Had a Friday afternoon coffee date today. There was no chemistry. In fact, I was irritated by a bunch of things he said (like how he was so surprised that I haven't set foot in every continent; I never claimed I had, so why the disbelief and the need to dwell on it?) He asked me a lot of questions about my online dating experience (big turnoff). He was also trying to get me excited about his hobbies, like bowling. He shouldn't have assumed that I like bowling, but he did...not sure why since my profile didn't say anything about bowling. So, he spent about ten minutes trying to get me to be excited about bowling.
After the date, he sent me an email telling me that he didn't think we'd be a good fit and how he felt really bad about sending "these types of emails." Ummm, oooookay, I wasn't planning to ever see him again, so, uh? It was a bit presumptuous? We both said, "It was nice to meet you." No, "Let's do this again," "I had fun," "Let's have dinner," or any language alluding to another date from either of us.
If he sends "these types of emails" a lot, wow. I thought he was trying to be nice, so I responded with 100% agreement, but still, didn't think his email or my response were even necessary. Most people wait until the other person reaches out if they want to say, "We are not a good fit, thanks." The fog and going on dates like this are two major reasons why I want to leave this city; the city search and endless pro/con lists are back on.
Haha. So this is a "You can't fire me because I quit" situation? There's nothing wrong with him sending that email though. But I can understand wanting to vent after a frustrating date.
ReplyDeleteThis guy thought I wanted to see him again? Hahaha.
DeleteIt's like you see a girl at Safeway and she says to you, "I'm not giving you my number" when you were never going to ask her for it.
You'd be okay with going on a bad date and the girl sending you the "we are not a good fit" email when you were never planning on seeing her again?
Come on, it's not at all like that. You guys went out for a date, you didn't just meet on the street for a quick chat. And sure, if a girl messaged me after a bad date confirming as much I wouldn't be all bent out of shape about it. I think that is a failing of online dating. It's too easy just to walk away and too easy to not have any common courtesies.
DeleteI prefer the walking away method especially since it was coffee which lasted 30-45 minutes. Actually, fade out preferred until DTR occurs because it's not like all my eggs are in one basket...
DeleteHow you been, J? How's the dating scene going?
It's going well thanks! I feel like I'm in a groove. I'm being more selective with who I contact and it's paying off with more responses.
DeleteI'll tell you a little secret though. I've been keeping my match searches to women who recently joined OKC. They seem to be far more responsive than someone who's been on for a longer time. A common thing I hear from them is how creepy some of the men are. I guess they haven't had time to become too jaded by the site.
That's awesome, J! Lol, there are some creepy guys out there... I wonder if guys who are fairly new to OkC are nicer/less jaded
DeleteI was thinking about that as I wrote it. It's possible and might be worth a try. :)
DeleteJust because someone is new to OkC doesn't mean they haven't had accounts under other usernames or are new to online dating, I wouldn't judge people based on when they joined OkC. It's not a marker of how jaded someone is.
DeleteThat's true. And, people can have an account, but not be very active (meaning not do anything with it for months and months)
DeleteYou prefer a fade-out method.. he was courteous enough to spend the time to write a single note to remove any ambiguity (after all, there are women who mis-read and would have thought the date went well and waited for a call/msg/etc.). Either way, both of you weren't into each other - so no harm no foul. No need to get bent out of shape.
ReplyDeleteI thought his email was downright rude and confrontational. I would have been 100% happier if he simply did nothing (no email, no call, no message in a bottle, etc). There is a reason why a lot of companies don't send a rejection letter if you apply for a job and don't get an interview. Furthermore, I believe there's arrogance on his end if he thinks me not hearing from HIM would have been distressing for me.
DeleteI don't think it's courteous to remove ambiguity when there wasn't any ambiguity. Sure, I agree some women may have misread the date and waited for the guy to call, but those women are clueless, and need to learn one guy cannot destroy their mental health, especially after a 30-45 minute date.
Actually, for the men and women of the dating world, NO ONE should be able to cause you so much distress after one date; and if he/she does, that is a sign of a bigger issue.
Yes, I have talked about this in the past http://adventuresaurusgirl.blogspot.com/2013/10/more-on-fade-out.html
I think it could have been left unsaid, but I do think it was nice of him to write a quick note. As someone else mentioned, it's hard to gauge if the other person had a good time.
ReplyDeleteI've gone on dates before where I clearly was not into him and wanted to get out ASAP, only to get a text from him the next day saying he had fun and wants to hang out again.
Lol, I've gone out with a couple of guys where that's happened too
DeleteSounds like the guy was just trying to impress you, and didn't know how to go about it besides talk about bowling. Men impress by advertising, women by sharing.
ReplyDeleteAdvertising vs sharing...I've got to think about this. Have these guys I've gone out with done this...hmmm
DeleteRead "Mars & Venus On A Date," it's really interesting. It talks about the different ways men and women give compliments, impress on a date, etc.
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