How Much Was My Fault?

I tend to do some reflecting during the holidays.  Was thinking about Smart Guy in terms of "how much was my fault" in order to figure out what to do/what not to do with the next guy.  Okay, so he was insecure to begin with and my constant OkC updates probably didn't help.  However, instead of going about it in a polite manner, he just said obnoxious things and acted out a bit.  And, instead of asking me questions like an adult, he assumed things like me having an affair with my married boss (no, I did not do this).

He's selfish, don't think there's much I could have done to "cause" this.  Don't think I could've caused crudeness or inconsideration either.

Another OkC Experiment

A friend sent me this article about another OkC experiment. Basically a lady (I think a lady, it could have been a guy) created a pretty nutty profile of a cute girl in Beverly Hills, CA. Even though the girl seemed like a psychopath based on her profile, lots of guys emails her.  She replied with pretty ridiculous responses and those did not deter some guys!

I guess it's right, guys really care about looks and don't mind crazy?  A guy friend once said, "Do not underestimate what a guy will tolerate for a hot girl." No kidding!

Oh Holidays!

Oh holidays, almost forgot, gross guy that tried to make out with me within two minutes of meeting me texted to say "Hope you had a great Thanksgiving."  I deleted it as soon as I got it.  He thinks holidays are a good time to reach out to girls that rejected him?  Okay, this is actually quite common.

Reminders

I probably shouldn't have continued with Smart Guy because after the sixth or so date, I knew he wasn't the right guy for me (but hoped he was because he was cute and good on paper).  Well, maybe not that good on paper.  I was reminded of several things, the biggest one?  Follow your gut.  Yes, it's fine to go out with a guy twice if you aren't sure, but 10+ times because of chemistry?  Not a good idea. 

Also, once you see his true colors, you know how he really is (so, discount those "good" days, they are not real and shouldn't go on the pro side of your pro/con list).  If you don't want to text/gchat/email for hours, don't feel bad about not replying; if a guy really likes you, he'll contact you again another time.  I actually think when a guy texts for hours it's because he is bored and doesn't have much to do vs him being so very interested.  He probably likes the attention and has nothing better to do.  Pay close attention to how you feel during the date and right after you see  him.  Are you happy or miserable?  Are you relaxed or irritated?

Ever since I stopped talking to the most recent guy, I have been back to my positive and relaxed self.  Think his pessimism and anxiety were rubbing off on me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm thankful that I'm not with the wrong guy.  For all the single ladies, you should be thankful for this too!

I've been trying to be more grateful...having cool friends/family, steady employment, enough self respect not to be a doormat, etc.  We all are all lucky and need to remember this.

Get Used To It

I am ignoring Smart Guy again.  He should get used to it.  He contacted me, I did not respond.  I've thought about responding to tell him it's over, but he doesn't deserve official closure (that would be way too nice of me).  And, I don't want to have to explain why I think he is a major self centered dbag. 

Taking a break from dating until Q1 or Q2 2013.  Supposed to see The Brain in a couple of weeks, that should be interesting.  Really don't think I want to restart things with him.

Very Done

I am serious, I am very done with Smart Guy.  Yeah, you probably don't believe me because I have said this (MANY times) before.  Well, when a girl is very done, she is very done.  I am at that point.  He lacks general self awareness and insinuates that I am a slut (95% sure he thinks all women are sluts based on several absolutely ridiculous comments he has made).  That's fine, I'll let him think I am f*cking the world, everyone except for him of course.

Nexting him!

The Exclusivity Question

Many many months ago, Smart Guy hinted at exclusivity...three or four times.  I successfully thwarted all of these discussions.  Now, the question is, why is he still hanging around??  He's not "getting any," I am not his girlfriend, I'm not that fun when I am with him, etc.  He can't be that bored/lonely?  It's not like I live across the street from him.  He needs to drive at least an hour to see me (that's each way, not round trip). 

In the past, I have made him insecure with my constant OkCupid updates (this was not intentional, I just like to update my pictures...a lot).  I have also blown him off by ignoring all his attempts to reach me (this was absolutely intentional and probably not great for his ego).  So, why is he still asking me out?  Does he lack options?  Is he delusional?  Does he think I will change my mind and really want to be his girlfriend?  We met in July, he started hinting at it in August (too early in my book), and it's now November.  We've been talking for four months (which is longer than a lot of my recent relationships, I like to cut it short when I know it's all wrong...not saying this isn't all wrong).

He has been trolling on OkC almost nonstop.  This does not bother me, but I do find it curious...especially since he tells me he doesn't use it (liar).  So, setting the lie aside, it doesn't bother me because: 1) I don't want to be his girlfriend or 2) with his personality and issues, I don't think he can do better (even without his issues, his personality or lack thereof would be a great deterrent).  I am a catch and I know it, not being arrogant, just aware.

Why am I still talking about this guy (I am very sick of talking about this guy, probably as sick as you are for having to hear about him)?  Maybe I am that bored.  I am sure he has no future potential, so why am I doing this to myself (and you)?  Am I delusional or that bored?

Smart Guy's probably confused too since most of the ladies want boyfriends...some ladies aren't even that picky.  I have dodged it like it's my job.

This Seems Excessive

Should I be insulted?  I think I've gone on more than 10 dates with Smart Guy and not once has he tried to sleep with me.  No, I am not easy, but 10 dates seems a bit excessive, right?  It doesn't mean I would sleep with him, but he hasn't even tried!  Why???

Damn You Chemistry

Yes, chemistry is the reason why I went out with Smart Guy again (and he asked politely instead of his stupid normal "Hey there" texts).  Him being an effortless d*ck the first nine or so times we went out should have trumped chemistry, but it did not.  I think this guy is the wolf putting the sheep's clothing back on.  (He's definitely not the wolf in this scenario, I probably am.)  I do wonder, could a guy that was an effortless d*ck really be a guy that is super interested (not a d*ck) and just doesn't know better?  Wait, he must know better if he totally cleaned up his act!

I was reading my friend Sabrina's blog post about not wanting to kiss a guy or be exclusive and it got me thinking.  If I do want to kiss a guy and not be exclusive, is that also a bad sign?  If Smart Guy was the guy I went out with over the weekend, I would consider it.  However, he did show his hand earlier (lack of effort, jealousy, neediness, whiny, etc).  Those issues don't just go away because he decided to try harder.

I'll Admit It

I wouldn't say Smart Guy has blown up my phone, but he is certainly texting.  I'll admit it, I finally replied and went out with him.  I like persistence; he sent at least 10 texts before I replied to one of them. 

He was actually really nice and brought game (showed effort).  Maybe taking me for granted and learning I won't always be there changed his behavior?  Does that really help him though?  I've already seen what he is really like.  I don't think this (guy that tries) is his natural state.  I also don't think it's possible to change a d*ck to being a non d*ck.  Am I wrong?  Seriously, let me know...

Going out with him again will depend on how he goes about it.  "Hey there" texts will be ignored.  Maybe he has learned this, we'll see.

Not That Mean

I don't think not responding to Smart Guy was that mean. He hasn't blown up my phone like other guys. This leads me to believe that he wasn't all that interested in me and couldn't care less that I just stopped talking to him.  Good, less mess.

Mean

Screw karma, I've been mean to Smart Guy and he had it coming!  He doesn't care about me (as demonstrated by the whole me being sick thing, driving off before I get into my building, not respecting my preference for emails, etc), so why the f*ck should I care about him?  At least I have the capacity for being a caring human being unlike him!

He doesn't know how to date.  He acts like he is still in college.  Interesting for a guy who's in his mid 30s.  Good luck finding a girlfriend, he's going to need it!

Yes, I sound upset.  I am upset; not at him, but at myself for putting up with his sh*t for so long.  Let's not go slumming again!

I Knew He Would

I knew The Brain wants a second chance.  He's been trying to orchestrate some get togethers over the last few weeks.  Yeah, I am taking a break from guys, but might see what is up his sleeve.  I have many issues with The Brain (surely many of these are still an issue).  What I really like about him - nothing I can do would be a turnoff for him.  I could not shower for a week and he would still want me.  That's kinda nice.

Yeah, this is labeled potential guys.  He might be potential again?  He does put in a lot of effort.

A Year In Review

The year is not over yet, there are two months left.  Think it is time to take a break from dating.  Some stand out guys from 2012:

• The guy that told me I am really hot and how bad he wanted to make out with me (this was all within the first two minutes of the date)
• The guy that wanted to know how many dates it would take for us to hook up
• The guy that was a d*ck (perhaps unintentionally)
• The guy that was really fun, but looked at least ten years older than he claimed to be
• The guy that asked me how match was going while blatantly checking out every girl that walked by
• The guy that was really rich and had nothing else to offer (sub par education, short, horrible voice)

I am sure I have left some guys off, that's probably for the best.