I was talking to a girlfriend and she reminded me to stop thinking about how good he is on paper, how cute he is, et al, and concentrate on "how do I feel when I'm around him?" Sometimes he is very cute, amazing on paper, and great days are great, but I'm very annoyed and/or enraged the rest of the time.
I already concentrate on feelings with new and old friends. I have one friend
who is always anxious and worried. Every time I see her, I feel
anxious and worried. We aren't friends anymore. I know how to do this with friends. I need to start doing it more with potential guys in the dating/relationship area. If you have the same
problem (liking the idea of someone more than the reality),
incorporating feelings would snap you out of it too.
What about when things are almost ALWAYS good in person but you rarely see him (like once a week or less)? I'm guessing you'd say drop him because he's not making the time to see you, which means not interested enough. Which is what I'll do when someone who does make time comes along (not looking very hard on my end).
ReplyDeleteHi TJ! How long have you two been seeing each other? Does he work six days a week? Et al?
DeleteIt was more rhetorical than anything - just curious about what you'd do. Mine is an interesting situation: We have a history, but this most recent go-round is pretty new. But, it's not going to go anywhere. More a placeholder if you know what I mean. And yeah, he works like every day of the week. He's a fitness and yoga instructor who does body work. So you can understand why I'm enjoying it....hehehe.
DeleteLOL! For me it would depend on how long we've been dating. If it was four months and he was only available one day, I'd think he wasn't interested enough
DeleteI was fortunate that after my first boyfriend, a disastrous relationship at age 25 (late bloomer), I figured out that "perfect on paper" is completely irrelevant. This guy and I should have been perfectly suited for each other - same ethnicity but both very American, similar families, had traveled to 30+ countries, liked the same music, etc. But he did not treat me well - never made time for me and made me do all the pursuing.
ReplyDeleteGuys I've dated since then do have to meet certain requirements (age, height, education, job), but I try not to focus too much on our 'paper' similarities and really think about the quality of his character and how he makes me feel.
Glad you figured it out early! I find it really difficult to forget "perfect on paper." How he makes you feel is so so important
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