Wednesday, December 28, 2016


There's been a lot of flaking over the past month.  Guys asking me out for coffee, drinks, lunch, or dinner and not picking a time or place.  I also didn't ask for a time or a place, I'll shoulder my half of the blame.  Why does it not bother me that these guys flaked?  I'm not really interested in any of them. I agreed to go, just to "get out there" and meet new people.  I also prefer to stay bundled up in my warm apartment, it's cold and windy out.

Why did they flake?  Perhaps they feel the same way?  Who cares?  I've been dating long enough to know that if a guy's that interested in meeting me, he will make sure he meets me.  Staying in vs meeting a guy who's not very interested?  Staying in will always win.  I feel well rested from not having gone on any dates in the last two weeks.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Early Christmas Gift

Christmas is only three days away!  This year blew by.  I had a dream about Ex Guy.  I'm going to look at this positively.  It was an early Christmas gift reminding me of what an assh*le he turned out to be and how to avoid it in the future.  He hid his assh*le tendencies so well.  I didn't talk about him very much on here because I saw no reason to dwell on depressing things, but I'll share more now.

I've had time to see it for what it was, a toxic relationship.  The highs were so high, the lows were so low.  There were many games.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was just a bit socially inept in romantic situations, not that he was playing that role to gain the upper hand. He was incredibly good at being a "nice guy" in the beginning and when he needed to.

More than half of the time I was with him, I was angry.  I almost broke up with him several times and he'd weasel out of it by doing and saying whatever was necessary to get me to change my mind.  Well, that should have been a red flag, but of course, I didn't notice it until the third time.  He was so convincing or perhaps I believed him because I really wanted to believe him.  He's most likely lied about SO MANY things just like he did with his ex wife.  I wanted to believe I was immune to this behavior.  I wasn't.

And, towards the end, I also saw that he wanted to control me.  He wanted me to be a quiet submissive woman who just went along with his wishes.  The last few times I saw him, he attempted to tell me what to wear and what to eat.  No, that did not go over well. LOL.

I accept full responsibility for letting this go on for too long.  I'm not trying to sort through what was true and what wasn't; it doesn't matter.  I'm trying not to be angry when he randomly crosses my mind.  It takes incredible strength to not be angry; no, I haven't completely mastered it.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

15 Minutes

Since my last post on this went so well, more on emails and cellphones.  I remember a time when the majority of adult men and women had patience (I do have girlfriends who go crazy when a guy doesn't reply within minutes).  Times have changed. 

A guy who I've been talking with online asked me for my number and I gave it to him.  He texted me a few minutes later.  About 15 minutes after that, he emailed me again to say he texted me and asked another question.  I find his lack of patience to be utterly unattractive, which I've mentioned before.

Let's see what people could be doing with 15 minutes instead of frantically checking and replying to texts:
  • Making and eating a sandwich
  • Making an elaborate meal
  • Showering
  • Brushing teeth and washing face
  • Putting on makeup
  • Drying hair
  • Taking a nap
  • Reading a book
  • Watching a movie
  • Watching TV
  • Talking on the phone
  • Driving to work
  • Driving home from work 
  • Sitting under the Bay Bridge on BART
  • Shopping at Safeway 
  • Living their lives
  • And more

Friday, December 16, 2016

No Email And No Cellphones

Do you remember a time when email didn't exist and virtually no one had cellphones?  Oh, those were the days.  I enjoyed not feeling pressure to see things and reply within nanoseconds.  I don't actually feel pressure to do these things, but I am tired of having to explain myself.

I do not reply to texts immediately because I'm doing something, my phone isn't nearby, or I'm somewhere without service.  I think it's very rude to check your phone and reply to texts when out with friends or on dates.  So yes, those 15 minutes I was gone?  I could have also been on a date with another guy.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

We Caught Up

Over the weekend, I ran into a guy I went out with a few times at a party.  I wrote about him ("Felix") in this blog.  He was the guy who really wanted to go out with me and begged my old roommate to set it up.  We went out a handful of times.  He never contacted me again and I never contacted him.  Perhaps it was bad timing or perhaps neither of us were that interested in one another.

It was nice running into him.  Neither of us seem to have any bad feelings toward each other.  We caught up.  He said he'd call me; I don't think he will and that's fine.  He's not someone I'm dying to see again.  He's also not someone I'd avoid.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Strong Answer

I went on that date with Travel Guy last night.  We went to a very popular restaurant in downtown SF.  The food was great. I like that he's a calm guy.  He doesn't appear to have huge swings in emotions.  And, our conversations don't feel forced (like some dates I've been on with other guys).

I told him I'm not ready for a relationship and when I am, I'm not sure if it would be him.  He told me that's fine, he'd like to keep seeing me, and hopes I change my mind.  That's a strong answer.  It could indicate that he's not very into me either, which would be perfect.  I enjoy his friendship and perhaps that's the same way he feels about me.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

I Don't Know

I'm going on a date with Travel Guy tonight.  When we go out, it's always a pleasant time, I just don't think I see him romantically.  At least, not right now.  I don't think it will change, but it could?  I am going to tell Travel Guy tonight.  Perhaps,  I'm not ready for a relationship.  If I were to meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, would I be ready for a relationship?  I don't know.  I don't think so? 

Monday, December 5, 2016

Why That Selfie?

There was a guy I was supposed to have dinner with last night.  We had a time, but we didn't have a place.  He didn't tell me where and I didn't ask.  I knew I wouldn't meet him in person.  Had he told me where to meet him, I would've simply declined.

On Friday, he sent me a terrible photo of himself shoveling eggs into his mouth.  He then requested I send him a selfie of myself eating something.  Needless to say, I did not send the selfie.  And his photo and request had already decided his fate of "No, not going on that date with you."

Why that selfie? Perhaps he thought he was being fun by sending it?  I really don't know how to interpret it. I didn't request it or any selfies for that matter.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Clean Slate

I've recovered from the flu and this weekend, I'm going to go on a few dates with guys who've I've been putting off for the past several weeks or months.  I've put them off for a variety of reasons, including one or more of the following: our calendars don't match up, I have the flu, and I'm not really that interested.

My goal is to meet all of them before the end of the year.  Why?  No, not cuffing, I don't feel like I need to have someone for the rest of the holiday season.  I want meet these guys ASAP because if I don't like any of them (and I suspect I won't), I don't have to bring that looming date with so-and-so into the new year with me.  There's no "I still have to go out with that guy who's been texting me."

New year, new start.  If I do like any of of these guys, I'll have to like them a whole lot.  I truly want to take a break to recharge and have a clean slate.

Cuffing Season

"Cuffing season."  Didn't know there was a name for this.  From my understanding it's the time around Thanksgiving to just after the new year where men and women try to find a boyfriend or girlfriend ASAP.

Unless I'm seriously dating someone, I like going to holiday parties, weddings, family events, et al by myself.  This way, if the guy is never to be seen again, I don't have to explain what happened to so-and-so.  And, you never know who you will meet when you go stag.  If you bring someone who you aren't really into, that might get in the way of someone new coming over to talk to you.