Have you seen this op-ed in The New York Times? It's interesting and I agree with it. When people are faced with too many choices, they can't make decisions (that theory really came from The Paradox of Choice, which I have read, it's a really interesting book).
In terms of dating, I don't think technology has helped us. It's made finding people more difficult because there are too many choices (not all good choices). People rely on the digital world (texting, email, etc) so much that people aren't good at interacting with others face to face anymore (out of practice, never learned, blah blah).
And people go into checklist mode when they meet someone from an online source (job, education, hobbies, blah blah). I remember when it used to be, "Bobby, in my math class is so cute and funny." There was no, "Does Bobby have hopes to be blah when he grows up? Does he plan on going ivy or state? Does he swing dance on the weekends?"
There was also no "well if Bobby rejects me, I've got a Timmy, Sammy, and Johnny in my queue and they go to different schools!"
ReplyDeleteThat said, we all have certain requirements and it's probably good to get some of the basics checked off on date 1, if they matter - i.e. I couldn't date someone who didn't go to college or hated to travel.
I hear you, college is big, totally agree. I've often wonders how important hobbies are. Let's pretend I like basket weaving and the guy I go out with does not. Not a big deal at all. I'm okay with a guy with very different interests as long as he doesn't try to force me to like what he likes
Delete"Wondered" autocorrect
DeleteYeah but if your hobby takes up a significant chunk of time/money, it makes sense your partner shares it. Like if you're an outdoor enthusiast and like spending weekends camping, hiking, skiing, you probably want a partner who matches that interest. I love traveling and would have to be with someone who can handle international travel (and is willing to spend time/money doing it).
DeleteDay to day stuff is different.
For 95% of the world, think you are totally right. I prefer to have more alone time than couple time. Or maybe I say this because I haven't found the right person yet
DeleteBasically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.
DeleteThat’s why women find dating so difficult.
If your parents were both 6s, your mother could have spent her 20s hooking up with 8s – but your father couldn’t have. Young women days often do that these days. However, when these women reach their late 20s / 30s they will have to drop back down to dating 6s if they want to secure commitment. This process is difficult to accept because after 10 years of hooking-up with 8s she will have to realize that in fact she was only a 6 the whole time (the same applies for 5s hooking up with 7s, 4s with 6s etc). Truly hypergamous women never realize/accept it and so they keep getting dumped, or stay single.
“Settling” isn’t the best term to use because it sounds depressing. Perhaps we should say “realignment of priorities?”
I also agree with you on the idea of a soul-mate. I don’t believe in “the one” as such, rather “the timing” - people who just happen to be looking for the same thing at the same time, and then they meet each other.
And this is why women going for someone out of her league has much more impact on the sexual market than a man doing so. She'll get laid and he won't.
Women generally get more dating options even after accounting for the degenerates, criminals and creeps (read unattractive men) and having more options moulds you into different people, whether you like to accept or not. Having more options makes you selective. At the very least it gives you some validation. It makes you less desperate. It gives you a better idea of what kind of men are best for you because you have the privilege to date so many people. Most men just get down on their knees and flip out a ring for the 1st or 2nd woman who show mild interest in them. Most guys simply arent selective and dont have the long checklists because they never get so many options.
And after a break up or divorce, women are in most cases better off. They can start an active dating and sex life soon after divorce. Its so common to see single freshly divorced moms having sexual relationships with good looking men. Meanwhile most divorced men have no one but prostitutes to turn to. Its all about "options' and women have more of them.
Women rarely experience sexual rejection. So even when a man isnt interested in committing, it at least validates her as a sexual desirable being. Atleast he found her attractive enough to have sex and share intimacy with. This reminds me of the fact that women never get friend-zoned. Its always a Friend-with-Benefit zone. It is so much better than simply being limited and confined to a non sexual being by the object of your affection/crush.
Well, Ali...it seems as though you have cut and pasted your comment and posted on almost anything and everything possible. Since that's the case, I didn't take the time to read your comment, I just skimmed it.
DeleteBoth men and women can marry up or down. You touch upon many things; nothing related to technology and dating, so I don't know where you are going here (besides posting this exact comment all over the internet)