No more dating guys with Asperger's. I wasn't even aware of Asperger's until I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. To the best of my knowledge, I had never met anyone with it. In SF, I think it's 70/30 (70% or more have Asperger's).
Smart Guy had Asperger's and used to say the most condescending things. New Leaf Guy had Asperger's and would just blurt out whatever was on his mind (which probably ties in with the no follow through thing). I'm not saying all guys with Asperger's are undesirable, I am simply saying, they are undesirable to me.
From what I've heard from psychologists, Asperger's is measured on a spectrum. So, if he's high enough on the spectrum where I'd notice it, no.
Yeah! And no more dating people with NPD also. There's a greater percentage of people with NPD living in major cities like SF/NYC/LA - the type of work available and general perception is probably what attracts them to migrate there. Hey. Some like people with NPD - they're often entertaining to be around, but in general I take it as a warning sign keep my distance in the long run. When things go wrong, people with NPD will complain and discount everything/everyone and offer no constructive dialog or personal introspection.
ReplyDeleteGreat point! I'm starting to think it's possible to have both NPD and Asperger's. Do you think it's possible or common to have both?
DeleteLol. Wonder if you realized that this was tongue in cheek meta post. I was subtlely suggesting you had NPD tendencies - so much as you were suggesting people you've been dating have Aspergers.. however it shouldn't have been a surprise to me that you missed the subtle jab - it is after all classic NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder). Watch - I fully expect you to either delete this post or place the onus on everyone else but yourself.
DeleteDo you really think subtle translates well online? Zzz, don't care what you predict, I don't think I've ever deleted a post
DeleteThat is a really broad generalization about Asperger's and not at all fair or accurate. Social awkwardness or inability to form romantic relationships is NOT the same thing as a neurobiological disorder. A guy who is not interested in you does not automatically have Asperger's.
ReplyDeleteAnd while people (especially children) who have the condition may be difficult to interact with, many go on to have perfectly productive lives filled with friendships and relationships.
It's fine if you do not want to date someone with this condition, but do not go generalizing about an entire population suffering from a condition they cannot control, and one that is really tough on them as well as their families.
Hey Sabrina, thanks for the note. I posted a reply to your comment and decided to revise it. Apologies if you are getting the short end of the stick (I get a lot of not too nice comments, so this is just bad timing). I am a bit confused.
Delete1) When did I label guys as having Asperger's when they weren't interested in me? New Leaf Guy and Smart Guy won't leave me alone, I'd say they are still interested (even if it's just a small amount).
2) Where did I say these guys won't have productive lives filled with friendships and relationships? I had to reread my post and as I suspected, I never said that.
I am very good friends with a psychiatrist and a Special Education teacher. From many hours of conversation, there are certainly common themes, which rules out this population for me (no, I did not say for everyone in the world). And, yes, I've had more than my fair share in SF, which has been validated by those who are better skilled at making this diagnosis.
This post also bothered me. Clearly we don't know much about Smart Guy or New Leaf guy based on your blog, but from what you have said, they don't seem to have Asperger's to me. One of my friends has Asperger's, and I used to work with someone who has it. They are truly nice and good people, who are struggling with a disorder, as Sabrina said. It's not fair to label people with that just because they may have foot-in-mouth syndrome or don't treat you like you feel you deserve to be treated.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my $0.02.
Hi TJ, thanks for the note. I never said they weren't nice good people, they just aren't romantic prospects for me. Smart Guy and New Leaf Guy have it, I had a hunch and it was confirmed by people who are able to diagnose
DeleteI found this post deeply offensive. No psychologist should be going around diagnosing people anecdotally or even based on a few conversations. I'm a nurse in a mental health facility and I never vocalize my own judgements of someone outside a clinical setting.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle has Asperger's, and he's in a very happy marriage. He and his wife didn't have a traditional courtship, he was pretty unskilled when it came to romancing a woman. But she saw past that to all of his good qualities. It took patience on her part but paid off completely.
I'd consider reading the book The Rosie Project, recently picked it up and it goes through the thought process of a guy who seemingly has Asperger's and how he navigates social life/dating.
I'm sure you know that stuff happens all the time. Your aunt is very patient and it's great that they are happy. Like I've said before, it's not for me. I don't have the patience and won't be able to be that patient
DeleteEveryone has their own preferences. Maybe someone doesn't want to date certain types of people. It's not my place to tell them to date people they don't want to date regardless of possible attributes