Monday, April 7, 2014
Enough Is Enough Already
Enough is enough already. You guys already know I think SF is the absolute worst place to date. I've shared several articles and anecdotes. I was getting my hair done today and even the hair wash girl was saying the same thing. This is a big deal because I never step foot in her part of town (Haight) and places she'd go (NOPA, Mission, Potrero, Sunset, etc). She was telling me that guys online (Coffee Meets Bagel and Tinder) will "like," but never do anything 95% of the time. I'm probably going to piss a lot of people off by saying this, the guy is supposed to send the initial message!
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I now have 2 single guy friends who are actively looking to date (for a relationship) and both tell me how frequently they send initial messages on CMB, OkCupid, and Tinder, and get no response back. While it frustrates me when men don't write me first, I think men go through it too.
ReplyDeleteIf a guy seems like a good catch, just write him first, a breezy hello!
Oh absolutely, I can easily message say 20 women and be lucky to hear back from one of them. With some careful crafting of my profile and pictures I've increased the ratio a bit. But still, the fact that I have to carefully mold my profile as a sort of bait seems off to me.
DeleteI've also come across the phenomenon of girls responding to me with a message, but then just bailing on the conversation with no reason given. This has happened a lot lately and I swear that I said nothing uncouth to justify it.
I came up with an idea in one of your earlier posts about girls giving a guy a signal that they will respond to a message. Either rating them or what have you. This would save guys a ton of time in writing useless messages.
BTW AG, why don't you ever make it to the Haight area? It's so nice and quiet out here. :)
A lot of times, when a girl bails in the middle of a conversation, it's nothing you did wrong! She might have started dating someone else more seriously, or she's just feeling lazy and then all of a sudden it's been a week+ and she just forgot. After that point, it feels silly to write back and is easier to just keep looking around.
DeleteI still go back and forth about who sends the first message. Often I think that it won't do any harm if the girl sends the first one, but I usually end up waiting for the guy anyway. It sucks to get the rejection feeling if a guy doesn't respond, so it's better for our egos to just wait for them to come and get us instead! ;)
Well, I have a different view on the interactions from online dating. I don't think they're a throw away thing. It's the same if someone just walks away from me in the middle of a conversation. Show some respect and just tell me that you met someone or changed your mind. We're all adults and we should all act like it.
DeleteOn the bright side, J, it's better they walk away now than six emails from now? That would be a lot of time wasted on typing.
DeleteI'll admit it, on Match, I respond to guys just to meet my quota of five for the month (five emails is a requirement for this promo they had).
M, I agree, not a reflection on J if a girl just bails.
Oh Sabrina, you know I'll never do that
AG, I know it's not "The Rules" to write a guy first, but its not like you're asking him out. You're saying hello. Ideally men would pursue from the first message to the marriage proposal,but it's not always that way. They might be overwhelmed with choices or be intimidated, so this is another way of "signaling."
DeleteJ, not every dating site notifies people when a girl gives them a high rating or wink. So that type of signaling may not always work.
Sabrina, I get what you are saying, but I don't want the guy who is super indecisive or easily intimidated. Yup, I'd rather be single than have that guy, and I am, lol
DeleteI'm a straight dude, and I know I am on the better looking side of average. I contact plenty of girls and plenty contact me first. I hate the desperate-sounding women who write a novel. Or the ones who just want a free dinner when they read the word "engineer" on my profile. But a cool smart girl who drops me a quick line? She'll get a response back and an invitation to dinner.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the note! Very interesting, didn't know "engineer" has as much appeal out here as "investment banker" or "doctor"
DeleteEngineers are paid VERY well....
DeleteI came across this blog a few weeks ago (not sure how) and have pretty much read the whole thing (hey, it's a slow period at work).
ReplyDeleteThough mildly entertaining in a train-wreck kind of way, this blog has frustrated me on so many levels. Why are you still in SF? All you do is complain about this city and the guys in it, when you're clearly a walking hypocrite who is (a) super picky, (b) super snobby, and (c) a total douchebag. Just because it's self-proclaimed does not make it okay. My biggest pet peeve is anyone who says "Yeah, I'm an asshole. Deal with it." NO, stop being an asshole! That behavior is just not acceptable. Simple as that.
I have wanted to comment on so many of your posts but never did, hoping that by now you would have changed for the better or learned something. Didn't happen. You still appear to be the passive-aggressive narcissistic jerk you started out this blog being.
You’re not my people, thank goodness. I doubt I will ever run into you IRL, and I hope I never do. You give women in SF a bad name. The SF I know is full of down-to-earth and rad people who hang out in the Mission, Haight, the Richmond – basically everywhere but the places you frequent. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that dating is tough and I've met my share of Peter Pan guys. But it's not all bad. Please stay out of the SF I know and love.
And J, if you’re still following this blog, GTFO. You seem way too cool to be wasting your time here trying to get these women to see the light.
Hi TJ, thanks for visiting. You're right, I am super picky, sorta snobby, and can be a douchebag; I believe it'd be fair to say that 90% of people exhibit at least one of these characteristics. Passive aggressive, I am not.
Delete"Rad?" Lmao. Yes, we will probably never cross paths and I am also grateful for that because you are really judgmental. It seems like you think you are better than others because of where you hang out. It's possible that you are a hipster, to each his own. The SF you know probably represents <75% of the SF population.
I agree, it's not all bad; however, as you can see, I've experienced more bad than good. So, until that changes...