While I was on my flight from LAX to SFO earlier this week, I chatted with a married guy sitting next to me towards the end of the flight. He was traveling for work and staying in the Financial District. He lived in LA with his wife and two kids. He was really nice, passed my trash to the flight attendant, and got my bags out of the overhead for me. Even nicer? I hopped in his cab to SF's Financial District, which really cut down the SFO to home trip (vs BART).
Like I said, I've noticed guys from other places (even LA) are much nicer and chivalrous than guys in SF.
I think this is a really unfair assessment. It really really depends on who you meet and the people you are around. From what I can tell, you tend to date mostly high earning, big name school, type A, Financial District type guys. That's not a group with a great track record of being grounded and polite. I've said this many many times here. I really think that you've missed a huge segment of great guys in this city due to the education and income standards you keep.
ReplyDeleteAgreed that this is an unfair assessment. I travel a lot for work and men always help with my heavy bag, make conversation, pass the trash or even let me use their tray and arm-rest. It's a kind gesture, but hardly an act of epic chivalry and certainly not one you should use to rate all SF men.
DeleteJ and Sabrina, this is all based on my personal experience. It is true, that I am part of the big name school Financial District type (I fall under this category too due to my education and occupation).
DeleteI will say, from what I've seen, men here expect you to hold the door for them and do not even say "thank you." This happens every day at the lobby door to my office building. And, I'm not the only one experiencing this, we've discussed it at length at work. I can't even count the number of times I almost get trampled by a pedestrian because he's too busy typing away on his phone.
Sabrina, have you experienced more really nice and chivalrous behavior (from strangers) outside of SF than in SF? My guess is yes.
I'll say this, even though I work downtown on the outskirts of the financial district. I never ever hang out down there. Too many bros, too much money, and the women are not the type I want in my life. I mean, if this is the only place you hang out I can see why you have the feelings you do. But again, this has been hashed out before. Good luck elsewhere but at least try to diversify your crowd a bit.
DeleteThanks, J! It's okay, my heart is set on moving. I'm already starting to sell things on CraigsList
DeleteAG, I'm a "big name school" FiDi girl myself. Since we share one common alma mater, I'm sure you agree :)
DeleteI think of my male co-worker friends, all of whom have at some point done one of the following: offered to take me to the doctor when I was sick, drive me to the airport, carry things, get me a chair when I walked into a full meeting room, bring back food when I'm busy, etc.
Some are married but most are single. Half are locals, half transplants. Point being, there's nice guys all over the place!
Wait, but those are people you already know.
DeleteWas talking about lack of chivalry (or perhaps common decency is a better way to phrase it) from strangers. I remember being on Muni with a sprain/soft cast boot on my foot, the 20 something year old guy sitting down in the front of the bus (disabled and senior section) looked me up and down, and did not offer me (or the old lady standing next to me) his seat. Rude. I had to ride Muni for a while and this was a daily occurrence
Have you narrowed down where you're going?
DeleteNot exactly, lol
DeleteI'm sorry, I was the 20 something year old guy sitting down in the front of the bus. I glanced over at you and the lady standing next to you.. debated for a moment whether I should offer my seat. (Not to be sexist, I also considered the pear-shaped man standing at the back - maybe he has a thyroid problem?)
DeleteI noticed you had a sprain/soft cast boot, which definitely is not as serious as a hard cast which would indicate broken bones. Nor did you look like you were particularly struggling to stand. She's around my age, I'm looks independent, progressive, plenty capable, and would not be afraid to engage and solicit assistance if she really needed it. I know I would expect the same if I or any other guy was in her shoes. Wow, look at that annoyed look etched on her face. Yup, definitely not approaching her - that' just asking for trouble. She does not look friendly and there are some crazy people on the Muni...
Hmm.... the now the older lady next to her.. she's pretty attractive. Maybe I should offer my seat to her.. (it is in the disabled and senior citizen area). She might think I'm a creep - don't blame her, there are people on the Muni with latent crazy tendencies... Crap. She would also probably be insulted that I would classify her as a senior citizen...
Ah, so you are taking the stance of, "don't want to offend others, we are very PC in SF." Okay, fine, maybe a couple of the offender guys (and girls) are in your camp, probably not all.
DeleteRe: soft cast, they are used for broken bones and after surgery
more like - "people will ask for help if they need it" mixed in with "don't want to deal with potential crazies"
DeleteOr, "1) I will not be inconvenienced by you unless you ask, 2) I do not believe in random acts of kindness, and 3) I'm too scared you might be crazy"
DeleteSo, most of the Bay Area guys are a bunch of pssies.
Okay, that was inflammatory (it's based on what I've experienced, which includes two different guys asking my roommate to ask me out for them years ago...if you've read this blog, you know there are other examples)
Agree with the other two posters.......hopefully you will try to expand your horizons in your new city of choice. There are a lot of great guys out there that might not meet your list of criteria, but make up for it in other ways (personality, independence, intelligence-despite-not-attending-a-big-school). I dated a guy who was perfect on paper, and we never completely clicked like I do with my now husband. The fact that we are opposites makes us complement each other in so many ways. Hope you continue blogging your journey even after moving!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anon! Where are you writing from?
DeleteI live in SF now, but lived in Chicago and DC previously. I met my husband in DC, and he is originally from Portland, OR.
Deleteoh, and I had the same experience on the Muni when I was 9 months pregnant. That, for sure, is a bad quality of SF. I feel like it might be more of a hipster trait? (unable to wrench their attention away from their phones, perhaps?)
DeleteSorry, Anon, that's terrible! I've thought about this a lot...think it's the whole, "Why should I?" stance. For example, "I don't know you, I paid my $2, so why should I get up for YOU?"
Delete