Advice: Have A Reason

For the men, if you contact a woman, have a reason.

This is something that I find incredibly irritating - when a new guy (you haven't had a date yet, a date hasn't even been set up yet, you went on one date, et al) feels the need to call/email/text for what appears to be no reason at all.  For example:

• Hi
• How are you?
• How's your morning?
• What did you do for the 4th?
• How was your weekend?
• What are you doing this weekend?  (Very ambiguous and stupid question, the woman doesn't know if you are trying to ask her out or if you are just nosy and want to know what she's doing this weekend)

If you aren't contacting me to ask for a date, then save it.  If we already have a date set up, there is no need to contact me every day with useless chatter.  We've never even met, do you really care how I am?  We are practically strangers.  You are more familiar with your Starbucks barista than you are with me.  And no, we aren't going to be able to "get to know each other" without actually meeting in person; texting me "How are you" every morning isn't going to help you get to know me or vice versa.

Perhaps this is the thing 22 year olds do?  Then leave it to the 22 year olds.  If you are communicating with someone in their 30s, I don't see this as being at all necessary.  I'm in my mid 30s and I'm too busy for this back and forth with no reason "chatting."  Sometimes I'm in meetings for six hours straight, then a three hour work dinner; that's nine hours right there.  So no, I don't have the time or interest in no reason messages.

Ghosting

Saw this NYT article on ghosting a few weeks ago and thought it'd be good to post because I occasionally use the term in this blog.  It talks about what it is (disappearing without a trace, explanation, et al) and why people do it.  I've done it before.  Why?  Because I didn't feel like the guy I was ghosting deserved a response.  I also felt that he should realize my ghosting was an end to the relationship, us dating, or whatever it was.

Terrifying?

Still haven't met up with this new guy and he's sent me 18 texts over 14 hours (that includes 8 hours where normal people are sleeping).  I replied to one text.  I don't think I should meet up with him, this is...terrifying?  And tremendously irritating.  The one text I replied to was him asking me out.  That's it.  The texts he's been sending me?  Nothing of substance, I just woke up, I'm going to the gym, look at this view, hi!!!!!, what are you doing right now, et al.  I repeat, we've NEVER met before.  I'm thinking about blocking him.  He reminds me of Smart Guy...

A Pair Of Actors

Aren't we a pair of actors.  New Leaf Guy acted like everything is fine (maybe he really thinks it is)?  I acted like I believed his lame excuse for flaking the last time we were supposed to meet and never brought it up.  I've already categorized him as flaky friend/kinda business contact weeks ago.  Remember, I want to avoid him bad mouthing me (he knows a tremendous number of people).

Dinner was?  He told me he missed me and I talked about a new book I'm reading.  While I was examining the menu, he kept suggesting I order the most expensive items (what I was already planning to do).  Food came and I stuck to non relationship related topics, work, business, sports, et al.  Every time relationship related topics came up, I changed the subject.  He did something new, he looked at every woman who walked by (eye roll, like no guy has ever done this before to try to get a reaction).  I gave him no reaction and it actually didn't bother me one bit.

He's traveling again all of August and part of September.  I am going peacefully and will simply turn down future invitations and blame it on work, family obligations, spin class, et al.  I'm not even tempted to tell him why he is disqualified (something I am often tempted to do).  He'll go on his trip and perhaps when he comes back, he'll have forgotten about me.  If he doesn't fade away on his own, I'll say something like I don't want to be with someone who travels almost all the time.

All The World's A Stage

All the world's a stage - Shakespeare

I agreed to have dinner with New Leaf Guy.  I am going to pick a very expensive restaurant and order the most expensive items on the menu to get the "flaking is bad" message out there (he should already know flaking is bad, flaking is bad in all settings, romantic, business, et al).  I am going to act like I believe his lame "I did let you know" excuse.  (I know many readers have said this Google Hangout/Chat issue is real; I would say about 2% of me believes it applies in this case.)  I don't care if it was a lie or the truth; I know it's over and we will be business contacts.

Why did I agree to dinner instead of my normal ghosting (what I really want to do)?  I need this to be peaceful.  SF is small, he knows a lot of people, and I don't want him bad mouthing me (something I can 100% see him doing).

More Dating Advice

I'm going to start giving out more dating advice.  No, I am not in a successful relationship with a wonderful man.  However, I have been on more than my fair share of bad dates and have heard more than enough stories to know a thing or two.  Also every guy I've ever gone out with at least 2x comes back around after they've been disqualified - perhaps they are bored or perhaps they haven't found "better," so...  Sh*t, right now I have a guy who is on my *ss and we've never even met before.

Reminder, if you don't like it, then don't read it.

Proceed With Caution

I've been talking to a new guy online (OkC).  I am going to proceed with caution.  He is a repeat emailer (he emails me several times before I even have the chance to read the first one).  Now, he's sending me "wish you were here texts" during the day and sappy goodnight texts.  We haven't even met in person yet.  He asked me out on a last minute date during the week and I had plans (not that I would have agreed if I hadn't already had plans).  He's also a repeat texter (he texts me several times before I even have the chance to read the first one).

This screams, "Proceed with caution!"  He could be one of those obsessive types I won't be able to shake. (Isn't that every guy?)