This is a bit counter intuitive, but every time I meet a guy that seems pretty great, I try to meet more guys to see if Guy A is really that great while others want to hold on as tight as they can. My friend Sabrina (actually Penny on Sabrina's blog) talked about a mathematical model for when guys choose to settle down on her blog which led me to Michael Trick's Operations Research Blog.
Michael Trick is correct in the whole accept/reject decision process that takes place in a dater's mind. This just proves that we should all be doing what I am trying to do, meet as many people as possible before having to make a decision. I am not the girl who asks "Where do we stand" after three dates. I don't want to know where we stand after three dates! Three dates is not enough to determine whether I want to make someone my boyfriend or not.
Also, think about opportunity costs. Let's say on date #3 I decide to make a guy my boyfriend and we date for six months. Let's say this guy does not turn out to be someone I would like to continue dating. That means I was off the market for six months for no good reason and could have missed out on the right guy for me!
Then there's this whole "sampling phase" thing Trick talks about. I actually think it's just not having to make a decision before you are comfortable with what you have already seen which is why everyone should take their time. We all want to end up with the right person, why rush? If that person disappears because it took too much time, then he/she isn't right for you anyway. As hard as it is to really advocate, I want guys I am dating to be dating a lot of other women. That way if we select each other it's because we believe we are right for each other, not because I am his only option.
I tend to do the same thing. Until I'm really, really sure, I'm not locking myself down. Granted, it's backfired miserably before, and I've lost my chance with someone seemingly great b/c of my continued searching...you just never know!
ReplyDeleteI try not to compare guys. Instead, I want to figure out how they fit in with my life...
DeleteOpportunity cost raises such a good question, and I am with you that I think there's a "sampling phase" that needs to happen. Getting exclusive quickly, is never a good idea; it's easy to get stuck.
ReplyDeleteWhat scares me is the whole notion of "bigger and better deal." It's the same way when, if I ask someone to hang out, they say "maybe" because they want to make sure there's nothing better going on that night.
What if I'm with a guy for awhile, and the whole time he's still shopping? And something better comes along so he "returns" me?
(Thanks for the blog shout out, BTW)
I think we've been around long enough to know what our must haves in guys are...shouldn't the guys work the same way? I know there is no such thing as perfect and not looking for it. Unfortunately, finding pretty good has proven to be quite difficult.
DeleteHi there! I found your blog in a google search looking for other dating bloggers like me! This is JUST what I am talking about today. Check out my blog at www.every-single-day.com I'd be happy to add you to my blog roll.
ReplyDelete