" with a guy, it's been a while, and you want something more; he's not interested enough unless he makes it official. A guy who is really into you won't want you on the dating market, he won't want you dating other guys, he won't want you to be "single," and he won't want to entertain the possibility of you dropping him for another guy. He'll want you all to himself! He shouldn't get to have you if he doesn't think you could be "the one" or he's just waiting for something better to come along.
I know I want someone who makes it clear he is interested (if I am interested in him). So let's save the headache and stop this "sorta with" business and make it official or part ways.
The thing that bothers me the most - and I fully admit I have been this girl, too - are the girls who put up with the "sorta with" behavior thinking they can get the guy to change OR deluding themselves into thinking they too are ok with no labels or definitions.
ReplyDeleteI've been there, I convinced myself it was fine, that "all" men hate labels, and that this was all I deserved. It took a lot for me to get out of that mindset.
Hi Sabrina, we've all done it. And, most guys know we aren't okay with a lack of definition, but continue to string it out as long as they can because of whatever benefits they are deriving from being "sorta with" us ladies. We know better now
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