SF Is Very Very Small

I keep forgetting SF is very very small.  While I was walking around by Yerba Buena, saw this guy I went on a date with a month ago.  I think we both pretended not to see each other, LOL.  This did not offend me, feelings of no spark were mutual.

No Thanks

Went out with a new guy tonight.  Don't plan on seeing him again.  He gave me a speech about my job and said I looked different from my picture, LOL.  He also wanted to argue.  He tried to make the date a lot longer, no thanks.  We did have a good meal, (the food was good).

Grow Up

New Leaf Guy has been trying to play facebook games with me while he's on his work trips.  I'll check in somewhere and he'll email me something long and obnoxious about how I'm having a great time while he's slaving away.  Then he'll post some photo of a nice meal.  I'm not playing and he's been disqualified, so?

He has sent me a few emails, texts, facebook messages about business related things.  I have responded cordially to those.

Categories

I was thinking about Smart Guy the other day because he texted me...again.  Smart Guy used to try throw me into categories (they included:  alcoholic, slut, prude, cheater, et al).  Every time he thought he figured it out, he learned he was wrong.  Why was there a need to categorize me?  We should have been getting to know each other not trying to label each other.

He was the type who liked to ask "Why" and argue.  The "why" was okay, the wanting to argue was not okay.  He'd basically tried to "prove" my opinion was wrong.  Bruh, it's an opinion.

Dating Coach

Many guys in San Francisco could use a dating coach.  I'm often tempted to offer constructive feedback when I go on a terrible date.  I don't do it.  The worst thing is, I don't think many of these SF men are aware that their dating skills suck.

Self Confidence

I just read about an experiment where women with more self confidence are less willing to date men who are non professionals.

Advice: Stick To Your Schedule

This is for women because I think women do this much more than men.

Stick to your schedule.  I know it's hard to say no when you really like him and he texts you to see if you want to go to dinner tomorrow night because his basketball game got cancelled, the night of your favorite spin class.  Go to your spin class.  If he surprised you with tickets for your favorite band, that's different.

You have friends, family, work, school, et al.  Why should put him first and accommodate his schedule?  Why should you stay out too late and feel like a corpse the entire next day because you agreed to meet him at 10pm for drinks after his basketball game ended? 

I've been too flexible with my schedule before and it was a big mistake.  The guy got complacent and stopped planning ahead because he assumed I'd be available.  He'd start sentences with "I'll let you know."  No.  I reset that by being very unavailable, which caused him to mind his Ps and Qs again.  Your time if valuable.  Even if you have nothing to do, it is still valuable.

Tinder Killed Dating?

Saw this article about Tinder, hooking up, online dating apps, non relationships, end of dating, et al floating around on facebook and it is disturbing.  I don't think tinder killed dating, it was already dying before tinder appeared on the scene.  Perhaps online dating as a whole started the demise of dating because people turned into commodities and meeting someone took on an online shopping feel.  The sense of scarcity disappeared because you could simply login and see hundreds of others hoping to meet someone (intention unclear).

Although the article talks about young people in their 20s, I am sure some of it applies to many of us who are out of our 20s.  The main point I got?  Men are trying to have sex with as many women as possible.  They will either flat out say they are not interested in a relationship or lead women to believe they are interested in a relationship in order to have sex with them; #2 is quite despicable.  And, women talking about how dating is dead.

I'd like to say:

• Men if you are just looking for sex, tell her that.  Do not appear to be interested in more in order to persuade her to sleep with you.  That's obnoxious
• Women, if you are just looking for sex, do not expect the men to want more.  If you are looking for a relationship, do not have sex with him until you are in a relationship

Advice: 5 Ways To Get Her To Text You Back

Someone emailed me this question, so how I do get her to text me back?  Ask her a real question.

1. Would you like to go out sometime?
2. Are you free Wednesday night?  Let's get a drink
3. I just got tickets to ___ for Friday night, would you like to come with me?
4. I'm going to Bay to Breakers, do you want to come?
5. I'd like to take you to dinner, what night are you free?

New Guy Friend

I have a new guy friend who constantly emails and flirts with me.  He also says he's hung up on a girl who lives in another state.  This means, I won't see him as anything other than a friend even though he keeps inviting me to dinner, which he also says will be his treat.

Birth Control Failure Probabilities

This NYT article was floating around a few months ago.  It talks about birth control failure probabilities over the course of 10 years.  It's pretty scary because it makes it seem like virtually all forms of birth control will have more than a 50% chance of failing by year 10.

Too Comfortable

It's always irked me when guys mind their Ps and Qs on the first few dates, then they start getting too comfortable and think they don't need to try anymore.  Or maybe, the beginning was all an act? 

I know this is something that happens to other women.  One gal I know has "dates" with her boyfriend, which consists of her bringing take out to his place and watching him play Xbox all night.

I'm going to start telling guys they need to shape up, as soon as, I start seeing signs of bull s*t.  With New Leaf Guy, I'd become very unavailable, which got him to shape up, but I only saw a temporary improvement.  Calling him out also did nothing, so disqualified.

Advice: Speak Up

This one is for the women and it could also be for the men.

If you don't like the way he treats you, speak up instead of pretending to be "fine" and blowing up later.  Deliver the message in a nice way, easier said than done (no screaming, no yelling, no accusations, et al).  Don't nag, if he doesn't fix the issue, decide to deal with it or drop him.

Example:
What you want to say:  John, I don't come over to watch you play video games all f*cking night
What you could say:  John, I know you love video games.  When I come over, I come over to see you, not to watch you play video games

If he is a smart man and cares about you, he will put the controller down and ask you what you want to do or have a suggestion for what to do.  If he is a stupid man, he will continue playing (you might want to drop him...I don't need to explain why).

Very Wrong

Because this guy has said five different versions of "Goodbye" to me over the past five days, I thought he'd give up and go away.  I am very wrong.  Time to block.  "?????" as a text or anything else is so rude.

Wrong

Wrong, that guy just texted me again.  How is "?????" an acceptable text from anyone?  Isn't that the equivalent of texting in all caps?  This guy sucks.

We Have An Answer?

We have an answer?  After not responding to several of his text, texts that I felt were too irritating/pushy (what did you do last night, who did you go out with, why are you so busy you can't reply, ?????, et al), every couple of hours,  I received "Goodbye." I didn't respond to a text he sent 72 minutes ago or all morning.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Then, he texted a picture of a boat leaving a dock (like this ship has sailed)?  LOL, good riddance!

Thinking About My Tirade

I was thinking about my tirade on guys contacting me with no real reason.  Let's use this guy as an example.  When we first exchanged numbers, he texted me that day to ask me out for the next night.  I didn't like that, but overlooked it.  My interest level did not change.  When he sent me several texts later that night with no reason (other than to tell me what he's doing...remember, we've never met before), my interest level decreased a bit.  When he sent me 18 texts in 14 hours, which then turned into 22 texts in 24 hours (with me still only replying to that one from the night before), I got very annoyed and was ready to block him.

I started thinking about this.  If I was very interested in him to begin with and he had done all these things, would I still be very interested in him?  No.  He's pushy and sending me texts like "?????" every few minutes/hours is obnoxious.  Rather than blocking him, I am going conduct a social experiment.  I will not respond to any texts unless they are texts asking me out.  I suspect this never happens to him since he is a very successful man.  Quite frankly, I don't care if he stops texting me and I never meet him.

He's like this now and we've never met.  How would he be if we actually dated?  Exactly.